You and Me and a Dog Named Flea
by fridayblues
Summary: Altinate universe fiction of Ennis & Jack from Brokeback Mountain set in San Francisco. Jack Twist had a chance encounter with a veterinarian one day, didn’t know the shy vet & his black & white boston terrier, would have a permanent place in his heart.
1. Chapter 1

ส่วนบนของฟอร์ม

**You & Me & a Dog Named Flea** Chapter 1 [A Vet in Black & White  
**Disclaimer** : Annie Prouxl owns the timeless characters in BBM. I'm writing from love and making no profit.  
**Summary** : Altinate Universe Fiction of Ennis and Jack (from Brokeback Mountain) set in San Francisco ; Jack Twist had a chance encounter with a veterinarian one day, didn't know the shy vet, and his black and white terrier, would have a permanent place in his heart.  
**My Deepest Thanks** always to Judy, my ultimate beta!  
**Feedback** : means the world to me:)

----------

Chapter 1

_You still feel lonely even when you're amidst the crowds?_

Ennis Del Mar's nagging, sore eyes stared at MSN's chat window in his 17-inch computer screen, blinking slowly. Lonely? He looked up to the window above his desk. The night sky at two a.m. on this cool autumn night was full of stars but all he saw was his own reflection, a pair of boring brown eyes on a worn-out, pale face were staring right back at him. Blue and red lights from some on-line ads were dancing wildly on that face, his face, the only face of a living thing in this room, if breathing meant living.

Lonely?

He drummed his fingers on the keyboard, still couldn't take his eyes from his own reflection on the window glass. He looked different somehow. Ennis craned his head to the left then right, the color now changed to green turning his dirty blond hair into a dark shade of purple. He sure looked different. Ennis Del Mar had never been this colorful.

_You still there, Jaguar?  
_  
Grabbing a coffee cup, he swallowed cold coffee that reminded him he had been at this desk longer than he first expected.

_Yeah_, his numb fingers typed the word.

_Go to the party. Don't just hide away after a broken heart, Panther. If you're lonely, go have fun. It's the rule of the world.  
_  
Glancing up again, Ennis poked the tip of his tongue at his inner cheek and turned his head to the side, chuckling dryly at the man in red who made a silly face right back at him.

A broken heart? Yeah, right. He had gotten divorced barely two weeks ago but Ennis wasn't so sure if he had a broken heart. Lonely? Yes, but broken-hearted?...

He looked down at the computer screen again, the clock at the bottom right said two twenty-one and the banner of the ad had changed to yet another colorful ad for a new match-finding site, a site with the dull, lame name of Casablanca –where a kiss is still a kiss-. As he put his elbow on the edge of the table and palmed one side of his face, Ennis's eyes followed the movement of a man and a woman, both looked like typical white Americans, slowly drawn into each other's embrace for a kiss. Then they disappeared and reappeared again, each at the edge of the banner, Casablanca in white winding letters popped up, and there they were, drawing into another kiss.

It looked ridiculous. Why didn't they just stand there and kiss? Ennis's index finger poked at his cheek while he watched the endless loop of that kiss, finally clicking at the banner after a few more seconds of staring. The brand new page popped up and even bigger letters spelling Casablanca appeared at the very top, more color from small ads flashing madly into his eyes.

_Are you sleeping or something, Big Cat?_

The MSN bar flashed again. Oh, he hadn't answered the message. Had he?

_Sorry_, he typed, _Been distracted. Las Vegas lights.  
_  
_Are you on drugs?_

_Don't think so_.

_Bad time?  
_  
_No. Have about ten more minutes to go.  
_  
_Good then. Think about the party this weekend. You're really not in any shape to face loneliness alone now. This is a very sensitive time, Tiger.  
_  
Ennis pressed his thin lips together, chewing his lower lip with his front teeth. _Whatever you say, Mona Lisa. You're my personal shrink.  
_  
_Just Mona is fine for me. Not every fat beauty wants to be called Mona Lisa and I am not even fat.  
_  
Ennis smiled, feeling his dry lips stretch, _I like calling you that.  
_  
_Thank you, Puma, but it freaks me out to know you think of me like that.  
_  
_I'll stop calling you that if you stop calling me names.  
_  
_Why not? It kinda reminds me of what you're doing for a living.  
_  
_I'm a vet, not a Tarzan.  
_  
_I know, darling, or else I'd call you Chimpanzee. Besides, it's kinda cute, Tiger.__I'm not in the Felidae family tree either, just so you know.  
_  
Mona sent a row of smiling faces to him, _That's better. Keep this spirit. And you're going to the party with me.  
_  
Another long row of smiling faces and Mona logged out, leaving Ennis with the bright Casablanca site. He stared at the box in light blue, saying 'select your sex'. Hesitating, his eyes flew back to himself sitting across from him, a colorful man in the midst of the darkness of the night sky. He crooked his green brow, crinkled his blue nose and blinked once, then twice. If he wore a red rubber ball on the tip of his nose, he would sure look like that clown character in a circus. He fixed his eyes on the reflection, thinking maybe colorful Ennis liked the idea of finding a casual date. That was what Mona wanted him to do, too, right? Don't hide and nurse a broken heart. Like a man on a mission, Ennis clicked the 'male' button and moved on to 'select the sex of your partner.' He clicked the drop-down button, female, male…

The phone rang fiercely and his whole body jerked, knocking the wireless mouse down to the floor. Cursing, Ennis staggered to the phone on the wall below the light switch near the door, a sharp voice of a woman vibrated his drowsy brain tissue into life.

"Ennis, we got an emergency case. A five-year-old poodle got hit by a bike. She's bleeding badly."

"I'll be right down."

Ennis rushed to the table and put the computer into sleep mode. He glanced up to find his reflection looking right back at him again, but this time the man in the window was a figure in dull earth-tone with black pants and a white shirt. He looked through that man's body to the view of the Golden Gate Bridge in the distance.

He felt transparent. He _was_ transparent.

Pulling his gaze from the window eventually, Ennis snatched his white coat and left the room, taking two stairs down at a time from the second floor to the front of the clinic where a wounded poodle was waiting for him. Ennis scanned around the room and squinted at the bright fluorescent light. A boy and his mother were standing at the counter with Martha, a big black woman who was one of the two night-shift assistants. Jeffrey, the other assistant, was also the guard and he always stayed outside the clinic unless there were some big, restless animals that require two men's strength to carry or handle. Most of the time, Martha and Ennis could handle everything just fine.

A table lamp in the waiting room cast its warm light for a home-y touch, and also cast Ennis's shadow on the white floor as he walked by it to greet the client with the poodle. Putting on the rubber gloves, Ennis watched the grey figure stretch as he stepped further into the examination room of Pet Haven 24 Hour Animal Clinic. _Where the hell did the colorful Ennis go?_ he wondered. Then he heard someone cough and looked up to find Martha holding the wounded little furry dog on the examination table. Martha told him the condition of the dog, maybe for the second or third time. He nodded slowly and slid closer,

"Hang on there, doggie,"

he said under his breath, rubbed the dog's head as he stepped in and, once again, sank into his own shadow.

----------

"I hate this day of the month."

Grabbing the white mug, Jack Twist chuckled, blew the white steam from his espresso and watched it melt into the air. Beside him, a tiny woman with curly long reddish-blond hair was still complaining how she hated the 23rd day of every month, the day they had to close the column and send the final script to the boss before those men with tongue or brow pierced in the graphic design department put the magazine into shape. Alma was waiting for an e-mail from one of the freelance writers for her 'home clinic' column, a married-with-three mom who had promised to send her work two days ago.

"Told you not to hire a freelance writer," Jack said, turning a long sideways glance in her direction.

"Everybody hires freelance writers and I know you do, too."

"A mother is not a freelance. She's got a 24-hour job, Alma."

Alma sighed and clicked the refresh button on Outlook Express for the millionth time that day. "I hired her because she _is_ a mom. Now I'm not so sure. I don't want to do this but she's been late a lot. Guess I have to move her out of this column, have someone else taking care of it. Last month, she was two days late and Lureen almost smacked my head."

Jack smiled broadly, "Lureen won't smack your head."

"That reminds me… Lureen extended the deadline for me 'til tomorrow noon. Did I tell you today how thankful I am to have you with me here, Mr. Lover Man?"

Jack knew Alma didn't really want an answer for that. She just loved nagging him. Her full lips stretched lightly into a small smile, brightening her doll-like face at two thirty in the morning.

Alma and Jack were two of the three staff members in the editorial department, with Lureen, the one and only daughter of the big boss of the Newsome Group, owner of Newsome Publishing, as their boss, a.k.a. the on-shelf editor of _Soul Singing_ weekly magazine where Jack had been working for five years right after graduating from college, a magazine with a universal theme ranging from every little thing like a tooth pick to something big like the El Niño phenomenon in the North Pole.

"Just so you know, Jack, Lureen is still in the office. I guess she's waiting for you."

"At almost three in the morning? I don't think so." Jack grimaced, but there was amusement in his voice. Alma rolled her eyes at him. Having known Jack Twist for two years, she knew how much this man wanted attention. He always enjoyed being in the spotlight and this time she was glad to be in for the game.

"Why don't you just accept it? Everybody knows she has a big crush on you. Why don't you just ask her out for a date or something? So she will stop looking at me like I'm about to steal her favorite candy."

Jack chuckled, "You get something out of this?"

"That hurts," Alma looked at him with her big brown-greenish eyes then a tiny smile was formed on her lips.

Alma was a sweet, southern girl, whom Jack would think was popping up from some western cowboy movie starring John Wayne or Paul Newman. She even looked boring at first, always wearing a plain skirt and a sweater, but Jack found she was an ok woman, the type that wouldn't grab the first man she met. And she was a really good and reliable partner in work. If Jack could have a friend then Alma would do just fine.

"I'm dating someone, you know that."

"How can I forget? What was that _he_ gave you from Paris again?"

Jack pointed to the blue crystal bottle of an expensive aftershave tucked behind some books on his desk.

"Right. Yves Saint Laurent. Now tell me why haven't you slept with him already?"

Jack's eyes widened, "You didn't just ask me that."

Alma blushed. She looked at the computer screen for a brief moment and turned to Jack.

"It's just… You're so lucky, Jack. You got everything. You even got a nice man by your side once you decided to be gay."

Jack winced at that, "I didn't decide I wanted to be gay. It's not something I can control, Alma. I had a hard time coming to terms with that. Years, and when I finally knew, I just…I just wanted to try to live this life. I just don't want to rush."

Alma sighed, "I'm sorry, Jack. I know what you've been through. I still think you should think more about Brent. He's a good man."

"I know…but…" Jack rubbed his hands on his face, letting out a long breath. "I've never felt, you know, sparks or…that kind of fierce sensation that tightens my heart or shakes me to the core when I am with him. It shouldn't matter if I'm straight or gay, right? Connection is connection, Alma."

Alma still kept her eyes on him and she got that look on her face, the look she always got when she was sure about what was in Jack's mind. Like the way she looked at him yesterday morning when Lureen asked Jack for a 'special meeting at 12:00' with her. They both knew the sassy boss just wanted to have lunch with Jack. That look was back now and Jack was pretty sure Alma couldn't enter his mind that easy when it came to the topic of his love life. He smirked,

"What's that look about now?"

"Jack, you're a 21st century boy. Don't tell me you still believe in soul mates or something like that."

He shrugged, "What's wrong with that? " Jack said innocently and smiled over the rim of his mug, "Why don't you date that Dan guy from the PR section any more? Wasn't that because you didn't feel like floating when he kissed you?"

"Don't throw a question back at me, Jacky." Alma groaned, but Jack didn't hear the sound of irritation from her voice. Just then the new e-mail bar on the screen blinked.

"Any new messages?" Jack asked

"No, just some more spam." Alma shook her head, her long reddish-blond hair swaying back and forth. "Guess now my writer is singing her youngest children to sleep."

"Or hollering at her oldest for having been driving drunk."

Alma giggled despite herself, "You're in a good mood."

"I am."

Jack sipped his coffee and let his chair swirl around. He closed his eyes and laid his head on the head rest of the comfortable leather office chair, savoring the bitter taste of the espresso and thought back on how good this day had been for him.

All his writers submitted their work on time, namely Josh the Nerd and his weirdo column about computer software, Kate the Shrink and her full article on A4 size paper about 'E.Q. and Diverging Behavior' or something like that, he didn't even do the proof reading before sending it to Lureen, knowing it wouldn't make any difference. _Who cares about E.Q. now that you have a job and a good life?_ Jack even had one additional story from Kate for next month's issue and that pacified him more. He had already finished his own research on 'Beach Party Tequila Mix' and could begin to rearrange and write it this weekend, and yes, while sipping his tequila cruda on the porch of his apartment complex facing the bay. God, he couldn't wait. If he could squeeze one more column out of Josh's brain in advance, he would be totally free like a bird. _Who wants to go to work a couple days before Christmas anyway?  
_  
And he could actually plan on the ski trip he had been denied for the last few years. A trip he hoped that Brent and he could spend together for the first time since they'd been going out for a month. Yes, this had been a really nice day.

_Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock. Jingle bells swing and jingle bells ring. Snowing and blowing up bushels of fun. Now the jingle hop...  
_  
His cell phone rang and he had to smile at the cheerful ring tone, welcoming Christmas in no less than a month from now. He pressed the button and walked to the window, staring down at the colorful lights of the miniature town four floors below. He knew who was on the line.

"Hello," Jack said, pretending to knit his brows in annoyance at Alma and her I-know-who's-calling-you smiling face. "When did you change the ring tone?"

"When you were sleeping like a log last night. It's almost Christmas so we need something appropriate to the season. Know what mine is? Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer."

Jack laughed as he heard a tease in the man's deep voice. Brent continued, "We were in the middle of Snakes on a Plane. I can't believe you could sleep with people screaming in your ears like that."

"It must be the food," Jack mused and he heard Brent's chuckle.

"Remind me not to bring Lasagna Bologna on our movie night next time."

Jack smiled, drawing the tip of his index finger on the outline of the wire that led to the Golden Gate Bridge on the clear window as he reminisced about the cozy moment on the couch last night with Brent before sleep had claimed him. The lasagna was good, hearing why Brent brought it even made it taste better. 'You're like a cat, Jack, and Garfield loves lasagna. Guess I might score some points with this.' They opened the champagne to go with it, sharing soft kisses that turned passionate but nothing happened after that. And the next thing he knew, it was morning.

"You want anything from Japan?" Brent asked, his voice muffled by the sound of the airplane taking off somewhere in the background.

"No, thanks. Just be safe."

"I will. I'll see you in three weeks."

"Yeah. Bye."

"Bye."

Jack pressed the button on his phone and rested his eyes on the view of the Golden Gate Bridge and the bay. Brent had been really patient with him and Jack was thankful. He had made many mistakes in the past when it came to having a relationship to the point that he didn't want to start the new one now just to break it up again. But Brent, the banker, the attractive dark-haired bachelor in his mid 30s who could charm even a (gay) prince, came to him -- an ordinary man named Jack Twist from Wyoming.

Brent might think of him as a cat 'cause Jack always sought warmth and comfort – what he had lacked since a kid. But a cat was still a cat, hard to hold at the end of the day unless it found the one person it really belonged to.

----------

Shrinking his neck as much as possible into the dark brown knitted scarf, Ennis ducked his head down, watching his black leather boots leaving damp, dirty footprints on the sidewalk that was wet from morning dew. He could almost remember every pattern on every segment of the pavement, knew it took 67 of his long strides up the hill from the clinic to reach the coffee shop, a fat grey pigeon with a tiny yellow tag around one of her legs always strolled beside him, keeping him company before they parted at the corner of the street.

There were not so many people on Sunday morning, still Ennis couldn't help but feel fidgety when he saw three more people at the shop. He never felt comfortable with people, let alone strangers. Ennis put his bag on the single free low-back stool at the far side of the counter and waited until everybody had their coffee. He chewed his lower lip as he waited, keeping his eyes on the white chalked letters on the small blackboard above the coffee maker, reading the menu as if it was something extremely interesting. Latte, hot & cold, Cappuccino…

"What can I get you today, sir?"

Ennis blinked at the girl in a pony-tail wearing the smile as fresh as newly ground coffee, well. He was about to order his Espresso when he saw more customers loom over the counter and he wasn't really in a hurry.

"I can wait…,"

he said softly. The girl in the shop sent him a thank-you smile as she turned to more fussing customers at the other end of the counter. Ennis swirled around, digging his bare cold hands deeper into the sweater's pockets. The stool he had put his bag on was moved, and Ennis reached out only to feel the vibration of his cell phone inside the bag. Ennis zipped it open, frowning at the merry, sweet voice of little girls ringing along the vibration from the cell in his hand, a black Nokia, looking brand-new…with a shining flip cover and a video camera which was definitely not his ancient black Nokia he had accidentally dropped to the ground more times than he cared to count.

_Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock. Jingle bells swing and jingle bells ring. Snowing and blowing up bushels of fun…_

Here was more proof. He had never changed the ring tone in his life, let alone to this song. Ennis looked down at the bag, dry mouth went slightly ajar as he had a good look at it. This was definitely not his bag either.

_Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock. Jingle bells swing and jingle bells ring…  
_  
He startled as the next round of the same verse came to life again. Should he get this call? Why not? Ennis pressed the button and listened.

"Hello? I'm sorry, I guess I took your bag. I don't know from where or when it happened." The man on the line sounded out of breath, like he was running up the hill or was chasing after someone…or something like…

"Oh, I guess I know now. That coffee shop. I see you. Please stay right there."

…like his bag and cell phone…

Ennis saw a tall black-haired man standing restlessly across the street, his whole body bounced either from the exertion of climbing up the hill or anxiousness to take back his belongings, Ennis couldn't tell. But he was looking back at Ennis now, in between staring at the light for pedestrians as the cable car moved slowly past him. That man was holding a coffee cup with one of his hands while the other hid in the pocket of his sharp-looking black leather jacket with the white wool collar as puffy as the coat of the poodle whose leg he had fixed this morning.

At the same moment when the light for pedestrians changed to green, he stuck his hand out from the warmth of the pocket and curled his fingers into a small wave to Ennis, his long legs took several long strides before he was eventually standing in front of him, breathing hard and fast. Ennis's brown eyes flicked to meet the stranger's blue and the latter held up a black Nokia 6030, definitely _his_ Nokia, in his hand.

"I'm sorry, really sorry, I should be more careful." The excuse came with a sincere smile. Ennis blinked at those blight blue eyes and glanced down, fumbling with the bag and the Nokia with a camera.

"Here. Your phone."

"Nokia N93," the man said, grabbing the phone from Ennis, as if to prove who was the real owner of this shining new cell phone, oh yes, with a camera.

"Yeah," Ennis spoke low. They exchanged the bags, then both stood quietly, almost awkwardly. Ennis finally nodded, coughed and met the man's eyes briefly, "Thank you."

"Yeah, thank you."

The blue-eyed man smiled at him again and was gone. Ennis murmured a 'no problem' to the floor and lifted his head to order his espresso, missing one long last look from the stranger.

Jack couldn't take his eyes off Ennis as he waited for the light for pedestrians to turn green. Alright, he was gay, so it was not a new story if he stared at a man's masculine body for too long. But there was something else about that man with curly dirty-blond hair apart from his long legs and broad shoulders. During the few seconds when their eyes met, Jack saw sensitivity behind the amber color of his eyes – the barrier to his soul thicker than the Berlin Wall. It was weird to see and feel like this toward a total stranger and, maybe it was the curiosity of the journalist in him, Jack had the urge to explore what lay behind the wall.

Sipping the hot coffee, Jack saw that the tall blond-haired man still stood there, fighting to be still against the force of the spinning world.

Suddenly, Jack felt like he was watching a movie…Cameron Crowe's maybe. As the seconds ticked by, people rushing back and forth in different directions, there was this man – lean body resting on the counter of the coffee shop with ankles crossed, both hands digging deep into his black sweater. He looked down at his feet, totally ignored the world around him.

What was he thinking?

Without even realizing, Jack took out his phone and switched on the camera mode and, with a click, preserved the favorite scene of this 'Coffee Shop' movie for himself. 

TBC 


	2. Chapter 2

ส่วนบนของฟอร์ม

**Title** : **You & Me & a Dog Named Flea Chapter 2**  
**Pairing** : Ennis/Jack   
**Disclaimer** : Annie Prouxl owns the timeless characters in BBM. I'm writing from love and making no profit.  
**Summary** : AU!AU set in San Francisco ; Jack Twist had a chance encounter with a veterinarian one day, didn't know the shy vet, and his black and white terrier, would have a permanent place in his heart.  
**My Deepest Thanks** always to Judy, the ultimate beta!  
**Feedback** : means the world to me:)

----------

Chapter 2

It was Sunday afternoon and Ennis found himself in Pet Haven Animal Clinic again, less than seven hours after his night shift ended at seven a.m. Dr. Noel Brown, the day shift vet, had an emergency family problem and had to fly to Seattle immediately. And being the only unmarried vet in this animal clinic's clan, Ennis seemed to be the best choice to fill in Dr. Brown's absence on this family day.

What the heck? He had nothing to do except some grocery shopping on Sunday anyway.

Flipping People magazine on his lap behind the counter, he winced and rubbed his shin as Flea, the young black and white terrier who seemed to be in the clinic all the time, tried to compact his body and squeeze through the space between the four legs of the stool Ennis was sitting on. Abby, the cheerful black and brown beagle – Flea's co-called current object of obsession –, had chased the ball through the stool almost five minutes ago. She was now playing with that rubber pink ball in the corner of the clinic while Flea still struggled to get to her via the same route.

"Flea…" Ennis groaned as the stool shook from the force of Flea's struggle. "If you want to follow Abby, there's other ways around."

Flea didn't listen and Ennis should have known. He grabbed the edge of the counter and sighed, wondering if he should just leave the stool or cooperate with the stubborn dog, giving Flea something to be proud of once he got through to Abby. Ennis settled on the latter choice, increasing his weight on the stool by resting both his feet on the rungs and leaning on the back, flipping over page after page of People magazine without really reading the content on the continuously shaking stool.

That was why he didn't like working the day shift much. It was always crowded with either people with sick pets whining or over-healthy furry creatures running and barking all over the place…

_RING! RING!  
_  
…and the screaming telephone, too…

Glancing down and poking at Flea's wildly swinging tail with his foot, Ennis picked up the phone.

"Hello, Pet Haven Clinic."

A sweet voice of a woman greeted him back, "Hi, is Dr. Brown around?"

"I'm sorry. He's not here. He…"

She said 'oh' and hung up the phone on him before he could finish the sentence. Ennis blinked at the phone and put it down on the cradle. _Am I that boring?  
_  
Drew, the day shift assistant, walked in the door at the same time as the phone rang again. Ennis quietly stepped away from the counter for her to resume her job after lunch break, his eyes following Flea dashing out from the stool trap toward Abby with his full force, knocking over both the little beagle and the pink ball in the process.

Chuckling, Ennis moved to the back of the clinic, checking the sick dogs.

"Hey there, Maggie." Kneeling beside the cage of the poodle whose leg he had fixed last night, Ennis sneaked his hand in to rub Maggie's wooly head, careful not to move the Elizabethan collar on her neck. Maggie made a rumbling sound in her throat and sniffed his hand. "How're you doing, girl? Your leg still hurt?"

Ennis gently rubbed Maggie's damp nose and smiled as she leant into his touch, sticking her pink tongue out to lick the tip of his finger.

The white wooly poodle reminded him of the wool sweater his ex-wife used to wear, the one she had worn often during their incredibly short one year marriage. She even dressed in that wooly stuff on the sunny day last summer, when they had a proper meal together for the first time in three months, ironically, to tell him she wanted the divorce.

He didn't object, didn't even bother to ask the reason why, especially not after he felt the passion had gone from his side, too.

He should stop thinking about her, Ennis shook his head. She wasn't the only one who had that kind of wooly sweater. The Nokia N93 guy he met this morning also got one. Maybe he really needed to go out and empty his head. Mona Lisa might be right, he had to go to the damn party and be normal. Normal people went to parties on weekend, didn't spending their time scratching a dog's head…

"I'm going to the party next week, Maggie."

…or…talking to them…

----------

Jack bit his lip, tried to suppress a smile as he checked out the row of colorful pro stretch Calvin Klein underwear, asking himself once again if this was really the last choice of the Christmas present he would buy for Brent.

He had been in Macy's for hours, had settled on Christmas presents for close friends and family, but had trouble deciding what to get for Brent. Jack had looked at every model of ipod Nano, leather wallet, cologne, a keyring and even a computer game. But sad to say, he didn't know much about Brent's taste when it came to presents. So he thought he should stick to menswear, the kind men wouldn't care much about like underwear. But he was wrong, it was difficult to pick out underwear for someone you were not intimate with…well…physically. The sales assistant had come and asked if he needed any help for the tenth time but Jack couldn't work up the courage to just drag her to the corner and show her the approximate size of Brent's hips by air-measuring with his hands.

Jack chuckled again at the thought. No way he would do that. It was ridiculous.

Besides, he didn't know Brent well enough to buy him something private like underwear anyway. He just gave it a thought for a good laugh.

Jack smiled at the sales assistant and walked off to the sports section, wondering how long two gay men could stretch the time until they became … well … intimate, a.k.a., had sex. He knew Brent wanted to, could easily tell from the way he touched or just stared at him. There was radar sent from every pore of his body spelling 'I need you in my bed' invisibly in the air, the radar so hot it almost burned Jack's sense and his own determination into ashes. But so far he hadn't betrayed himself. After two painful serious relations with women and a tortured one year of self-discovery of being gay, Jack wanted to go slow in this new terrain.

Jack was looking at a small table football game when his cell phone rang, the cheerful Jingle Bell Rock ringtone drawing smiles from some female customers. It was Alma. Jack picked it up, hoping the poor girl wasn't still at the office waiting for the column from her mother-of-the-year writer.

"Hey, what's up? I thought you would sleep 'till doomsday after this morning," Jack mused.

"I'm doomed, Jack, Lureen will kill me."

"Oh God. She hasn't sent you the column?" Jack moved from the TV that was broadcasting the football game.

"No, I got that. Four in the morning. But I totally forgot about the new column. The writer…ah…Nate…Bruce…something…asked me to pick it up at his place today. I overslept and just woke up. It's almost four and I have to rearrange the column from that _mommy_ and finalize the payment. I don't have the time to go and…"

"Calm down, Alma," Jack said as Alma began to sob. "You've had a hell of a night. Tell me where he is, I'll pick it up for you."

"Can you do that?" she asked, still couldn't stop sobbing.

"Yes, now stop crying. You're scaring me."

"I'm sorry."

Jack sighed as he waited for Alma to gather herself. Alma asked him again with a shaking voice if he could drop by her writer's house and get the column. Jack knew he really shouldn't make himself available. He hadn't done his Christmas shopping, yet but there was no way he would let his friend deal with the work load alone.

Alma sent Jack the address of that Bruce or Nathan to his cell phone and, with two full hands carrying boxes of presents, Jack decided to take a cab.

Twenty minutes later, he stepped through the glass door of the two-story, red-brick building. The bell attached to the door rang and something hard, and _wet_, hit his shin, knocking him off balance.

"Jesus!"

With a thud, Jack ended up lying with his back flat on the floor, sending the boxes flying across the room. His head made contact with the hard tile as an energetic dog jumped on his chest then dashed off to the other side, knocking over two chairs along the way. _What the…  
_  
"Christ, are you alright?"

Jack closed his eyes, moaning when he heard the soft, deep voice of a man who now seemed to kneel beside him.

"Can you sit up? Stop running, Flea, for God's sake!"

_Flea? What the hell?  
_  
"Yeah, I guess." A strong and warm hand gripped his forearm and Jack was helped to sit up, his back leaning on one of the chairs.

"You bleeding anywhere?" the same man asked and he opened his eyes, winced a little.

"Don't think so." Voice hoarse, Jack examined the damage at the back of his head which seemed to be intact despite the pain. "I'm ok…" He slowly scanned the place and cursed when he saw his stuff lying upside down on the floor.

"Shit, the presents…"

"Presents?...Oh, I'm so sorry. Something fragile in there?"

"Not really, but…"

Jack stopped talking as the other man walked on his knees past him to gather the scattered bags and boxes. _He knew this guy.  
_  
"You…"

The curly blond-haired man paused, a pair of sweet honey brown eyes met Jack's cobalt twins and he stopped, too, his mouth slightly opened with surprise as the words came out softly,

"Nokia N93…"

Jack burst out laughing and Ennis blushed deep red. _Did he just say that out loud?  
_  
"Well, not many people call me that." Jack was still giggling as he reached out his hand. "Jack Twist."

Ennis grunted but grabbed the offering hand anyway, "Ennis Del Mar. I'm sorry. This dog here has a bad habit of knocking things over."

"Bad eyesight?" Jack asked out of true curiosity, glancing at the black and white dog now playing with a little beagle and a pink ball under one of the chairs.

"We're trying to find out. Have to wait for the lab result."

"Lab result?" Jack frowned. His voice might be a little too high 'cause now Ennis stared at him in between gathering his bags and boxes. _Do I have any business concerning laboratory? What is this damn column all about?_ Jack straightened and moved his back a bit higher, "Where am I?"

"God," Ennis's eyes got wider. "You lost your memory from the knock on the head?"

"No! It's just…If this place is what I'm thinking it is, then I'm not supposed to be here, I guess."

After taking in the name of Pet Haven Animal Clinic on the counter, two dogs running around the waiting room and the distinctive smell of animals and medicine, Jack was pretty sure he had come to the wrong address. He took his cell out and called Alma, allowing Ennis to pile bags and boxes on the low table near the counter.

"This is the animal clinic," Ennis said, shrugged and looked around, "Guess you know."

"I'm sorry, but you happen to have a Nate or a Bruce here?"

Jack got a bewildered look from Ennis who simply shook his head. The phone rang three times before Alma picked up.

"Alma. I'm at the dog clinic."

"Why?" Alma's high pitched voice broke though his ear.

"You tell me. I gave the cab driver the address and he took me here. I don't think we have a column about cats and dogs in Soul Singing, do we?"

"Oh, wait," Alma said and Jack heard the sound of papers crinkling. She was flipping documents on her desk, trying to find something. Jack sighed as he glanced up to Ennis, who positioned himself back behind the counter when a woman with a big black dog entered the clinic. He heard the soft, almost shy greeting come from those thin lips and then a loud bark broke through the silence. Jack startled and struggled to stand when he turned to see the face of the big dog beside him, a trail of sticky saliva dripping from the corner of its mouth.

It was like he had a spring on his ass 'cause the next thing he knew, Jack was sitting on the chair, panting, the phone almost slipped off his sweaty palm from the quick movement.

"Shhhh, calm down, Blackie…" The woman pulled her dog to the other side of the counter, obviously trying to suppress her smile. Jack let out a long breath. _Jesus, this is crazy._ One minute he was shopping at the trendy Macy's, the next he was down on the floor in the animal clinic, now onto the chair…

"Alma?"

He called out but there was no answer. She must be still trying to find some documents to tell him why he was even here. Jack looked around and saw that he was not the only one spooked shitless from the ear-splitting bark of that giant dog. The black and white terrier that had knocked him down flat minutes ago was now huddling under a chair at the far corner of the clinic, shaking and whining audibly. Jack flicked his eyes toward Ennis and saw that he was checking the patient's file from the computer. His brows knitted, his mouth pressed tightly into a thin line, looking very much concentrated. So Jack bent down and held out his free hand to the dog,

"Come here, buddy."

Jack liked dogs though he had never had one. He remembered cuddling a long-coated dog that belonged to the girl living next door in his hometown in Lightning Flat before going to school every day. That was a long time ago but Jack still remembered the cozy feeling of holding on to these furry creatures.

"Come here," he said again but the dog just looked at him, didn't move even an inch. So Jack walked nearer and went down on his knees, peeping up at Ennis for approval to touch the dog. Ennis was looking at him, one of his hands holding a yellow paper file.

"Flea," Ennis said.

"Huh?"

"His name is Flea."

"Flea," Jack echoed, looking down at the dog. "Come here, Flea. The giant's gone inside. It's ok now, come on."

He sat on the floor Indian style, didn't care if it was dirty, and patted his lap several times. To his surprise, Flea slowly got up and crawled to him, didn't climb onto his lap but pressed his body close to his thigh, craning his head to welcome Jack's soft scratch on his neck.

"Good boy…"

Jack was rubbing and stroking the dog when Alma returned to the phone again.

"Oh, Jack, that is the place. Remember the new column for next week's issue? We decided to have a column for animal lovers. We moved the tattoo column out. Bad feedback. Ring any bells?"

Now that he could remember. A grandma made a crazy call to scold Lureen 'cause her granddaughter came home one day with a tattoo looked exactly like the one in the column that week. She claimed to be big in publishing circles or something and Lureen didn't want to take a risk. So…tattoo out, doggie in…

"Right. Don't tell me you're also in charge of this new doggie column? Who are you? Cat-woman? Wait, you must be Elektra."

A sigh, "I happen to have a godfather who is a vet, that's all. Why do you sound angry all of a sudden, Jack?"

_Oh, I had to stop in the middle of my Christmas shopping and rush to God-know-where so I could get the damn column from the invisible Nate or Bruce at the animal clinic where I was knocked down on my butt and God knew if the herb soap I bought for my mother might have broken into hundred pieces. I am in a very good mood here, Alma.  
_  
Jack wanted to say that but suddenly Flea climbed up on his lap and sighed. _Is it normal for a dog to sigh this loud?  
_  
"Jack?"

"I'm still here." He sighed, too, "Ok, I got the part about the doggie column. But there is no Nate or Bruce here."

"My fault. Nate is the fashion freak and Bruce is his boyfriend. I wrote the note reminding myself to call and ask for pictures, for the column, you know. My godfather will write the doggie column and he is the vet there, at Pet Haven. Dr. Noel Brown. I called him this morning at the clinic but he was not there yet. Thought about calling him again but got that mixed up with the fashion one. I'm going nuts."

"Dr. Noel Brown? Ok, I'll find him."

"Thank you. I'm so, so sorry, Jack. My head is about to explode. It's been a long night. I don't know what I would do without you, honest."

"You owe me."

"Big time, I know. Thanks."

"Get some sleep but keep your cell near, I'll call if there's anything."

"'Kay."

Jack put his cell down and stroked Flea's head with his two hands, eyes scanning around the place again. Pet Haven Animal Clinic was a small clinic, with a big aquarium at one side of the waiting room. There was the vet chart at the wall above the aquarium so Jack got up and walked there, scooting Flea up into his arms. Apparently, Alma's godfather – Dr. Noel Brown – ruled this place. His picture was at the very top of the chart. Jack looked down and saw Ennis's picture at the middle section, above the one and only line of the assistants' pictures. Ennis looked like he didn't want to be there, eyes narrowed, his whole face tensed up.

There were about five vets and eight assistants in the chart, but today it seemed like Ennis was the only one in the clinic. Maybe Jack was wrong though, everybody else might be upstairs or inside the examination area or at the back of the clinic.

He heard the door behind the counter squeak open, the woman with the big dog and Ennis walked out, re-settling themselves where they had been before,

"I gave him some glucose, he should be fine."

Jack heard Ennis's grumbling and saw the little beagle play around his feet. She must have been tagging along behind Ennis the whole time. Flea started to stir, trying to wring himself free from Jack's hold and onto the floor. Jack chuckled, looked up at the two people at the counter.

"I swear he was shaking like a leaf a minute ago when he saw your dog. Now he can't wait to get down and play."

"They're a cute couple, Dr. Del Mar," the woman said, smiling fondly at the two dogs. Jack saw Ennis's small smile as he handed her some medicine.

"A terrier and a beagle will make a weird, alien-looking dog. Besides, Abby will be out of here soon. Her owner will be back from France next week."

_Poor boy_, Jack sat back on the chair and patting Flea's head. He waited until the woman and her dog walked out of the clinic and looked up at Ennis. The blond-haired vet was looking at him intently as if he was waiting to hear something from Jack. Then he looked away, pressing his lips together.

Coughing, Jack walked to the counter and planted his palm firmly there, "This is the right place, I suppose. We're scheduled to pick up the column from Dr. Noel Brown."

"Oh," Ennis blinked. "I'm sorry, he's not here. I heard he needed to fly to Seattle, urgent family business."

"Oh," it was Jack's turn to 'oh'. "But I had been told he wrote the column for us. Can you check if he left anything for the staff of Soul Singing magazine?"

"Okay…"

Hesitating at first, Ennis finally grabbed the phone, "Drew, did Dr. Brown leave you something, a column for a …some magazine? An envelope? No? Could you ask Dr. Leang, please? Ok, I'll wait."

Jack's heart was thumping faster the longer it took Ennis on that phone. What if Dr. Brown flew to Seattle with the column? Wait, that could be fixed. But what if Dr. Brown flew to Seattle without even writing the column? Alma'd be doomed, for sure.

"No?" Ennis said and he looked at Jack, must have seen the color drain from his face 'cause he started to check on the computer behind the counter and got back to the phone. "I'll check his folder in the computer down here. Could you check the one upstairs, too? And could you please try to call him? Thank you."

Jack drummed his fingers on the counter, almost in the same rhythm of his heartbeat as Ennis quietly checked the content on the computer screen. The sound of the mouse clicking made Jack crazy. He snatched his cell and dialed Alma's number again. This time she picked it up at the first ring.

"Alma, Dr. Brown is in Seattle. He's got an urgent family matter and we can't find the column."

"Don't do this to me, God…" She sounded desperate, her voice was shaking. He could picture her face crumple like it did every time when she was about to cry.

"Come on, Alma. Don't cry now, think of something. Any vet friends? Any more godfathers?"

"I can't do this anymore, Jack. My head hurts and I haven't slept for 24 hours already!"

She was crying now despite Jack's attempt to lighten things up even a little bit. Jesus, Jack kneaded his temple. The sound of her crying must be loud 'cause Ennis wasn't staring at the computer screen no more. He was looking at Jack with an openly shocked expression, his hand that was holding the mouse stilled at the edge of the mouse pad. Jack locked his eyes with Ennis's. It was a stupid thing to notice at this awfully stressful time, but Jack couldn't help it. He thought he saw sparks of gold hidden in Ennis's brown eyes. He didn't notice that when they met this morning at the coffee shop. And it was beautiful.

"Hold on, Alma," Jack said then leant in closer to Ennis who automatically moved back an inch, his eyes seeking for any clue that might shine out of that youthful face. "Can you write a column about animals, Dr. Del Mar?"

"What?"

"A column," Jack repeated. "An animal column. A4 size. Can be about anything as long as it involves animals, dogs, cats…"

"What?" Whatever Ennis had in mind, this was definitely not what he thought would happen. The NokiaN93 man with blue eyes just waltzed into the clinic, got knocked down, got up and asked him to write a column about animals? All of a sudden like this?

"Please, Dr. Del Mar…"

Ennis looked taken aback. He shook his head. "I'm sorry but I'd rather not get involved with Dr. Brown's business."

Jack thought about their earlier self-introduction. It was easy for them to shake hands, almost felt natural, and this vet could not be older than him. Jack tried again. "_Ennis_, please, we have a deadline and my friend will be doomed if we don't get the column tonight. She hadn't slept for 24 hours already. Dr. Brown wouldn't mind. I'll make sure he knows about this. It's an emergency case, just one time. Please."

Ennis's mouth moved but nothing came out. Jack was looking at him too close and holding his gaze too steady with those pair of ocean-blue magnets. He couldn't avert his eyes from Jack, hard as he tried. But still… _Write a column, wait a minute.  
_  
Just then they heard the sound of someone going down the stairs and both looked up. The woman at her mid twenties came to Ennis and shook her head,

"I can't find anything, Dr. Del Mar, and he turned off his cell. I heard Dr. Brown talk about writing the column for a magazine but he didn't talk about it when he called this morning."

Jack turned to Ennis, blue eyes pleading, "Please help us, Ennis, just one time. We really need the column."

Ennis threw his hands in the air, "Still, I don't know what to write! I'm not a writer and, and, and...shit…"

Drew, the day-shift assistant, coughed, a trail of red blush creeping up from Ennis's neck.

"I'll stay here. I think this gentleman really needs your help, _Ennis_."

Hell, now everybody called him by his first name, like he would just say ok. 'cause of that. Ennis saw Jack send a thank-you smile at Drew, looking almost as happy as Abby when she got her pink ball. Damn, he didn't know how to say no and he hated to let people down. Ennis heaved a long sigh and got off the stool, an 'alright' came softly and low from his mouth to Jack's ears, sending a strange but warm tickle down his stomach.

Jack and Ennis spent a good thirty minutes in the boarding area, talking about what might be a potential topic for a column. Jack suggested writing about some crazes or happenings or even controversies that were currently hot topics in the animal world.

"What's the last thing you read about in the animal journal or googles?"

Ennis spared him a glance as he kneeled down beside the kennel with a black poodle inside. He had with him two needles on the stand-less trey, "You don't want that in your magazine."

"We could try."

"It's dog meat."

"Eww," Jack made a face. Ennis looked sideways at him and he thought he saw a real smile on that face for the first time, a wide smile that stretched his snow-like freckle-covered nose and cheekbones and those full lips... Jack had an urge to take a picture again but this was not the time. So, silently, he watched Ennis inject two shots of medicine into a black poodle wearing a big white collar looking like a loudspeaker.

"What's wrong with the poodle?" Jack asked, scooting closer to see the dog.

"A broken leg."

"What is that? That white collar that looks like a speaker."

"Elizabethan collar." Ennis murmured, sighed and added more explanation when he saw Jack's blank look. "Dogs and cats wear that so they can't lick or scratch the wound."

"Why Elizabethan?"

Their eyes met and Ennis shrugged, "Cause it looks like Queen Elizabeth's collar?"

Jack's brain began to work. His lips curved into a smile at the same time that Ennis turned back to inspect the 'Elizabethan collar' on the poodle's neck.

"I guess we know what the first column will be."

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

**Title** : **You & Me & a Dog Named Flea Chapter 3**  
**Pairing** : Ennis/Jack  
**Disclaimer** : Annie Prouxl owns the timeless characters in BBM. I'm writing from love and making no profit.  
**Summary** : AU!AU set in San Francisco ; Jack Twist had a chance encounter with a veterinarian one day, didn't know the shy vet, and his black and white terrier, would have a permanent place in his heart.  
**My Deepest Thanks** always to Judy, the ultimate beta!  
**Feedback** : means the world to me:)

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Chapter 3

"I can't write when someone's looking." Grumping, Ennis shifted his body uncomfortably on the chair, refused to look at the dark-haired man who had been staring at him from across the table. Jack wasn't having any of it. Those incredible big blue eyes were still gazing at Ennis like he was some kind of a hard-to-find ancient creature in the museum. He pushed the edge of the table, letting the chair slide backward until it made contact with the creamy wall. "Fine, I can't write anyway."

"Just relax," Jack encouraged, "Starting to write is the most difficult part. Once you start writing, the voice in your head will tell you what to write next. I've been there."

Ennis sagged his body into the back of the chair, rubbing his eyes with the heel of his palms, still didn't meet Jack's eyes when he muttered, "I don't know how to start. Why don't you do it?"

"It's not my column, Ennis."

"It's not mine, either. It's Dr. Brown's."

"But he's not here. I'm really sorry I pushed you into this situation. But you're all we got now."

_Great_. Ennis heaved out a long sigh through long fingers that were covering his face. He hated people's expectations, he hated to have them looking up at him with hope in their eyes. And he just knew this Jack Twist was having that hopeful look right now so he simply avoided meeting his eyes.

Ennis heard Jack scoot his chair closer and he sneaked a look at him and let his hands fall down on his lap again, creating a loud clap on both his thighs. "I really can't think of anything to write."

"Ok, let's do this together then. Let's try again?" Jack smiled, nodded to himself as if it would help persuade Ennis some. When Ennis finally met his eyes fully, Jack saw doubt and uncertainly so he just kept his strong gaze on him, wanting to assure Ennis that he wasn't alone, that they were in this together. "Ok. Have you ever written anything? A diary? Something?"

"Just reports, research papers…and stuff…" Ennis shrugged, the corner of his lips went downward a little as he tried to come up with more answers. "Journal articles, my thesis…boring stuff like that."

"There! You wrote something! This shouldn't be any different. Tell me how you wrote that stuff."

Ennis shook his head, "It's different."

"Come on, tell me." Jack scooted his chair even closer, so close he could almost count the freckles on Ennis's nose, the arm rests of their chairs were now touching there and again.

"I don't know…there're all those technical terms…"

"What technical terms?"

A shrug, "Endotracheal intubation, oral cavity, trachea, larynx, anesthetic drugs, hemostat...you name it, technical terms. I don't think your readers would care to know."

Scratching above his ear, Ennis dared to glance up, ready to find annoying, bored-to-death Jack sitting on the chair beside him, mirroring his ex-wife's face every time he told her how he had spent his day. But to his surprise, Jack was just smiling up at him. Ennis's brows drew together in wonder and Jack's smile faded suddenly. Clearing his throat, Jack cursed himself under his breath. He had just beamed like a loony as Ennis talked about something that seemed totally like a foreign language to Jack.

"Well," Jack started again. "You're right. We don't want that in the article. Have you ever told stories?"

Ennis nodded, "Got two nieces. Told them bedtime stories once in a while. But you're sure you want the column to start with 'once upon a time'?"

Jack winced at that. "You still stick to those fairly tales?"

"Well," Ennis shifted his body, ducked his head down as if to talk to his hand on his lap. "Used to play some cartoons on DVD for them but they love listening to stories more, three little bears…and stuff like that."

Jack found himself smiling again. He could almost picture the pre-doctor Ennis Del Mar as a college vet student, walking around with thick books, talking dogs and cats with friends, going to animal labs instead of partying. He must be a true dedicated student, a straight-A student even, couldn't hardly extract himself from all kinds of animals even in private time with his nieces.

"Sorry, I really want to help but obviously I am not capable of writing…" That startled Jack. He turned to Ennis and saw him rub his face again, apologizing some more, "I'm wasting your time. It's almost nine and I can't write even a word."

"You're not wasting my time, Ennis," Jack said. "We might be too serious about this. Let's take a break. Can I have some?"

Jack pointed to the small coffee corner at the end of the room near one big sofa.

"Sure."

"You want some?"

"Please…black for me."

"Ok."

Ennis watched Jack walk to get them coffee, wondering why he felt ok with this man calling him by his first name like they have been friends for ages, when they had just met not more than 24 hours ago. Life was weird. Who would think a vet like him would have to write a column for a magazine? Even Mona Lisa herself would be shocked to hear this.

_Talk about Mona,_

He signed in to Hotmail, taking in the sound of the hot water pouring into the cups, spoon making contact with one…and then the other cup, footsteps coming back his way, soft breath echoing his own in this little room. Ennis flicked his eyes to the reflection on the window glass. Tonight he wasn't alone. Through the light of the lamp over the table, the reflections at night were still mostly in black and white, the image he had grown accustomed to these days.

"What're you looking at?" Jack handed him his coffee as his eyes followed Ennis's to their reflections on the window. Their eyes fixed for a minute before Jack moved closer to the window, his face lightened up as he looked through the reflection to the view outside.

"Hey, you can see the Golden Gate from here! I see it from my office as well, but at a different angle. This view is better. All I see from my side are wires."

Ennis blinked, almost didn't hear what Jack said. He was wondering if he saw it right. The reflection was no longer in black and white. Now he saw two blue spots twinkling, almost as bright as the stars in the sky.

"You're a writer?" He heard his own voice ask that question before he realized he had opened his mouth to speak. The owner of the add-in blue color to Ennis's black and white reflection turned back to face him, lifting the cup of steaming coffee to his mouth.

"Not really. I'm in an editorial department. I write some but I don't have my own column or anything. We hire freelance writers, mostly."

"Um." Ennis sipped his coffee, his eyes shifted to the computer screen again, looking at the picture of the Elizabethan collar on the Wikipedia website. It would be a hell of a lot easier if he could just copy the words from Wikipedia, but he knew he couldn't do that. Damn copyright rules. Jack saw him, wanting to lessen the tension that was slowly returning after the brief distraction of the coffee and the view. Both of them recalled once again the reason they were here in the first place.

"You know, Ennis, you don't have to think too much about that. It's just a column."

"I know. But I want to do right by it anyway." Ennis took a big gulp of coffee when he heard footsteps again. Jack was pacing, obviously trying to think about something himself. When the footsteps went a little further away, Ennis looked up only to look down again when Jack pivoted his body back to him, the image of Jack's blue eyes dancing on the surface of the black coffee in the white cup like a mirage.

"How about telling the story of some dogs?" Jack said, his voice was higher than normal. He was excited about this idea already, Ennis could tell. "Then slowly, we will relate the dog to the collar. How's that sound?"

"Um…" Ennis blinked to the Elizabethan collar picture on the webpage, surprised himself that he was actually thinking this much about writing this thing, that he might be able to actually write it this way. "You mean I can write about Maggie?"

"Who's Maggie?"

"The poodle."

"Yes, the poodle." Jack was smiling now, his front teeth tugged loosely on his lower lip. "You can tell the readers a bit about Maggie first, what happened to her and everything. Then, bang, you'll introduce Elizabethan collar to them. I like this idea already."

"Yeah?"

"Yes." Jack sounded so sure that Ennis had to nod, "Alright then."

"I'll leave you alone, seeing as you can't write when someone is looking at you," Jack said, his voice teasing and…somehow…comforting. "I'll be down with Flea. You think the night shift assistant would mind me there?"

"She won't mind, I guess."

"Ok. Off I go. Relax. It'll be alright."

Jack patted Ennis's shoulder once before he was out the door. Sighing, Ennis drained off the coffee and looked down at the bottom of the white cup, the image of Jack's blue eyes was still there even when the black liquid was gone, there…like a permanent stain.

Black and white, black _or_ white, Ennis saw blue in there.

Closing his eyes tightly for a moment, Ennis grabbed the wireless mouse and tried to think about Maggie and what had happened to her. He opened his eyes again, staring at the computer screen,

"Ok, Maggie…here we go, girl…"

----------

"Why Flea?" Jack asked, all of a sudden. His face must showing intense curiosity over such a small thing as a dog's name 'cause Martha, the night-shift assistant, shot him an amused look then.

"I'm not surprised Ennis, I mean Dr. Del Mar, didn't tell you about Flea. He's not a talkative type."

"He is working so hard on writing the column now. We owe him a lot." Jack smiled, looking down at the black and white terrier that was sleeping soundly, the side of his head pressing against Jack black's leather boot. "Is Flea his dog?"

"When it comes to paying for his food and health expense, Flea is his dog," Martha said, her voice was swallowed by the sound of some hip-hop tune from the radio behind the counter.

"What do you mean?" Jack asked.

"About four months ago, there was this little boy…about seven or eight. He showed up at the clinic at night carrying Flea, crying and asking if he could keep him here. Flea was very weak then, starved, his body all soaked and limp and no doubt fleas were eating him alive. The kid said his mom hated dogs…so…"

"Ennis kept the dog." Jack finished the sentence, glancing down at flea again. Martha nodded,

"And that's why we named him Flea. The kid…I can't remember what his name is…came to play with Flea almost every day after school, sometimes with friends. But he just disappeared one day, never showed up again."

"His mom found out?" Jack stared at Martha wide-eyed.

"No one knows…anyway…most of us don't mind Flea here, but we are not some animal charity either so someone has to be in charge. And that's when Ennis, I mean Dr. Del Mar, came to the rescue."

"So he stays here all the time?"

"At night, yes, 'cause Dr. Del Mar is a night-shift vet. If the day-shift vet doesn't mind then he gets to stay here longer. Ennis, I mean Dr. Del Mar, takes him home once in a while, taking him out for exercise. But he always brings Flea here in case…you know…the kid comes back. It would break the kid's heart if he comes back and Flea is not here."

Jack leant on the back of the chair and looked down at Flea, taking in the story of this little dog. Flea was always with people and that was why he wasn't afraid of Jack ever since the first time they met. At that minute, he doubted if dogs could feel. Did Flea know people cared about him that much? So much they wanted to keep him safe and sound so one day Flea would go back to the arms of the boy who loved him.

The clock struck midnight and Martha cleared her throat, "Well, Jack, if there's not anything else I can do for you, may I excuse myself to the back of the clinic?"

Jack frown, "You're closing? Isn't this a 24-hour clinic?"

"We turn on the buzz at the door after midnight. If there's an emergency case, they will call in. Are you ok being here alone?"

"Oh, of course. Thank you."

"Nice to meet you, Jack." Martha smiled.

"Ditto, Martha. Thank you for keeping me company." Jack returned her smile and watched her disappear into the back of the clinic, shutting the door behind her.

Jack scanned around the waiting room, the curtains were all drawn closed. The heater was warming his skin too hot and it seemed Flea wasn't really comfortable now either. Maybe he needed to adjust the temperature down a bit, and turn off some lights. It was too bright.

Jack found the heater remote on the counter and the light switch near the door to the boarding area. He turned down the temperature and some lights, leaving a lamp with a homey glow on. He sat back on the same chair, smiling to himself as he scanned the room again. The creamy wall turned a darker shade 'cause of the shadow from the lamp. The bright blue and green light from the aquarium seemed to shine out in the dimness. Jack saw some Nimos (they were yellow and black fishes) move back and forth and then settle themselves down and still. Maybe they were getting sleepy and it suddenly looked tempting enough for him to take a nap, too. Flea sighed. Even though Flea was a dog, he could tell that was a happy _doggie_ sigh and Jack had to stifle a smile as he saw the little dog stretch his legs a bit and settle back to dreamland. Jack finally closed his eyes, stretched one of his legs as his head moved here and there on the back of the chair, seeking for the most comfortable spot to lay down himself. Flea's head once again rolled to the side of his boot. Jack sighed a contented sigh, too, knowing while the shy vet was working hard for him upstairs, he had somehow fulfilled the role of keeping Flea safe and sound here, in his small own way, for Ennis.

----------

It was twenty minutes after midnight when Ennis tiptoed down the stairs. He knew Martha was resting in the room at the back of the clinic by now. And judging from the silence, except the faint sound of the heater, Jack might be sleeping on one of the chairs or the recliner near the aquarium, the spot he slept in sometimes. Ennis poked his face into the waiting room area and found that he was right. Jack was sleeping on the chair, his arms crossed, one of his legs stretched as the other bent at his knee, Flea was curled up near his foot.

While he was considering whether he should wake up Jack or not, Flea stirred and wagged his tail, looking very much like he wanted to come to Ennis but was too comfortable to get up from where he was.

_Lazy dog._ Ennis smirked and crouched down on his knees, watching Flea crawl to him. _Damn lazy dog._

Ennis looked at Jack's sleeping form again. He knew he should wake Jack up. He had finished writing the damn column, not the best writing aimed for the Nobel prize or anything but the important thing was that he finished it.

Blinking, Ennis opened his mouth to speak but closed it. What should he call Jack? Just Jack? Or Twist? Mr. Twist? Well, if Jack called him by his first name, then it should be alright for him to call him Jack, too. Right?

"Jack?" Ennis tried. The sound of it felt alright, he guessed. Flea wagged his tail again, approving by snorting a rough pig-like sound. "Jack? I'm done. Think you should take a look at it."

He knew his voice was not loud enough to wake anybody. The truth was he didn't really want to wake Jack, partly fearing he would have to re-write everything again after Jack had discovered how much his writing sucked. But the truth was Jack seemed to be deep in his sleep, almost made him feel sinful to wake somebody up from that graceful rest. Ennis looked down at Flea who had started to tug the hem of his white shirt with his milk teeth.

"Want to wake him?" Ennis whispered and moved his index finger in the air, drawing the figure eight the way he knew would make Flea crazy and jittery before he would jump and capture his finger in his mouth. He was chuckling at Flea's crossed eyes when he heard someone cough.

He looked up, Jack had been awake for God knew how long. And he was smiling, his brow arched a bit as if to ask what he was doing here.

"Um…" Ennis stopped, let Flea catch his index finger in his mouth, "Guess you might want to check the column, not very good, but…well…"

"You finished?"

"Yep." Flea was chewing on his flesh now. _Where is the damn ball?_

"Ok," Jack stood up, stretched his body and put his hands on his hips. Ennis looked around for the pink ball but ended up looking up at Jack from the floor, meeting the doubtful blue eyes. "Aren't you coming, too?"

"No, so you can re-write or delete any crap without worrying that you are hurting my feelings."

Jack bit his lower lip as Ennis crawled to the aquarium, reaching for the pink ball underneath and gave it to Flea, wiping his saliva-wet finger on his shirt.

Suddenly Jack thought of his other freelance writers. He'd met Josh the nerd several times when he picked up his pay check at the end of the month. His long-messy hair looked like Medusa's snaky tresses, and he was always sleep-walking in like a zombie without really looking at someone in the eyes. But his computer software column rocked. The way Josh wrote about computer software like it was his baby revealed how much he loved computers. And that was why Jack relied on Josh. He knew if you wrote something out of love, it would turn out to be good.

And there was no way Ennis could fail on writing about animals._ Just can't be.  
_  
"It'll be alright, Ennis. I don't think it's crappy."

Their eyes met for a moment then and Ennis nodded, "I sure hope so."

"Can I use Hotmail to send the column to my friend, too?"

"Yep."

"Ok," Jack said. He watched Ennis play with Flea on the floor a bit longer before hopping up the stairs, smiling.

----------

"Espresso, please."

Jack yawed and rubbed his eyes, leaning his body fully on the counter in the coffee shop, thinking back to the new doggie column he had sent to Alma via Hotmail at about one a.m. this Monday morning.

Ennis wrote like a…well…a vet, straight to the point, it almost looked like a report to Jack (he had to search for the meaning of "Canine Distemper" and add the meaning of it at the bottom of the page). But he doubted Dr. Brown could write any better for he was a vet himself as well. The fact that he was Alma's godfather wouldn't make him automatically capable of writing like her. And there was something that made Jack believe Dr. Brown couldn't do as well as Ennis had if he was to write about the Elizabethan collar. Jack wondered if he himself could come up with something like that either, something so lovely and warm, like the way Ennis looked at Flea, Abby or Maggie.

_"Elizabethan collar may refer to the similarity with Queen Elizabeth's clothing, but we vets know better. 'Cause we always treat dogs and cats as our little queens."  
_  
Yeah, that was how Ennis ended the column.

"Here it is, mister."

Jack paid for his espresso and flipped open his cell, finding the recent picture he had taken.

It was almost two when he went down the stairs and Ennis was asleep on the recliner near the aquarium, Flea down on the floor near him. And Jack's fingers had a mind of their own again, snatched out his cell and took Ennis's picture, sleeping soundly…looking innocent like a little angel in an old painting… The one with wings and curly hair… The one, he guessed, that belonged to animals if they even got their own guardian angel.

Jack chuckled and shook his head. He had to go to work before the coffee turned cold. As he walked down the hill, he thought about Flea and Ennis again. He wondered if it would be alright for Ennis to replace Dr. Brown permanently. Maybe Alma could talk with her godfather and get him to agree. And Jack wondered if it would be alright for him to be in charge of this doggie column instead of Alma. Her freelance writers were all playing hard to get these days, maybe she would be glad to get rid of one doggie column so much she might even think of paying him to take it.

If it turned out the way Jack thought it might, he could meet Flea when he picked up the column every week.

Jack shook his head again to stop the train of thought before he went too far to the next part of that sentence, the part about _who else_ he would get to meet apart from Flea.

TBC


	4. Chapter 4

**You & Me & a Dog Named Flea** Chapter 4 [Missed Call  
**Disclaimer** : Annie Prouxl owns the timeless characters in BBM. I'm writing from love and making no profit.  
**Summary** : Altinate Universe Fiction of Ennis and Jack (from Brokeback Mountain) set in San Francisco ; Jack Twist had a chance encounter with a veterinarian one day, didn't know the shy vet, and his black and white terrier, would have a permanent place in his heart.  
**My Deepest Thanks** always to Judy, my ultimate beta!  
**Feedback** : means the world to me:)

----------

Jack was totally into this old dog magazine he found in the office's small kitchen. A black and white Boston terrier looking very much like a bigger version of Flea was showing his teeth on the front page, perfectly matching the cover story that said 'Do you know your dog can smile?"

"Damn right he can," Jack muttered, then hummed as he flipped open the magazine, chuckling when he found more Fleas greeting him inside. Flea rolling over on his back, Flea chewing on his rubber bone, Flea panting and showing his red shiny tongue, Flea, Flea, Flea…

Ok, he was obsessed. Couldn't blame him, blamed it on Lureen and her decision to assign him this vet named Ennis Del Mar for the newest column of Soul Singing weekly magazine then. He'd just raised the idea, with Alma being too busy and all, telling himself he would act as neutral as possible and would accept whatever decision she would make.

But when Lureen said 'yes', Jack thought he would explode from happiness. Alma rolled her eyes 'cause she had to be the one calling Dr. Brown and telling him the news. Jack said he would buy her lunch and with a big order of Chinese to go, everything was settled. Jack Twist had one more freelance writer to take care of, and this one came with a dog.

He was humming what he thought was something he'd heard on American Idol last night when his cell rang. Jack peeked at the caller ID and almost jumped to his feet with amazement.

"Grant? Oh my God, Grant! This is such a nice surprise."

"Yeah, how've you been, Jack?

"I'm good." Jack smiled, tucked his cell phone in between his shoulder and cheek, long fingers flipping open the magazine. "I haven't talked to you since…when was that?"

"At the Velvet, two months ago."

"Right. That seems like ages! How're things?"

"I'm pretty good, have moved up to the second floor of the club for weeks now."

"So you need more hands for the moving in?

Grant laughed softly, "I can manage that, thank you. But are you free this Saturday? Wanna help out at the Velvet?"

"What're you guys doing this Sat?"

"Nothing much, just hanging out. We got more members and we think it might be great to throw a little party. You have any plans on that day?"

Jack hummed as he looked at the calendar. For months, Saturdays were like holidays for Jack. He had nothing particularly special to do except, well, going to the movie or strolling or eating out with friends…and stuff. But since last Saturday, he did kind a have something new to look forward to.

Jack glanced at the deep green leather collar and matching leash that he had brought for Flea. It was not intentional. He was on the way back to his apartment when he saw this doggie store had all kinds of cool doggie stuff for sale. He'd spotted this collar and bet Flea would look cool with this one.

"What time is that?"

"Around five or six. I hope you can come, Jack. I miss my favorite man."

Jack smiled again and leant on the back of the seat, "Who else is coming?"

"If I tell you Lee will be there, will you say no?"

Groaning, Jack switched his cell to his left hand, the other hand reaching out to pick up some manila envelops and letters from the mailboy above the partition around his desk. "I don't care. Damn Lee. Who else? Emile?"

"Yes."

"God, Grant, I thought you and him were over."

A long sigh, "He's my partner, Jack."

"Even when you know he's hitting on others, too?"

"He's not hitting on anyone. We're gay men, Jack. What do you expect? A vow and a ring?"

"I don't know, but you deserve someone better."

"Like who? Everyone is not as lucky as you, boy. I just have to hold on to the next best thing."

"I'm sorry…if I hadn't shown up at the Velvet that night…"

"Hush now, no use talking about the past. And don't you remember? Brent and I never really together."

"But you…"

"Come on, Jack, don't do this to yourself."

Jack closed his eyes, thinking back to when he was spending his Saturdays at the Velvet. After months of joining group therapy there, Jack began to see the light slowly seeping though the darkness, like the light from the boat that was sailing through the mist in the middle of the sea, guiding him slowly but steadily back to the shore. Grant was there, he had been there all along, sailing with him, being close to him in the storm, holding him there when the tide was high, pulling him up if he was ever about to drown.

But what he did to him…the day Brent and he met one night and Brent asked for his cell phone number. Jack remembered Grant's sad look but he didn't know anything until he heard from somebody else that Grant had some feelings for Brent.

"Grant," Jack breathed, "you have to believe me I didn't know about how you…when we met… I mean…"

"I know. Now stop it. I didn't call to talk about that man. He might be the gay man of the year or something but I don't care about him now. Where's he anyway?"

"Japan."

"Great! So, can you come?"

There was a smile in Grant's voice and Jack had to grin. "You think Lee can shut up for a day?"

"I'm pretty sure he can do that. We met yesterday and he talked about you nonstop so I guess he won't say any more about you for a while."

Jack groaned low, rolling his eyes at the thought of that short red-haired noisy man with a bigger-than-average nose that was always red from some kind of allergy, his so-called 'foe' from the Velvet as they fought over anything, nagging the hell out of each other, threatening to strangle each other and all. "What'd he say about me?"

"That God is not fair, how come girls like you and guys like you, too, and blah blah blah. You know the rest."

Jack should be angry. Yes, that Lee was talking about him behind his back. But he surprised himself by laughing, suddenly missing his friends who filled a little square room on the second floor of a building on Fillmore Street with heartfelt understanding and laughter, making Velvet his home. He could still picture his first day there, poking his face into the room, legs shaking, hand clutching a leaflet, fearing for the worst as he stepped inside the room where he knew he would officially walk 'out of the closet' on his way back.

Jack remembered just sitting at the corner of the room, hugging his still-shaking knees, shielding himself from all the unfamiliarity that surrounded him. He felt so vulnerable and alone.

He was counting the number of the light cyan tiles, half-heartedly listening to a group of people, both men and women, talking about how they had spent their summer holidays, when a pair of white tennis shoes stopped in front of him. Jack's whole body tensed and he felt a warm hand on his shoulder, squeezing deliberately and rubbing until his stiff muscle began to loosen up. People continued talking, occasionally joined by the soft approving hum from the owner of the hand on Jack's shoulder. He stood beside Jack for a good five minutes. They didn't talk but Jack heard Grant's hand talk to him, _you're safe here…it's ok.  
_  
Jack ended up being at the group therapy all day, despite his lack of participation. He just sat there at the same chair at the corner of the room, observing things and people around. He learnt later that the owner of the white tennis shoes was Grant. And it was obvious that Grant was there as a leader. It was strange thinking back about it, but he always thought if Velvet was a church, then Grant would be the priest, always there soothing the soul-troubled men with just his reassuring hand on a shoulder as sacred as any priest's choirs. Grant made him believe that he would be safe here.

"Yeah…" Jack nodded. It would be great to see Grant and his friends from the Velvet again after a long time. "Yeah, I'll be there. It'd be fun. Do I have to bring anything?"

"Just your pretty little head. See you then."

Grant said he would talk about the details later and hung up. Jack just sat there not moving for a minute, playing with the collar and leash in the plastic wrapping. He wondered whether he could bring a guest to that party. He looked down at his cell…Ennis might be freaking out if he found himself at a gay and lesbian party. But why not? They worked together. Besides, this was the 21st century anyway. Ennis should at least know a gay man here in San Francisco. But…think about it, he'd better not spook Ennis now because he simply didn't know what to do if Ennis did actually freak out about Jack being gay.

But he wanted to talk to Ennis. He could call Ennis. Yeah, he had to tell him that they were about to be partners in crime now.

Just as he was about to make a call, his cell rang, the familiar ring tone of Jingle Bell Rock turned into some strange, foreign tune as he saw the caller ID.

Brent.

Jack didn't know why he didn't pick up the call at the first ring since it was screaming right in his palm. Was it because of the guilt he felt for Grant and what they had talked about? Maybe…yeah… Or was it because of Lee's bad mouthing him that also implied Brent?

He didn't really know why instead of picking up the phone, he grabbed the collar. But it didn't matter anyway, 'cause the phone had stopped ringing, now lying motionless in Jack's rapidly sweat-forming palm.

----------

Ennis woke up at three p.m., his head hurt and throbbed painfully for lack of sleep. Dr. Leang, the vet in charge whenever Dr. Brown wasn't around, had given him the day off today, thank God. He wished he could sleep until the next day but he had been cursed. Six hours of sleep and he was done, his eyes would snap open no matter how tired he was and how much he wanted to huddle himself under the warm sheet. Today was no different.

Rubbing his eyes, Ennis winced at the pile of laundry at the end of the bed. He needed to do the laundry and go grocery shopping, too. But before that, he looked down at Flea who started to climb on his lap and settle in the crook of his knee. He had to feed this lazy dog first.

Scooping the little dog up in his arms, Ennis walked to his small kitchen, not so messy considering the short time he had spent at home this week. He put Flea down, took out the new bowl from the cabinet. He had not cleaned Flea's old plastic bowl yet and this new one, the creamy ceramic bowl decorated with a brown dog footprint, was kinda tempting to use, especially when they were going to try the new Cesar puppy food in the pink package today.

"Can you stay still? You know the word 'patience'?" Ennis nudged his bare foot at Flea who yelped and gave him a series of short, loud barks. Ennis ignored the insistent little dog who bounced around his feet and bit on the hem of his pants at times as he poured the contents of the puppy dog food into the bowl. Ennis turned to look at the big basket on the kitchen counter where all the puppy stuff donated by 'Flea's fan club' was kept, hoping to find some snack. He picked up the blue package with a white dog that said 'Yip Yap Breath Freshener for Dogs', probably from Drew, frowned and glanced down at Flea.

"Guess you don't want this now that Abby's gone, huh?"

Flea barked, as if he understood, and Ennis laughed. He put the breath refresher down, then placed the bowl of Cesar puppy food on the floor for Flea and spent a little more time sitting beside him, reading the food package. Calcium Carbonate, Sodium Tripolyphosphate, Potassium Chloride, Carrageenan, Dried Yam…_dried yam?_ Now that was interesting, dried yam in puppy food.

Ennis stroked Flea's head softly as the little dog attacked the food like it would be his last meal. He chuckled and grabbed the basket down on the floor, exploring what else was in there. Purple leash…um…maybe Flea didn't need a leash now. He was still small and he hadn't yet let him wander around on the sidewalk much anyway. Thought about it, it was about time he took Flea out for a stroll and he might need it for that, and oh a collar, too.

But a purple leash? Purple? Ennis blinked. He dug through the basket again but there were no more leashes. Fine, the purple leash would do."I'm not wearing this anyway, you are." He smiled as he unwrapped the leash out of the plastic package, put it on the counter and turned his attention back to the basket again. There were two collars, Ennis remembered. Cetacea's black and white one was from Dr. Leung and there was this one with a red, white and blue American flag pattern as big as a belt they got as a gift from one of the clients. _Wow, you gonna look sharp with this one._

Flea was full and he was scratching behind his ear and happily let Ennis tie an American flag collar around his neck.

"You know what?" Grinning, Ennis fastened the collar and leant back to take a good look. Flea was looking up at him, big black eyes wide with interest. "You wear this to the park and you can be as cool as all those police dogs."

Flea barked twice and changed his position, scratching on his tummy. Ennis heard himself laughing, realized it had been a long time he was simply happy with just a dog for company. His ex-wife never allowed any pets in their apartment. That was partly the reason why he spent more time than usual at the clinic. Being with animals always put him at ease. They listened to what he had to say and never judged him. And they seemed to enjoy his boring company as much, _right little rascal?_

Ennis lay on the floor and scooped Flea up on his chest, closing his eyes as he felt the warm weight of the dog pressing on his body.

Mona Lisa showed up around thirty minutes later. After calling him at the clinic and finding out that he had a day off, she dragged him out for late lunch. _"Come on, go out! You Dracula, come out in the sun with me ,"_ she had said, so fifteen minutes later, they were settled under the shade of the outdoor restaurant in the bay area, with Flea showing off his new colorful collar and leash, rolling and sniffing and chewing his milk-bone biscuit under the table. It was cold, but it was also good being outside the building, feeling fresh air brushing softly.

Ennis was busy buttering his bread when he looked up and found Mona's dark eyes focused on him. Mona was his sister's best friend, a professional psychologist working for the state, his so-called baby-sister whose job was to just sit with him, gang up with his sister and play with his mama's lipsticks. That was more than ten years ago though. Now they had kind of become friends especially because their apartments were just about ten minutes apart by bus. As a psychologist, so often she would act as his private shrink to the point that sometimes he wished she had failed the state licensing exams a while back.

She was a plump woman with short blond hair who was forever on a diet. She was pleased with just a bowl of Caesar salad while he ordered the full course of ravioli for lunch. And she was being too quiet for a while now, not a good sign. _God, here we go again_, Ennis crooked his brow, slowly chewing the bread as he sneaked a look at her. Mona was having one of the 'shrink' looks, when every part of her lips seemed to cramp at one corner of her mouth.

"What?"

She shrugged and shook her head at the same time, another 'shrink' look of hers. "Just wondering…Have you found your date for the party this Friday?"

"Look at me before you ask that."

"What do you mean, Tiger?"

Ennis flicked his eyes to Mona above the buttered bread, "I'm the same old boring Ennis Del Mar. How can I ask a girl out when I just talk with dogs all day long?"

"You're not boring." Ennis rolled his eyes at that and Mona reached out to squeeze his arm, yet another 'shrink' gesture.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah!" Mona assured him, "You're…I mean…"

Mona tried to come up with a distinctive 'adjective' under the picture of men of the year she had seen in GQ or Men's Vogue. Good-looking…yes Ennis was good-looking, a little rough but his look sure drew women's attention. Mona knew and more than once saw women look his way so long she thought their necks would twist into knots. His curly blond hair was particularly cute. The way his hair curled at his temple and at his nape was making him look younger than 26. And his eyes…those eyes with the color of brown earth, the pair of soulful eyes like a fossil beneath the surface of the earth, as ancient as the world itself, more precious than gold, that had been lying deep, deep in between the nook of stones, waiting for someone to discover and cherish.

Ennis coughed, bringing Mona back from her thoughts. He was looking at her with narrow eyes, his eyes moved down and up, then he blinked, his brows slightly knotted. "I never saw you wear pink lipstick before."

"Pink and glossed, too. It's sparkling, see? How do I look?" She smiled her Mona Lisa smile.

"I like you fine without any."

Mona hit his shoulder, the coffee in Ennis's hand spilling on the table. "You know men will look at either lips or boobs when they first meet women. Since I'm not really proud of my boobs, I'll stick to my lips."

Ennis just grunted, wiping the coffee off the edge of his plate with a napkin, cursing under his breath.

"And we human beings are the only mammals who can kiss, Puma," Mona continued, her plump hand waving back and forth in the air, the way she did when she was totally into the topic. "Lips are made for kissing and…"

"Kangaroos can kiss, too."

"Huh?" Mona stopped waving, looked at Ennis now like he had grown a second head. Ennis leant on his chair, resting his elbow on the arm-rest and lifting a white coffee cup with half the contents to his mouth, taking a sip then shrugged,

"Chimpanzees can french-kiss even."

"Charming." Mona threw a piece of cabbage at him. "That's your problem. You're not boring, Ennis, but you have to talk about something else rather than animals."

Another shrug, "I'm a vet."

"That's not a good enough reason, Big Cat."

Ennis sighed, wondering for a minute whether he could just sit back and listen to Mona's lecture, let it go in his left ear and out his right without really having to care that much. But after a moment of silence, he murmured, "I don't know what else I'd talk about. Besides, what's wrong with talking about dogs?"

"That's why you have to go out more, clubbing, partying, going to the movies…"

Ennis ignored her, buried his face deeper in the cup of coffee. Mona sighed and squeezed his arm, her grip was strong. "I just hate to see you so sad, Jaguar. Carol will kill me if she knows I can't help you with this divorce thing."

"Come on, Mona. You don't have to help me. You know just how protective Carol is over me and that she's overreacting sometimes."

They looked at each other, Mona opened her mouth, was about to argue and stand up for her best friend but changed her mind. Ennis was right, Carol could be overreacting. She remembered one time Ennis got a bruise on his knee and she fussed over the first aid box like Ennis had broken his leg or something.

"Can't blame her though," Ennis shrugged. "With dad and mom dead, I kinda know I'll be her doll for the rest of my life."

"Oh, remember when she dressed you up as an elf for Christmas? How old were you?"

"Ah," Ennis groaned, "I'm not talking about this. Listen, Mona, I gotta go. This kid needs some exercise. Thanks for the meal." He stood up and kissed Mona on her cheek, "Next time I'll pay."

"Great, 'cause I'll be having a fancy French dip next time. See you, Tiger."

"Yep, come on, little demon." Ennis tugged the leash. Flea jumped and barked, happy to finally be able to move and show off his colorful accessories somewhere else.

"I hate that collar," Mona snorted as Ennis scooped Flea up. "Can you find a matching collar and leash? He looks like some marine with that flag and the purple leash looks like some torn stocking."

Ennis laughed, "He likes them just fine, right? Flea?"

Mona watched Ennis grab Flea's little arm and puppet it to the left and right, forming a little wave. She smiled, wondered for the thousandth time why any woman would dump this kind-hearted man.

But…God how she wished Ennis would find someone to love, and who loved him as much. That boy was too precious to be left alone like this.

----------

Ennis stopped by the clinic and dropped off his grocery bags before taking Flea to the nearby park. From the way he sniffed everything on the pavement, Ennis could tell how excited Flea was.

He looked around when he arrived. The park on Monday in the late afternoon wasn't supposed to be so crowded but as they were getting near the park, Ennis noticed there were more people than he expected. He saw groups of kids playing baseball and football, more kids and their big golden retrievers were playing with a rainbow-colored frisbee. Flea started to move restlessly, his big round black eyes following the movement of one of the bigger dogs when he jumped high-heavenly and caught the frisbee in his mouth so gracefully like he was his hero or something. Ennis shook the leash,

"I should get you one, huh? Bet you can jump higher than that?"

He was sure Flea couldn't jump that high. But maybe they could try…Flea pouted…well…he wasn't sure if a dog could pout. But he thought if a dog could pout, it would look like what Flea was doing now.

He freed the dog and silently watched him running around and chasing over the rolling ball he had tossed out.

Then his cell rang, the name 'Jack' was blinking on the screen and Ennis picked it up to the cheerful greeting from the man who was formerly known as Nokia N93, now just 'Jack' to him.

"Hi," Jack started, his voice as clear as summer's blue sky. "Have you figured out what to write for the next week's column?"

Ennis grunted and sat on the bench, eyes up following the white fur of cloud above drifting off to the east…slow, slow, like the white foam of the blue wave kissing the shore.

"How about Dr. Brown? I am really not feeling so comfortable with this, to tell you the truth."

"Alma will talk to him. He's still busy and can't talk right now. You're good at this, Ennis. I really wish you would continue writing for us." _For me._

Chewing his inner cheek, Ennis looked down at Flea, who was turning his fickle attention back from the ball to the hem of his jeans. His American flag collar looked funny all of a sudden.

"I need to find Flea a new collar," Ennis said, out of the blue. Jack should have felt off guard, but instead, he found his lips curving up. "He is wearing this one with an American flag design in red, white and blue and he looks pretty much like some statue of a doggie hero from WWII or something."

And Jack laughed at that, loud and full from the depth of his stomach. Ennis grinned, too, stroking Flea's head with his free hand.

"Then I guess you will like what I have for him," Jack said, still giggling. "I found this green collar and leash. I think it would look cool on Flea."

Ennis blinked and bent down to adjust the little dog's collar. Flea gave him a short bark, already feeling possessive over his first accessory ever.

"Now I don't think he will let me take this ugly collar off his neck ever." He heard Jack laugh again and he found himself feeling good. He liked the pace when they were talking. Jack didn't try to rush him, didn't even show a slight annoyance when he switched the talk to something else completely irrelevant to the topic. Jack let him dwell in his secret little comfort zone and wait until he was sure enough to step out again. It was weird but Ennis had a feeling that Jack would wait there once he crawled out of his shell, even if it took a pretty long time.

"You're sure about that?" Ennis asked softly, scooping Flea up on his lap.

"Yes, and you know what, I'll be working with you. Alma and I kinda switched places."

"Yeah?"

"U-ah, that a good yeah or a bad yeah?" Jack asked, his voice teasing, and Ennis shrugged.

"Good, I guess."

"Alright then. Where are you now?"

Ennis looked around the park, "This park is about two blocks from the clinic."

"Oh yeah, Flea sure needs some exercise. I read somewhere little dogs get fat easily."

"And a lazy dog like Flea needs a double dose of exercise, if only he would move."

"Is he chewing on your fingers now?"

Ennis grinned as he watched Flea do exactly what Jack had just said. "You win the prize…"He heard another puff of laughter. Jack then talked more about what else he had read from the dog magazines, from something about a dog's smile to his wondering about how far a dog was capable of hearing. _'Isn't it amazing? I mean, think about it, Ennis. Flea can recognize my footstep two blocks away,'_ Jack spoke in quite a high-pitched voice. He was excited, and Ennis was more than glad to fill him up with more 'technical' facts about dogs and their ability to hear, telling him while humans only heard sound up to about 23 kHz, dogs could hear it up to 45 kHz and stuff.

Jack didn't understand all of that. He didn't even have a clue what 'kHz' stood for. But who cared? Ennis's deep, soft voice sounded good in his ear. Though he wished they weren't talking on the phone.

"You know, when a dog barks and chases after a car, he thinks he scares it off."

"What?" Jack chuckled, truly amazed by this fact. "I always thought a dog just chases it for fun."

"He thinks he has just chased away some intruders."

Jack was listening as Ennis continued with a story of a bulldog who got hurt from bumping his head on the back of the car that pulled away suddenly. Jack was still listening when he switched to talking about cats and told him that a cat could hear the sound of a rat rustling in the brush some thirty feet away. Jack was still listening when he paused mid-sentence and tossed the ball for Flea. Ah, Jack was still listening even when he didn't say a word. He heard Jack's steady breath from across the line and knew he was there, ready to listen to more of what he had to say.

_See? At least there was someone willing to listen to my doggie talk, Mona._

**  
...and Flea said "TBC" :)**


	5. Chapter 5

**You & Me & a Dog Named Flea** Chapter 5 It's Love, alright.  
**Disclaimer** : Annie Prouxl owns the timeless characters in BBM. I'm writing from love and making no profit.  
**Summary** : Altinate Universe Fiction of Ennis and Jack (from Brokeback Mountain) set in San Francisco ; Jack Twist had a chance encounter with a veterinarian one day, didn't know the shy vet, and his black and white terrier, would have a permanent place in his heart.  
**My Deepest Thanks** always to Judy, my ultimate beta!  
**Feedback** : means the world to me:)

Chapter 5 "It's Love, alright"

"Mr. Del Mar, can you sign this? And can I have your I.D. card please?"

God, if he'd known it would be this complicated, he would have had Jack do this for him when Jack had offered on the phone last night. But the night shift would start at nine and he had time anyway, didn't want to bother Jack with this.

So here he was, sitting in this small square room with just a table and two chairs at Newsome Publishing for ten minutes, filling in some form, shaking his head now and again. He still couldn't believe that he was really going to do this. That he was really going to write the weekly doggie column for Soul Singing Magazine as a freelance writer, working together with Jack.

He peeped up at the woman with glasses who headed out of the room with his I.D. card. He heard the sound of the copy machine working somewhere just outside the room, her heels echoed on the floor before she appeared again in front of him and handed him the copy of his I.D. card. Without saying a word, she pointed to the spot where he was supposed to sign. And with that Ennis Del Mar had been listed as the newest freelance writer at Newsome Publishing.

"Ok, Mr. Del Mar, the check will be automatically transferred to your account at the end of the month." Ennis just nodded, feeling like a student listening to some lecture back in high school. "There're some benefits like group insurance rates, free copies of the magazine and stuff. Jack said he will let you know all the details later. There he is…"

Ennis's head jerked up at that and he let out the long sigh he had been holding for the last ten minutes as Jack poked his smiling face in the room, his long fingers tapping the side of the doorframe one by one creating soft drumming sound.

"Hey," he hopped in, cheerful-like, gave Ennis a pat on his shoulder, and turned to talk to that woman. "Everything's alright, Susan?"

"Yes. Now may I excuse myself? I have a meeting in five minutes."

"Thank you so much. I'll handle the rest." Ennis watched Jack take an orange paper file from her and sit down across from Ennis. And when Susan closed the door behind her leaving them alone at last, Ennis dropped his stiff shoulders and leant on the back of the chair with an audible groan, looking very much exhausted. Jack smirked,

"Every human resource department should hire one staffer like Susan." Jack put his elbow on the table, chin in his palm, "She scares all of us and keep us in line. And I did tell you I would do this. You didn't have to come."

"You didn't tell me about her."

Jack chuckled, putting three copies of a thin magazine up on the table. Ennis stopped muttering as soon as he saw the magazine anyway. He scanned the head of the magazine quickly…_Soul Singing_…then moved his eyes down to the cover picture of colorful boxes of gifts on the white snow. Ennis blinked, wondering if the snow was real or was created by computer graphic, then he looked down and read the biggest highlight of the cover on the left side: _Planet Animal, the new column for you animal lovers.  
_  
It felt weird… He sneaked a look up at Jack and saw those blue eyes gazing right back at him, strong and assuring.

"This'll be out on Wednesday. Come on, Ennis. Look at it."

Coughing, Ennis straightened his back and flipped open the magazine. The list of contents said the column,_ his column_, was on page 16 and with slight hesitation, Ennis went directly to that page quickly like he was afraid someone else would snatch the magazine from him or something. He grinned when he saw the big black German Shepherd wearing a big white Elizabethan collar greet him at the top of the page. But he didn't look down at the content, closed the magazine and sagged back on the chair, sneaking another look up at Jack who was smiling broadly. Ennis coughed again, the tip of his ears turned red now with, Jack thought, embarrassment.

"I'll bring you three copies. You can keep two of them at the clinic."

"I don't want to keep them."

"Why not?" Jack was truly surprised. "It can be a great promotion of the clinic, don't you think so?"

"I don't know…"

Ennis scratched the side of his cheek, looking more embarrassed at the idea of having the column for the promotion of the clinic. He wasn't used to be in the spotlight and just thinking about putting some of stuff he _wrote_ out there for God to see, well, it made him feel nervous.

Jack opened his mouth when a knock on the door interrupted whatever he was about to say. The door squeaked open and they turned to see a woman with reddish-blond hair poke her pretty face inside the room.

"Um, Jack?" She hesitated and gave him an apologetic smile. "I need you for a minute…Can you…?"

She stopped mid-sentence as she turned in Ennis's direction, her eyes lingered on his face and Ennis had to blink once and twice when her body seemed to freeze right there…and that was when Jack cleared his throat.

"I'm sorry…" she murmured then, her cheeks turned cherry-pink as she gave him her shy smile before turning her attention back to Jack who was now standing up, his back to Ennis, completely blocking the view of the reddish-blond-haired girl out of Ennis's sight.

"Yeah, Alma?"

"I need to go out now. Lureen is scheduled to meet with the new sponsor of your doggie column. I think she needs you in the meeting room with her in ten minutes. Can I talk with you about this?"

There was a pause and Ennis felt Jack's eyes on him so he looked up from the magazine that he had been pretending to read for God knew how long. Jack mouthed 'I'll be back' and with a nod, walked off the room, his hands partly pushing the girl who seemed to try to sneak a look behind his shoulder back to Ennis.

"Jack!?! You're stepping on my shoe!" Alma gasped as soon as the door of the small conference room closed. Jack didn't say anything, simply grabbed the sleeve of her green plaid sweater and walked away from that spot, the spot where he was afraid Alma could opened the damn door, poke her sweet little face in and smile at Ennis again.

_What the hell happened to me?_ Jack cursed under his breath, heading to his desk with footsteps so heavy he thought every single person working three floors beneath him could hear. He heard Alma jogging behind trying to catch up with him. She said something but her voice was swallowed by the loud thud of his blood vessels drumming like mad in his ears.

"Jack? What's wrong?"

Alma was finally able to catch up. She grabbed his arm and Jack let her stop him, her eyes got wider with a mix of surprise and fear as she saw Jack's hooded eyes and pale face, his chest heaving hard like he had been running a mile up the hill.

"Jack? What is it? Something wrong?"

"No," he breathed and shook his head, a rush of shame suddenly got a hold of his sense when he had a close look at Alma. Jack knew right at the minute her eyes were glued to Ennis's face that she was interested. Being as nice and polite as she was, the most Alma could do was to smile shyly at him. And that was what she did back there, that and nothing else and he was on his feet pushing her out the door like some crazy dog growling over a bone or something. God, he was going insane. _What the hell happened there?_

"I'm sorry, Alma." He rubbed his face and sighed a long sigh. "Did I hurt you?"

"No. Are you ok?"

"Yeah…I'm just…yeah, I'm ok. What did you say back there again?"

"I said…" Alma tugged his arm and led him to his chair. She fixed her eyes on him again, seeking, "Are you really ok?"

"I am."

"Oh, you freaked out." Alma giggled then, her doll-like face breaking into a sweet smile. "You freaked out 'cause you have to be at the meeting with Lureen. Come on, she won't rip your flesh in front of the sponsor, Jack."

Jack stretched his legs out and tried to smile back at Alma. He knew she was trying to cheer him up from whatever was eating him. The thought made his heart fail. _Christ, what I did to this sweet little girl…She was just attracted to a man and I dragged her away from him.  
_  
"I have to go out in three minutes. I need your help to brief Lureen about the background of the doggie column." Alma continued talking in her slow, sweet manner as she leaned on the edge of his desk. "This sponsor…I can't remember his name, is bringing a new dog food out on the market next month and I guess we will have a full A4 size advertisement for him beginning with the next issue…"

Alma talked more about this dog food company called 'Viva" something and brought out some brochure from her desk. After about two minutes, she stopped talking, tilted her head, bit her lip and looked at Jack with hopeful eyes, "So, is he the vet who…well…writing the column?"

Jack's heart wanted to jump out of his rib cage at that and it hurt. The urge to drag Alma far away from here was threatening so hard he had to cross his arms to keep them in place. Jack took a deep breath and nodded, "Yeah. He's…"

Alma was looking at him with her twinkling eyes and Jack realized he could do better than this, "Come on, I'll introduce you guys."

Jack turned and walked quickly to the room where he had left Ennis, Alma right on his heels, her whole face glowing like the full moon.

The introduction was kept brief because Alma needed to go out. Jack silently observed the way Ennis and Alma shook hands and exchanged words with soft voices. He looked down at his shoes when Alma handed Ennis her business card, wincing at the sting on his bottom lip bitten by his teeth without him realizing it.

They were alone again at last and Ennis shuffled his feet, "I gotta go."

"So soon?" Jack heard the alarm in his voice and he wondered if Ennis heard it, too. But Ennis just shrugged,

"Unless there's more I have to do."

"No," Jack shook his head. "No, but your night shift starts at nine, right?"

"Um..."

Jack looked at his watch and blurted out when it said ten minutes to six, "Dinner?"

Ennis shrugged again but he smiled a little this time as he nodded almost instantly, accepting the casual invitation. Jack grinned, the uncomfortable nerve-wracking sensation that had been looming over him all gone like the sunlight splattering down and clearing away the mist from the dull, cloudy sky.

"Give me about 20 minutes for the meeting with this sponsor of your column. Hey! Maybe you should go with me. I'm sure he would want to meet you. Maybe he will give you free samples of the dog food for Flea!"

Ennis groaned and buried himself in the chair. Somehow he knew Jack was kidding but still he didn't expect such clear laughter from Jack. Seeing Jack's crystal eyes gleaming as he laughed right here in front of him seemed so surreal. Ennis had to wonder how come he could make someone laugh like this. It hadn't happen often in the past, being so boring as he was. But…it felt great after all.

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"There you go." Jack tugged at Flea's new dark green collar and chuckled when Flea's big brown eyes rested on him as if to ask 'Do I look ok?' "You look cool, buddy."

To Jack's assurance, Flea gave him a short, sharp bark and started to run and jump around Ennis's feet. Jack watched Ennis scoop Flea up in his arms and walk to where Maggie, the poodle with a broken leg, was lying.

They had a quick dinner at the small diner near the clinic and ten minutes later they found themselves in the boarding area at the back of the clinic, with Ennis in his white gown carrying a stainless steel tray with needles. Jack wouldn't think that in a million year, he could just sit still and watch a vet stick needles in some animals and feel fine. But here he was, sitting on the cool tile with his legs stretched to where the black poodle was lying on the thick cloth and, for whatever reason, stupidly trying to breath in unison with Ennis who was sitting Indian style nearby, Flea nursing a bone on his lap.

They had talked about stuff at dinner, Jack telling him about the meeting he'd had with the potential new sponsor of Ennis's column. But Ennis didn't say much, just made a face and grunted and shrugged and waved it away like he didn't want to talk about it now. Jack thought it might take some time for Ennis to get used to the idea of himself as a freelance writer. But that was alright. They worked together and they would get through this. They switched to talking about something else instead and Jack tagged along with Ennis back to the clinic. He wanted to give Flea the matching leash and collar.

Jack saw Ennis move closer to Maggie and Flea lift his head in interest. "Move, Flea."

"Come here, buddy." Jack patted the floor near him and smiled when Flea jumped down from Ennis's lap and settled beside him, his soft and warm body pressed up by his thigh. "Good boy."

Jack scratched Flea's head as he observed Ennis put his hands on each side of Maggie's broken leg. He moved his hand higher to the junction of her leg and body and started to massage the muscle there. The dog with a white Elizabethan collar still looked weak. Her body jerked a little at Ennis's touch but she seemed more relaxed as the time went by, letting Ennis work at exercising her limp muscle.

"You know about koalas?" a soft voice asked out of the blue and Jack had to grin. "Of course I do. They live in Australia, right?"

"Um…there was this Australian guy I knew in college. He wrote a thesis about this village in Australia where koalas and men live together."

"Is there such village?" Jack was intrigued and Ennis grinned at the excitement in his voice.

"Yep, but that's not a good thing, you know, how men could invade an animal's space. A lot of koalas were injured and, worse, many of them died."

"God," Jack made a face involuntarily. A picture of lovely animals that always clung on to the branch of trees dying was not a picture he would want to see. Ennis peeked a look at him from under his thick lashes and jerked his chin at little Flea.

"Dogs are their worst enemy. That guy I told you about, he started some volunteer group. Some of koalas need special care 'cause they can't walk and they do this to them…as therapy."

Jack looked down to Ennis's hand massaging Maggie again, his long fingers moved gracefully, strong but soft, rubbing and squeezing the limp muscle of the injured dog. Maggie whimpered a little, not in pain. It was like she was saying thanks in her doggie way to the owner of this pair of warm hands who was taking care of her so well, like she was his little princess.

"I wish I could do something for her, too," Jack's blurted out. Ennis frowned but the corner of his mouth curved up into a small smile. Jack repeated, "I mean it. Is there something I can do?"

"I don't think so. Besides, I'll be done with this little bit of therapy soon and let her sleep. You're sleepy now, girl?"

Jack watched Ennis put his hand on Maggie's rising and falling stomach, his thumb rubbing the sting from the massage here and there and he bent his head a little to watch Maggie closer.

"I guess I can do something." Jack suddenly had an idea. He scooted closer to Ennis who simply blinked. "I can't do something for Maggie, but her vet sure can use some massage."

Ennis's eyes went wide and Jack smirked, "Why not? I can do that for you."

"No, no, no…"

"Come on," Jack teased Ennis more when he saw the alarm on his face. He moved closer and Ennis's eyes got even wider if that was possible.

"What? It's just a massage," Jack said and laughed when Ennis looked at Jack like he was an alien with three heads. "You know men are good at massaging with their strength and all. Diamond Massage & Wellness Center, Club One, YMCA, you name it. There are loads of guys working there."

"You like teasing me, huh?" Ennis abruptly stood up but he wasn't angry. "I could use some espresso now. Come on."

Ennis looked down at Jack and held out his hand. Jack was still giggling, blue eyes dancing, and Ennis once again marveled at how a man could have eyes that blue. 

The grip of Jack's hand was strong, his long fingers wrapped around Ennis's palm and Ennis tightened his grip as he hauled Jack up on his feet, the tips of Jack's fingers tickling the sensitive spot at the vein on his wrist before the warmth from the contact left his skin.

They put Maggie in her kennel in silence, with Flea tagging along with either Ennis or Jack one at a time and he was the one who barked and led them out of the boarding area once things were done. In the end, they didn't go up to the second floor for coffee because they found a tabby cat with white and brown vertical strips grooming her coat on the counter. Jack scooped Flea up in his arms as the little dog barked like he was seeing a koala or something while the striped cat looked at Flea from the corner of her eyes, wasn't even slightly disturbed.

The owner of the tabby cat was a girl with her mother. They'd brought the cat for claw clipping…_Jesus_…

Ennis and Martha, the night-shift assistant, were listening to the mother explain about how bad the cat destroyed her sofa with her scratching but yet she was afraid she would hurt her if she happened to cut too much of her claws. So…here they were…

Jack tried to suppress his smile as he saw Ennis's awkward face as he glanced at the cat who looked at him challengingly. Martha was handling the situation better, giving advice about how it was good if the owner could do the clipping by themselves.

"If you start clipping her claws at an early age, she will grow up used to it. How old is she now?"

"Oh, she's almost two years old," the kid answered in a small voice.

"Then she's likely to resist. But it's not something we can't handle. Right, Dr. Del Mar?"

Ennis sighed when Martha smacked his forearm and laughed. Jack sat down on one of the chairs near the aquarium with Flea on his lap, Ennis looked at him and looked back at Martha who was now handing him the guillotine-type nail clipper. Martha showed the mother and the kid how to grasp the cat's foot and put the index finger on the pad of the toenail they wanted to clip. Ennis fidgeted, dug his hands in the pocket of his white gown as he stood behind the counter and waited until the cat was locked tightly in her owner's grasp. Ennis then carefully clipped the claw of the cat while he explained in his soft, deep voice more about the 'tips' to clipping a cat's claws and how to prevent a cat from scratching on the furniture.

"I think you can put up some cat trees in your house for her to scratch….you know the best one is made from rope…"

Jack missed the gold flecks in Ennis's eyes. He couldn't see them from this distance but he found he liked the way Ennis's thick lashes, with color a bit darker than his brown eyes, batted unconsciously when he was paying hard attention to the writhing cat on the counter, too. There was something about his eyes that intrigued Jack. He didn't know how long he had been staring at Ennis, maybe two or three minutes, but when he realized his gaze had already landed on the moist thin lips.

_Damn_, Jack looked up quickly and gasped when he saw Ennis looking full at him as he waited for Martha to re-capture the cat who had broken free from their grips. Jack's heart leaped up. How long had he been making a fool out of himself? They prolonged their eye contact a bit longer before Ennis turned back to the cat again. Jack felt a strange sensation burning his whole self, blood rushing, stomach clenching. His face turned hot and his whole body heaved the same way it did this afternoon at the office. What _exactly_ had happened to him?

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_Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock. Jingle bells swing and jingle bells ring. Snowing and blowing up bushels of fun…  
_  
Jack stared hard at his cell phone that was screaming for some attention on the table. He looked at the screen to check who was calling. The name that was shown there made his heart thump faster, but it wasn't from excitement, at least not anymore. Jack swallowed down the lump in his throat and just watched as it finally stopped ringing. He didn't pick up Brent's call for the second time and he felt like he was cheating on Brent, wasn't true to this man whom he was, for Christ's sake, dating. And above all, with all this heart-beating-fast and body-turn-to-fire things he had for Ennis today, whatever was happening, it scared him. And he wasn't ready to talk with Brent yet.

Sighing, Jack grabbed his cell phone, walked to his bed and dialed Grant's number. He could always talk to Grant. The older man was happy to give advice to some clueless gay man and Jack had been relying on Grant ever since he'd known him. But actually it really didn't matter if Grant could help. He just really needed to talk to someone.

"Jacky? Can't wait 'til Saturday to talk?"

"Hey, Grant," Jack flopped down on his bed. "You busy now?"

"I'm always available for you. Are you alright?"

"You read my mind or something?" Jack smiled, shifting to his side while Grant just chuckled.

"Just shoot."

Jack sighed into the phone again, it wasn't easy to say, "I don't know where to start."

"How about…what happened before you called me?"

Another sigh, "Brent called."

"And?"

"I didn't pick up." Grant was quiet and Jack wasn't sure if it was because he was shocked to hear that, or that he was listening. So he went on. "I just left it there, on the table. I don't know, Grant. I feel so bad…like I'm cheating on him or something."

"Are you?"

Jack shifted onto his back, planting his feet on the sheets and staring at the white ceiling. _Was he cheating on Brent?_ Jack thought and he didn't know if this was the answer he had been dreading to receive, but Ennis was now staring down at him from the ceiling, the gold flecks in his eyes glistering like snow flecks playing in the wind. He closed his eyes, "Shit…Grant."

"Wanna come out?" Grant's voice was comforting, not accusing as he feared.

Jack considered the offer for a minute. Yeah, why not? He couldn't sleep anyway, "Ok, I'll see you at the club then."

It took only ten minutes on his bicycle to the Bay and Bridge club that Grant owned. Jack used to hang out there during his 'struggling time' talking and drinking with friends from the therapy session on Saturday nights though he hardly went out there any more.

He stepped into the dimness of the club, letting the dancing blue lights bathe him, taking in the beats of the 80s tunes. Jack would normally chuckle at Bananarama's Love in the First Degree on most days but this song somehow sounded comforting tonight. Jack found his way through people that were dancing on the floor, was greeted by some old friends and Jack felt like he was home again.

He finally made it to the beverage counter and Grant was there, smiling broadly under the red spotlight above his head.

"Hey," he gave Jack a one-arm hug above the counter and led him to the seat at the far corner. Grant's curly black hair was longer now, Jack noticed, and it made him look like some actor in a movie about ancient Greece, like Troy maybe. Grant brought a Heineken to Jack before he had a chance to open his mouth. No beating around the bush, Grant frowned as Jack took his first gulp of beer.

"So? Who is he?"

He almost choked at that and he felt Grant's eyes on him, slowly reading his face, the way he liked to do. Jack had no idea if there was a word on his forehead that said 'Ennis' or 'I fucked up' or something that obvious because after about two minutes without Jack's answer, the older man finally nodded. His face was getting serious instantly.

"I guess he's straight, too, huh?"

Jack rubbed his hands over his face, murmuring, "What do I do now, Grant?"

"There's only one way to solve any problem, Jacky. Face it. How bad?"

"Don't know. Bad, I guess." Jack brought out his cell phone, opening the picture folder and selected the first picture he had taken of Ennis in the coffee shop the first day they met.

"You took his picture? God, this is worse than I thought."

"There's one more picture after that one…I dug the hole so deep. I'm so fucked-up. If he knows I've taken pictures of him, he will hate me. Maybe even run away as far as he can get from me. I know it. And if Brent finds out, he will hate me, too."

Grant was studying the pictures for a while, switching them back and forth, and finally gave the phone back to Jack. "It must be the curls."

They exchanged small smiles at that. Jack was thankful Grant didn't try to make it harder by mentioning Brent. He just stood there, watching Jack drink his beer in heavy silence amidst the loud music. "This man knows you're gay?"

Jack shook his head. "I don't think so."

"It isn't fair to him, Jack. And you've taken the man's picture without him knowing it. Talk to him. And talk to Brent, too. You're dating him and whether you guys will be breaking up or not, he has the right to know this."

Jack was covering his face with his hands again, groaning deep in his throat. A hand dropped on his shoulder once and went away and Grant was gone to the other side of the counter. Image after image of Ennis running away from him like some serious plague were haunting him, making his head hurt. Still, he felt a trail of bone-melting flame burning down his spine when he thought about Ennis, the same feeling that made him act like a dog snarling over his bone when Alma showed up. Jack had never felt this way toward Brent and he knew this feeling was bigger than him. There was no way he could pretend nothing had happened.

Jack was tangled in the web no gay man would want to be lured into. He'd fallen in love with a straight man.

TBC


	6. Chapter 6

**You & Me & a Dog Named Flea** Chapter 6 [The Confession on the Ferris Wheel  
**Disclaimer** : Annie Prouxl owns the timeless characters in BBM. I'm writing from love and making no profit.  
**Summary** : Altinate Universe Fiction of Ennis and Jack (from Brokeback Mountain) set in San Francisco ; Jack Twist had a chance encounter with a veterinarian one day, didn't know the shy vet, and his black and white terrier, would have a permanent place in his heart.  
**My Deepest Thanks** always to Judy, my ultimate beta!  
**Feedback** : means the world to me:)

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**Chapter 6****  
**  
"It's Ennis. I'm not home, please leave a message and I'll get back to you later…um…bye."

_Beep --- Honey, it's your sister. Heard from Mona there's a big party going on tomorrow. Make me proud, little brother, bring a babe there. And…ah…oh will you come home for Christmas? Your nieces sure miss you. And um…the sky is clear tonight so I just thought about you and K.E. Oh, talk about your wild brother. He is helping people in Vanuatu building houses for whatever reasons. He said he would be home but I'm not going to wait for him. Well, take care, dear, and call me back when you have time. Love you.__  
_  
Chuckling, Ennis took a last bite on his apple and put Flea's bowl into the sink.

He'd had no time to check on the sky last night, the truth was he hadn't had a chance to be on the second floor at all. A boxer had kept him in the operating room half the night fixing his spinal cord. The dog hadn't been able to walk for a week and Ennis had to stifle the urge to ask the owner why on earth they didn't take him to the vet sooner. They needed an operation, an urgent one, and Dr. Leung was called to give him a hand. The operation had gone well but the boxer needed to be transferred to the bigger animal clinic in the morning. He had been so busy that in a blink of an eye, it was five in the afternoon, Thursday, and Ennis still couldn't find a date for the party tomorrow.

He shook his head, bored. _Did he really need to go to this party?_ With a glance at Flea who was attacking his dinner to confirm his position in the kitchen, Ennis walked out, scooping his dirty clothes up from the floor along the way to the bathroom.

He had woken up around noon, thinking about cleaning his room, but was nudged by the muse to write about the cat whose claws he had clipped a couple of nights ago. He did some searching on more tips about cats and their claws in old journals and on the internet right after having a turkey sandwich for lunch. He found there was enough information to write a column, so he started writing and finished it in about two hours. He felt beat. Who would think writing could be this exhausting?

Ennis had spent about an hour cleaning his bedroom, changed the sheets and gathered dirty clothes for laundry. Then it was dinner time. Guess he didn't have the time to clean up the kitchen today. Well, at least he had the second column for Planet Animal in his hard drive now and was ready to send it to Jack before the deadline on Sunday. And he would be free this weekend and could spend his day-off on Saturday doing something he should have done some time ago at last. _Yep, at last.__  
_  
He had signed Flea up to join a program that brought dogs and cats to spend time with the older people at Home Care Elder Care on Hampshire Street, around 15 minutes drive from the clinic. One of the clients with the gentlest and sweetest dachshund he had ever met introduced Ennis to this activity they held there once a month. He said his friend worked there and thought it must be good to organize some event once in the while to lighten things up. As friendly and cheerful as Flea was, if he joined the activity, the oldsters would love him. Ennis agreed immediately. He liked the idea of knowing that even little Flea could do something for society.

But for months, Ennis had been busy, with the clinic and…hell…with the divorce. But now he thought his life could be back on track, no more acting sad like the world's biggest loser. He was not the only one getting a divorce. Husbands and wives did that all over the world, every hour, every day. Even when he was picking up dirty clothes here in his small apartment, some couples somewhere were signing the divorce papers and fighting over their property and pride. There was nothing wrong with him.

From now on, he would join the activities with Flea, eat out with friends and go to the party…

_The party…_

Sighing, Ennis pushed the bathroom door open, bent down to grab a towel crumpled at his foot and stood up face to face with the mirror. How could he find a date with his hair this messy? He ruffled his head, making the curly dirty-brown hair even messier. His stubble created a darker shade on his jaw and his eyes were sore-red from too much concentration at the computer screen. Ennis frowned. _Did he look this bad all the time?__  
_  
He looked carefully at himself in the mirror again, suddenly thought about the way Jack had stared at him last night when he was clipping the cat's claws.

The hair on the back of his neck stood up merely at the picture of the pair of blues eyes piecing through him and Ennis shook the thought away.

He had caught Jack look at him like that several times, well, not exactly fiercely like the way he did last night. But that sure wasn't the first time. And Ennis figured it was just the way Jack looked at things, and nothing more.

_Jack…_

Ennis smiled, he couldn't wait to tell Jack he had finished the next column. He could picture Jack smiling like he would split his own face into two parts, hoping that he might even give him a pat on the shoulder, the way he liked to do.

"Can you believe this?" He turned to talk to Flea who was now barking for some attention just outside the bathroom. "I wrote the second column for Planet Animal already and…without any help, too."

Flea snorted, Ennis grinned.

_Yeah, Planet Animal, that's my column, boy.__  
_  
Planet Animal, Soul Singing…

And…ah…

_Alma Beers.__  
_  
Ennis bit his lip and looked back at the man in the mirror, _you look like shit but not entirely hopeless. If you're lucky, maybe you can still find a date for the party tomorrow..__  
_  
Jack _thought_ he had turned deaf for two minutes.

After Ennis asked if he thought it was ok for him to ask Alma out for a party tomorrow night, with them just being introduced to each other and all, Jack heard nothing but a buzzing sound in his ears, like when he was diving in the lake or when he was riding against the wind on his bicycle when he was a kid. But those were happy moments. It was different from what he was feeling now. He wasn't happy. He was…

Jack didn't know how he felt.

Ennis called to say that he had finished writing the second column for Planet Animal. Jack was laughing and teasing him about how he thought Ennis would take more time to get used to being a freelance writer. God, how he was wrong about that.

_It just came up, that's all._ Ennis had said that, murmuring the way he did and Jack provided his e-mail address so Ennis could send the file to him immediately.

It seemed there was more Ennis wanted to say to him, so Jack encouraged him. Ennis hesitated at first. It almost seemed like he was afraid to ask Jack this, like it was supposed to be something he could handle by himself and was ashamed to ask for his advice. Jack sensed the uncomfortable air stretching between them even when they were talking on the phone. But he had urged Ennis to talk so if he wanted to blame someone, it would have to be himself.

"Jack?"

"Huh? Sorry."

"Oh, you think it's a bad idea."

"It's not like that. It's just…"

It's just…_what?_ Jack swallowed the clog in his throat as he began to see the pieces of an image that were swirling around in a circle, now slowly sticking together, piece by piece, forming the bigger picture in his head. Jack saw himself as a kid wearing nothing but black shorts standing under the hot, burning sun. He was in Lightning Flat, eleven years old, and was chasing after the kite--the colorful snake kite he got from the fair, the one his mother bought for him after daddy scolded him for messing with his huge stack of papers on the desk.

Jack remembered how he always wanted to fly like the kite, just up high to the sky and away from there. In the picture he saw in his head, he was having a good time but at one point the string escaped his grip. Jack ran after it like mad until the kite got stuck in the branches of the biggest tree in the prairie, with its string hanging down, seemed so close but yet so far.

Jack stood up on tiptoe then jumped, reaching out his hand the best he could, trying to catch it. The string tickled the tips of his fingers, teasing, saying 'catch me if you can'. After about ten minutes, Jack gave up. He stopped jumping and just stood there, panting and watching the kite being held captive in the hands of the tree. He felt like crying 'cause he knew the kite would be blown up higher by the gusts of the wind later in the day. And he could do nothing but watch as it flew higher and higher into the sky, turned into a small dot and disappeared right before his eyes, leaving him alone.

"Jack?"

_Shit_, Jack jumped out of his skin and had to knead his temple with his free hand. He forced himself to stop thinking. Ennis wasn't the kite. For one thing, he never had him in the first place.

Still, there was no mistake that the feeling was there. Jack felt the cold in the pit of his stomach, the way he felt when he was about to lose something or _someone_ he…loved.

Jack walked over to the window where he saw the Golden Gate Bridge, running his free hand through his hair, and exhaled shakily. "I'm here, Ennis."

"You busy?"

A pause, "Not really, but I have to go in a few minutes."

Jack hated to cut off the conversation but he couldn't talk about this no more, the image of Ennis and Alma dating wasn't something he would want to see now. And if he was honest, it did hurt so bad just to think about it.

"Oh," Ennis was taken aback a little at that. He had never been good with starting any conversation. Jack had been doing that role between them and he felt comfortable with the way their friendship was going.

Guess being friends didn't mean he could just call Jack out of the blue and ask for advice about a girl. Jack was busy and he didn't seem to feel like talking. "I'm sorry," Ennis breathed. "Umm…talk to you later then."

There was something in Ennis's voice that pinched Jack's heart. Ennis's voice was that of someone who had reached out his hand but had been slapped and pushed back. Jack was no shrink, he was far from that, but he had been treated like that for his whole life so that he could be an expert if they ever taught that in college. He knew how it felt.

"Wait, Ennis."

"Yeah?"

"What kind of party is that?"

"Um…just a party at someone's house on Russian Hill, rich folks, don't know them though. We have to wear something green and I was wondering…"

"If you could ask Alma out?" Jack said, trying to sound neutral. "I think she'd be thrilled. Wanna talk to her? I can get her on the phone right now. She's…"

"How about you?"

"Huh?" Jack stopped in his tracks, clutching the phone tighter. "What about me?"

"I just wondered if you…well… The thing is, I don't know anyone there but my friend, Mona. I will be there only because Mona asked me to go. Parties are not my thing. She said I have to bring a date. But it will be pretty weird if I just show up with someone whom I've known for like two days or something… But you…I mean…you're her friend and well…I don't know… We're kinda…I mean…" Ennis stuttered, trying to talk and Jack had never heard this much coming from Ennis's mouth. This must be important. "I was just wondering if you can go, too, so… Well, you have any plans for tomorrow night?"

Time seemed to stop for Jack though the clock was ticking and Ennis was waiting for his answer. Jack tried to control his breath and swinging emotions. Ennis wanted him at that party.

"Does that mean I have to find my own date, too?" Jack could finally find his voice.

"Yeah…sort of…"

Jack knew right at that moment that he would do just about anything to be at that party with Ennis, even if it would lure him farther into the dark tunnel where there was no easy way out. He knew where to find a date on very short notice like this, he knew someone who was more than willing to go anywhere with him.

More people would be tangled in this web crafted by his own hand. But damn it, 'cause he didn't know what else he could do.

----------

"What are you people? Seaweeds?" Ennis grabbed Mona by the elbow, leaning over to inquire as he saw all the people in this big house waltzing here and there with their glasses of wine in their green clothes. Mona herself was in a long dress of the same green as Flea's collar.

"You're improving," she pinched his cheek, "I thought you would say we're a bunch of green_ frogs_ or something."

He groaned and heard soft laughter from behind him. Ennis blushed a little as he patted Jack's forearm, "This here is my friend, Jack. That's Alma and Lureen."

"Hi," Jack shook Mona's hand, her green pearl earrings caught his eyes. "Nice earrings. Sorry, I'm not green enough." He gestured to his light green shirt beneath his black jeans jacket with white wooly collar and Mona had to laugh.

"Don't worry. You're greener than someone."

Rolling his eyes, Ennis, in his white shirt with deep green stripes, ignored Mona and walked farther into the house. Mona followed his movement and chuckled affectionately, then she turned to this blue-eyed sweetie, the first mammal with two legs whom Ennis had called a friend.

Jack clapped his hands and smiled broadly, "Well, time to crash the party, I guess."

"Oh yes," she liked him already. "Follow me. Oh, I love your dress!" Mona squealed at Lureen's sparkling green dress with silver threads, hoping she could wear lipstick this red with that moss-green ankle-length dress and still look sexy like her. Lureen simply smiled at the compliment and walked off, tugging Jack's forearm to make him follow her. They followed Ennis to the beverage corner.

Mona hated her already.

"Hi," a little soft voice came from behind and Mona turned to see a cute woman with a pretty face like a doll. She wore a homey-looking knee-length, sleeveless dress in a deep green color. Considering how Lureen's hands were attached to Jack like the tentacles of a squid, this girl must be Ennis's date (Damn, she had been 'an Ennis', now that she related things with animals). Though she wondered why Ennis just walked off without her. Maybe they were just friends.

_Friends? That got Mona's attention. Since when does Ennis have so many friends?__  
_  
"I'm Alma Beers. It's very nice of you to have us here."

That stirred Mona from her thoughts. She waved her hand, "My pleasure. Let's get something to drink. Come on."

It turned out this was a party to celebrate Christmas in advance organized by the group of professional shrinks living in this little rich community in San Francisco. Ennis didn't know if Mona knew all these people but it seemed everybody knew her. A stranger with a ginger mustache even laughed when Ennis explained who had invited him. It seemed his personal shrink was pretty famous around here.

Ennis sipped his beer and handed Jack one when he approached…without his so-called date.

"Where's Lureen?"

"Checking out the ring of some green-headed woman over there."

They glanced at Lureen who was now talking with a group of women with green hair and big diamond rings in the middle of the room and they both chuckled. Jack looked around the fancy house. There were a lot of people. And there, Mona was walking toward them with Alma tagging along. The two of them were stopped by a man who seemed to know Mona and Jack looked away as Alma's fingers curled into a small wave in Ennis's direction. He didn't see whether Ennis waved back. No, he didn't want to see that.

When it seemed Mona, Alma and Lureen wouldn't join them soon, Jack pointed to the quiet corner of the room with his beer. Thank God for the time alone with Ennis, at last.

"So…how're you feeling?"

Ennis shrugged, "Ok. Not my thing, but I'll manage."

Jack laughed, "How come a party sounds so horrible just now?"

"I know. But it's just the way it is. I don't really like being in places with so many people. It makes me…"

Ennis didn't know how he felt. But he knew he was comfortable with just a few people around, Mona or Flea, and he was getting more comfortable the more time he spent with Jack. Standing amidst a sea of strangers made him feel nervous and, despite how it was supposed to be, even more lonely.

Ennis wet his lips, surprised himself with the urge to talk to Jack. He wanted to talk about some stupid, little things that friends shared, something like how his sister always put salt in her Cola or how mind-wracking she was over him throwing dirty clothes all over the room when he could keep the books on the shelf in absolute order. Something like how the Del Mar siblings loved spending time out in the open air on clear, starry nights.

"You…have a brother or a sister?" he started, a bit awkwardly, but Jack eased himself onto the edge of the windowsill beside Ennis, shaking his head.

"Nah, I'm an only child. You?"

"I have a big sister, Carol, and an older brother…a control freak…K.E." Ennis chuckled and Jack smiled.

"Where they are? Here in San Francisco?"

"No, Carol is in Riverton and God knows if K.E. will ever settle down. That man is a seeker. He is now a volunteer in a place called Vanuatu something."

"No kidding! And you mean Riverton as in Wyoming?"

"Yep. She's married with two kids."

"Hey! I'm also from Wyoming! I was in Lightning Flat until I finished high school."

Ennis turned to him and gave one of his shocked stares. "Where the hell is that?"

"Aw, now that's insulting." Jack's shoulder bumped his and they shared soft laughter. "It's near the Montana border."

"I know where Lightning Flat is. I just…"

"You were just fucking with me, I know, Mister."

They were laughing some and Ennis sneaked a look at Jack whose lips were lifted up into a light smile. Jack looked happy to talk, too, and that was soothing.

"You're close with them?" Jack asked.

"Yeah…we were always together after my parents died."

"I'm sorry."

"It was a long time ago." Ennis waved his hand and turned to stare out of the window. The sky was clear tonight as well and he wondered if Carol would see this in Riverton. He wouldn't think about the state of the sky in Vanuatu for K.E. He didn't even know where the heck that place was. But from this windowsill, Ennis could see the stars and the moon so clearly, almost like if he reached out his hand, he could catch them in his palm. Jack followed his gaze but didn't say anything.

"You know when we were young, on nights like this," Ennis said in his soft voice that Jack could listen to all day. "We would all go out and lay on the grass at the back of our uncle's farm, looking up at the sky." _And we could almost see mom and dad smiling down at us_, Ennis continued in his thought.

Jack nodded. He also had spent a lot of time in his childhood looking at the sky, wanting to fly away. That sure was a long time ago but he could still feel the desperation, the sadness of this Jack Twist kid when he knew everything was just out of reach. Watching the sky and day-dreaming about the better life was the only thing he could do back then. Wondering what Ennis was thinking now, Jack suddenly straightened his back, putting his beer down on the windowsill and turning to Ennis, "Let's get out of here."

"What? But…"

"Come on, I know just where we're going."

"Um…" Ennis looked unsure but Jack took the beer from his hand. With the kite, Jack had tried but he couldn't grab it before it flew out of his hand. But with Ennis, he hadn't even given it a try yet. Who knew what the future would hold for them from now on?

"Don't worry about the girls, Ennis. They'll have fun. And I'm sure your friend wouldn't mind."

Ennis knew Mona wouldn't mind but that wasn't the reason he stepped closer to Jack and left the party with him. He wasn't having fun here so why pretend. Hundreds and hundreds of strangers couldn't put his mind at ease like Jack did. Who needed a room full of people when he could just talk with Jack alone under the clear sky?

----------

"Where're we going?"

Jack gave him a wide grin over his shoulder and doubled his speed. They had taken a cable car and took a walk to Ghirardelli Square. Ennis noticed many people, mostly kids and teenagers, headed in the same direction as them. He buried his hands in the warm socket of his coat pocket and increased his pace to a jog when Jack disappeared at the next corner. When he turned the corner himself, Ennis stopped on his tracks. Jack was standing there, his back to the enormous carnival several feet away in Aquatic Park. His grin was big and bright enough to outshine all the colorful lights decorating the place.

Ennis's jaw dropped as he was dragged by Jack into the carnival, through swarms of kids screaming and laughing. After the loud and crazy party in green, Ennis had thought about a quiet coffee shop where they could have a nice and warm espresso and talk. This was the last place on earth he thought Jack would lead him to. It was just as crazy, people all running here and there and the place looked almost like there was a riot. They'd better stayed at the party for at least they got free beers.

But Ennis didn't have time to protest 'cause Jack dragged him further past one of the children's bouncy castles, some more stalls before he stopped. And Ennis found them queuing up at the bumper car line and he had to frown,

"Why are we even here?"

"We're here to play. I think it's pretty obvious." Jack simply shrugged and nodded at Ennis's dumb-founded expression. Ennis looked around. There were kids everywhere, they looked not more than 15 and that made Ennis feel like 62, not 26.

"I feel like a Tyrannosaurus Rex or something."

Jack chuckled, loving how this man always connected things to every sort of animals, this time went as far as something breathing over a million years ago. He didn't have any knowledge in that area. But he'd watched Jurassic Park, he knew what T-Rex was.

"Look, we're among kids," Ennis whispered again.

"I'm sure kids love dinosaurs."

Ennis rolled his eyes, "Then you can be a Diplodocus."

"A what? Can you speak English?"

"I _am_ speaking English. And a Diplodocus is a kind of long-neck dinosaur they found in Wyoming, seeing you want to make kids happy and all. They wouldn't mind having one more dinosaur here."

Jack seemed to chuckle even harder at that. "Is my neck that long?"

A sighed, "I've never been in a place like this since I was like…11, Jack. It's weird…"

"Cause you have skipped that phase of your life after your parents passed away. Now quit grumping and come on here, you Jurassic creature."

Again, he had no time to protest. Their turn had come and Jack dragged him to the black car before he took the red one. The car was a bit small but he could squeeze in nonetheless. Other kids got in their cars, shouting to their friends and making a big production out of it while Ennis studied the button and stuff in front of him. _Shit, he was going to make a big fool out of himself. How could he manage to operate the damn car? __  
_  
There was a sharp whistle from somewhere and, maybe by instinct, Ennis stepped on the pedal and the car jerked off, almost out of control, and bumped into a car that looked like a yellow Mustang. The two cars bumped hard and Ennis thought he had cracked the bone in his neck. The kid in the yellow Mustang smirked, the braces on his teeth shining. He gave a thumbs-up sign in Ennis's direction, "Awesome, dude. You rock for a Barney!"

_A Barney!?!_ Growling, Ennis stomped on the pedal and rushed off after that Mustang. He had no idea what the hell that meant but it sounded insulting.

He followed and bumped that Mustang several more times until he thought the kid wouldn't dare call him 'a Barney' no more, whatever it was. But he also got bumped and sped after other cars, too. It was insane but it was fun. The kids were screaming and shouting and he thought he heard Jack's voice joining in. The upbeat tune and flashing lights in this small arena were all over Ennis's eyes and ears. And the next thing he knew, he was chasing after Jack's red Volvo and laughing fully from his stomach as he bumped Jack's car to the corner.

"Shit!" Jack was speeding after him when he heard the whistle, their round was done.

They played around some more and got into a bet on the basketball-shooting game where Ennis won two dollars. They stopped for a cola and Jack was on his feet again, dragging Ennis to the other side of the archery corner where he found them queuing up at the Ferris wheel line. Ennis opened his mouth but didn't ask, instead he looked up at the big Ferris wheel that was dominating the skyline and just stood there, waiting until it was their turn to get in.

Ennis and Jack sat opposite, the awkwardness, with them both being men and all, slowly disappeared as the Ferris wheel gradually moved higher as more passengers got into the cars. They didn't talk much, Ennis looked out and Jack took that opportunity to look at Ennis when the wind blew his curls. When their eyes met again, they just laughed softly, sharing a joke about how embarrassing it would be if someone saw them here together, playing like some big kids. Ennis mused that if Mona knew, she would make a big deal out of this like it was front-page news.

The wheel now moved higher until they were at the top, alone in the middle of the starry sky. It was like they were floating. They both looked out at nothing in particular until there was no more to see. Finally, their gazes turned in each other's direction again.

"You go to this kind of carnival often?" Ennis asked. Jack's hand dug deep in his jacket pocket as he leant a bit closer to Ennis.

"Not anymore. I was a big fan of the state fair when I was a kid though." Jack shrugged. "You said something about the sky back then and I thought about Morrison Planetarium. But it was closed for renovation. Then…I thought about this place," Jack said, stretching his long legs out until his feet planted themselves on the base of Ennis's seat, trapping Ennis left leg in between. There was no touching but the heat from Ennis's calf and thigh could almost burn Jack alive. He tried to think about something else.

"When I was a kid, I always wanted to fly…I wanted to be out of that small town. My dad thought I was stupid, looking at the sky all day."

Ennis leant back, resting his head against the rail, "It seems we both liked looking at the sky, huh?"

"Yeah…I always thought the Ferris wheel is about the highest place we could get closest to the sky. Well, for a stupid kid like me anyway."

"Nah…not true. You're pretty smart. I didn't even look for some other ways to get closer to the sky even for a little while. Besides…" Their car was at the top of the wheel now and Ennis looked up, his expression soft and peaceful. "The sky really looks closer here."

The wheel was going down and Jack closed his eyes when he felt Ennis's legs stretch his way, brushing his left leg with his. Their calves touched, fire burning, and Ennis didn't move. Jack froze there, right there, willing to burn to ashes with this flaming sensation he wasn't supposed to feel toward the man sitting across from him.

Then the Ferris wheel accelerated, spinning them quickly, and everybody was screaming with excitement and Jack could do nothing except stare at Ennis's curls tumbling in the breeze created by the swift motion of the ride. After a few minutes the Ferris wheel slowed and passengers began to get off. Jack and Ennis were rising slowly again when Ennis's cell phone rang. Jack looked at Ennis's long fingers wrapping around his black Nokia as he looked at the screen. He smiled then, and glanced up at Jack, _Mona,_ he mouthed and pressed the button to answer. Jack looked away to give Ennis some privacy. The view of the Golden Gate Bridge was getting clearer as the wheel gradually went to the top again.

"I'm ok, I'm fine, don't worry about me. Umm…I'm at…ah…Aquatic Park. Yep, I'm with Jack."

Jack turned his gaze back to Ennis when he heard his name, only to find those sweet-as-Mocca brown eyes staring back at him and quickly out to the sky. Jack leant in, planting his elbow on his knee, never averted his eyes from Ennis.

"Where're we? Um…" A quick glance at Jack and away again, "We're…Huh? Jesus, Mona. I am ok, alright? You're worse than Carol sometimes."

The wheel was descending and stopped occasionally as other people disembarked from their cars. Ennis talked more, his eyes bouncing everywhere, dropping some measuring glances at Jack in between. Jack never looked away from Ennis, their calves still touching, and it had been a long aching time, five minutes maybe. Other guys would have knocked him dead by now if he tried some contact like this, like Grant always warned. Ennis was a kind-natured man, he might not do something like that but again….

"Alright. I'll call you. Yeah, yeah, whatever…"

A slight shift of Ennis's body and their jeans-clad calves were rubbing. They both froze and Jack felt goosebumps run up his spine. Suddenly, Jack wanted more. He wanted to tell Ennis everything but he was scared that would break the spell of this cozy moment.

_Ennis isn't backing away from you, is he? Their ride would end and soon the Ferris wheel would stop. The spell would be breaking all over in a minute. Do something, Jack. Talk. Now.__  
_  
"I got something to tell you, Ennis."

Jack didn't know what that _something_ was. That he was gay? Or that he was madly in love with Ennis? Or that he had Ennis's pictures in his cell phone? There were a lot of things he had hidden from Ennis and, honestly, he didn't know where to start.

Jack watched Ennis put the phone back in his pocket and inhaled sharply, feeling naked under Ennis's intensely searching stare.

"I have something to tell you," Jack repeated, composing his strength, "I took your picture."

"Huh?"

Those words were out before Jack could stop and he felt his face burning red. He slumped back against the seat, "I took your picture with my cell phone. I'm sorry if you're offended. I shoulda never done that without telling you."

Silence. The sound of the Ferris wheel moving down was so loud Jack thought it could make him deaf. Jack could feel Ennis shift his body, moving his legs away from Jack's.

"Why would you do that?" The soft voice spoke, almost a whisper, almost like he didn't want to ask that…like he was afraid of the answer himself, like…

They had reached the ground and the spell was completely broken as the Ferris wheel finally stopped moving with a jerk.

"I'm gay, Ennis."

TBC


	7. Chapter 7

**You & Me & a Dog Named Flea** Chapter 7 [Will Chicken Soup Do?  
**Disclaimer** : Annie Prouxl owns the timeless characters in BBM. I'm writing from love and making no profit.  
**Summary** : Altinate Universe Fiction of Ennis and Jack (from Brokeback Mountain) set in San Francisco ; Jack Twist had a chance encounter with a veterinarian one day, didn't know the shy vet, and his black and white terrier, would have a permanent place in his heart.  
**My Deepest Thanks** always to Judy, my ultimate beta!  
**Feedback** : means the world to me:)

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**Chapter 7****  
**  
_Jack was gay._

"I baked these chocolate chip oatmeal cookies last night." A soft laugh that sounded so soft, soft and far away like the voice of the swallows chanting from Telegraph Hill. "It was my second try so it should be better. I put extra walnuts in there, too."

_After playing around like kids, chatting and joking and enjoying the starry night on the Ferris wheel together, Jack Twist told him that he was gay.__  
_  
"You wouldn't imagine what a disaster it was the first time I tried this recipe. I had to throw them all away. It was that bad." The same soft, small voice of a woman was still flowing through his ears, mingling with the unique sound of coffee cups and spoons clanking, the nice smell of coffee drifting in the air.

_And the sadness in his eyes, dimming the blue pool into grey, which seemed to fade even paler the longer the silence stretched between them. He couldn't recall what he felt back then, or what he had said. Did he say something? He really couldn't remember. But he did remember how, for some reason, his body felt light. It was like he was floating out of their Ferris wheel car when it stopped. Yeah, that was what was left in his memory.__  
_  
_But…did he say anything? Or did they just simply say goodnight and go their separate ways? After spending hours playing around and feeling alive like kids again, did they just part? Like that?_

"Oh, look at this, Ennis. They use Bodum Veneziano coffee cups with cappuccino!" The soft voice rose a bit, wanted to regain his attention, maybe. Though, Ennis doubted if he had ever listened to her from the start.

The people at Home Care Elderly Care had called him and told him that they had to postpone the social activity to next week. Ennis was half-glad. He had a cold, not such a bad, I-have-to-see-a-doctor cold, but he had a night shift to cover. With the activity cancelled, he would have all day to allow the painkiller to do its job so he'd be ready for the night shift later on.

Then Alma had called him around nine, saying she had been worried where he'd been. _'I didn't see you at the party at all'_, she had said and asked if he cared to have breakfast with her. He wanted to say no. But when Alma said she had baked him some cookies, he found himself saying yes. It wasn't because of the cookies that they were sipping coffee and sharing small talk now at the outdoor table of this almost-deserted coffee shop, but because Alma's phone call had reminded him how rude he had been to her last night, leaving her behind at the green party like that. Still, she was nice enough to bake him some cookies.

Twenty minutes had passed, with Alma being all animated, Ennis trying his best to concentrate on the topic of their conversation. He couldn't. He really couldn't keep his mind on whatever she was talking about. All his thoughts were still on what had happened last night at the carnival. Ennis just kept his eyes on his espresso. If Alma somehow noticed that he wasn't so keen to talk now, at least it would look like he was enjoying his coffee, which wasn't true. The espresso he usually had at his and Jack's coffee shop was far better. But…it was the best he could do.

"Ennis?"

_It was a hell of a night, he had a great time and laughed a lot. When was the last time he had laughed like that? Ennis couldn't remember. Hell, he didn't even remember the last time he had been to the carnival. If Jack hadn't taken him there, he would have missed a lot of things. Who would think the starry sky could be that close on the Ferris wheel?_

_Jesus,_ Ennis gasped, _now he remembered. He hadn't said anything when they left, not a damn thing. After the Ferris wheel, they had just exchanged a nod, a goodnight, then they simply walked in different directions._

Ennis blinked slowly, taking in how little he had sipped the coffee in the cup despite the long time they had been here. Tracing the tip of his index finger on the rim of the cup, Ennis was buried deeper in his thoughts yet again.

_No, he hadn't just walked away. He had turned to see Jack one more time and that was why he had seen the pair of sad blue eyes looking back at him. Jack had smiled a little when he waved, but it wasn't the same smile Ennis had been accustomed to see. Not his best, not even close.___

_Why wouldn't he say something?__  
_  
"Ennis?"

_Well, what would you say to something like that then? 'Thanks for telling me, Jack. Goodnight'?__  
_  
"Ennis?"

He glanced up to meet Alma's questioning eyes. But before he had a chance to say anything, Flea nudged his ankle, panting and looking up at him with his big brown eyes, pleading for some more cookies.

"You can't eat anymore of this," Ennis whispered as he hauled Flea up on his lap, moving the coffee and cookies plate out of Flea's doggie reach. Alma smiled down at Flea. "He's cute."

"Yeah, and spoilt," Ennis said and rubbed Flea's head, pinching at the excess flesh at his neck. "You're getting fat. You'll need a new collar in a week you keep that up."

Flea whined, leaning more into his touch as he chewed the hem of his shirt. His thoughts were about to fly back to the carnival again when Alma reached out to touch Flea's collar. "This is a nice collar. I like the color."

Flea jumped and barked at her the way he never seen him do with anybody else. Ennis patted him as Alma pulled back her hand with a shocked expression.

"What is it, boy?" He soothed the little dog and squeezed him tighter when Flea barked again, his small body trembling. Now the customers at the nearby tables were looking at them, making their own assumptions about the dog's aggressive behavior, which was pretty unusual for a gentle, domestic Boston terrier like Flea.

Ennis stood up, thinking maybe Flea needed a little stroll. "I'm sorry, Alma. I don't know what happened to him."

"That's ok." She smiled, sheepishly, keeping her hands safely close to herself this time. "I didn't know he bites."

"No, he doesn't bite." A yell from Ennis surprised them both. "Um…I'm sorry. It's just, this is the first time I've seen him like this." Flea was calmer now but still whimpered low in the back of his throat. Ennis cradled him to his chest, "Um…guess I'll have to take him out of here."

"Ok, see you later?" Alma smiled, didn't look at all offended, and handed him the cookies. Ennis smiled back a little and nodded.

"Yeah…thanks for this…" But his mind wasn't really on what he had said. Now he wondered what had happened to sweet little Flea. _Is he sick? Upset about something? Or…simply missing the person who bought him this collar?__  
_  
----------

"Grant?"

"No. It's Lee."

Grunting, Jack buried half of his face into the pillow. This was the last person in the whole universe he wanted to talk to right now. _Achew,_ he sneezed severely again, after a three-minute, comforting pause from the heavy sneeze-wave that had been crashing on him since around three in the morning. Jack snatched a tissue, wiped his quickly-reddening nose and threw it away on the floor, where dirty tissues already formed a small mountain. "Can I have Grant?"

"Brent dumped you, huh? He saw the light, finally."

"Why are you even there, you Carrot-top?"

"Oh, I am invited to this party, unlike _someone_."

"I _am_ invited, too, but you know what, I don't have to talk to you. Can you put Grant on the phone?" Jack said, voice thick with cold and fierce with irritation.

Lee snorted, "Grant's not here. He's in the kitchen, dot-dot-dotting with his boyfriend."

Jack rolled his eyes and leant back down on the pillow; the bed squeaked in disapproval of the sudden action. "I don't care if he is doing dot-dot-dot or dash-dash-dash. I need to talk to him now."

Jack told himself it was the fever that make him sound like a menace, snarling at Lee to drag Grant to the phone from whatever kind of dot-dot-dot he was engaging in with Emile right now. He really needed to talk. He needed someone to tell him that he did something right and that he could still walk tall with his head up even if things did get totally screwed-up between Ennis and him.

Lee grumbled away, then Jack heard footsteps, a door cracking open and shutting, then a familiar deep voice of a man came into his ear. Grant was talking about how long they should keep the jelly in the fridge and Jack felt tears pricking at the corner of his eyes simply from hearing Grant's voice. "Hello?"

"Grant."

"Jack? You sound bad, kid. What's wrong? Cold?"

"Yeah," he sniffed. "It looks like I can't go to the party today, I'm sorry."

"Don't be. Have you taken some pills? You need a doctor?" Grant said in a hurry, concern in his voice.

"Nah…I've taken some painkillers and I guess I will just lie down. It's just a fever."

"What happened? Hanging out late last night?"

"Kind of," Jack sniffed again, snatching another tissue to wipe his nose. "_We_ went to the carnival and I walked home at one in the morning."

"_We_?"

"Yeah…" Jack sighed. "And I told him."

Grant didn't say anything for a full torturing minute. Jack knew he was thinking, or maybe just considering whether he should ask something or give Jack some time to decide by himself if telling Grant was the choice he would want to make. Jesus, it was like turning back the clock. Jack felt like he was back in the Velvet again, talking with Grant in one of the group therapy sessions.

"What did you tell him?" Grant asked finally, slowly and cautiously.

"That I am gay?" Jack sighed into the phone again, louder, shifting his body to seek a cool spot on the sheet. "There's nothing else I could tell him, Grant."

"What happened before that?"

"We talked, on the Ferris wheel."

"The. Ferris. Wheel?" Grant almost yelled and Jack had to pull the phone away from his ear. "You and him were on the Ferris wheel? Alone? When all of this happened?"

"Yeah…." Jack murmured, his eyes hot either from fever or embarrassment, or both.

"Are you sure you're not dealing with a _closet case_ here, Jacky?"

"What do you mean? You don't mean..." Jack sat up suddenly and lay back down just as fast, as the world around him was spinning. He closed his eyes, writhing and groaning as he suddenly felt like he had a thousand tons of bricks on his head. His body was hot with fever and heavy with nausea; he thought he would puke.

"Are you alright?" Grant asked again. "Damn, but you sound so bad. How long were you on the Ferris wheel, anyway? A long time, I guess, seeing how bad you got a cold now."

"Yeah…" Jack coughed once, and twice. "But I'll be fine. I don't remember how long we were there. The ride on the Ferris wheel takes like five minutes, I guess."

"Have you guys talked today?"

"How am I supposed to talk to him after I told him I am gay?"

"You didn't tell him how you feel about him?"

"Jesus, Grant," Jack threw his free hand up in the air. "What's the point? I guess I already chased the man away with the G word."

"Oh, boy. You think he doesn't know?"

Jack didn't answer. His mind went blank for a moment before the reality hit him. Damn right, Ennis would know how he felt. He would do the math and this math was an easy problem that even a four-year-old boy could master;

_Jack Twist said he was gay + he took your picture he likes you. __  
_  
Groaning quietly in his sore throat, he shifted his body again, trying to find a cool spot on the sheet, in vain 'cause the whole bed was burning up. With weak legs, Jack kicked the quilt away, feeling a little more comfortable when the cool air gently brushed on his hot, damp skin. "Grant?"

"A-huh?"

"You think he's…gay?"

"I don't know, Jack. But don't you think it's a little weird that two guys would feel comfortable taking a ride on the Ferris wheel together?"

"We _do_ feel comfortable together, Grant. It might sound weird but I feel like I've known him for a long time. We became good friends in a week…well, not anymore maybe. God…what have I done…" Jack rolled over on his stomach, his words muffled by his pillow.

Grant shook his head, "Don't ever say something like that. I'm proud of you, Jacky. This is the right thing to do. You didn't spend years in therapy sessions to lie about your true self."

Jack rubbed the small tear that was suddenly forming in his eyes again, resting his chin on the soft pillow and sniffed, "So I did something right."

"Yes. God, yes, you're the man. Now tell me what happened on the Ferris wheel when you guys weren't talking. Don't tell me 'nothing', 'cause in that kind of environment, alone, five minutes, something is bound to happen."

Jack tried to remember what had happened. He knew they had talked, then Mona had called Ennis and then…right…something _did_ happen.

"We…" Jack whispered as he recalled the heat burning their touching legs. The Ferris wheel wasn't so comfortable for two grown-up men. Jack was pretty tall himself, an inch over six feet, and Ennis was maybe a bit taller than him. Still, he knew they could manage to sit on opposite sides fairly well without any physical contact—_if they wanted to._

But, no, they both had allowed their legs to touch. And that moment was too personal and too precious for him to share with anyone, even Grant. What had happened there, had to stay there and only in his heart.

Jack remembered the other thing, too. Those eyes, Christ, the way Ennis's brown eyes were on him and away within a second. It was almost like Ennis wanted him to see through his head straight to the core of his soul, but was scared to do so.

"He…" Jack breathed, "he looked at me like he didn't want to look at me. It's like there were brief moments when our eyes met and I thought I almost could read him, but then he looked away like he knew I was trying to figure what he was thinking and he wasn't ready yet. Am I making any sense?"

"I will say it again. Are you sure we're not dealing with someone in the closet?"

"Shit, I don't know, Grant. He doesn't seem like it."

"You never know. What did he say when you got off the Ferris wheel?"

"Nothing. It was late so we just said goodbye and went home."

"This is a very unsatisfactory situation," Grant growled out of frustration. "I would have some idea what's going on if I could meet him. And God knows this really makes me curious about this guy. Brent will kill me if he finds out about all this."

"Nah…he will kill us both…"

"That's very comforting, thank you. Christ, I can't believe I'm doing this. I hope he's worth all this shit. Now tell me where I can find him."

"You must be kidding right?" Jack weakly let out a puff of laughter which died down just as quickly. Grant didn't laugh with him.

"Do I sound like I am kidding?" Grant said tough, his tone strong like a man on a mission. "I am a very determined person and you have no idea how determined I am right now. Who is he? Where's he at?"

Jack opened his mouth to tell him it wasn't a good idea but instead he sneezed, once, twice. He was hot a minute ago but now he felt like he was in a fridge. Cursing with a shaking voice, he used his feet to hook the quilt up to cover himself as he lay down on the hot sheets again.

"You let me handle this while you have a good rest. I just have to meet him. Do you think I will chop him into pieces or something? Come on, Jack."

Jack chuckled at that, "If you say so. Can you check if he…well…if he's sick? I'm shaking like a leaf here, I can't help but think he might be coming down with the cold, too."

"I will. Now quit buying time and tell me."

"Ok, ok," Jack shrunk his neck once more into the boiling pot of quilt. It was hot as hell but as least it kept him from coughing and sneezing. "He's…a vet. His name's Ennis."

"African?"

Jack burst out laughing despite everything, "How about Wyoming?"

"A-ha. So where does this vet from Wyoming work?"

"An animal clinic at…but Grant, you can't just waltz in the vet clinic and talk to him or something. Besides, he works at night. The shift starts at nine."

"Then I'll see him at night after the party's over," Grant said like there was nothing to worry about. "And I ain't gonna just waltz in. I have a cat, don't you remember?"

"Yeah…" Jack sounded weak all of a sudden, he felt sleepy, the medicine he had taken was starting to take effect. But Jack was still worried, "What you gonna do when you see him?"

"Squeeze something out of him about you being gay."

"No!"

"You really think I would do that? Trust me, Jack. I know he's important to you, I won't do anything stupid. But I just have to see him with my own eyes. And I hope, really hope, that he is worth all this shit."

Jack smiled, closing his eyes as he murmured, "He is. Swear to God, Grant, he is…"

----------

Grant Benneth, 38, gay, had been working as a volunteer for the Velvet Club, the club for gays and lesbians for ten years. He was a group leader in the group therapy session. He had met lots of clueless gay men and women but none of them were as gorgeous as Jack Twist, but at the same time, so blindly lost and desperate for love and attention the way Jack was. Jack was always looking for love. Despite his good looks plus charming personality, God knew why, he wasn't so successful in the love area.

Grant was happy when Brent found Jack. Brent was a good man, a lot older than Jack, and seemed to care a lot about him. But after a month of their dating, Jack fell in love with someone else, proving to Grant that there was always a twist when it came to love. Grant wasn't in a position to judge Jack or to scold him. He knew that the feeling of 'falling in love' was beyond the control of anybody. Maybe Jack was with Brent because he needed to be with someone, to feel love and affection that kept the bed warm in the cold night. Brent just appeared at the right time and Jack's only reaction was to cling to the man for dear life, which could be interpreted as meaning that Jack wasn't really in love with Brent. He was in love with Brent's love.

Now that sounded kind of selfish, if he was honest with himself.

Grant closed the last window in the room, looked around the small square room known as group therapy room A at the Velvet Club. Most people had left already. Some of the kids including Lee were sprawling on the couch watching a re-run episode of Project Runway. The room was still messy with junk and leftover food from the party, but that had to wait until tomorrow. It was nine already and he had a mission to perform.

Grant walked to the couch and gently touched Lee's shoulder, whispered near his ear so that it wouldn't bother anyone else who was concentrating on the T.V. screen. "Can you lock the door when you leave? I have something very important to do. Leave the mess, I'll come back and clean this place tomorrow."

"Where are you going?" Lee asked, straightening his back, the dark eye-liner making his green eyes bigger and almost scary. He narrowed his eyes at Grant, "You're going to see that _Jesusfreak_, ain't you?"

Grant just rolled his eyes. Snorting when he didn't receive any answer, Lee sprang from the couch and followed Grant to the front door, chewing the inside of his cheek like it was bubblegum.

Lee, the rock-star-wannabe, who went so far as to name his mother's two cherry-head parrots _Lynyrd_ and inevitably _Skynyrd_, was even more clueless than Jack. Jack was a dreamer, always looked for love. But Lee was the world's worst pessimist. He was never pleased with what he had and envied people with better _anything_, better life, better looks and such. Jack and Lee were like opposite poles, they didn't get along from the first day they met.

Grant remembered it was Jack's second week when Lee show up after his one-month absence from group therapy. Jack was there simply in his simple black T, khaki shorts and tennis shoes. Lee was having a 'gig' that night at the club where he played drums for his band and he was dressed to kill in black and silver with full Marilyn Manson make-up. Anyway, they were fixed to sit together and the first thing Lee said to Jack's offering hand was "Fake lashes?" And from that day forward they would have strangled each other if there was an opportunity.

That was not a nice memory but people tended to remember bad things and that was why what happened that day still stuck inside his head.

"Jack's sick," Grant said calmly and Lee crooked his over-plucked brow, asking for more explanation. "I need to do something for him."

"What thing?"

"Just _something_."

Grant grabbed his car keys and his duffel bag and, with a wave to the kids on the couch, he rushed off. He heard quick footsteps in and out of the room, the door squeaked shut and Lee screamed his name as he opened the front door of his silver Ford Explorer.

"I'm going with you, just in case you need any help." A determined declaration but Grant doubted if that was Lee's pure intention to help. When it came to Jack, Lee could be pretty unpredictable. But he couldn't just tell Lee to go back to Project Runway now that the red-haired guy had gotten into the passenger seat of his car already. Grant shook his head, got in the driver's seat himself, "You tell someone to lock the door?"

"Told Ryan. Freddy said he'll keep the key. Where're we going? This is not the way to Jesusfreak's apartment."

"Have to get Pepe first," Grant simply told Lee as he turned left from Fillmore Street. "And if you don't stop calling Jack that, I'll drop you at your home."

"Why not? It's the short version of Jesusfreak Thickasshit."

"Christ, where did that crap come from?"

"Jack Twist, see the rhyme? It's poetry, Grant." Lee grinned, "It's from the internet. There's this name-calling site I came across today. It's cool! All you got to do is put the name in the box and bang! You got the new name!"

"Lee…"

"Your name is cool, too!" Grant shook his head 'cause he knew Lee would tell him even though he didn't want to hear it. Why did they get to have a name-calling site anyway? "It's Greentits."

"Green...what?!?"

"Cool, isn't it?"

"Just shut up." He grounded his teeth when Lee finally snorted 'alright', his dark-shade-of-lipstick-covered lips pouting.

Grant parked the car in front of his Bay & Bridge Club, was relieved when he heard Lee hum and tap his feet along with the songs from the radio station he had finally decided to settle on after a long time of messing with his radio.

"You wait here, and don't touch a single thing," he warned, gained another cheeky grin from Lee, before hopping up straight to his studio-type room on the second floor of the club. He had asked his assistant to take care of the Bay & Bridge Club tonight so there was no need for him to check things out. Sally had worked with him for a year now and she was reliable. Grant scanned the place and smiled, _there she is_. Pepe, the black and white long-haired cat, looked up from the couch. "Come on, girl, we have a mission to perform."

Pepe was in a good mood tonight, it seemed, 'cause she jumped down from the couch and gracefully walked to him without the slightest annoyance, just meowed away as if to say _'I'm in'_. "Good girl, now come here."

Grant took Pepe to the car and she stomped on Lee's lap, re-claiming her position at her regular passenger seat. She was insisting and Lee had to move and sat half-butted, his back leaning on the door. Grant had to smirk as Lee groaned loudly, his hand waved at Pepe's tail swaying back and forth on his chin.

"I'll take you home first," Grant said, scratching Pepe's neck, and shifted gears. "I'm going near your house anyway."

"I'm going with you."

Grant sighed, "You can't. I have to do something for Jack and I'd rather do it alone."

"No, I'm going with you. Why do you have to take Pepe? What exactly is that something you're doing for Jesu…?" A hard stare from Grant and Lee shrugged, "I mean Jacky-poo. Never mind, I'm going with you anyway."

Grant shook his head. He was cursed. If there was a bad aspect to this volunteer work he was doing with these kids, it was the fact that he had developed a sense of protectiveness toward them. He had become a father with more than a dozen kids. And he _was_ gay, for Christ sake. More than enough people already ignored them and he would be the last person to do the same.

He glanced at Lee, still pouting, and nodded, "Fine, But you won't say a word and you will listen to what I say."

Lee air-zipped his smiling lips, green eyes twinkling like a kid ready to play. Grant chuckled softly, yeah, he _really _was cursed.

The ride to the Pet Haven 24 Hour Animal Clinic, according to Jack's directions, was shorter than he thought. Lee looked out of the window with interest. When he was sure he had read the name of the place correctly, he sent a what-the-hell look in Grant's direction but didn't say anything as promised. Grant nodded, satisfied, then scooped Pepe out of the car and led the way into the clinic.

The animal clinic at nine thirty on Saturday night was 'alive' and 'kicking'. Grant saw two cats in their cages on the chairs at the right wing of the waiting area, with their owners chatting away. The other small woman held her brown Chihuahua and talked to the black woman who stood behind the counter, a paper file in her hand. Pepe was looking around the clinic. She was quiet, maybe was wondering what the heck she was doing here at the vet clinic when she was as healthy as ever.

Right, _damn right_, Grant backed away from the counter and took a seat near the aquarium. Before rushing in like that, he had to figure out why they were here first. He needed a plan. Grant looked down at Pepe and looked around again. The lady with the tiny Chihuahua had gone inside the examination room and the two cats' owners were called to the counter to pay. Lee walked to the aquarium and tapped the glass with the silver skull ring on his middle finger, the _'kong kong'_ sound drew unwanted attention their way and Grant had to stare hard at Lee to keep him still on the seat.

The black woman smiled up at him now and Grant had nothing else to do except smile back at her.

"How is the little cat doing today?" she asked, smiling politely, and Grant, again, had nothing else to do except walk up to the counter, the other two cats' owners were screaming with delight when Pepe was placed there, her body hung low, on the look-out in this unfamiliar territory.

"She is…" Grant shrugged, looking around again for something to say.

"She's not eating," Lee, who he had no idea had followed, blurted out and Grant frowned at him but nodded anyway.

"Yes. She's not eating and…she seems…"

"Sad…" Lee shook his head slowly, rubbing Pepe's ear.

"Sad," Grant echoed.

"And moody," Lee added.

"And moody," Grant echoed, met eyes with Lee and nodded in perfect unison.

"And _horny_," Lee added, again, nodding at the stunned-looking three ladies seriously. Grant wanted to smack Lee's head but he could only jerk his chin toward the chair. Grant rubbed the sweat off his forehead. This was going to be a hell of a long night.

He was told to sign some forms since he and Pepe were new to this clinic, which was not surprising considering it was a fifteen-minute drive from his place. The lady at the counter, whose name he had learned was Martha, gave him a patient card and asked him to wait. It wasn't a long wait. As soon as the lady with the Chihuahua walked out, Grant and Pepe were called into the examination room, with Lee tagging along.

He remembered what Ennis Del Mar looked like from the picture in Jack's cell phone. He had dirty-blond hair that lazily curled along his nape and temple. In the first picture, he was standing and looking down at the floor and in the second picture, he was sleeping soundly like a baby. Grant knew he would notice Ennis, too, if he happened to see him on the street. Ennis Del Mar looked good, solid, strong and yes…those curls. Though he had no idea Ennis Del Mar would have such beautiful, spirited eyes as brown as creamy caramel. That was why he just stood still like a sphinx when Ennis Del Mar gazed up at him with a nod.

"Good evening," the deep voice greeted him as he walked up to Grant and Pepe on the table. "What happened to…um…" Ennis scanned the patient file and his face was painted with a small smile then, "…Pepe..."

"She's horny." Lee stepped in, grinning cheekily and for some reason, skipped the part about Pepe's being sad and moody which of course couldn't escape from Martha notice. She lifted her brow in wonder as Ennis blinked, totally unable to form anything wise to say at that.

Lee opened his mouth but Grant shot him his I'll-kill-you stare before looking back at Ennis Del Mar again. And he had to admit Jack was right, he didn't look gay.

The room went quiet and Grant tried to find his voice under the doubtful stares from both Martha and Ennis, Lee was whistling and that didn't help at all. He realized he was just buying time. What was the point? Even Pepe was looking at him, meowing low in her throat, asking when this would be over so she could be back on her comfortable couch and get a good night's sleep. He should just get to the point and pass the ball over to Ennis Del Mar. Grant cleared his throat.

"Dr. Del Mar. Can I talk to you for a second?"

Ennis glanced at Martha who gave him a clear message that read _'Should I leave you alone with this man with a horny cat?'_ Though he didn't know what the man with the cat wanted from him, Ennis finally nodded. Martha simply nodded back and walked out of the examination room.

"I want some time _alone_, Lee." Grant turned to the younger man, who was still whistling and was really getting on his nerves so that he had to curse himself for bringing him along in the first place. Lee pouted but he didn't look cute enough for Grant to change his mind. "Lee."

"Fine." With that, Lee stomped out of the room like a kid who wasn't allowed to play with his favorite toy. Grant cleared his throat and exhaled long, "Well, Dr. Del Mar, my name's Grant Benneth. I'm Jack's friend."

"Oh," Ennis breathed, stepped back as if to guard himself from the sudden declaration. Then his expression changed from uncertain to concern. "Is he alright?"

"He's had a pretty bad fever since three in the morning, refuses to go to the doctor, stubborn man. I'm here to check if you're ok. He's concerned. But it seems you're doing fine, Doctor, and that's very comforting." Ennis didn't say anything, giving Grant space to add more salt and pepper into the story. "His head hurts and the fever burns. I am going to see him now. You want to join us?"

"I…" murmured Ennis, looking down on the floor. Shit, Jack was sick and that might be because of him. Jack might have spent the night wondering why Ennis didn't say anything after his confession of being gay. He might have spent another hour walking in the cold night after they parted ways, wondering if he had scared Ennis away. _Had he? You scared that Jack is gay?__  
_  
Grant observed Ennis and read a thousand expressions dancing on his face. It was a hell of a moment to notice those little freckles that lay across his nose and cheekbones, but somehow they held Grant's attention, as well as the thin lips that pressed together hard when he was thinking. Little things like that in this man made him look vulnerable and innocent. Ennis Del Mar had a sensitive, fragile soul; with one touch at the wrong angle, he might break into pieces. 

Still, everybody wanted to be found and loved.

Jack had taken a step in and Ennis Del Mar hadn't backed out, yet. He was measuring his feelings. But as Grant figured, the ball was now in Ennis's court. He had to act, he had to move, but a little push wouldn't hurt. _Damn, Brent will kill me dead.__  
_  
"Well," Grant snatched a business card from his wallet, a pen from the table and flipped the card over and wrote Jack's address, "I think he'd be glad to see you. Here's his address."

Ennis dumbly looked at the card in his hand, didn't even look up when he heard the man say something about _'nice seeing you'_ before the footsteps left the examination room.

Lee was nagging but Grant didn't tell him what had happened back there. From this short encounter, he couldn't tell if Ennis was in the closet. But he knew one important thing. This Ennis Del Mar did care about Jack, and he guessed, it was safe enough to let that man hold the ball for now.

----------

It was nine in the morning on Sunday when the buzzer screamed through Jack's silent apartment scattered with mountains of discarded tissues. Groaning, Jack crawled out from under the thick quilt and buzzed open the door, his muscles ached and he thought his skull was about to explode from a fierce headache. He had ordered a pizza, not very healthy but it was the ideal food for a day like today when he had no energy even to open the fridge. He just curled back on the bed when the door opened. "Can you put the pizza on the table? And the money is right there, too. Thanks," Jack muttered with a thick voice, throwing the quilt over his head, when the pizza guy barked… _Barked? What the…?_ Jack sprang up straight on the bed in time to catch Flea who jumped up at him. He sprawled on his back and chuckled as Flea madly stomped on his chest and licked his face and neck, his short tail and whole body shaking with excitement to see him.

"Hey," Jack laughed, rubbing all over his body. He was glad to see Flea, too. "Why are you here, little fella?"

And Jack stopped short as soon as he realized what he had said. There was only one way Flea could be here and that would be… Jack looked up with wide, unguarded eyes. Ennis was there, standing with his back against the closed door, squinting at the morning sun that shone through the curtain behind Jack's bed. He held up a brown paper bag and gave Jack a small shrug.

"Sorry, I don't have a pizza. Will chicken soup do?"

TBC


	8. Chapter 8

**You & Me & a Dog Named Flea** Chapter 8 [Mist and Smoke  
**Disclaimer** : Annie Prouxl owns the timeless characters in BBM. I'm writing from love and making no profit.  
**Summary** : Altinate Universe Fiction of Ennis and Jack (from Brokeback Mountain) set in San Francisco ; Jack Twist had a chance encounter with a veterinarian one day, didn't know the shy vet, and his black and white terrier, would have a permanent place in his heart.  
**My Deepest Thanks** always to Judy, my ultimate beta!  
**Feedback** : means the world to me:)

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Chapter 8 "Mist and Smoke"

"Sorry, I don't have a pizza. Will chicken soup do?"

That phrase echoed in Jack's head over and over again and, like a puppet being controlled by an unseen string, Jack nodded dumbly, his eyes following Ennis to his tiny kitchen corner, watching him put the bag on the table and snatch open the curtain, letting more rays of light into the dim apartment through the full-length window.

Ennis in the sunlight looked so surreal, like the mist that would disappear soon.

That made him think of what Grant used to say about mist and smoke, the similarity and the difference. How both of them could be seen as exactly the same thing from far away, but felt different when you were surrounded by them. Mist was cool and comforting, but smoke squeezed tears from your eyes.

Jack suddenly wondered what Ennis was to him, mist or smoke. Should he back out before he got hurt?

Flea had found his favorite spot at the end of his bed and lay there, chewing one corner of the quilt peacefully, after greeting Jack with enthusiasm and leaving long scratches on his arm. Jack played with the dog's soft hair and looked up to meet Ennis's brown eyes. Ennis took in Jack's messy bed-hair that pointed up at odd angles, his red nose and hooded pale blue eyes and he frowned, "You look like shit."

Laughing, Jack combed his hair with his fingers, "Well, what do you expect? I'm a sick man."

"May I?" Ennis gestured to the kitchenware, which Jack didn't have much of, and Jack nodded again, didn't know what else to do. When Ennis just showed up in his room, how the heck was he supposed to think about anything else?

_Ennis, in his kitchen, warming a bowl of soup for him_…God damn, who would think this would be possible. Jack kept his eyes on Ennis, not really Ennis, but Ennis's back. He didn't realize how much time had passed until the welcoming smell of chicken soup touched his nose. Jack totally forgot he was sick. His mind traveled back to the last time he had eaten homemade soup. It was on last Thanksgiving maybe, that Mrs. Page, his kind neighbor, brought him some tomato soup that she claimed was her original recipe.

_Homemade?_ Jack wasn't sure if Ennis's soup was homemade or it was the canned soup. But he didn't mind, the most important thing was…Ennis was here. But he had to admit that the smell roused his appetite. He'd hardly eaten anything since last night 'cause it hurt to swallow every time he tried to eat. Now his stomach rumbled, ready for some action.

Jack admired Ennis some more, loving what he saw; broad shoulders and back, narrow hips, long legs. His solid, lean frame glowed in the sunlight, the sight almost made him blind. Jack inhaled shakily and froze, then exhaled in a series of chest-bending coughs. Shit, the headache came back now, as well as the muscle pain and the sore throat. Oh God, Jack lay back on the bed, he hated getting sick like this.

"You seen a doctor?" Ennis asked, clearing some papers off the small round table and putting the bowl there. Jack squinted one eye open, taking in the steam from the soup filling the cold, dim room, making it more like home.

"Nah…" He tried to sit up, "I'll be alright."

"Can you…?"

"Yeah, thanks." Jack slowly got up and walked to the table. Flea stopped his chewing and jumped down from the bed, following Jack like a shadow. "Wow, it looks good."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," Jack nodded, stirred the soup with the spoon. Ennis's soup was colorful with the yellow of potatoes, the green of beans and the orange of carrots and it smelled like heaven. "What's this? Minestrone?"

"Kinda, with chicken."

"I don't see any chicken."

"It's in there…" Ennis shrugged, "…somewhere."

Jack chuckled, tasted the first spoonful and moaned quietly in appreciation. This soup tasted even better than he had imagined. "This _is_ really good. Where's it from?"

"That small diner near the clinic. They got the best soup. I wish I had their recipe." Ennis dragged the other chair from near the window to sit across from Jack.

"You cook?"

"Since I was thirteen. But nothing fancy."

"No, shit." Jack stared at him with a disbelieving expression. Ennis just leant back on the chair, smiled a little.

"Learnt that from my sister. She and K.E. worked late every night. Had to take turns cooking.

"K.E.? Your brother?"

"Um…"

"I can't cook shit. Open cans, yes, but cook?" Jack shook his head, "Guess I'd set the kitchen on fire."

Ennis relaxed more into the chair as he took the opportunity when Jack was concentrating on the soup to look around the room, his feet playing a little game of hide and seek with Flea.

Jack's apartment was small, the living room with a creamy comfortable-looking sofa with brown throw pillows greeted him when he first stepped into the room, along with the television that was maybe twice as big as his own. Divided roughly by a waist-height bookcase, Jack's bedroom area shared the space of the living area at the far end on the left side. The tiny kitchen counter and a white round table and two chairs owned the space on the right side which, from where they were sitting now, had a view of the green park from the full-length window at the far end of the kitchen.

"You got a nice place."

"Thanks. I love that I can see the park from here," Jack said, his voice still worryingly thick with illness, then wiped his mouth. He had finished with the soup and drank water from the bottle.

"God, my head hurts and I've taken about a dozen painkillers."

Ennis gasped, "That's not good. I think you should see a doctor."

"Maybe if I'm not getting better tomorrow, I will. Shit." Jack groaned as he walked back to his bed, alarm in his face as he saw for the first time since Ennis got here how untidy his apartment was, the small mountain of discarded tissue didn't count. "Sorry about the mess."

"It's ok."

Jack took in the state of Ennis as he welcomed Flea who jumped up on his lap. Ennis was leaning on the bookshelf, arms crossed, and he looked fine despite the weariness from working all night. "Are you saying you don't feel sick at all?"

"I had a headache and a runny nose but it was gone after a couple of painkillers and six hours of sleep."

"Guess that's the key then. I really couldn't sleep after…" Jack trailed off and cleared his throat instead when he realized that what he was about to say would open a can of worms. They went quiet and Ennis shifted his weight back and forth from one leg to the other, looking nervous. Despite the tension that had started to build around Jack and Ennis, Flea lay down in the middle of Jack's lap, resting his head on Jack's thigh, and sighed contently. Ennis chuckled,

"Now he's back to normal."

"What happened? He's sick, too?" Jack's brows knotted. "Does the virus go between humans and dogs, by the way?"

"Nope, he's fine. And no, the cold and influenza virus in human can't be transmitted to a dog. But he was weird yesterday. He barked at Alma and looked like he was gonna bite her."

Jack's brows knotted even more, if that was possible. _Ennis and Alma? Together? Yesterday?_

"You…and Alma…dating or something?" Jack asked in a small voice, couldn't help it. Ennis looked at his searching stare, "She baked me some cookies."

Jack laughed bitterly, throwing his hands in the air, "What are you suggesting? That it would make a difference if I baked you some damn cookies?" Ennis's eyes got wider at that and Jack had to put his head in his hands, whispering low, "Why are you here, Ennis?"

"I…You're sick."

"I'm not a dog, Ennis. You know you can't fix me."

Ennis was mock-stunned at that. The only sound in the room was Flea's whining. He must have sensed something wrong so he tried to scoot even closer to Jack, the only way he knew to comfort people. Sighing, Jack rubbed Flea's ears, pretended to fiddle with the quilt at the side of the bed, trying to look like he was going to take a rest. But then he stopped and locked eyes with Ennis.

"You know I spent almost two years in and out of therapy sessions? It wasn't easy to accept that I'm…like this. Two years, Ennis. It was a rocky road but I've traveled it and I'm not going back again. I'm not going to lie again." Jack took a deep breath. "I like you, Ennis. And if you're showing up here just to prove that me being gay is ok with you, then you have to know that at the same time you're giving me hope."

Ennis opened his mouth to speak but stopped. He didn't know what to say to that. They had both been acting like there was nothing going on between them since the minute he'd arrived here, talking about stuff and all. But it was hard not to notice now that Jack had told him how he really felt, Jack had asked if things would be different if he baked him some cookies. _Would Ennis accept how he felt?_

Ennis clutched tightly at the edge of the bookshelf. The same feeling he had felt when he got off the Ferris wheel on Friday night came back, his body was light as a feather. He had to hold on to something or else he thought he would float up and bump his head on the ceiling.

Ennis swallowed again and Jack coughed, leaning on the headboard with the quilt over his chest, looking fiercely at Ennis. But Ennis just shook his head, and paid attention to his black shoes as if they were something very interesting.

Jack shifted and let Flea crawl down from his lap to continue his chewing on the quilt. He planted his feet on the floor, Ennis was standing just an arm-length from him and Jack had to stop himself from reaching out and touching him.

Ennis responded to his movement by looking up, "I just don't understand…I…" He stammered, "I'm boring as hell. My ex divorced me in the first year of our marriage. I have no hobbies. I don't like parties…I… I look in the mirror and all I see is just this man in black and white. I don't get it…why would someone like…you…well…"

"Why not?" Jack was on his feet and in one long stride, he was standing in front of Ennis who tensed up visibly, what he wanted to say disappearing instantly at that minute.

Ennis's breath was quickening as they just stood there facing each other, not speaking. It seemed like hours. Jack's face was so close that he thought he saw his own reflection flickering on the surface of the crystal blue eyes, like that on the water.

"Not true," Jack tenderly caressed the sensitive skin under Ennis's eyelashes with his thumb, so soft as if he was afraid to break him. "I see gold…in here."

Ennis felt like he was standing on the edge of a cliff, and with the impact of something even as light as a gust of wind, he knew he would fall. His heart raced madly when Jack palmed his cheek, breath hissing as the warmth from that touch seeping into his skin, the warmth from a man's hand which somehow was sending butterflies in his stomach flying like dust whirling in the storm.

"Jack…" Ennis whispered as Jack touched along the freckles splattered on his cheekbone, mapping a trail of fire. Stumbling a step closer, Jack raised his free hand to clench on Ennis's shirt collar, clenched then unclenched as the hand palming Ennis's face moved, fingers crept up to tangle into the blond curls.

Their foreheads touched, warm ragged breaths mingled. Ennis seized Jack's wrist, his other hand clenching tightly on his sleeve, clinging to the last straw, clinging on the edge of the cliff, clinging on to Jack.

Their noses touched, trembling hard.

"Jesus, Ennis…" Jack's voice was broken, he was drowning in the wild river of desire but still trying to hang on to the rock. "You got to stop me."

"I…"

"This is what I've wanted, since the first time we met. I can't…I…"

Their lips brushed and they both gasped. Jack moaned painfully and impossibly, grinding his writhing body into Ennis, melting, burning. "Push me away…just…God…"

Ennis couldn't move a muscle, Jack's hot pants and violent, painful moans were boiling the blood in his veins and melting his senses. He was going to fall down and damnit he just froze there when his mind was shouting for him to push Jack away. But he couldn't.

With a desperate grunt, Jack crushed their lips together, swallowing whatever Ennis wanted to say into his mouth, hands clasping tightly on the back of Ennis's head, locking him right there. He sucked in Ennis's lower lip, poured all his feeling, the devastation, the hunger to touch, to feel, and to love this man into that kiss. Whining low, Jack nudged Ennis's lips, asking for entrance for his tongue, asking if there was even a small place for him in Ennis's heart, if Ennis could love him just a little bit?

Ennis grabbed the back of Jack's collar tightly like an anchor for this wild sailing. The world was shrinking down to just Jack's hot mouth on his, the way he smashed their lips and noses together until there was no room to breathe. Just when he thought he was going to faint from the lack of air, Jack pulled out but only to kiss him again from a different angle. Ennis moaned and gasped for air as Jack's aggressive tongue pushed in. And that was like a kick in his gut.

Gathering strength in his limp, uncontrollably shaking body, Ennis yanked Jack off by his collar. Their lips parted and Jack's weak legs gave way almost instantly. Cursing, Ennis enveloped the boneless Jack, panic gripping him when he felt Jack's hot body burning in his arms. "Shit, you're burning up!"

"Now that you mention it, I think I need a doctor…"

"Jesus." Ennis half-dragged Jack to his bed, dumped the quilt on him and snatched his cell. _God, what do I do now?_ Ennis looked through his cell roughly, he only had the numbers of a few vets and a shrink. But he needed a doctor. He groped for the yellow pages instead and called the first name he found. The lady said her clinic was closed on Sunday, besides she was living out in Orange Country. Ennis called the next number but the boy said it was a Laundromat.

He heard Jack groan and saw him bury his face in the pillow so he threw the yellow pages away and called Information. The woman gave him the number of On Call, a 24-hour emergency service with doctors who made house calls. The doctor just grunted at Jack's address and said she would be there in ten minutes.

Ennis wasn't really sure if Jack needed that thick quilt. He was burning up with fever, maybe he was better off without it.

"Jack," Ennis grabbed Jack's arm, trying to wrench away the quilt in which he was wrapped up like some kind of mummy. Jack complied and let Ennis peel the thick fabric off him, his liquid, heavy-lidded eyes on Ennis.

"Ennis," Jack whispered, "do I scare you?"

"Don't talk right now. You're very sick."

"Do I?"

Sighing, Ennis finally managed to peel the quilt off Jack's upper body. "No."

"Did I screw up? Did _we_ screw up?"

"Just rest, ok? You're burning up. The doctor will be here in ten minutes."

"You know what, you can't stop me. I will talk 'til the end of the world, even God can't stop me. Hell, I'm delirious. Yes, I'm fucking delirious. So I can say everything I damn well want to. You hate me? That I'm gay?" Jack asked and coughed, his whole body shaking. "You dating Alma? Shit, you're dating her, right? Tell me you…" He coughed again, harder.

"Jesus, now you'_re_ scaring me. Stop talking, you'll spill your guts out coughing."

"Just fucking tell me."

Shaking his head, Ennis bent closer, "No, we're fine. No, I don't hate you. No, I'm not dating Alma. And no, you're not delirious. Now stop talking. You have some towels?"

Jack pointed to the bathroom and Ennis found a washcloth in a cabinet, put some ice and water into a bowl and the next thing he knew he was wiping Jack's face under the close observation of Flea, who scooted closer to rest his head on Ennis's thigh. "This should help."

Ennis had never taken care of a sick person before, sick dogs, yeah, but not human beings and his ex-wife was never sick. His brows knotted involuntarily in concentration as he moved the towel down on Jack's neck, felt Jack's breath hot on his hand. Jack's small sigh escaped his parted lips. "Ennis?"

"Hmm?"

"Are you…" He paused, then shook his head. "Nothing…"

Though he wasn't familiar with taking care of sick people, Ennis remembered what being sick felt like. He'd had severe tonsillitis once during his college days when he was living alone in the dorm. It was freaking torture. He'd missed Carol's pampering the way he never had before and he remembered crying like a baby simply because he had dropped a pill into the sink.

"I'm here," he whispered, palming the wet cloth on Jack's cheek, the only thing that separated their skins. "And Flea is here, too. Wait for the doctor, ok?"

Jack nodded slowly, his body sagged deeper into the bed.

The doctor kept her word and buzzed on Jack's buzzer ten minutes later. She was a plump woman with thick glasses in her 40s, maybe. As soon as Ennis opened the door, she walked straight to the bed with her big medicine bag.

"How long has he been sick?" she asked as she took Jack's temperature. Ennis opened his mouth to speak but she held up her hand to stop him. "His temperature is very high. 101.5."

Ennis cradled Flea and looked over her head to Jack on the bed, wincing when the doctor looked into Jack's open mouth, sticking something that looked like a piece of wood into it. "It's strep throat…" she said. "…plus a cold. He will need some antibiotics. The fever will be broken within 24 hours and he should be able to run up the hill in a few days."

She turned to dig into her medicine bag as Jack craned his neck to the side, groaning and looking pretty weak.

"He needs to drink lots of water." She looked at Ennis over her shoulder. "And this cool washcloth would help bring down the fever. And you need to change your T-shirt, young man. It's soaked."

Jack nodded and sat up. He was about to take off his damp-with-sweat T-shirt when he sneezed. Cursing, Jack snatched a tissue to wipe his nose. The doctor waited until he was done with that. But before she had the chance to say anything more, Ennis sneezed so hard Flea startled from his peaceful nap in his arms, barking like someone had intruded into his space.

_Shit_, he covered his nose with his sleeve, wide eyes met with the doctor's narrowed stare and Jack's surprised – and amused - blue eyes. Jack's face turned red when the doctor scrutinized him. She turned back to look at Ennis and he felt his own face burning under that I-know-what's-happening-here stare. The doctor gave him her small smile and patted at the nightstand where the bowl with cool water sat.

"Well," she looked between Jack and Ennis again and put some medicine on the nightstand, too, then turned to Ennis fully. "You can do this for him later then. Make sure he takes every pill according to the prescription. And take care of the fever with this cool towel."

"Ah…" Ennis opened his mouth and again was stopped by the doctor holding out her hand. "It's ok. I think it's cute you taking care of each other. I'll see him again in a week if you want me to, but I think he will be ok by then."

Ennis just nodded as he listened to the doctor, didn't dare to look at Jack, who seemed to lie back down on the bed. She packed her stuff and leant closer to him, smiling, "Oh, and make sure he is kept warm but change his clothes for him if they get soaked with sweat, too. Nothing you can't handle, I believe."

_Great._ Ennis quickly handled the payment and sent her out the door when the buzzer rang again. It was the pizza guy. He waltzed into the room, declared the type of the pizza he was handing over to Ennis as his naughty eyes sneaked a look around Jack's small room. He must have seen Jack lying on the bed, or if he hadn't seen him then he would have heard small whines coming from that direction anyway. To Ennis, it was a kind of whine that came out of discomfort. But who the hell knew what the pizza guy thought.

"Thank you, sir," he said cheerfully when Ennis handed him the money. "Enjoy your pizza. I'll lock the door on my way out!"

_Just great._ Ennis chewed the inside of his cheek as the door banged shut. He walked back to Jack's bed where he was asleep, boneless as a jellyfish.

"Jack," he sat on the bed, shaking his shoulder. Flea jumped up, barking, too. "Come on. Don't fall asleep on me yet. You need to change that shirt, it's soaked."

"Umm…"

"Come on, Jack." Jack tried to open his eyes, took off his shirt and changed into the old white t-shirt Ennis had found in the closet. Ennis worked with difficulty, hindered by Jack's weight, limp arms and Flea's over-the-top curiosity. But he managed to change Jack into the dry shirt, made him take the medicine and buried him in the warmth of the quilt again.

Jack fell back to sleep as soon as Ennis let him be. But it sure wasn't the best sleep 'cause he was still burning up with a 101.5 degree fever. Flea also settled down quietly now at the end of the bed and for the first time Ennis had a chance to exhale with relief.

He looked at Jack's sleeping form and got up to add ice to the water. The clock struck ten and they would need lunch soon. He put the towel on Jack's forehead and just sat there at the edge of the bed for a moment before averting his attention to something else in the room.

Ennis saw a brochure with a picture of a snow-covered resort and a man in thick red winter clothes wearing silver goggles flying with scissors legs, his skis and poles pointing into the air in four different directions. He read the cover; welcome to Alpine Meadows, Lake Tahoe, CA. Um…Was Jack planning some ski trip?

Ennis put the brochure down and saw some more letters and postcards around the same place. One postcard was lying face down, presenting a woman's neat handwriting to him right there. It said, "Jack, honey, would you come home for Christmas? Love, mother." Ah, he was not the only one who'd been nagged to go home for Christmas.

He scanned Jack's room again. It was a typical place for a bachelor, nothing too fancy and unmistakably messy. Ennis smiled and kicked one of the magazines that was lying face down on the floor. There were no pictures of Jack with his family or friends and from the looks of the other stuff, like a bicycle resting near the door or a toothbrush he saw on the sink in the bathroom, it was pretty obvious Jack was living here alone.

Ennis looked down at the bed again, Jack was sleeping with Flea curled beside him, his breath even but a little rough. He had some difficulty breathing from the cold. His full lips parted slightly.

_…Did he just think about full lips?  
_  
The room went quiet and the reality came back to Ennis like a rewind tape of an old movie. He was now seeing things in black and white.

Jack kissed him.

Jack kissed him and he let it happen.

They kissed.

He didn't really kiss back, but didn't push Jack away either. He could still feel Jack's tongue inside his mouth and that sent a shudder through his body. What happened to him? _Was he gay?  
_  
_Gay?  
_  
_But I ain't into men._ Ennis looked back at Jack's sleeping form, his hand aching to feel the softness of Jack's black hair. He fisted his hand, nails digging into his palm. It didn't hurt enough so he gave in to the urge. _He wasn't into men but Jack's thick hair looked so soft he wanted to feel it through his fingers. Jack who liked him.  
_  
Reaching out, Ennis let the tips of his fingers create a journey along the curve of Jack's forehead, brushed a strand of hair away and gently combed Jack's hair up. It was as soft as he thought it would be. Ennis moved his fingers down Jack's thick eyebrow to his ear, drawing an invisible line down to his jaw. _He wasn't into men but Jack's stubbled jaw tickled his finger tips, tempting him to feel more of it.  
_  
Jack sighed, turned his head in Ennis's direction, long lashes fluttering, and he was still again, resting deeply in dreamland, exposing his smooth, sweat-glistening neck. Ennis's fingers followed the outline of the bone under Jack's skin down, down onto his collarbone. Then, without really thinking about anything, Ennis felt his upper body being bent down as some unnamed force pulled him in. He didn't need a guru like Newton to tell him about gravitation theory 'cause as naturally as a ripe apple falling from the tree, Ennis moved closer to Jack and brushed the lightest kiss on his neck. _He wasn't into men but Jack's skin under his lips felt fine. Jack who saw 'gold' in him.  
_  
Ennis looked at Jack closely again, rubbing the knuckle of his finger on Jack's parted lips, the simplest gesture that wasn't near earth-shattering. But Ennis knew he had crossed the line.

----------

Jack remembered he was woken up to eat something that tasted like pickle then he was told to drink lots of water and to swallow some pills. He heard himself groaning and coughing before he fell back to sleep again. It felt like eternity that he drifted in and out, seeing stuff under his eyelids but not being sure if it was real or if he was just dreaming. He saw Ennis. He remembered cuddling Flea before the dog wrenched himself out of his arms to play with the quilt. Then he saw his mama, cooking something at the stove and turning to smile at him, her eyes sad. She wanted him to go home for Christmas, but he didn't want to. He wanted to see her, eat her cherry cake, but the image of his old man, who forever sat at the table like some kind of wax man in some dark, quiet-as-a-graveyard museum, drove the thought away.

Christmas was supposed to be a happy time. Why being miserable in the middle of nowhere? Besides, he had other plans, a ski trip with Brent.

Brent. _Shit.  
_  
The thought stirred him and Jack restlessly turned on his back, breathed in the smell of pizza and popped his eyes open. Ah, his nose was still working alright after all. The room was in a blur and he had difficulty making things out. There was a man sitting on the chair near his bed and he was eating a piece of pizza.

Jack rubbed his eyes, his head still hurt but the fever had gone down. He smiled lazily, "Ennis?"

"Don't get up too fast, Jacky. How're you doing?"

No, it wasn't Ennis, Ennis never called him Jacky. Jack looked up at the hand that was pressed on his forehead and back at the owner of that hand. Grant was leaning in, his face serious. "Better. Now come eat something."

Jack simply nodded, "I need to pee."

"Go on. Watch your step."

He let Grant help him to stand up and he took the opportunity to look around. There was no sign of Ennis and Flea. _Had he been dreaming? Had it been Grant here all along?_ A quick glance Grant's way and Jack encountered one of Grant's knowing smiles. "_He_ left 20 minutes ago. Said he had to run, he's got the night shift in a few hours."

So he wasn't dreaming. Jack let out a small smile as he eased himself into the bathroom, relief washed over him like rain.

So Ennis really was here.

Jack ended up washing his face and neck and rinsing his hands, too, and felt a lot more human as he stepped out to Grant, who had poured some more soup into the bowl for him. Seeing it was four in the afternoon, he guessed this would be his dinner. It was corn soup, his favorite instant soup from Campbell which Grant might find in the cabinet.

"Got you some cornbread, too. Here."

"Thanks, I feel like a pig with everybody coming to feed me." Jack took a bite. It was good despite the pain in his throat that was still there when swallowing. "Um. It's good."

"How are you gonna go to work tomorrow?" Grant asked, taking a bite of the pizza in his hand. Jack looked down wondering if this was the pizza he had ordered.

"Guess I will be fine come tomorrow."

"Good then. So when did Dr. Del Mar here?"

Jack ate the soup and shrugged, "Around nine, I guess. God, I thought I'd been dreaming about him being here when I saw you."

"You guys talked?"

Jack shook his head. "I was busy being sick, Grant." Grant chuckled at that. "But yeah, we talked some."

He watched Jack eating in silence for a while, had to wonder what had happened here between the two men. Well, maybe nothing had happened much, like Jack said, he was sick.

"So you just…" Grant looked up, trying to find the right words to say. "…rolled around like a sick dog when Dr. Doolittle was here? Damn, you know I had to drag Pepe to the clinic to help stir Ennis up and you tell me you guys didn't even talk things out?"

Jack smiled sheepishly, blowing the steam from the hot soup. Then he stopped short when he remembered something else that had happened.

"Shit," Jack's eyes were wide like a deer in the spotlight, the spoon dropped from his hand. "Holy shit."

"What?"

Wide eyes turned to Grant, "I kissed him."

"You kissed him!?!"

"Fuck."

"Damn, Jack," Grant slumped on the chair, shaking his head in disbelief. "Just…damn. I don't know what to say."

"That my life is fucked up?"

Grant sighed, "Life sucks all over, boy. The deal is what you're gonna do with it."

Jack rubbed his face, "I don't know what the hell I'm doing anymore."

Grant observed the clueless Jack Twist, wanted to help but knew it was better to leave it to him. "Jack, I'd say listen to what your heart says. But you must remember every action has consequences."

"I hate consequences," Jack murmured into his palm, feeling all the headache and nausea back in him again.

"Nothing comes for free, boy."

Jack knew that perfectly well. When he decided to join the Velvet Club, his friends from college turned their backs on him. When he told his parents about being gay, his old man didn't speak to him ever again and dumped his stupid, selfish-accusation on his mom, leaving her miserable. And if he wanted to really be true to himself once again this time and went after Ennis, who knew what else he would lose, let alone the strong possibility of a broken heart.

He'd lost Brent, the man who had been nothing but good to him, for one thing.

And Alma would hate his guts, too. And God knew what the damage to Grant and Brent's friendship would be if things turned ugly.

Damn, the cons were outweighing the pros as bright as day.

But Jack had learnt long ago that waiting wouldn't bring the sky closer. And Ennis Del Mar meant so much to him that he was going to reach out no matter how hopeless it might seem.

You never knew if the haze around the corner was mist or smoke, unless you stepped in and felt it.

TBC


	9. Chapter 9

**You & Me & a Dog Named Flea** Chapter 9 [Are You Happy?  
**Disclaimer** : Annie Prouxl owns the timeless characters in BBM. I'm writing from love and making no profit.  
**Summary** : Altinate Universe Fiction of Ennis and Jack (from Brokeback Mountain) set in San Francisco ; Jack Twist had a chance encounter with a veterinarian one day, didn't know the shy vet, and his black and white terrier, would have a permanent place in his heart.  
**My Deepest Thanks** always to Judy, my ultimate beta!  
**Feedback** : means the world to me:)

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"Mister?"

Jack looked up at Bruno, the Argentine mailman who had just handed him the orange envelope, smiled as he picked it up. "Gracias."

"De nada."

Jack nodded, he always loved to speak a little Spanish with the man. It was strangely making him feel good especially on a grim day like this when the sky turned dark and the grey clouds hung low making the day almost turn into night. He was still suffering from a sore throat even though, thank God, the fever had broken and the storm of sneezes and coughs had passed through already. Grant hadn't eaten up all the pizza after all last Sunday so he had brought it to the office today, along with a small pack of medicine of which, he heard, the doctor told Ennis and Ennis told Grant to tell him that he needed to take every single pill. _Great_, Jack thought with wariness. He hated being sick. It made him feel weak and not himself and that was why he couldn't control his body and, worse, his brain on that fateful morning when Ennis was with him.

Who the hell could have predicted that he would jump Ennis's bones like that anyway? He didn't plan it, it just happened. Like…science. Hydrogen plus oxygen equals water, like that. He had no way to prevent it. Besides, it had happened, he couldn't fix it. Ennis might now fly away from him, as far as to the Moon where there were no homosexual aliens. Hell, he might not need to go as far as the Moon or the Planet Mars. He could take the easier, faster and _closer_, route to the Planet Alma Beers instead.

Jack looked at Alma from the corner of his eyes. She was staring hard at the computer screen, biting her pink lips in pure concentration. She had brought some cookies to him, saying she had baked them for fun on Saturday morning but Jack knew they were the cookies from the same batch Alma had baked for Ennis. He had a bite of one, it was good, and he had to wonder about Ennis's reaction when he ate them. The thought made Jack swallow down the rest of the cookie in his mouth, wash the sweetness away with the bitter espresso and excuse himself back to his desk.

Even if he was to bake some cookies for Ennis, Jack doubted Ennis would be able to eat them 'cause he was sure they would taste pretty much like cow shit, let alone he might end up setting the kitchen on fire. How the hell could he be compared with Alma? Who would be stupid enough to choose Jack Twist over anybody else when his own father didn't even want to see his face?

Shaking his head, Jack opened the orange envelope. It was too late to feel sorry for himself or to change lanes and make a U-turn. He had decided he would reach out for Ennis. He was pretty sure Ennis knew how he felt about him by now with that kiss (God how he wished Ennis wouldn't catch the bug from him). And the fact that Ennis didn't knock him over or kick him into next week gave him a bit of hope. Now what he could do was give Ennis some space and then he would go to see him. They still had to work together, right? He just hoped it wouldn't be too awkward the next time they met.

Shit, but before that, there was something else he had to do, needed to do.

Jack grabbed his cell phone and searched for Brent's number. _I'm sorry, Brent._ He took a deep breath and pressed the call button. _You deserve someone better than me. I'm a cheating dumbass_. The sound of the dial tone rang very loud in his ear and vibrated every corner in his whole body. But this dumbass couldn't ignore the powerful force that was melting his insides into lava from just thinking about those eyes, the sweet-as-Mocca brown eyes that looked at him with all the gold in the world. _I am in love, the feeling older than the earth itself. There is no control over this. I'm really sorry, Brent, please don't hate me.__  
_  
The dial tone stopped, Jack's heart almost stopped, too, when he heard the 'click' sound and Brent's familiar caring, low voice;

_I'm sorry, friends. I'm engaged in something right now. Leave me a message and I will get back to you as soon as I can. Thanks and have a nice day.__  
_  
Hell, Jack closed his eyes and thumped his forehead on the desk. He thought he would die the minute he heard Brent's voice. Exhaling shakily, Jack stiffened his back; he needed to say something. Jack looked around for that something and sighed into the phone and stuck to the normal pattern to leave message.

"Brent, Hi. It's Jack, well, you know that." He laughed then stopped. "I…We…I have a very important thing to say. We need to talk. If you have time, please call me back. Or I can call you again tomorrow. Or I can…" _BEEP_

Shit. The line was dead and he felt no better.

----------

_Strep throat is caused by the bacterium Streptococcus pyogenes (group A Streptococcus). Although a sore throat is a telltale symptom of strep throat, not all sore throats are caused by this bacterial infection. In fact, most sore throats are the result of viruses.___

_Other strep throat symptoms include red and white patches in the throat; lower stomach pain; fever; general discomfort, uneasiness, or an ill feeling; loss of appetite; nausea; difficulty swallowing; tender or swollen lymph nodes in the neck; red and enlarged tonsils; headache; and a rash that is often worse under the arms and in skin creases (scarlet fever).__  
_  
Um…

_Scarlet fever?__  
_  
Frowning, Ennis rubbed his chin absent-mindedly, flipping the page of the health journal he found lying randomly on the lobby desk in front of Mona's office, wondering how little he knew about a human being's body when he was also called a doctor. He must have been staying with animals for too long. Well, that was because he was a vet, wasn't he?

He didn't know why he read this article. Well, he _knew_. But he didn't want to put too much emphasis on it, didn't want to think that he thought about Jack and was worried about his sickness. He told himself that he just read the damn article about strep throat because it was the only thing to keep him company while he waited for Mona's lunch break. Besides, he'd rather read about what he could relate to more than something about Patient Privacy and Ethical Obligations in El Salvador and the like.

_Strep throat responds quickly to antibiotics. Although the illness is relatively common, that doesn't mean it can't be dangerous. Untreated strep throat can lead to the serious disease rheumatic fever, although this happens only in rare cases._

Scarlet fever and now rheumatic fever. Those sure were some fancy names to call a fever, Ennis thought with some amusement as he scanned the article down to the last part. It was written in bold blue letters, looking important.

_Don't kiss when you have a strep throat.___

_Whoa…_

Ennis closed the journal, looked up to see if someone was around. The room was clear, there was the girl behind the reception counter and she didn't pay attention to nothing but her computer. Slowly, Ennis peeled open the journal again, feeling stupid like a kid stealing a bite of some sweet after brushing his teeth.

He found there was more to that paragraph but Ennis's head went blank in the middle of the sentence. He thought back to the kiss that happened on Sunday, two days ago, then swallowed. His throat did feel sore. _Oh shit.__  
_  
"Ennis!"

_Oh shit_, Ennis startled and looked up to see Mona poking her head out from the door. He dumped that journal on the desk and walked up to her with a nervous wave. She frowned,

"What happened?"

"Nothing." He shrugged, slid into the chair in front of Mona's messy desk.

Mona had ordered some pasta for them both, her threat since she invited him and they ate in silence for a while before Ennis put his fork down.

"You ever been attracted to a woman?" Maybe it was the temptation of being in the professional shrink's office that pushed him to ask the question that had been bothering him since last night like a swarm of hungry mosquitoes.

Mona coughed and pounded her chest, forcing the shrimp that seemed to get stuck in her throat down to where it should be. After she had blinked away the tears and had a drink of her diet Coke, she saw Ennis was still gazing at her from across the table, waiting for the answer with anticipating brown eyes.

"Is that a trick question?" She knew from the look of the younger man that it was not, but she couldn't help it. Ennis sighed, "Forget I asked."

"Why did you ask me that kind of question?" She held up her hand, prevented Ennis from answering right away. "Wait, I've been meaning to give you this book forever. Let me grab it before you run back to your hole."

Ennis leant back on the chair and stuck the plastic fork into the food as he watched Mona walk to one of her bookshelves.

"Here," she came back with a book as thick as a brick. It read _'Are you happy?'_ "My colleague wrote it and it is good. I recommended it to one of my clients just yesterday. He is suffering from depression after his wife died."

"Do I look depressed?" Ennis couldn't help that and Mona squeezed his arm once and turned back to sit behind her desk, one of her shrink gestures that Ennis was familiar with, that if he was honest he had to admit that he hated.

"No, Big Cat, but you will find a way to be happier with this book."

Ennis sighed, "I'm fine. Can you name someone who's happy every day?"

"Me?" Grunting, he turned his attention back to the food. Mona laughed, "At least it'll keep you from thinking about the divorce."

"I'm not thinking about the divorce anymore, Mona."

"Then why are you asking me that question?"

"Because…" Ennis shrugged, "I want to know."

Mona shook her head, "I told you half of what Rachel said didn't mean a thing. She was mad at you and she wanted the divorce. People are spewing nonsense when they are like that."

Ennis listened, the image of his ex-wife screaming for the divorce was popping up in his head. Rachel had said many ugly things, how their married life had turned into a wreck after he took up the night shift at the clinic, how she thought he lost interest in her and how she felt more familiar with sleeping with her pillow than with her husband, how he had destroyed her life.

_Why, Ennis? You found someone else? Or are you telling me you have turned gay? What is it, Ennis?__  
_  
Mona was there when she said that, along with his and Rachel's lawyers. But none of that nasty talk, as Mona called it, was reported to the court 'cause they had agreed on the terms of their divorce, with Ennis giving her everything.

So it was something that slipped from Rachel's mouth, something Mona told him to forget. But now it was coming back to him, that question that had been left with no answer for the moment, now screaming for some serious attention.

"Hey, Tiger, listen to me," Mona poked her pen at his arm. "You have to get on with your life. You have to let the river run and move on. Don't think about the past. It won't do you any good."

Then she pushed the thick book his way. Ennis flipped it open half-heartedly. So the shrink had suggested he shouldn't worry about someone else's accusations concerning his sexuality, especially the angry ex-wife's. Ennis doubted it but didn't say so 'cause in theory Rachel should be the very person who knew him best in the bedroom department. Anyway, it was months ago, no need to dwell on it. And he would never in his life ask Rachel about that if he ever saw her again anyway. Though he wondered if Mona would change her lecture about him forgetting the past if he told her he had kissed a man just a couple of days ago.

"Read the book, it helps, believe me." Mona smiled and gave the big book a pat, the smile so genuine that Ennis had to keep his mouth shut and again kept that question inside his head.

----------

"I don't never, ever believe a damn thing in this book," Grant said as he sent the manual of Adobe PageMaker 7.0 flying across the room. It landed with a healthy thud on the sofa and Pepe jumped down from the little table near it, meowing in annoyance.

"Sorry, girl," Grant mused, he loved teasing Pepe sometimes.

_"I'm just a normal fella who goes off to work each day__  
__I do my job, lunch with my mates, each week collect my pay__  
__But in the night I dread the bed, each night is just the same__  
__Cause all my dreams are kinky, one overnight sick game"__  
_  
Grant winced as the younger man with red hair who had been half-sitting, half-lying on the chair beside him sang the song out of the blue, banging on his guitar and howling at the top of his lungs like a wolf howling at the full moon.

_"I'm dressed in a G-string tied in a bow__  
__There's a chicken in a garter belt, Oh God no!__  
__Birds fly by and wolf whistle overhead__  
__Don't roll over there's a roo in the bed…"_

Lee closed his eyes and cooed some more, totally into his world, on the dark stage with sexy groupies dancing in colorful spotlights. He was gay, hell yeah, but he didn't mind if his band had some groupies. Lots of them. It was cool. Beside him, Grant was concentrating on the computer screen, but he chuckled nonetheless. "Don't tell me this is your new song."

"Don't interrupt a singer when he's singing."

"Thought you were a drummer."

But Lee didn't seem to listen, his hands worked on the pink unplugged-but-yet-electric guitar on his lap again.

_"I'd like to have a girlfriend, but it just never does work out__  
__We get on fine until they find what my night dreams are about__  
__Then they drop me like a stone, they say they can't compete__  
__With nude three-breasted women with vibrators on their feet"__  
_  
"Thought you were gay, too," Grant blurted out laughing. Whatever dumb song Lee was singing now, he found himself enjoying it.

They had been working on the Adobe PageMaker program for about fifteen minutes. _It's my homework, I fucked it up. You gotta help me,_ Lee had screamed once Grant opened the door of his studio-type room, wondering who would show up at four in the afternoon since he hadn't expected anyone. He was no computer guru and Lee knew that well enough, just like he knew hens were roosters that laid eggs. Wait, Grant looked at Lee from the corner of his eyes. On second thought, Lee might not know something that complicated.

Grant smiled. He had accepted his fate long ago that some of the kids from the Velvet club were going to attach themselves to him like Siamese Twins. He was close to some of them -- Jack, Lee and some other older guys who always helped out at the PR activities. Lee was the youngest of them all, at the age of 21, so he tended to stick to Grant the most. But Grant didn't mind really. He was an ok kid if people could overlook his crude sense of humor- which he claimed was his charm- and his over-the-top and never-ending moaning about how suck his life was. Well…

But Grant meant it when he said Lee was an ok kid. Not many young guys he knew, gay or straight, stayed with their single mother and helped her run a small grocery store after class. Though he doubted Lee's black eyeliner and pink guitar would be the best sight to greet the customers.

_"Hippos in tutus, hot oil & cream__  
__Chains and whips all to make me scream__  
__Lizards & snakes all in strange places__  
__They're gettin' it on & making lewd faces___

_When dreaming the nightclubs everywhere__  
__Are chock full of animals in underwear__  
__Teddy Bears in teddies, wombats in hot pants__  
__All we need now is a couple thousand ants__  
_  
…Shit, I'm a genius."

"I wonder why you have time to write that song but can't fix this stuff."

"I didn't write this song," Lee said, scratching some nameless tune on his guitar. "I found the poem in the internet so I added the guitar to it."

"With three chords."

"Four!"

"Alright." Grant smirked. "Don't you think you're spending too much time browsing the internet?"

"What do you think I do in a store full of vegetable? Polish tomatoes?"

Grant laughed, "You should host the Oscars."

"Wait a minute. Ain't you supposed to be working on my homework?" Lee moved forward and pressed on the keyboard randomly, and the whole text on the left side of the column moved to the edge of the page.

"Shit," Lee cursed and gained a sideways stare from Grant who pushed his shoulder.

"Go fix me something. Make yourself useful."

Lee pushed himself up and hopped cheerfully to the kitchen, humming a tune about some more animals in tights and spandex.

Chuckling softly, Grant tried every function in the menu bar until he could move the text back to where it belonged. _Yes, you go Bennett_, his smile went broader as he could solve one more puzzle without the manual.

"You know what," he said when he heard Lee's footsteps coming back from the kitchen. "Don't believe any book in the whole world. The best lesson you can get is from your own hand, fuck it up…" Grant thumbed the keyboard soundly, pleased with the result that appeared before his eyes, "…and learn from it. Yes!"

"You going looney?"

"Come here, Lee. I understand the problem now." Lee moaned but he walked up to Grant anyway, two coffee mugs in his hands. "Don't make a face, it's your homework. Come on."

Grant had just started his lecture when his cell phone rang. He picked it up and smiled, walked to the window, leaving Lee cursing and pounding the keyboard madly like it had been his enemy from a previous life. He didn't need any scary _I-Saw-Death-People_ sixth sense to tell him who was on the other end of the line. Grant's favorite friend was only one, that Jesusfreak Thickasshit, who caused nothing but trouble but still could bring such a smile to Grant's face. Lee sometimes wondered what was so good about that man that he seemed to draw in every breathing thing on earth. Oh yeah, those puppy blue eyes.

Damn. God wasn't fair.

----------

"Grant?"

"What's up, Jackie? You getting better?" Grant popped down on the loveseat near the window, bent down to scoop Pepe up on his lap. She purred, totally leant on his touch.

"I'm ok now." Jack tried to smile.

"No, you're not. What happened?"

"I'm an open book, huh?" Jack snorted, feeling a bit of pity for himself. "I called Brent," he whispered, suddenly could picture Grant jump up on his feet now from the thud sound he heard over the phone. "But he wasn't around so I left a message."

"Damn…"

"Yeah…"

"I knew you would call but still…It's like…"

"Yeah, like it actually happened." Like he had finally shot out the arrow after holding it for a while. Like the fire that had finally started the war.

"What did you say?"

A pause and a sigh, "Just that I have something very important to tell him. And I told him I'll call him back."

Grant kneaded his forehead, worry flew up in him like flood waters rising behind a dam. Clear as the summer sky, Grant knew that the longer this mess continued, the deeper the wounds of all the parties involved. But it was a shock still to learn that Jack had finally decided to end the relationship with Brent for a man whom he wasn't even sure could return his feeling as much as Brent would, and could. And no matter how hard Grant tried not to predict the future, he already saw the preview of it with himself inevitably involved. And it made him shiver.

"Jack. Are you sure about this?"

"I don't know, Grant. I listen to what my heart says, like you said I should. And I did. And it told me to reach out to him. But I can't do that without telling Brent. I don't want him to hate me. I feel like shit, God."

Grant's hand moved down to pinch the bridge of his nose. "You're a good man, Jack. That's why you feel like shit. You're ok? You need me?"

"Nahh, I'll live." They chuckled softly at that. "Well, I'll call you later if there's anything new. Swear to God this is not what I planned. You have to believe me, Grant."

"I do. You can never lie with those eyes, Jack Twist. I bet Dr. Doolittle knows how you feel just from the way you look at him even if that kiss didn't happen."

"I doubt it…"

Grant smiled. "Try to sleep. And we'll talk later?"

"Yeah. Thanks, Grant. Good night."

"Wait. Listen," Grant said, his voice serious. "You might be an open book, Jack, but it's your book, you write it, not anybody else. Ok?"

"Ok." Jack choked back a tear and tried to swallow it down. God, this whole thing was making him soft like a girl. "Bye, Grant."

"Night, boy."

Grant sat there rubbing Pepe's smooth fur for a minute, thinking about all that had happened. Didn't know how many minutes had passed until he heard Lee typing as loud as if he was about to hammer the computer into pieces. And that dragged him back to the present. Damn, he hoped Lee didn't hear what he and Jack had discussed. The last thing he wanted was to have more people tied into the web and make everything more complicated.

"Well," Grant clapped his hands as he walked to Lee, switched the phone into silent mode and tossed the cell phone on the desk. He headed to the kitchen again with the now empty white mug. "Let me have one more cup of this strong coffee and we'll manage your homework, ok?"

"Whatever," Lee murmured. He looked after Grant's back and averted his glance to the desk where Grant's phone vibrated. Brent's name was blinking on the screen.

----------

Ennis was sitting at the bench in the park, watching Flea running around and rolling over dry leaves and barking at his own shadow under the twilight of the sunset. Umm…he thought he was doing that but every time he blinked, he found himself looking at nothing in particular and Flea would be playing somewhere else or even making friends with some dogs whose owners were taking them for a stroll in the park, too.

Ennis smiled when the big, handsome German shepherd sniffed and nudged at the head of Flea, whose tail was now wagging like crazy. The thought made him think of the doggie column and he felt his face muscle freeze. He would have to write the new column soon.

_At least if you finish it before Friday, you can just send it to Jack by e-mail_. Ennis tried to be optimistic and nodded, agreed to his own presumption. Then he felt himself drift off again, staring blankly in front of him, the winter wind blowing and tickling his ear and he heard the low, gentle voice of a man so soft like a whisper; _I see gold in here…_

God, Ennis shut his eyes tightly and leant back on the bench, glancing down to his lap, the _"Are You Happy?_" book was still lying face up at page three. Ennis had started reading it about twenty minutes ago but, hard as he tried, he couldn't go beyond that page. Exhaling long, he shut the book and called Flea. They needed to find something to eat before the night shift started so they had better hurry. Besides, it was cold out here and it looked like it was going to rain, too.

Flea was having a good time, running here and there within the leash's length, sniffing everything with interest even when they were stopped waiting for the pedestrian light to turn green. Um…this made him think of the first day Jack and he met. He thought of Jack, again.

Groaning low in his throat, Ennis tried to look for some distraction. He saw the newest version of Coca-Cola's poster and a bright blue advertisement about a home for rent in the Bay Area. Oh, this worked. The latter turned his thought into something else completely different. He thought about the house that Rachel and he had rented when they were still together. Suddenly he wondered who owned it now, that white house with the red-brown roof.

Looking back, he could answer one question from the book. If Mona's intention was for him to read the whole book so he could answer the question asked in the form of the book title, he thought it wasn't necessary. _Are you happy?_ No, Ennis could say that now without reading the book. He wasn't happy there at that house. He wasn't happy there with the woman he had shared the bed with. So where was he happy then? He had no clue, not at the clinic, not really, especially when there were so many sick animals 'cause that made him sad. Not at his apartment that was too cold most of the time. Then where…

Um…he guessed he didn't need to find that out now. The earth was like a road with no end, like K.E., his Marco Polo brother, always said at the end of his letters or postcards, and he had been to only three cities in the whole country. Maybe he could find the place where he belonged someday.

But…of all the people he met throughout his 26 years, he thought he knew whom he was happy with. The wind blew again, carrying the same whisper to his ears. _I see gold in you, Ennis.__  
_  
----------

It was around seven when Jack walked out of the office as his cell rang inside his jeans pocket. He knew who was calling. The _RING RING_ sound from his cell told him again how far he had gone, no more of _Jingle Bell Rock_. Damn.

"Hi, Bre…"

"How can you do this to me?"

"Brent…I"

"You got somebody new and you don't even have the guts to tell me."

_Jesus Fucking Christ.__  
_  
"Brent."

"Ha! Still remember me? How can you do this to me, Jack?

"Brent, please, we have to talk but not like this," Jack pleaded, he couldn't stand hearing Brent's broken voice. Brent was angry and it wasn't surprising. It was because of him.

"I can't fucking believe this. You tell me we gotta talk? When I have to hear about this vet you're seeing from somebody else?"

"Brent…" _Oh shit._

"So it's true, isn't it?"

"Brent…" _No, please don't do this to me.__  
_  
"Oh, fuck you."

"I…" _Oh God.__  
_  
The phone was cut dead silent in his sweaty palm. _How…? Who…__  
_  
_Grant?___

_That can't be._

Jack dialed Grant's number, his heart raced madly as if he was waiting for his death sentence. But Grant didn't pick up the phone.

"It's _me_. What is it this time, Jacky-poo? Cancer?"

"Fuck you." Gritting his teeth, Jack felt his whole body heat up with rage. "What do you know, huh?"

"Oh, more than you think," Lee snorted. "You can't just get away with things because of your pretty face, you know, you two-timer."

"Wha…" Jack gasped. "So it's you. Grant wouldn't do this to me, I should have known! Why…shit, Lee, I could fucking rip your head off right now!"

"Promises."

"You told Brent," Jack almost shouted.

"So what?"

"Oh, fuck." Jack's grip on the phone went tighter, his knuckles turned paper white. On the other end of the line, Lee lifted his chin up, challenging.

"What? Grant wasn't around, Brent called, so I picked up and answered his questions. I hate to lie."

"You…" Jack was so angry. He had to stop walking and hide in the alley, putting his free hand on his hip as he tried to breathe. "What have I done to you, you..."

"Oh, this is not about me or you. I don't fucking care if you lie to the whole world. But you dragged Grant into this and I don't like it."

"Lee…it's…"

"You listen to me," Lee pointed his index finger at the air as if Jack was standing right before him. "It's about time you stop this shit. Stop looking at people with those puppy dog eyes for love and attention and screwing other people's heads around. You're not the only one walking in this miserable world. You tie the fucking knot, you untie it your fucking self."

Jack's body was trembling so hard he was surprised he could still stand on the ground. Lee's words were like bullets piercing into his heart. He thought either Lee or he would end the conversation by throwing the phone at the wall or something to make the other deaf with the loud thud. But no, they just stayed there, quiet. Neither of them talked for a while until Jack heard Grant's voice from far away. It was like he was calling Lee's name and then Lee hung up.

Jack pressed his forehead on the wall, didn't care if someone saw him. He tried to think. Obviously, Grant didn't know that Lee sneaked up and talked on his phone with Brent. He could do something with this. He could show up at Grant's door and screw the hell out of Lee. Grant would believe him, he knew it. He couldn't lose Brent and Grant's back-up on the same day. No, he couldn't.

But somehow he couldn't will himself to do so. God had punished him for wanting something out of reach. Yeah, that had to be why things were getting so out of control. Jack looked up to the green neon sign above his head, eyes blurred from the bright light, he told himself, not from the tears.

----------

Ennis was about to turn on his heel back to where he had come from when he saw Jack walking toward him, his head hung low the way he'd never seen him before. Ennis didn't know why he'd come to Jack. He had been sitting on a step of Jack's apartment thinking about that, nodding at some kids in the building who came out to play with Flea occasionally. He couldn't figure out why he was here, like he couldn't figure out why he cared to read some article on strep throat. _Well...you didn't know?__  
_  
Jack didn't seem to see him so Ennis just freed Flea from his leash. That dog was dancing on his back legs, barking for some attention already anyway. Ennis watched Flea dashed to Jack as fast as a rocket and took in how surprised Jack was to see little Flea. He smiled now and Ennis felt his lips stretch a bit. They made eye contact before Jack slowly walked to him, Flea followed, jumping like mad around his feet. Ennis was sitting on the top step, so there were only four steps between them, but with Jack shoving his hands in his jacket pockets and with him fidgeting with the book in his hand, it seemed like there was a wide street in between.

There was no excuse like deliriousness for either of them to touch or grab at each other this time.

"Hey." Surprisingly, Ennis was the first to speak. "How're you doing?"

"I'm ok now. Thanks. I should have called to thank you or something. Sorry about that."

Ennis shrugged, "That's ok."

Sighing long, Jack put his weight on his left foot, "I've had a bad day, Ennis, and I don't have any strength left to play some game. Why are you here? You forget something?"

_Oh shit, stop it, Twist. Now you're going to lose him, too_. But truth was he was not really in the mood. All he wanted to do was bury himself under the thick quilt wishing he wouldn't have to get up for at least a week or two. Ennis was looking at him cautiously and shrugged again, looked down and up.

"I wanted to see you."

Jack's jaw dropped. He must look like an idiot but he couldn't help it. Still he couldn't stop the nagging vibe that seemed to eat him whole at this moment. "Why? Is this some hey-let's-play-card visiting? Because if it is then I'm sorry I'm not in the mood."

Ennis's face was expressionless but his jaw was working. "What do you want to do?"

"You didn't just ask me that," Jack whispered, felt his body trembling slightly, and not from the cold. "What do you want, Ennis?"

"I don't know…" Ennis whispered back and Jack noticed for the first time Ennis was clutching a book in his hand. "I'm…trying to figure something out."

"And you think I can help?"

Their eyes met again and Ennis said, "Maybe…maybe not…I don't know."

Jack's thought was slower than his action 'cause the next thing he knew, he realized he had dragged Ennis into the building, Flea barked and followed, seemed panicked by the sudden movement of the two men.

Their footsteps must be very loud 'cause Jack saw some familiar faces poking their heads out of their rooms to see what was causing the noise, Flea's sharp barks doubling their curiosity. But Jack didn't care. When they arrived, he roughly pushed Ennis into his room and slammed him into the wall near the door and kicked the door shut after he had made sure Flea was inside.

They were both grabbing the other's shirt collars, panting and looking at each other intensely. Jack leant his lower body on Ennis, gasping at the first touch of the contact. He saw Ennis squeeze his eyes shut and grit his teeth so hard Jack thought it might bring blood.

"You want this, Ennis?" Jack panted, willing himself not to move. Ennis didn't say anything. He opened his eyes, brown eyes got a little darker than usual, his breath came out short and ragged. Reaching out, Jack threw his arms around Ennis, clutched his own elbows on one another and locked Ennis right there in his fierce embrace and buried his face in the man's neck. _God, he didn't pull away._ His arms drew tighter as if he wanted to melt their bodies into one. He just wanted to feel the solid frame of this man in his arms that told him he wasn't dreaming and he didn't care if he would break any bones or if one or both of them would die from suffocation.

Nothing mattered now, really.

It could have been a decade before Ennis's frozen body moved a little, his palms caressed the small of Jack's back so delicately and slowly like he wasn't so sure, like Jack's back was a new territory he was carefully exploring. And Jack closed his eyes, couldn't breathe and thought he might actually die from that touch.

It could have been more than a decade before Jack trembling body could finally respond. Without letting go from the hug, he pressed his cheek on Ennis's, slowly drew the tip of his nose along the sweet little freckles on Ennis's cheekbone until their noses touched, staring into each other's eyes so close Jack thought he could drown in the golden pool of Ennis's eyes and stay there forever.

Two hearts drummed like thunder. They both could feel it for their bodies were pressed so tight like a second skin, chest to chest, thigh to thigh… It just felt natural then when later their lips came together.

Nothing mattered really, even if the sky fell and the earth broke open to swallow them up. It just felt so right and both of them knew 'deliriousness' had nothing to do with all of this at the moment. It was something else more powerful that drew them together.

Down on the wooden floor, Flea was sober now. He stopped jumping and barking as the two men seemed to settle in peace. He sniffed around and nudged the big book that was lying near the door. The two men were swaying, their shoes scratching the floor back and forth like they were wrestling until they could catch the rhythm and move in sync deeper into the room. Flea sighed with contentment then that his two favorite men seemed ok now. He didn't want to see them fight. Besides, he had his new toy and wanted to play. Flea scratched at the top page of the book, turned it around a bit and settled down on his belly comfortably. He started to chew the hard corner of the book when he heard the squeaking sound of the bed and his head jerked up at that. Ennis didn't want him to chew on the food bowl so maybe he shouldn't chew on this stuff, either, he thought. But there was no yelling. He heard soft moans instead so he figured it should be ok if he chewed this stuff.

Well, it looked like Ennis didn't need it anyway.

TBC

**A/N** :  
1. Lee's song was taken from funnypoets dot com (Copyright; 1998 S. L. (Woody) Meltcher) – I love your poem, Mr. Meltcher.  
2. Who would think I could go so far as to write from Flea's point of view!!!

3. Thank you everyone for your kind comment. Please know that it means a lot to me.


	10. Chapter 10

**You & Me & a Dog Named Flea** Chapter 10 -- My Brown Eyed Angle  
**Disclaimer** : Annie Prouxl owns the timeless characters in BBM. I'm writing from love and making no profit.  
**Summary** : Alternate Universe Fiction of Ennis and Jack (from Brokeback Mountain) set in San Francisco ; Jack Twist had a chance encounter with a veterinarian one day, didn't know the shy vet, and his black and white terrier, would have a permanent place in his heart.  
**My Deepest Thanks** always to Judy, my ultimate beta!  
**Feedback** : means the world to me:)

----------

It was intense.

Never before in his life had Jack Twist wanted to have more than two hands. Not when he was overloaded with homework back in high school when he remembered he had about four reports to write up over a weekend. Not when he got a bit crazy with the grocery shopping and he ended up with more than three bags to carry home. Not even when he was so mad at Lee he wished he could grow an extra arm like all those X-Men people so he could use it to double the strength of his strangle hold on Lee's neck.

But right now, at this very minute, Jack wished he had five hands. He was cupping Ennis's face with his God-given two hands and kissing him like the world would end tomorrow. Actually, they hadn't done anything but kiss since they fell down on the bed a while ago, with Jack on top. Jack wanted to kiss Ennis's face, his eyebrows, his cheeks, his nose…and maybe bury his face into the golden curls that he loved so much. But he couldn't get enough of Ennis's soft lips, especially when Ennis, with a small sigh, finally opened his mouth and allowed Jack's tongue to slide in. Shit, it felt so good.

The soft moans they were making, plus the sensation from their clothed bodies rubbing, were almost too much. Jack had to clutch a handful of Ennis's hair to release the tension as his tongue met Ennis's for the first time. Jack's toes curled and scratched the sheet like a cat, Ennis's thighs locking his hips right there, and he was writhing uncontrollably just the same. Jack wanted to touch Ennis right there, knead the muscles and feel the strong thighs trembling beneath his touch. Then he wanted to glide Ennis's T-shirt up to his chest because now there was too much cloth between their chests and stomach. He wanted them naked, he wanted to feel the warmth of Ennis's skin.

But he didn't dare to do any of that because he was afraid if he let go of Ennis's face right now, Ennis would spring up and rush out the door. And Jack wouldn't see him again. Damn. This morning he had just promised himself he would give Ennis space and go see him some other time. But when he saw Ennis in front of his apartment tonight, for some reason he hadn't yet had an opportunity to figure out, he just grabbed the man and practically threw him on the bed.

If things got ugly, it would be his fault, _again_. It seemed Jack Twist was nothing but a troublemaker. Guess that shithead Lee was right.

"Um…" Jack groaned into Ennis's mouth when Ennis's hands dug beneath his shirt, the warmth from his palms burning his naked flesh. One of his hands moved down to his flank while the other hand _oh my fucking God_ slid past his sensitive nipple and rested on the middle of his chest. Jack felt a little push of that palm and he stopped kissing, panting a little as Ennis's lips moved and he whispered quietly into his mouth, "What're we doing?"

Ennis's voice was weak as he swallowed the taste of Jack down his throat, trying to slow his speedy heartbeat down to a normal pace before he had a heart attack. He couldn't look at Jack, even when he knew all he would see might just be the shadow of his face since they were in the darkened room. Not after he realized he had let thing go too far with them lying on the bed together kissing and sucking the living soul out of each other. He had never kissed anyone until his lips swelled and hurt this much but now he couldn't even speak. He thought if he moved his lips, they might crack and burst.

But also with his eyes closed like this, it made things all too vivid. Jack's weight was pinning him down, their bodies pressed tightly from the waists down. Jack's breath came short and hot on his mouth, his hands lightly rubbed his cheeks and moved up and down and around like he wanted to touch more but was afraid to do so. The thought made his whole body throb like he was electrified. Ennis shuddered and Jack felt it, he moaned and their hips met in short crazy thrusts that squeezed more groans from Ennis. And they went at it again, kissing and rubbing and thrashing about on the small bed.

The consequences be damned.

Cursing, Jack finally let his body act the way he really wanted. Like letting a bird out of a cage, he moved his hands down and fiddled open his belt and buttons before doing the same with Ennis's. It was like a small wrestling match when both of them tried to rip off each other's clothes, socks and shoes but didn't want to stop touching.

And it happened. Jack gasped as he was flipped on his stomach. He felt Ennis nudge his opening and clamped his eyes shut. _Oh my God._ What he had been craving was about to happen. The connection between two bodies, something he had been avoiding with Brent when they were together. Brent, the man whom he had been dating, the man whom he thought was that special someone. He'd told himself he wasn't ready but here he was, letting Ennis do it and placing himself at his mercy. Ennis…Ennis… Ennis whom he had just called a friend two weeks ago. Ennis who had come to see him with his soup and bring him little Flea when he was sick.

Jack didn't want to think any more. Suddenly, he let go of everything, the terrible phonecalls with Brent and Lee that had been another clear reminder of how he had been an asshole were like a long-lost history. Right now all he wanted was part of Ennis in him, wanted it so bad the way he had never wanted anything before.

And he thought he stopped breathing when Ennis entered him. Ennis's groan vibrated on his back as Jack shuddered, panted into the pillow, hands clutching the sheet and pushing back with the strength he had left. It hurt like hell but Jack wouldn't stop moving. He wanted this to happen.

Within a second, Jack was seeing stars swirling under his eyelids when the intense, bittersweet ecstasy hit him like a wild wave. He was so lost, he didn't hear how frantic and loud their outcries were as they rocked together until they both reached the releasing point. All he knew was this was what he wanted and as they lay down on the bed, spent, Jack smiled. Maybe he didn't need to try so hard to reach for the sky anymore. He had found where he belonged, under Ennis, under the wings of this brown-eyed angel who would lift him up from the ground and take him to the sky so high, high until he could touch the stars.

And he fell into a blissful sleep, tangled in the warmth of another man's limp arms and legs and he thought he had dreamt about flying. He might turn into a looney but he didn't care 'cause in his dream, under the bright blue sky, he could fly and finally catch up with the kite he had lost when he was a child.

But it seemed like a dream. Jack stirred in the middle of the night, there was nothing in his hands and he was alone in the bed. Ennis had gone and he should have known. It was the 21st century, there were no such things as angels.

----------

It was noon and Jack decided to give himself a little reward by ordering some Japanese to go, enough to feed a starving army; six California rolls, six teriyaki chicken rolls, six cucumber rolls and three tuna rolls plus a big bowl of wakame salad that would go very well with the bottle of Buena Vista's Sauvignon white wine which was given to him by one of the sponsors of the food column.

He had spent this week's grocery shopping money for this lunch but he didn't care. He deserved this. 'Cause despite the bad day yesterday, the brief moment of happiness before the crude wake-up call by reality plus the numb pain in his ass that made him walk funny, Jack Twist still could behave properly. He woke up, shaved –and didn't cut himself either- dressed to kill in black, grabbed an espresso and went to work on time.

If that kind of reason could be used in consideration for this year's 'Employee of the Year' award, he was going to win the damn thing for sure.

Grimacing, Jack put down the glass of wine when he heard footsteps getting nearer to the editorial department where he was alone. He tried to hide the glass behind the computer screen and kept the bottle down under the desk. It was lunchtime and he was pretty sure nobody would say anything if they spotted him drinking it but he'd better be sure…

It was a young woman from the advertising department, he remembered. She stepped into the room and smiled, "Oh, you're here. Somebody's here to see you."

"Me?" His voice was a bit high. Well, he was mock surprised at this.

"Yes. I told him it's lunchtime but he said it's important."

"_He_?"

"Yes. He's waiting at the guest corner now."

Then she was gone.

It was a bad time to feel nausea especially when you had just swallowed over 30 dollars worth of lunch. So Jack had to close his eyes for a moment to compose himself. He wasn't expecting any He today. Maybe his bad luck still continued and Brent was here, came back early from his business trip and was ready to bang him in the head. Or maybe Ennis came to say he was quitting Newsome Publishing, didn't want anything to do with him anymore after last night.

Last night…

But it wasn't like Jack had tied Ennis up and forced him to do what they did. And they weren't drunk or delirious or anything. What was more, Jack remembered the cuddling. He was sure they were wrapped in each other's arms after everything was said and done, Ennis's arms dangling around his torso at first, all jelly-like, as if he had no bones. But when Jack scooted closer, buried his nose in Ennis's neck, he thought he felt the squeeze around his back and that was why he swung his arms around Ennis's waist and hugged tight, too. Jack wouldn't dare to do something like that if there was no encouragement, unless he was drunk or high, which he wasn't.

So why did he leave?

Well, first, Ennis wasn't gay. Picture it, Twist, he told himself. What if it wasn't something Ennis wanted but he was kind of dragged into it. What if you were straight, visited a friend and woke up the next day with a man lying beside you? And his hair stood up at that thought. God, he clamped his eyes shut, refused to make up things in his head any further. Jack Twist knew how to look at things on the bright side or he couldn't have survived until today. Right? So…how about Ennis left because…maybe he had a nightshift to cover?

Yeah, that would do.

Sweeping the rest of the wine down his throat, Jack twisted his neck and ankles, stretched his fingers and jumped up like an athlete ready for the big game. Well, he was alive, wasn't he? And he had been behaving real well since morning. Jack Twist wasn't going to fear the worst right now because he didn't want to discourage Jack Twist's high moral state. Besides, that He might be some other He who wouldn't bring bad news. It could be Grant, bringing him another bottle of wine saying, 'Hey, know what, Lee was tied onto a rocket and was sent out of this world from Hanger 18 this morning, let's celebrate!"

"Hell, yeah." Jack jumped up and punched the air then, gaining some more self-confidence before he stepped out and greeted his unexpected guest. But he couldn't utter any words once the young man in a plain black T-shirt and dark blue jeans who was holding the computer laptop to his chest turned to him.

"If you didn't work for a publishing company, I would never in this life come to see you," Lee said and Jack noticed his red nose and eyes which were obviously not from allergy. "And I'm not here to say I'm sorry. Do you know how PageMaker works?"

Jack shrugged, totally in the mood to play. He had nothing to lose anyway. "It depends. And why should I help you?"

"I'm not asking for help."

"Oh yeah? Sure. So why are you here?"

Silence. Jack wasn't the type of man who generally enjoyed torturing someone but right now he had to admit it felt good being in control. Lee looked at him sharply, "This's my damn homework and it's cause of you Grant kicked me out!!" he blurted out.

"Correct me if I'm wrong, but I wasn't the one sneaking on his cell phone."

"So how long are you planning on continuing this shit then? Aren't you happy now that I did the nasty job for you?"

"What…"

"And then you can get away with that vet boyfriend of yours and now everybody hates me. You happy?"

"That's the price for shoving your nose into other people's business," Jack said, but his voice didn't come out as sharp as he wanted. Lee was right again. Dumbass always knew how to scold him at the right moment. Shit, he wasn't even sure if had Brent called him last night, whether he would have been brave enough to tell him the truth right away. Shaking his head, he murmured, even softer, "And that vet you're talking about, he isn't my boyfriend."

"The hell you say."

"The hell I say."

They went quiet again and Jack sighed, "Grant…kicked you out?"

Lee didn't answer, his mouth was occupied by nail-biting activity, Jack observed. He sighed again, "It doesn't seem like him. Grant never gets angry. And he and you were…close."

"So I won the fucking lottery. What's the big deal?"

Lee shrugged like it was nothing but his eyes turned glassy and Jack gasped. The man dragged his sleeve over his eyes and sniffed, lifted his chin up again, "So do you know how PageMaker works or what?"

Jack didn't answer. He simply snatched the laptop from Lee and walked back to his desk.

Ten minutes later, Jack finally looked up rom the computer screen. He had fixed Lee's problem on PageMaker already. He was somewhat familiar with it, enough to help out a clueless friend.

_Friend?_ Oh Jack Twist, Lee and you were never friends. Rolling his eyes at his own thoughts, Jack glanced at Lee who was sitting quietly beside him, looking around blankly. Lee wasn't wearing black eyeliner today and that made him look pale like he was sick and was strangely…tame. Jack knew it wasn't him doing this to Lee. He was doing it to himself but he couldn't help but feel like he had a part in this. "You going to learn to do this by yourself or what?"

Jack expected Lee to blurt something out but he simply scooted closer and looked at the screen blankly, again. Jack showed the man how to solve the problem nonetheless.

The lunch hour was almost over when Lee started to pack his stuff. Jack fixed his eyes on the younger man and wondered why although they had known each other for more than a year, he had never noticed the mole on Lee's cheekbone before. Or was it him that had been into himself, too? Guess he wasn't the only one who craved love and support then. Everybody wanted that. And we all had our own ways to gain it, babies kicking their legs in the air, cats rubbing against people's legs. Maybe that was why Lee always hung around Grant and made him laugh with his stupid jokes. Lee wanted to be wanted, too.

And maybe that was why Lee was here. When you lost your ally, another round of fighting with your foe could prove that you still existed.

But still why did Lee have to act so unreasonably stupid…?

Jesus, suddenly things started to make sense, all the things about why the hell Lee was angry at him and took things so personally with Grant…

"Shit," Jack said, wide eyes looking at Lee like he had grown a third head. "Oh my…"

"What?!?"

"Shit." Jack rubbed his face. "You…Grant? Oh my God, oh my God. Why don't you…? Shit."

"I'm what?!?"

"You like Grant?!?!"

"No!" Lee shouted, thank God the office was empty. He was about to shout some more but seeing Jack's panicked expression and hearing his unstoppable curses somehow shut his mouth.

Numbly, Jack looked up at Lee again. "Grant…knows?"

Lee laughed, "Very funny."

But when Jack didn't laugh, Lee kinda slumped back, head down and he looked completely defeated. "He'll laugh at me."

"You know Grant. We both know him. He's not going to laugh. He won't."

"Maybe he won't but what's the point?"

"What do you mean?"

No answer again. Jack bit his lip and watched Lee pack his stuff in silence. Lee sensed his glare and stared back, he looked back and forth between Jack and his laptop. "Thanks…" he murmured. "But I'm not saying sorry for last night."

"I don't expect that from you."

"Good."

"Call him."

"It's none of your business."

"Oh yeah? Since it seems that you thought my business is your business, you should expect the same treatment in return. Call him."

Lee sighed, his body seemed to shrink. "Did."

"And?"

"Since when do I have to report everything I did to you?"

That was Lee's way of saying '_He hung up on me'_, '_He didn't speak to me'_ or '_He didn't answer the phone'_ , Jack knew it. Footsteps, lots of footsteps were going here and there and it was telling them the lunch break time was about to be over. Lee got up, pointed to the men's room and headed there.

_Damn_, Jack wanted another glass of wine at this point and his face might be showing something 'cause then Alma, who had just gotten back from lunch, frowned at him, her sweet doll-like face painted with amusement.

"What are you thinking, Jacky? You look funny."

"Nothing. You look great. Have I told you I like it when you tie your hair up?"

Alma smiled and waved as if she didn't believe what he'd said. But her cheeks turned cherry-pink. Jack blinked slowly as he watched her untie her hair, roughly run her hands through it and tie it up again.

No, he couldn't do this any more. He couldn't destroy another relationship, not this one.

"Alma? You still want to try that new restaurant on Fillmore?"

Her smile went broader, "Of course! But I can't tonight. I'm going to dine with my dad. He's in town for a couple of days."

"How about tomorrow?"

"Great! Oh! It's been like a decade since we last ate out together!"

"Yeah." Jack grinned. He was going to talk to Alma about Ennis. No more lying and dancing around. She was his friend and he didn't want to fuck things up again. And he thought about Grant and Lee as Alma brought out her little cosmetic bag.

"You have some eyeliner?"

Alma looked astonished but handed her eyeliner to him anyway. Jack went to the men's room, knocked at the only stall that was shut.

"Go see Grant." He slid the eyeliner through the space between the floor and the door, watching it disappear inside. "And don't use up all of this."

Jack didn't wait for any response and went straight back to his desk. Well, Lee had told Brent, only God knew how much damage that man had done but at least it was the end. He would have to tell Alma tomorrow, not something he looked forward to but it was something he had to deal with. He might have to talk with Brent again when he came back. But Grant and Lee would have their own conflict to work on now, and that would leave him by himself for a while to settle things with Ennis. That Ennis Del Mar, even with his sweet brown eyes and heaven-sent smile, couldn't get away with this, not after the kiss they shared and the warm night they had spent in the same bed together…not after the connection they had made. _No way_.

Several more minutes passed and Lee finally walked back to Jack's desk, eyes coated with black eyeliner the way Jack used to see. And he had to suppress a smile when he noticed Lee's hair was wet and spiky. The man had done something to it, too, the phoenix rising from the ashes.

"I still hate you," Lee said, gathering his belongings. Jack smirked.

"And I still hate you."

Exchanging one last satisfied nod, the foes parted, both knowing they would act like nothing had happened today. And that was fine, really. He could pretend he had never seen Lee without his mask of thick black eyeliner on and they could continue their forever-foe, hate-hate relationship and wring each other's neck the next time they met. Why not? The kid wasn't that bad, well, _as a foe_, was he?

----------

"Don't look at me like that."

Ennis narrowed his eyes at Flea who was pleading with his big, deep brown eyes, whining and wagging his tail on the floor.

"You can't go there. They don't allow any pets inside," Ennis said, shifted to sit Indian style and scooted closer to the little dog, a thick book in his hand. "This is not your food. You shouldn't eat it. Now I have to find the new one for Mona. Don't do this again, you hear?"

Flea wagged his tail faster then, barked twice. His eyes followed the book in Ennis's hand like it was his dinner. Sighing, Ennis glanced up to Martha behind the counter. The black woman shrugged, "Don't look at me. I can't make him say yes, either."

Ennis chuckled then, realized for the first time that he was speaking with a dog, at seven in the morning at the clinic. Their night shift was over and they were about to call it a day. From the look on Martha's face, Ennis knew she wanted to go home to get some sleep. He was tired, too, but he recalled he had to go to the bookstore and buy a new copy of '_Are you happy?_' for Mona. Flea had eaten a part of it and the whole book was torn and scratched and soaked like…well…like a dog had been chewing on it.

Martha had asked why he let that happen. He didn't answer, couldn't answer and he remembered doing anything to keep his hands and head busy all night so that he didn't have to think about it. But the truth was there was no way he could pretend something hadn't happened that night.

He had slept with Jack.

He had kissed the man, had fallen on the bed with him and had done it. _Christ!_ Ennis put his face in his hands and groaned. _Oh my God_, he couldn't even begin to think how the hell it had happened. What had he been thinking? Had he even been thinking? And he had fucking flipped Jack on his stomach and had done it, just like that. Ennis kneaded his head harder, totally into his thought. How the heck could he look Jack in the eyes after that night? Jesus, he couldn't even think of the pain he had caused Jack, Jack whose body had been so warm against him. Jack who had kissed him so softly and had hugged him like he was the best thing that had ever happened. But look what he had done. Goddamn. He shook his head, shit, what had happened to him? Or had he always wanted to do that with men?

Hell, no! He had never been attracted to any men before, let alone touched and kissed a man.

_Or is it just because it's Jack?  
_  
"Ennis, you going home now?" Martha's voice shot through his foggy brain and Ennis's head jerked up. He blinked and sighed with relief that she wasn't looking at him as she asked that question. She was busy putting the paper files in the cabinet, her back to Ennis.

"I will wait for Drew so Flea will have someone to stay with when I go to the bookstore."

"But it won't open until like ten or something."

"I can take a nap here or I can just go for a cup of coffee to kill some time," Ennis said. "You can go home."

"That ok with you, Doc?"

"Yep." Ennis smiled a little and welcomed Flea in his arms, didn't say a word now even when the little dog started to chew on the other corner of the book again.

He was still sitting on the floor with Flea when the front door of the clinic opened. A big man about 40 years old with a bald head walked into the clinic and the sight of him stirred both Ennis and Martha onto their feet.

"Dr. Brown!" Martha almost squealed. "Oh, you're back already! How's everything?"

"Dr. Brown." Ennis greeted the older man softly and earned a pat on the shoulder as Dr. Noel Brown, Alma's godfather and the original writer of Jack's doggie column, turned to smile warily at Martha.

"Things are still a bit crazy. You know how kids can give you headache."

"When did you come back, sir?"

"Last night. How's everything?"

"Very good." Martha nodded Ennis's way. "We keep everything under control."

"So I've heard. Right." He looked at Ennis then. "Read your column. It's good."

Ennis ducked his head down, murmuring, "Thank you…" He didn't look up for an instant though 'cause he knew Martha was smiling. She always teased him about this doggie column thing every chance she got.

"But don't you think it's a bit general? I mean, yeah, it's nice writing about animals as princesses and all, but don't you think it should be a little more educational?"

_Huh?  
_  
"Oh, no offense here, Ennis. But something is lacking there. In the second column about cats, you could add a part about the popular breeds in the U.S. or something like that."

_Breeds?  
_  
"I first imagined this column as something like a health journal, where every animal lover can learn more about their pets. Like…oh yes, you can add details on…"

"But I think Dr. Del Mar is doing just fine with that, Dr. Brown." It was Martha. Ennis didn't expect that and obviously neither did Dr. Brown. He frowned at her as she assured, "He's doing a great job. Jack thinks so."

"Jack?"

_Shit.  
_  
"Oh, he's the man in charge of the column."

"Oh." Dr. Brown turned to him and they met eyes briefly before he nodded. "Very well then. But if you think it's too much trouble with you working the night shift and everything, you can always tell me. I feel guilty here. You're not supposed to be doing this. You still want to do this?"

_Do I want to do this?_

Ennis averted his eyes to Martha who looked at him worriedly, he almost could see her mouth 'yes' to him behind one of the paper files that she was holding up. Dr. Brown crooked his brow and Ennis found himself nodding his head.

"I'm ok, Dr. Brown. It's not a burden really."

_It's not. I like writing just fine. And Jack told me I'm good at this._

"Yeah? You know I can always talk to Alma, my beautiful goddaughter. She will understand."

Ennis shook his head again, "That's alright, Dr. Brown." _Me and Jack are working together just fine. I like Jack's company. We like each other's company._ "Unless you feel like…"

"No, no, that's not what I mean. I'm relieved, to tell you the truth. Are you sure then?"

Ennis shrugged and gained a nod from Dr. Brown.

"That's settled. But I think we should have more copies of that magazine here. We can frame the column and put copies in the waiting area."

_Christ_, "Um…I don't think it's…"

"I have to call them. What's the name of that magazine again?"

"Soul Singing," declared Martha.

"Yes. That's it. And oh, any ideas for the next column yet?"

"Um…" Ennis fiddled with the hem of his shirt. He hadn't said anything when Dr. Brown blurted out, "How about joint disease in dogs?"

_Huh?_

Dr. Brown probably saw his stunned expression 'cause he stopped talking and cleared his throat. "Sorry, I've got too much information in my head. I just want to make sure I didn't dump my job on you. But if you enjoy writing that, you do it."

Ennis simply nodded and Dr. Brown patted his shoulder again before going upstairs, talking on his cell phone that had just rung. Ennis looked down at his feet and up to Martha, exchanged a small knowing smile with her. Even she knew he was happy working for Jack. Maybe he didn't have to try so hard to pretend about this.

He looked at Flea, who had abandoned the book to play with his pink ball, and bent to pick it up. The front page was soaked with Flea's saliva. He would have to buy the new book and return it to Mona the next time they met. It could keep him busy at least for the morning, though he still wondered how he could close his eyes and sleep when he arrived home…

Thinking about sleep reminded him of that night again, not the frantic cloth-ripping wrestling, lip-bruising kissing or the like that made him blush like a virgin, but the feeling of someone snuggling next to him, the steady breath that tickled his neck, reminding him he wasn't alone in the cold night.

_Yap Yap!  
_  
Flea barked then and Ennis kneeled down, feeling his will melt from the little dog's innocent look.

"Alright…" He heard Martha laugh and he chuckled with her. "Um...I'll take him with me then."

"As you wish, Doctor."

Ennis smiled and nodded at her, opened the door and practically followed Flea up the hill, and like every day, kept his eyes on the pavement and counted his footsteps. The same fat grey pigeon with a tiny yellow tag around one of her legs strolled beside him, as always, and he laughed when Flea chased her away with his sharp bark.

His head was strangely lighter now 'cause in the depth of confusion, Ennis knew one thing. He didn't want to give up writing for Jack. And that should mean something…

They turned right at the corner and headed to the coffee shop and Ennis wasn't surprised to see Jack Twist himself standing right there, two cups of coffee-to-go in his hands. Flea rushed to him, as always, so Ennis slowly walked up with his long stride as Jack put the coffee cups down on the empty outdoor table and scooped Flea up in his arms.

They looked down to the ground, then at each other, and both decided to keep their eyes on Flea, who was looking around with interest, panting against Jack's shoulder.

"You remember Dr. Brown?" Ennis asked softly and Jack nodded. "He came back."

"Oh," Jack felt a sharp tang in his chest. "You…going to stop writing? The column?"

Uncertain blue eyes sought some clues from the brown ones. Ennis didn't answer right away, he took the leash out of his jeans pocket and attached it to Flea's collar, muttering as if talking to Flea, "About that night…I…"

"You don't have to say anything," Jack whispered. "It's not your…I mean…I wanted it to happen. It was pretty obvious, wasn't it? Damn, Ennis, it's not like everybody has to know…"

Ennis pressed his lips together, watching as Jack freed the dog to wander within the limits of his leash. He looked up at the table and the two cups of coffee. How long Jack had been waiting for him here anyway?

"You don't hate me, right?" Jack asked and Ennis sighed. In all of this confusion, if there was one thing he knew for sure, it was that he didn't hate Jack.

"If I did, I would have killed you dead already last night when you…" A red trail crept up from his neck to his ears and Ennis bit his bottom lip. Jack craned his neck and grinned.

"So I thought," he said. "I want to try this with you, Ennis. I know you ain't gay and everything, but can you give us a chance. After last night, I knew you felt something, too. Right? Ennis?"

Ennis stared at Jack and then bounced his glance away to the cups of coffee again. He felt Jack's eyes follow. "How long've you been waiting?"

Jack was pretty much used to the way Ennis changed the topic when he was uncertain and uncomfortable. So he simply shrugged and went along with the new direction, waiting, 'cause he knew Ennis would come around. "Three, four minutes, maybe."

"You know…" Ennis started again, slowly and cautiously. "I've been thinking about…stuff."

"About the happiness in your life?"

Ennis chuckled despite everything and waved the torn book in his hand that Jack had already seen somehow.

"Yep."

"I see you've been carrying it around."

"Mona gave it to me yesterday." Ennis tugged Flea's leash when he tried to chase another dog that passed. "Come here, you little devil. You aren't going to get away with this."

Jack snorted, "He ate the book?"

"Drooled over it like it was puppy food."

"How the hell…" Jack stopped short when Ennis's ears turned red again. "Oh, that. Sorry about that…Damn."

"Anyway," Ennis cleared his throat. "I've been thinking about stuff, like, this and that and…stuff, you know. Something I have been avoiding."

"Yeah?"

"And I thought it's about time I start the…discovery…"

Jack watched Ennis fiddle with the leash and inhaled deeply. He didn't need to be Einstein to know what this 'discovery' was all about. "Let's do this together?"

Their eyes locked and Ennis blinked, pressed his lips together tightly again, "I can be so dumb sometimes you wouldn't imagine."

Jack looked down at his boots, hiding his smile, "I can handle that."

"Do you realize what you're saying?" Ennis shook his head. "It might turn out…badly. What if…I figure out I am not…like that after all?"

"We don't know that."

Jack just stared at Ennis with his huge eyes and Ennis tucked his hands in his jacket pockets, willing himself not to look away. They stayed like that for a while, not talking, not moving.

"I'm a man, Ennis. I can take things like a man." Ennis still didn't move so Jack jerked his head toward the coffee cups, "How about a morning stroll with hot espresso for a start?"

Not waiting for Ennis's answer, Jack picked up the cups and handed one to Ennis, who murmured a soft thank you.

Flea led both of them down the little slope and Ennis found himself relaxing more as they walked down the street, breathing in the cool air of the morning in December. The espresso was good and hot and it kept his body warm. They didn't talk much, just exchanged eye contact and then Ennis remembered about the column.

"You think I can write about dogs helping out with social activities?"

Jack frowned so Ennis told him more about the social activity that had been postponed from last week, the one where they took friendly dogs and cats to visit the old people at the care home and let them play together.

"That's a great idea. We can add pictures, too, you know." Jack smiled, "So, you still wanna write for me?"

Ennis shrugged and shuffled his feet as they stopped at the crossroad. "Guess so. Um…you wanna go? There? Too?"

"With _you_?"

"With _us_?" Ennis tugged Flea's leash and Jack smiled wider.

"You and me and Flea? I'd love to."

And Ennis felt his heart skip a beat. "Okay. It's on Saturday."

"So Saturday it is."

"Um…"

They met eyes again and Jack's gaze went up to Ennis's temple where the cool breeze ruffled his curls until they tangled here and there looking untidy but incredibly…cute.

_Maybe there is such thing as angels after all._

Jack didn't realize he had reached out with his free hand until he saw Ennis's puzzled stare. But it was too late. He touched those curls and quickly brought his hand down and coughed with embarrassment, saw Ennis look around but it seemed nobody noticed. He smiled sheepishly, "I can get so carried away sometimes you wouldn't imagine."

"Shit."

And they laughed a little at that. The light turned green and Flea led them once more onto the pavement of the other side of the street. Ennis didn't know what to expect from this 'discovery' of his true self, but, well…

_Here I go._

TBC

----------

Thank you all for reading. Thanks esp. to **Belegwathiel****--**who seems to be my only one reader in fanfiction dot net. LOL Thanks also to **WCUgirl** for saying hi:) (see you around in livejournal!!)


	11. Chapter 11

**----------**

**Close your eyes and sleep well, my friend. For you're now safe in the world with no pain.**

**Sweetest lullaby, little angels smile and sing. Just for you, my dear soul, in the land of forever spring.**

**Rest in Peace, Heath. You'd been loved and will never be forgotten. This story, although it's nothing compared to what you had done for us fan, is for you. **

**----------**

**You & Me & a Dog Named Flea** Chapter 11 "First Date"  
**Disclaimer** : Annie Prouxl owns the timeless characters in BBM. I'm writing from love and making no profit.  
**Summary** : Altinate Universe Fiction of Ennis and Jack (from Brokeback Mountain) set in San Francisco ; Jack Twist had a chance encounter with a veterinarian one day, didn't know the shy vet, and his black and white terrier, would have a permanent place in his heart.  
**My Deepest Thanks** always to Judy, my ultimate beta!  
**Feedback** : means the world to me:)

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Chapter 11

"How is he?"

"I've fixed his spinal cord but we will have to see when he wakes up if he can walk." Ennis wiped the sweat off his forehead and made room for Dr. Brown to step closer and look at the sleeping dog who was lying on his side on the small bed.

"I have never seen so many pieces of broken bones," Dr. Brown said as he observed the blood-strained pieces of bone in the glass tray. "Did the owner say what happened?

"They don't know for sure, Doctor. But they said he has been dragging his legs for a couple of days."

Dr. Brown nodded, his eyes never leaving the X-ray film on the board. Ennis took off the rubber gloves and tossed them into the trash can, then washed his hands while Dr. Brown once again inspected his patient, whose name was Elvis. This ten-year-old black terrier had been admitted last night. He couldn't walk at all when the old couple took him inside the clinic, their voices shaking with fear when they talked to him.

He had assured them that it would be alright but he had never been good at soothing people, judging from the sweat that started to form on his palm when the lady squeezed his hand and looked at him with her pleading, teary eyes. Martha knew how nervous he was to be saddled with expectations like this so she had taken over that role and let him examine Elvis inside the room.

Ennis hated expectations 'cause he knew he could never met those of anyone he ever knew. He wasn't a son of whom his father would be proud, wasn't a little brother any sisters would squeal to be around, nor a husband for whom a wife would thank God every day.

And he was a bad friend, too.

God, Mona would kick his ass if she knew his decision to figure things out by himself, despite her trying hard to help. But she should be the one who knew the best that he had to step into the battlefield and fight. Maybe she would understand.

But truth be told, Ennis had no idea why he had simply said 'yes' to Jack's 'let's do this together'. Ennis shook his head, feeling exhausted suddenly. He wasn't going to start this 'self discovery' now. It wasn't the time and definitely not the place.

Ennis walked out to the waiting area and bent down to greet Flea when he heard the phone ring.

"Ennis…sorry, Dr. Del Mar," Martha called out from the counter. "Mrs. Smith is on the line. Would you explain Elvis's condition to her?"

"I'll do it," Dr. Brown said as he rushed to the phone instead and picked it up from Martha who turned to grab a brown paper bag.

"Jack left this thing for you at about seven."

"Mmm." Ennis frowned and sneaked a look into the bag. It was a book, that 'Are you happy?' book to be exact. "Thanks."

"No problem. You should get some sleep. It was a long night."

"I will."

He gave a small wave to Martha with that paper bag and went up to the second floor with Flea jumping up cheerful-like. With a groan, Ennis kicked off his shoes and threw himself on the small bed with his face down. Flea barked and tried to draw his attention but retreated to his favorite place under the table when he saw Ennis wouldn't move, his lean figure still on the bed with his feet dangling over the end.

Ennis thought he must be dead to the world once his head hit the pillow. But he must have fallen asleep for only a few minutes 'cause when he opened his eyes, he was still holding the paper bag in his hand. Slowly, he turned on his back and opened the bag. There was a yellow post-it stuck to the front cover of the book.

_Just in case you can't find it. And keep your eyes on the little dog. See you tomorrow. J.__  
_  
Smiling, Ennis put the book down. He rubbed his eyes and nose, then moved his hands to his mouth, trying to rub away the stupid smile that still stretched his lips with superior strength. It helped some. He was able to close his eyes now. And despite the thought he couldn't sleep with all this crazy stuff in his head plus the condition of Elvis, Ennis drifted to dreamland after all, and dreamt of running around with his first dog on his daddy's horse farm, under the blue sky and above the green grass, something he hadn't dreamt about for years.

It was eleven thirty when he woke up. Martha was gone, Drew, the morning-shift assistant, had taken Flea down to the first floor and fed him, and Ennis found he had two missed calls on his mute cell phone on the table.

Both from Mona.

Was it possible that the shrink could smell something happening? Sighing, Ennis ignored the calls for now. He needed to go home first.

But he didn't have to call Mona, just as he expected, 'cause when he was unlocking his apartment later in the day, his cell vibrated again and he knew who was calling without a glance.

"Hi," he said, freeing Flea from his leash. "I'm sorry I didn't call you back."

"Long night, Tiger?"

"Yep, had a big operation last night." He poked his face into the fridge, grabbing a bottle of water, and winced at the noisy background noise he was hearing from the phone. "Where are you? Are you shopping in the middle of the day?"

Mona laughed, "I'm having lunch at the mall with guess who."

"Umm."

"Come on, guess. It's someone you know."

"I don't know. Who is it?" Ennis took a gulp.

"Alma. _Your date._ Come on, are you woken up yet?"

"Shit." Ennis choked on the water and cursed as he dragged a sleeve over his soaked chin and neck. This was something he hadn't prepared for.

"You ok?"

Ennis walked to his bed, sighing. "Yeah."

"We were hoping you could join us. But listening to you grumping like an old man who has hurt his back, I don't think you have any appetite, huh, Big Cat?"

_Why are you calling him that?_ he heard a soft voice ask Mona and then she answered something like '_long story_' and then there was giggling.

"I'm sorry, Mona. I think I will just get some sleep. But I will go see you around four or five. I need to return this book to you."

"What book?"

"This book you gave me the other day."

Silence. "You can keep it."

"No, I mean…" Ennis sat on the bed, petting Flea's head as he jumped up and scooted closer. "It's not that it's not good. But I'm not really in…" Damn. Ennis glanced at the blue paper bag containing a thick book on the nightstand that he had bought yesterday, the same book that Jack had given him this morning 'just in case' as he said, and decided to concoct a white lie. "Actually, I already have a copy of it."

"Oh no," Mona said and he heard the smile in her voice. "Ennis Del Mar went psychology book shopping!"

"Hush now," he muttered. "It's nothing. What time should I come by to see you?"

"Actually I'm not in the office today."

"I will give it to your secretary then."

"Ok. I'll let you sleep now. Alma says 'hi' and you know what, we should have dinner together sometime, us three. I like her."

The last part was a whisper. "Umm..."

He hung up and put Jack's brown paper bag on top of the blue paper bag on the nightstand before lying spread-eagled on his bed, closing his eyes. Mission accomplished. Now he only had to give Mona back this book. And he knew which one to give and which one to keep.

----------

"Remind me why we don't ever date," Alma said as she munched on her shrimp, purring softly with pure satisfaction over the food.

Jack smiled, "Besides the fact that I'm gay?"

"Seriously, Jack. None of my exes has ever taken me to dine by candlelight before."

"It's the decoration."

"And look at that! The violinist is playing Moonlight Sonata at that table."

"It's the service from the restaurant," Jack mused and earned a small kick under the table from Alma, the sweet girl who looked lovely tonight with her white Lily dress. He crossed his legs. "Anyway, I think you know the answer to that."

"You're not my type and I'm not your type." She shrugged and drank her wine. "You're more into a sassy, party-all-night girl with red lipstick, I know that. Dining here with a pale wearing-only-lip-gloss girl like me must be so damn boring for you."

"Not true."

Alma didn't seem to be listening. "And you've seen some pictures of my exes."

"Right, before you put them into the shredder."

"Oh how I wish I could also shred some other _part_ of them." Jack laughed and Alma soon joined him. "Well," she continued. "Much as I hate them, I always fall in love again with the same kind of guy, you know, blond hair, shy smile…"

Alma trailed off. Jack could almost finish the sentence for her with _Ennis Del Mar_ if only it wouldn't hurt so much merely at the thought of saying so. He played with the shrimp on his plate instead.

The restaurant was crowded tonight, which wasn't surprising, considering it was a Friday night. Jack and Alma chatted about their work and exchanged inside jokes about their freelance writers. One of Alma's freelance writers had just written a hilarious column about her four-year-old daughter who spotted one Buddhist statue with the tip of its thumb and index finger touching and said, 'Look, mom, the statue said everything is ok.'

"My goodness, I thought I'd die from laughing!" Alma giggled and they concentrated on the food once again. But Jack still wanted to clear the deck, something about the type of women Alma thought he was into, if he were to be into them, thing was.

"You know, Alma," he put his chin in the palm of his hand, crooking an eyebrow at her. "I don't really fall for sassy women. Yeah, they turn my head, but who wouldn't notice a sassy gal? Well, at the end of the day, I just want to stay with someone I can talk to all night about silly stuff like …why superman wears his underwear outside his pants or why a guitar has six strings or…"

"God, Jackie, don't tell me that's what's keeping you and Brent out of bed at night!!"

Jack cleared his throat and signaled the waiter for more wine. Alma kept her eyes on him, her teasing smile faded and Jack knew that she knew something was wrong.

"Well," he shifted his weight and sighed. "Now that's something I need to tell you. Me and Brent, we kinda broke up."

"Oh, Jack."

"Yeah." They both went silent, listening to the music coming from the violin until the waiter came with the new bottle of wine and filled up their glasses. Jack held up his glass, "To the break-up."

Alma shook her head sadly but held up her glass anyway and she took a sip. "I thought he was the one for you."

"So did I. It's weird, you know, how sometimes you just choose to take a risk when there is a safe path stretching right in front of you."

"Is it about Brent or your life as a gay man?" Alma teased and Jack frowned.

"You saying a gay man can't have a safe path?"

"No…but…" She leant back and crossed her arms and legs, face serious. "You have to understand that I'm a very strict Christian and all this gay and lesbian and homosexual stuff is not something I can say I agree with. I don't understand how a man would…anyway, but I don't have to hate something I don't understand. But I do hate mathematics. You know what I mean, right?"

"I do." Jack grinned, kicked her leg under the table playfully. "Even if people don't understand, I still deserve some respect, don't you think? I cross the street at the crosswalk and I pay my taxes on time but, hell yeah, mathematic sucks big time."

"I do respect you," Alma said and kicked Jack's leg back, a little stronger, giggling when Jack mouthed 'Ouch' and rubbed his ankle, cursing under his breath. "I do think you're very brave and honest. And you take me here, you can't be that bad for a gay man."

They shared soft laughter at that, then Alma's cell phone rang. She looked at the caller ID and pointed to the back of the restaurant, squealing something about how unexpectedly fast the person returned the call. He watched until Alma disappeared around the corner toward the lady's room before he turned back to his food. But Jack couldn't eat. He suddenly wanted to wrap up this dinner and go home. How could he tell her about Ennis when she was so sweet on him like this?

_I think you're very brave and honest._

Jack wondered whether, if he told Alma the truth, she would be proud of his honesty this time. But if she thought he was a brave and honest man, then Jack would be that person. It was the only thing he could do now. And the only thing he could give her.

Alma walked back to their table several minutes later, face flushed from laughing, he guessed.

"You remember Mona, Jack?"

Jack simply nodded, "Yeah."

"She just called. She's so funny sometimes. I can't believe she grew up with Ennis. They're so different."

Jack opened his mouth to speak but didn't know what to say so he shut his mouth. _Ennis and Mona grew up together? __  
_  
"And you won't believe what she calls him."

"Who?"

"The President?" Alma giggled. "Ennis!"

"Oh." Jack shrugged. "She called him Tiger at the party."

"She calls him all kind of animals in Felidae family tree. And you know why?"

Jack shook his head dumbly. Ok. He knew Alma was attracted to Ennis but he wasn't prepared to hear her talk about Ennis nonstop like this, especially not when she talked about stuff he didn't know. He didn't know Ennis and Mona grew up together, he didn't know Ennis had that many nicknames and didn't even know the basic things like he was a graduate of the University of Wyoming.

Jack must have been lost in his thoughts for a second but when he looked up, Alma was still talking about Ennis - his first dog, a big German shepherd, who died when he was about fourteen and how he was a nice kid to take care of when Mona babysat him.

_Jesus_, this Ennis Alma was talking about was like a stranger to Jack. Ennis Del Mar to him was a vet, with blond curls and a shy smile. He had a little dog named Flea. He loved looking at the stars and he could cook. _What else?_ Jack tried to figure out something more about Ennis he knew. But he failed. He realized he didn't know Ennis that well. Sighing, Jack straightened his back, wishing it could somehow help him stop feeling so small.

"Alma," Jack called out. He wasn't sure what she had been talking about during the last few minutes. But she was still smiling. No doubt she hadn't finished talking about Ennis yet and Jack reached out to touch Alma's hand briefly to stop her. Maybe he didn't know Ennis as well as she did but still it didn't change the way he felt with that man. "Now there's _something else_ I need to tell you."

"Oh." She blinked, her expression blank.

"About Ennis…" Jack cleared his throat. "You know I broke up with Brent because…I kinda feel something for someone else. It's very strong. It's…"

He almost said 'it's love' but had to bite his tongue. He wanted to be honest with Alma but she really didn't need to know everything.

"It's Ennis, Alma. I…" That's the best he could say and when he heard Alma gasp, he knew Alma had gotten his message right.

"Oh, Jack," she exclaimed in a small voice, then got ahold of his hand on the table. Jack looked up at her with huge eyes. Now this wasn't the reaction he expected.

"I'm sorry. It must be hard for you. You have to work with him and I just bombarded you with his story." She squeezed his hand and let go, her eyes on him all soft and sympathetic. "Let's talk about something else. Have I told you I like your T-shirt?"

Jack dumbly glanced down at his white T-shirt with back letters that said 'No Kangaroos in Austria' and he moved his lips but again he couldn't find something smart to say.

"Thanks…"

Finally, after like eternity, that was all he could manage to squeeze out from his dry throat. Alma hadn't gotten the right message after all. And who the hell he was to say that he and Ennis were sort of 'dating' when they weren't really 'dating'? Oh Jesus, Jack swallowed hard. When was this muddled-up mess going to end?

----------

Ennis jogged up the hill, one hand inside his coat while the other hung on to Flea's leash for dear life. He panted, blowing out white puff of breath and watched it mingle with the bright morning air, smelling the long-lost familiar scent of something fresh like newly-cut grasses. In the morning like this, he wished he could stroll leisurely but it looked like this dog didn't think so. He gave Flea a little tug.

"Christ, Flea. You smell some roast chicken or something? Slow down."

Flea didn't seem to listen and Ennis should have known better. He had a night off last night so both he and Flea got a whole night to themselves, not that they had a plan and everything. Flea played with his toy and went to sleep at the bottom of the bed, his usual spot at home. Ennis did some reading, not that _'Are You Happy?_' book, which wasn't for reading anyway, but the brochure of the Golden Gate Kennel Club, the sub-organizer of the social activity that one of the clients gave him a few weeks back. He had learnt something about the club but was still clueless as to what exactly that activity was all about. Did he need to show the people there how to train a dog or something? Christ, he couldn't even tell Flea to scoot over when he sprawled on his back in the middle of his bed. Ennis wished like hell they wouldn't think that a vet could just snap his fingers and a dog would jump on its feet and do Michael Jackson's moonwalk. Anyway, he got Flea ready enough by bathing him. He hoped it was ok.

Umm…on second thought, actually he did know one thing. The Home Care Elderly Care was situated on 7th Avenue. And the other thing he knew for sure was Jack would wait for him around the entrance to Golden Gate Park on Lincoln Way and they would start from there.

It did sound like a date, _Christ_. He was sweating, despite the cool air he was breathing in, merely from that thought. _Christ.__  
_  
But Ennis was surprised at himself. He thought he wouldn't be able to sleep from the anxiety or if he could sleep he might wake up screaming from nightmares with either Mona or Carol stomping their feet and yelling something like_ 'you're disappointing me'_ or _'wait 'til dad finds out about this'_. Sad but true, more than ten years after daddy had died, the old man could still haunt him like his own shadow. But Ennis didn't dream of anything and slept all through the night. When morning came, it was a different story somehow. He scanned the same old room and finally let his gaze linger on the brown paper bag on the night stand. And for the first time since he and Jack had agreed on the 'let's do this together' thing, whatever that this meant, Ennis shuddered with overwhelming emotions. He was scared but curious. He wanted to walk away but his body froze. And the more he tried to deny this forbidden feeling, the stronger he craved the man named Jack Twist.

He knew he had crossed the line the day he first tasted Jack's skin on his lips. But he should have known better. It was hard enough to control a skittish horse with a rein. How the heck could he put a hand on something untouchable like the cyclone-force twist in his stomach and the over-excited race of his heart whenever those sky-blue eyes were on him?

The same way the man in a black knee-length coat was staring at him now.

Ennis was totally lost in thought, didn't realize at all whether he or Flea had led the way to Golden Gate Park. But that was not important. They were here and Jack was standing right in front of him, hands on his hips, looking like some guy on the cover of a magazine with his dazzling smile that reached up into his eyes. Ennis grinned back a little and nodded when they finally stood face to face. "Hey."

There was awkwardness but when their eyes met briefly again, it was sort of gone.

"Hey," Jack said and bent down to give Flea a scratch or two on his head, chuckling at the way his little tail was swaying so hard. He glanced up at Ennis, "Which way do we go from here?"

"This way, I think."

The Home Care Elderly Care wasn't difficult to find. Actually, Ennis and Jack knew immediately which building it was from the barking sounds they heard from at least a block away. A woman greeted both of them at the door and squealed down at Flea. She put something around Flea's head, which later they found out it was a kind of a dog name tag. But instead of just his name, they put 'Boston Terrier' under it, too. The same woman walked back and told them where the snack and beverage corner was, talking faster than the speed of light about the program, from which Ennis could clearly catch something about 'dog show' then 'play time' before she bounced away to greet another guest with a very big Saint Bernard.

There were many dogs, big and small, short- and long-haired, around the place, each wearing a name tag indicating its breed. A big group of the elderly and their families were sitting at the long table and eating something that looked like pancakes and bacon, all chatting away good-naturedly. Other people wearing yellow T-shirts were walking around busily. Some of them already stood on the small stage holding microphones and stuff. There was even a mascot, a bigger-than-normal beagle with its bear-sized butt.

It was a crazy place. Jack and Ennis looked at each other then, both were unable to say anything but obviously amused by the situation. It was like they were standing in the middle of a busy, unfamiliar train station, watching people passing by without any clue which way they should go.

"Hey," Jack bounced Ennis's shoulder with his. "Where is that man you know?"

"Don't see him." Ennis glanced around but before he could fix a good look on someone, a voice from a microphone drew his attention to the stage. "Ah…"

"What?"

"There he is…"

Jack frowned and couldn't stop the chuckling that slipped from his lips. Ennis's client turned out to be that giant beagle who now allowed the lower part of his face to peep out from the dog's mouth and talked into the microphone.

Ennis and Jack grabbed their coffee and found places somewhere toward the back, watching everything in awe. Beagle introduced some important persons like the main sponsors, the director of the Home Care Elderly Care and the representatives from the Kennel Club. Then they moved on the 'dog show' session with laughter from the audience when Beagle introduced a real and a-lot-smaller beagle with black, white and brown hair.

Jack was heading for more food at the food corner, taking Flea with him, stopping to capture picture after picture of people and dogs along the way. Ennis marveled at how natural the man was. He just walked around with a plate of food in one hand and a digital camera in the other, chatting with people who played with Flea and all. A man full of confidence, something Ennis lacked.

"Well, and we got a Boston terrier here, everyone." Ennis's attention was pulled back to the stage with that. Beagle was pointing to Jack and Flea, standing somewhere in the middle of the floor. "Please welcome Flea!"

The same woman who had greeted them came to take Flea from Jack and that was when Jack walked back to Ennis at the back, stiffling a grin when the little dog jumped like crazy, loving a minute of being the center of attention.

"Damn, look at that." Jack chuckled. "Didn't he just walk on two legs?"

Ennis laughed, crossed his arms and suddenly felt like he was watching his 6-year-old son performing a play for school or something.

"So we already know the sweet Missy and she is a Yorkshire terrier and now we have little Flea. And he's a Boston terrier," Beagle said, turning left and right to the two dogs on stage. Jack and Ennis were standing side by side, eyes glued to the stage where many kids moved closer until some of them could reach their hands out to play with Flea. "Missy and Flea are both terriers but they look different. Do you know why?" Kids screamed 'no' while the elderly just laughed at the grandchildren's enthusiasm. "Well, we don't have to wonder any more. We have a vet here with us."

_Shit.__  
_  
"Maybe he could tell us more about this."

_Holy Shit, no.__  
_  
Stepping back, Ennis tugged the hem of Jack's shirt, forming a little fort of his own. His forehead bumped slightly with Jack's head as he cursed and dug his head down behind Jack's broad back, feeling the vibration of Jack's throaty chuckle that sent a shiver through his spine.

"What're you doing?" There was a smile in Jack's voice, Ennis could tell. "You're not ten years old, Ennis. Everybody is looking this way. They saw you."

"Shhhhh."

Jack elbowed him, "Come on. What can be so bad?"

Beagle called Ennis again and some of the people were smiling when they saw the bashful look on the blond-haired vet who finally peeped up from behind the shoulder of the dark-haired man carrying the digital camera.

"Dr. Del Mar, please, can you tell us a bit about Flea?" Hell, Beagle wouldn't give up.

Sighing, Ennis nodded finally. He shoved Jack a little too hard as he walked off, murmuring something to himself. Jack clapped his hands along with the audience then whistled so loud the fierce sound turned Ennis's head around to him again. Brown eyes squinted at him but Jack just shrugged, smiling wider until his face muscles hurt.

Ennis stepped on the stage, nervously scratched his head and obviously tried to avoid as much eye contact as he could. Jack moved forward, kept his steps quiet as the clapping died down. He held up his camera and watched Ennis take the mic from Beagle through the lens.

"Um…well…" he started and just that, those two words from Ennis, and Jack felt his lips stretch again. "Um…actually terrier is a dog breed and we have many of them. But not all of them are called a terrier."

Getting puzzled looks from most of the kids, Ennis scanned around the place. He had his target. A ghost smile was painted on his lips as he spotted a young miniature schnauzer among the dogs. "Well, see um…little Shelby there. We call him a schnauzer but in fact he is also a terrier…"

A girl in the front row raised her hand and Jack giggled at the I-want-to-get-out-of-here look on Ennis's face. He turned to Beagle for help but Beagle just grinned toward the girl, "Go on, sweetie."

"My aunt has a dog and she is very, very big and she looks like Flea but she is a very big, big, big, big dog." The girl stood up and moved her hand around and around. The adults chuckled and Jack saw Ennis and Beagle exchange another glance. The blond-haired vet was practically sweating.

Ennis looked around and saw the whiteboard. He asked for a marker and called the girl up. It seemed nobody cared about terriers much anymore when the girl and the other kids ran up and down on stage, taking turns drawing a picture of a dog, with Ennis on his knees chuckling now and again when the dog in question turned into something like an over-hairy mammoth with three pointed ears.

The yellow-T staff started to walk around at this point and roughly split people into groups. "Now it's play time! Come on, honey bee." Beagle led one of the girls to the basket with squeaking balls before joining a group of old men near the stage, a cheerful and loud Dalmatian following closely.

Jack saw Ennis, still kneeling and keeping the girl company when she was still having fun painting, but turned to look sideways where another group of old women were playing with Flea, Ennis's eyes soft and kind. Jack couldn't look away from the man who seemed to glow behind the lens. He took Ennis's photo, one shot then the other, almost forgot to breathe. _Here I am, taking Ennis's photo in broad daylight, no sneaking with my cell phone, Jesus…I must be dreaming._

As if hearing Jack's inner thoughts, Ennis looked up and Jack stilled the moment those honey brown eyes were fixing on him in the camera. Then he lowered his hands, feeling goosebumps all over from that intense stare, heart jumping up and down like he was riding on the surface of the Moon.

Jack was hypnotized alright, but it wasn't something new.

People, dogs, balloons, balls…didn't matter. For Jack, everything but Ennis was always all in a blur anyway…

----------

"Since when has cereal become dog food?" Jack mused and put down the big bag of dog food they (Flea, to be exact) got from one of the sponsors of the activity. Ennis's brows knotted but Jack thought it wasn't because of his question. Ennis was concentrating on writing on his notepad. Actually it was the only thing Ennis had done since they left the Home Care Elderly Care and sat under the big tree in Golden Gate Park ten minutes ago, with Flea taking a nap, his warm body pressed on Jack's hips on the bench. "Why didn't you tell me you wanted to write immediately? I could have brought my laptop."

"Um…that's alright," Ennis murmured, didn't look up. "I'm just taking notes. I'll write tonight at the clinic. Did you just say something about cereal?"

"This dog food looks like cereal. Don't ever remove it from the bag, or you might end up eating it one day, I swear."

Ennis chuckled, continued to write something then his hand stilled. He looked at the emptiness in front of him for a while and Jack saw his lips curve up, "This dog I had when I was a kid loved cereal."

"No shit."

"A-ah, Coco-pops with strawberry milk."

"Jesus," Jack laughed. "You share breakfast or something?"

"Nope. I don't eat cereal."

"Everybody eats cereal."

"Not me." Ennis shrugged. "It looks like bird food." Jack grimaced and gave Ennis a healthy shove. Ennis chuckled more. "He was a German shepherd and his name was Spooky."

"Spooky?"

"Yep."

Then Ennis looked at the emptiness in front of him again, dreamy-like. Jack shifted his body until he was facing Ennis's side, straddled the bench, being careful not to disturb Flea. Cautiously, he asked, "What was he like?"

"Spooky?"

"Yeah."

"Um…he was a smart dog." Ennis looked sideways at him, smiling a little. "But he had to sleep in the barn because my mom was allergic. Sometimes I sneaked him up to my room but he was a big dog and obviously didn't know how to tiptoe up the stairs so mostly I slept with him in the barn."

"I knew it. You made your dog eat your breakfast, didn't you?"

A shrug and a playful smile on Ennis's lips and Jack had to clench tightly to the bench or else he might float. But he had another question. "Your family are cowboys?

Ennis gave Jack an amused glance, "If by 'cowboys' you mean men on horses, yep, but we didn't have cows and stuff. We just raised horses, well, it was just my father and after he and mama died, the bank took the business anyway."

"Shit."

"Yep, and the apartment in town where we moved to didn't allow pet neither."

Ennis trailed off, he swallowed hard remembering how hard he cried when he heard Spooky run and bark painfully after his uncle's truck, K.E. and Carol holding him and sobbing with him. Shaking his head, Ennis tried to come back to the present day.

"I'm sorry," Jack said soft.

"Yeah, but I did come back to see him several times, you know. The old man who took over the barn liked him enough to keep him there. He was thinner but still the smartest dog I've ever seen. He died when I was fourteen."

"What do you mean by smartest?"

Ennis smirked, "How many dogs you know can high-five?"

"You're bullshitting me." Ennis nodded, his smile went broader into a dimpled grin and Jack had to hold his breath. Then both of them glanced at Flea's sleeping form, blinked and looked back at each other, brows crooked.

"Nope." Ennis shook his head. "No way. Maybe when pigs can fly."

Jack snorted. "His arms are a little too short but we can try!"

They shared soft laughter and Ennis got back to his note-taking. The mild wind blew, tickling, teasing and tempting tree leaves to dance until they couldn't be still at all, shaking and moving along with the rhythm of the breeze.

Ennis realized he was sitting with his side against the wind so he turned and straddled the bench, his back to Jack, the cool air seeping into his skin. It was quiet, not many people on this side of the park today. Only the sound coming from the nature-created dance ballroom above his head was heard. Ennis looked up at the dancing leaves. The winter sun shone down through the space between tree leaves, flashing light. And he put down the note book and savored the peaceful feeling for a moment.

Just then, he felt Jack shift behind him and the clock seemed to stop ticking when Ennis felt Jack's back on him; the warmth from Jack coat-clad broad back was spreading throughout Ennis's body like fire. From the small of his back slowly up to their shoulders, the fire was burning so hot Ennis had to squeeze his eyes shut and hold his breath. Jack was waiting, he knew, waiting to see if Ennis would back out. But no, he didn't want to back out. He felt Jack gradually lean more weight on him, more fire, and Ennis took it all, willing to burn into ashes.

It was weird how things seemed to be too ordinary. He had slept with Jack, a man, and he woke up in one piece, looked at the mirror and saw the same old face of himself. There was no mark saying 'gay' on his forehead and nobody had knocked him dead for that, yet. The world spun and life did go on just like every day.

But Ennis knew something had changed. Jack wasn't just a man he worked with now. He had woken something inside Ennis, raw hunger, desire and something else, and it was burning like fire there. One look from Jack and the fire would stir up like he was in the middle of an angry boiling volcano, ready to explode. But with one sweet, tender touch from him could also still the frame, like what he did now and Ennis closed his eyes, feeling for once all was alright with the world.

A long sigh, then Jack slid down a bit, resting his head on Ennis's nape. And Ennis heard something else, not the sound of dancing leaves above his head, but something surprisingly not out of place, another thing that belonged to nature.

The thump of their hearts.

----------

"You sure you don't need any help with the column?" Jack asked as he discarded the napkin that came with the burger into the trashcan. They were walking away from the park, chewing on their burgers on the way back home. Ennis shrugged,

"I don't think so."

"Ok."

Jack was glad Ennis seemed to be more confident with this writing thing but…shit…was this how the day going to end? He would really have to watch Ennis's back when he walked in the other direction to the clinic?

"You need to do anything else? Grocery shopping or something? It's still early."

"Um…"

"Or," _Stop talking like you're his girl or something, Jesus_. "How about just chilling out at my place?" _Oh, smooth_. Jack bit his tongue, wanting to just disappear or die.

Ennis ran a hand through his hair, looking nervous. "I…gotta go to work. Guess I'll see you around then," he said and Jack gasped, trying not to feel sick to his stomach but it was impossible. It hurt.

"Jack…" A soft voice was calling his name. Ennis must have seen or felt something. Shit.

"Can you tell me something, Ennis?" Jack asked quietly and led Ennis to the quieter corner of the DVD rental store, shifted the dog food into his other hand, feeling ridiculously stupid. Ennis followed, Flea came sitting half on his boots on the ground. "Why did you leave that night?"

_Tell me it was 'cause you had to work a night-shift, Ennis. Please. Like today you're leaving because you've got work to do._

"Are you going to just leave me behind like this every time we meet?" Jack asked again quietly, taking one step closer until he felt Flea approach and sniff around his shoes. "'Cause if this is the way it's gonna be, I can't…Jesus…I'm not asking too much, am I?" Jack found himself asking and his voice was bitter, something he didn't plan. He should be angry, shouldn't he? But why did he sound so desperate? Well, that was because they'd had a good day so far but look at this. Jack started to get angry for real when Ennis just looked at him like…huh? He was pouring out his heart and Ennis should at least say something, damn it.

"Fine," he threw his free hand in the air. "See you." _Yeah, whatever._

"Jack…" 

"What?"

"I was…" Jack watched the emotion playing on Ennis's face and he got to wonder again how such a great, great day could end like this? _Maybe…maybe he was asking too much._

"Ennis…."

"Jack, can we…" Ennis rubbed his eye sockets. "Can we…talk later…?"

"Yeah…" Jack simply nodded, though he wondered when Ennis's 'later' was. It could be like next week, even next life, who knew? "Ok, see you later then."

Ennis hesitated, looked around and stopped, then sort of muttered and stuffed Flea's leash into Jack's free hand and bent down to pat Flea's head. Jack looked down at his head, his mouth practically hanging open.

_Did he just…?_

"Ennis?" _Did he just…?_ "What are you…?" _…just leave his dog…? With me?_

"You already got his food." Ennis stood up and patted the big bag of food dog Jack was holding like a baby. He was avoiding Jack's eyes, the tips of his ears blushed slightly. "You have a food bowl for him, right?"

"Yeah…" _Hell no. But he can eat in the bathtub._ And as if Ennis could read his thoughts, he looked at Jack, amused, the tension between them clearly easing up.

"Ok. I'm going this way."

"A-Ah," Jack smirked, feeling light and happy all at once. "Not this soon."

He stuffed the leash back into Ennis's hand, dumping the bag of dog food on Ennis's chest, watching his arm that went around it almost automatically, and chuckled into Ennis bewildered face.

"You know, Ennis Del Mar," he whispered. "I love Flea but let me show you the perfect way to end a first date."

Jack gently pushed Ennis deeper into the tall shadow behind the billboard and kissed him hard on the mouth, hands capturing his jaws and fixing him right there. He pulled away soundly and grinned at Ennis's wide eyes, then snatched the leash and the dog food back. "Good night, Ennis."

Ennis was still standing in the same place, blinking and swallowing, his tall, lanky frame turning into stone as Jack walked backward like he had eyes on the back of his head. He waved before the swarm of people came between them.

This must sound stupid but Jack knew this was how Neil Armstrong sure felt the moment he was on the moon, light-headed but heavy-hearted – not in a bad way though. And Jack was walking on his moon now. His feet barely touched the ground as he crossed the street, bouncing like a kid and smiling like an idiot with zero I.Q.

He would have a great dream tonight and wake up to an even better tomorrow. Well, he would have a Sunday with Ennis and Flea, what could be better than that?

----------

"It's Ennis. I'm not home, please leave a message and I'll get back to you later…um…bye."

_Beep --- Honey, it's your sister. K.E. is coming home for Christmas. Can you come? I miss you and so do your nieces. If the flight is fully booked, try the train. Or you can borrow Mona's car and drive up here. Oh, and you're free to bring anyone. Mona told me a very nice girl is falling for my little brother hard and fast. Well, I hope you and her both can come. It's been years since the three of us were together for Christmas. Call me back, ok? Bye."_

TBC

----------

Thank you all for reading. Hugs to **cwby30** (my livejournal friend), **allyoucaneater**, **NastyMiss.J**, **Belegwathiel**, **Rose** and **Redwooddancer** for your comments. I'll try to answer your them soon!!


	12. Chapter 12

**----------**

**Close your eyes and sleep well, my friend. For you're now safe in the world with no pain.**

**Sweetest lullaby, little angels smile and sing. Just for you, my dear soul, in the land of forever spring.**

**Rest in Peace, Heath. You'd been loved and will never be forgotten. This story, although it's nothing compared to what you had done for us fan, is for you. **

**----------**

**You & Me & a Dog Named Flea** Chapter 12 "Coffee and Donuts"  
**Disclaimer** : Annie Prouxl owns the timeless characters in BBM. I'm writing from love and making no profit.  
**Summary** : Altinate Universe Fiction of Ennis and Jack (from Brokeback Mountain) set in San Francisco ; Jack Twist had a chance encounter with a veterinarian one day, didn't know the shy vet, and his black and white terrier, would have a permanent place in his heart.  
**My Deepest Thanks** always to Judy, my ultimate beta!  
**Feedback** : means the world to me:)

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Chapter 12 "Coffee and Donuts"

_Well, just…move your ass and press the damn buzzer, will you?  
_  
Ennis rolled his eyes, then tucked his neck into the warmth of the grey turtleneck he was wearing, digging his hands deeper into his coat pockets. The weather was getting remarkably colder and his face was turning numb. Still he had no idea why he didn't just move inside the building. Sighing, he turned his back to the door of Jack's apartment building for the hundredth time that morning. He wanted to go in, it was freaking arctic and a cup of hot coffee would be a real sweet treat on a cold day like this. But he wasn't so sure if he should buzz Jack's room or call him. Was he up already?

Ennis quietly observed how still everything was, no movement at all, like the city was still in deep sleep. The decoration of some little Christmas trees in front of that baby clothing store reminded him it was only a week 'til Christmas and he had to frown. _Shit._ It had been a week since Carol asked if he would go back home for Christmas. He hadn't called her back yet. Wonder if she had called again. Um…but he hadn't been home since yesterday morning… Well, Carol always left a message. Maybe after he got Flea from Jack, he would…Ah, are you here to just get Flea from Jack?

_Really?_

Is this what you wanna do? Is this why you've been standing here shaking with cold and anxiety?

There was the sound of a door opening. He turned his head to see a woman walk out from Jack's apartment building. She held the door open and smiled at him. "Are you coming in?"

"Yes, ma'am." He smiled back at her. "Thank you."

And he found himself walking up the stairs, the same ones he had been sort of dragged over by Jack a couple of days ago. The day his life had changed completely. And he was standing in front of Jack's apartment door in a minute, panting a little. He heard a scratching sound from behind the door so he crouched down and chuckled. It seemed the little fella knew he was here. Flea's doggie nose sure worked faster than Jack himself, who must be sleeping late on Sunday morning. But then, the door opened and, much to his surprise, he was looking up at shirtless Jack.

"Hi," Jack said, his voice thick with sleep, but his grin erased the drowsiness from his face almost instantly. "About time. Flea's been restless for like ten minutes."

_Oh._

"He always know you're around?"

"Yep." Ennis hauled Flea up and rubbed his belly, watching as Jack walked back to his bed and propped himself up on his elbow. Jack's silky broad chest was too bright, like summer sun at noon, so bright Ennis had to keep his eyes on the floor for fear of getting burned and blinded.

"How's the clinic?" he heard Jack ask. Ennis looked at the kitchen, the dog food was there, the fat package leaning against the counter.

"Busy…we've got Elvis, a very sick dog. He can't walk."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." And there was an empty soup bowl lying face down near the white table. That might be Flea's temporary food bowl from last night.

"Ennis."

"His back is broken. We might have to transfer him to the bigger clinic if it gets worse." Also, there was a torn newspaper in front of the bathroom, which was no doubt one of chewing Flea's masterpieces that had been created overnight.

"Ennis, look at me." And he did. He looked at Jack for a brief moment, looked down again, his heart racing as fast as an express train. "Come here, Ennis. Come on, it's alright."

Ennis's chest rose and fell and he sighed as he slowly walked up to Jack on his bed, shoulders slumped in defeat. He couldn't resist this anymore. He wanted this, wanted it so bad he might explode or even break down and cry.

"It's alright," Jack whispered, scooted over on the side of the bed and reached one hand out to grip his arm, the other drawing Ennis's face closer, his palm warm and steady. Flea jumped down from Ennis's embrace and the thudding sound when his feet met the floor was the last thing Ennis's brain registered 'cause then their lips touched and everything just didn't matter anymore.

It was different from the other night, their first night together, which Ennis hardly remembered. That night everything had been so fast and frantic, almost all about physical release when two men finally succumbed to the mutual forbidden attraction. And it was easier that way, if Ennis was honest with himself. But it was different this time, even the kiss felt different. He didn't know how Jack did it but once Jack's wet and warm lips hovered gently on his, kissing suddenly felt like making love.

"Take it off." Shivering, Ennis easily let Jack pull the turtleneck over his head, closing his eyes as Jack combed his tousled hair back gently. He just stayed there, eyes closed and vulnerable. More kisses on his hair and forehead and Ennis moved his hands up Jack's torso, hearing Jack's breath hiss, "Just don't think about it now, Ennis. Let it go. Come on."

And they kissed again, more urgently as their hands started to roam more freely over each other's body, fingers digging and crawling as if touching wasn't enough. It seemed like eternity until they shifted on their sides, Jack whispered something about lube and condom and Ennis just complied, then buried his face in Jack's shoulder as he thrust into Jack from behind, both of them grunting and moaning together.

Ennis knew this must be wrong, must be a sin in some people's book. But he didn't know what else he could do. This was what he wanted, being with Jack, sleeping with him, holding him, thrusting into him and drawing out shivering moans of pleasure from him like this. This, he wanted. _But could he have it?  
_  
----------

Jack was dreaming of the ocean. He was lying…nah…he was actually rolling around, laughing like crazy when sand seemed to stick to every part of his body and some even got inside of his nose and ears. He felt free and on top of the world, _king of the world_, he was.

But as he was peacefully enjoying the stillness of the beautiful world, the ground shook. Jack sat up and looked around. _Earthquake? No. What the hell is that?_ Birds screamed and flew out of the cave behind him while the ground shook some more. Panicked, Jack turned around and what he saw almost made him faint. Lots and lots of animals were running his way, horses, lions, giraffes, elephants, _crabs_? _Where the hell am I? Jumanji?  
_  
He looked for a place to hide but the nearest tree was like a mile away. So he covered himself with his arms and scrunched down the best he could, screamed at the top of his lungs when animals ran madly past him. 

"Get away!" Jack flung his arm, it hit something and he sprang up straight, his eyes popped wide open, finally bringing him back from dream land. "Jesus fucking Christ, damn!" He panted then started to laugh at the stupid dream. Then he stopped as the thudding sound continued and he realized finally that he was in his room and whatever that sound was, it was coming from this room, not from some stupid Jumanji dream.

But Jack's will to find out the source of the sound disappeared momentarily when he looked down and found Ennis's arm draped over his torso. Ennis was still asleep on his belly, his head kind of pressed to Jack's shoulder, his face relaxed and peaceful, and Jack gave in to the urge to kiss the man whose kiss was the sweetest. He touched his lips gently on Ennis's temple and his slightly parted lips before swinging one of his feet down onto the floor.

And there, right there in front of the door, he found the inspiration of his Jumanji dream. Flea was running in circles like some crazy bull in a rodeo competition, sniffing, then running around again, the thudding sound probably echoing to the room downstairs. Now what was that? Some kind of doggie ritual dance…?

"Ennis…" Jack shook Ennis's arm. "Ennis, wake up."

"Wha…" Ennis murmured into the pillow, stretched a little and opened one sleepy eye at Jack, couldn't quite focus. Jack grinned.

"Jesus, I want to kiss you so bad right now but that has to wait." Jack smacked Ennis again. "Obviously we have a situation here."

"Huh?" Still couldn't focus.

"What's wrong with Flea? Is he dancing or something?" Jack asked and watched as Ennis pushed himself up on the bed, shivered a bit as the cool air hit his naked body. Ennis's sleepy expression changed into panic.

"What time is it?"

"A little after nine."

"Shit." And within a second, Ennis jumped off the bed into his old jeans and rumpled turtleneck that had been tossed on the floor, leaving Jack's huge eyes following the hasty movement in wonder.

"What the hell's happening, Ennis?"

"Poo time at nine."

_Oh fuck._ Jack didn't need any more explanation than that. He sprang out of bed and snatched jeans and t-shirt from the closet, rubbed the sleep off his face and rushed after Ennis, who had practically hauled Flea up and out the door, running as fast as if the building was on fire or something.

They made it to the nearest park in two minutes, both bending down, panting like mad while Flea continued his ritual dance for a short moment and settled near the bench at last. And Jack chuckled. Suddenly everything was too funny, he couldn't keep his face straight anymore. First that stupid-ass Jumanji dream, Flea's exotic ritual dance, then this, and for God's sake, they were in such a hurry neither of them had brought a poo bag or paper or something to clean up the mess.

"God," Jack took a deep breath, trying to stop giggling, but when he met Ennis's eyes that were now sparkling with amusement, they both burst out laughing again.

"What's so funny?" Ennis asked finally, watching Jack throw himself down on the bench, still chuckling softly himself. "You should be grateful you won't have to clean up your room."

Jack just smiled, "How can you do that?"

"What?"

"Train him to poo on time."

"I didn't do that. He doesn't poo or pee inside buildings normally. I just have to keep my eyes on him whenever he does the _dance_," Ennis said with a smirk.

"Oh, shut up." Jack rolled his eyes. "I never had a dog before. How the hell would I know? But, Ennis, what're we gonna do about Flea's little creation?"

They turned their attention to the_ little creation_ of Flea on the ground and Ennis looked around. Flea chased a butterfly at the other not-so-far corner of the small park, totally into his doggie world. Ennis was going to find some dry leaves or paper but Jack had a better idea.

"I'm going to buy some donuts and coffee and ask if they've got something, papers, napkins, something. And we need to eat anyway."

"Ok."

"You want something else?"

"Um…" Ennis shook his head. "Donuts are fine."

"Alright." Jack jumped up on his feet. "Be back in a minute. You guard the creation now."

"Get outta here." Ennis shoved Jack, who ran away laughing. Flea looked like he wanted to follow but Jack told him to stay and, to Ennis's surprise, he obeyed.

Jack didn't look back as he took a long-stride walk to the other side of the road for fear that Ennis would change his mind and shout after him '_Don't bother, I'm going back home_' or something. A few minutes later, he queued up behind a couple of people, waiting to pay for six donuts and two cups of espresso to go, and smiled down at his feet, remembering what had happened. They'd had sex again for the second time and it was great sex, too. But it wasn't just sex. It was… Damn, there was a connection and Jack couldn't recall the last time he'd had such a connection during sex. Not with Brent. Well, he and Brent hadn't really had sex anyway, not really.

Jack had only had two serious relationships with women, one in high school, and it had ended badly. They'd said goodbye after the prom when he insisted on going to college out of state, leaving Wyoming to go somewhere warmer and out of his old man's pool of hatred, upon an empty promise of a long-distance relationship which they both knew wouldn't last.

"Eight sixty-seven, sir."

Jack startled and smiled at the lady behind the donut counter. Thanks to her, he was back to the present at last. Jack paid and asked for some additional napkins, couldn't help but wonder why he thought about Cathy, that was her name, again. It'd been a long time and she might have like three kids already, God knew why she seemed to pop up in his head now and again. Maybe deep down, Jack still felt sorry their relationship had ended that way but that guilt could be the reason why he'd treated his second girlfriend better. Her name was April. They'd shared a room for two and a half years and he'd even told her he loved her, with a cake on her 23rd birthday. But Jack had learned something new in that relationship, too, that saying _'I Love You'_ to a woman couldn't scratch the itch to be touched by a strong, firm man's body.

Well, dating Brent had been different though…in theory and in practice, too. He really didn't have a clue about 'gay love' and stuff at first. Shithead Lee used to carry the 'how to' books for gay men around just to make him mad when he and Brent first started going out. But Jack didn't really care. Actually, he _did_ know something about the birds and the bees but he just didn't want to rush. Kissing and touching were fine really. Brent was a great kisser and knew just where to touch him and rile him up good. But something wasn't right there and Jack knew he could quote all the reasons in the world to support this; how his hands were too soft on him so that his touch tickled or how his grip on Jack's waist was sometimes too strong, too possessive. He could go as far as to how his hair looked too dark at night but the truth was there was only one reason. Brent wasn't Ennis.

Hell, he had treated all of his exes so badly. Now he was practically running after Ennis. Was this God's way of punishing him or something?

When Jack walked back to the park, Ennis had already managed to clean up Flea's creation, saying some dog's owner gave him a poo-bag. And they went back to the apartment, talking in soft, private voices of stuff in general; how Jack wanted his donuts to be as sweet as cane sugar and how Ennis thought creamy donuts went better with espresso. Jack's stomach growled merely at the talk and they laughed, speeding their steps until they reached the apartment.

Jack put the donuts and coffee on the kitchen counter and disappeared into the bathroom, threw a toothbrush at Ennis. "Use this, Ennis. I got a spare one. And the towels are in the closet." And he walked off to the kitchen, giving Ennis some privacy 'cause he was pretty sure what Ennis was thinking. Spending the night together was one thing but taking a shower and having breakfast together the morning after was another story. This was the moment of truth, where the awkwardness would bloom like ugly black ink on water if one of them didn't want to go further than having a one-night stand. He didn't want that and he hoped like hell Ennis wouldn't either.

After like a minute, Ennis murmured, "Can I use your computer after this? I need to finish the column."

"Sure." Then Jack smiled down at the chocolate donuts when he heard the sound of the bathroom door close.

----------

_I'm writing and eating donuts and coffee in the apartment of a man I slept with, and feeling wonderful. Um…Christ.  
_  
Ennis looked around. Flea was playing with his ball quietly on the creamy rug near the sofa, his fast-becoming-favorite spot, and Jack was fumbling with his laundry in front of the bathroom with one hand still holding onto a donut, his hair dark-wet from water. The re-run NBA game was left barely noticed on T.V. with occasional snorts and swears from either one or both of them when someone scored points. They would exchange a glance or a smile or two and turn back to what they were doing, Ennis with his writing and Jack with his own little NBA game of shooting his balled T-shirts into the hamper, cheering himself like some damn sports DJ.

It was like they'd been spending Sunday like this forever.

"What you usually do on Sunday?" Ennis found himself asking.

Jack shrugged, "Sleep until like noon. Do some laundry, some shopping, hang out with friends. You?"

"Just about the same except that hanging out part. I don't have that many friends in the city."

"How long have you been here?"

"Um…" Ennis crossed his arms. "Almost three years. Actually it'll be three years at Christmas. Yep…" He nodded to the surprised look on Jack's face. "I moved up here at Christmas and stayed at Mona's place for like a month before I got a job."

Jack thought about what Alma had told him. "You and Mona grew up together?"

"Sort of. She's Carol's best friend and we're neighbors, too. She's like a sister." Ennis smiled. "Gets on my nerves more than Carol sometimes."

"Wow, bet that was nice. I grew up absolutely alone. My daddy took care of his cows better than me…." Jack trailed off when he realized what he had said. He shrugged again, wishing it could clear away the uneasiness that almost eclipsed the bright morning, talking about his mean old man like that. "But that was the past. I try not to think about that dark spot of my life much. Daddy is happy there without me around now, so I guess I'm a good son for leaving home."

"His loss," Ennis said quietly and Jack looked up at him, suddenly couldn't hardly breathe as Ennis sneaked a look up through his thick lashes, Ennis who had pulled on one of Jack's white t-shirts, his body and hair smelling of Jack's soap and shampoo. After a minute of silence, Jack could finally manage a smile.

"Thank you, Ennis, I don't think he feels the same but…it's…actually nice to hear that." He cleared his throat. "How's the column?"

"Almost done," Ennis said, seemed delighted that the tide of the conversation had changed. "Where're the pictures you took yesterday?"

"My Pictures. Listen, Ennis, you want some time alone to finish writing? I mean, I can just go to the Laundromat so you can write quietly by yourself."

"You don't really have to do that, Jack. This is your place."

Jack simply smiled, "One advantage of dating a man is he doesn't mind if you want to be alone. He will even come back with lunch. What do you want to eat?"

Ennis flinched a little and Jack held out his hands and sighed, "Shit, sorry. I'm moving too fast, am I?" Ennis just shrugged. "It's ok, Ennis, really. So? What do you want to eat?"

"Um…I don't know. I'm not that choosy."

Jack smirked, "Anything but cereal, right?"

Ennis picked up some brochures that were lying on the table and threw them at Jack, who just laughed louder. He watched Jack gather his clothes and stuff his wallet and cell phone in the back of his jeans, whistling a nameless tune as he grabbed his coat. Flea barked, sensing the opportunity to go out. Ennis held out Flea's leash, "Take Flea, I mean if you want. He looks bored."

"Oh yeah," Jack walked back to get Flea's leash from Ennis. He grabbed both the leash and Ennis's fingers as he leant his hips on the edge of the table, looking down at the sweet brown eyes, their fingers loosely lacing. Jack ran his free hand through Ennis's golden curls, watching them swirl around his fingers, and smiled absentmindedly. Ennis was glancing up at him, his eyes questioning but willing, soft but fierce at the same time. Jack rubbed his knuckles on Ennis's stubbled jaw. "Can I kiss you? I mean…"

But there was no reluctance as they moved at the same time, their lips meeting in an open-mouthed kiss that continued for several minutes as they played a little game of hide and seek with their lips and tongues. And when Jack let his teeth come out and play, Ennis was the one who backed away with a chuckle and a teasing shove on Jack's chest. And with one last look over his shoulder, Jack was out the door.

When he was left alone in the apartment, Ennis could concentrate on writing until he found _his_ pictures in Jack's My Pictures folder and just blinked at them for like an hour. He knew Jack had admitted to take Ennis's photo earlier and he had taken a lot of pictures yesterday, more than once turning to focus his camera on him. But still, seeing his pictures there was making things real again.

Maybe he was gay, maybe not, but one thing was for sure, he was attracted to Jack for real and, like a drug, it kept him coming back for more.

Shaking his head, Ennis got up and walked to the bookshelf, hoping to find some distraction so he could go back to finish the column. There was a small picture holder and what he found inside made his stomach flip. It was a group picture of about ten people taken inside a room somewhere, not this room, but a bigger room with lots of chairs. Jack was smiling in the middle of the picture, Grant (was that his name?) was sitting on his left side, holding a can of Budweiser, the guy with red hair who was with Grant at the clinic that night was smiling cheekily behind him. Another black-haired man was kneeling with one knee up on Jack's right, his arm around Jack's torso, his long fingers splayed possessively over Jack's chest.

Another thing was for sure, Jack was gay and obviously had dated someone who…probably gave him anything he wanted as far as a 'boyfriend' could. And Ennis had to wonder if in this life he could ever give Jack what he wanted or not.

----------

"Hey, Grant."

"Hey, handsome." Grant's chuckle traveled across the connection to his ears and Jack had to smile. "What's up?"

"I'm good. You sound great. What's new?"

"Oh, I'm the boss today. _Someone_ wants to clean up the room after the session ends. Hey! Where do you think you're going, Lee!?!"

Jack snorted, "Shit, Grant. You still punishing him? I thought washing dishes three nights in a row was about enough."

"It is, but today is the last day. So we got a big clean-up to do at the Velvet. He said he wanted to help and I always welcome all the help I can get," Grant said cheerfully. "So how are things, Jackey? Where are you? Some dog park? I can hear some barking. Since when do you have a dog? Don't tell me because Ennis is a vet and all. That's some teenage girl's trick and it won't work that well with us gay men, you know."

Jack laughed and bent down to rub Flea's head and let him lead the way up the little hill ahead of them, with him barking sharply at every moving thing from sparrows to kids on their scooters.

They were going to buy lunch and Jack took the opportunity to call Grant. He was half-worried about Lee, something he didn't quite understand why he should care about. But he also wanted to know what Grant's reaction was like after the day Lee had showed up unexpectedly at his office. Grant acted the same as usual and Jack had a feeling Lee hadn't told Grant how he really felt.

"Nah, not my dog. It's _his_ dog."

Silence. And Jack could just picture Grant's face right now. Concerned.

"Damn, Jack. Don't you think you're going too fast?"

"I know. But I want this to happen, Grant. I know how I feel and I'm not going to do this half-assed. You should be the one knowing me the best."

"I do and that scares me." Grant sighed. "Where is him? Don't tell me…" He trailed off as he could slowly figure the answer to that question by himself. How Jack was with Ennis's dog on Sunday morning. "Oh my God."

"Yeah…"

"Hell…"

Jack smiled ruefully, "I want him to meet you, Grant. And I mean really meet."

"I want to really meet him, too, but that can wait. There's something you need to do before that, I believe." Grant stopped talking. It seemed he was walking out of the room for a more private place for private matters. "Brent's here. He was at Bay and Bridge last night and drank himself to sleep at the counter."

Shit. Jack closed his eyes and inhaled shakily. "Jesus. Was he alright?"

"No, he looked bad. He didn't even speak to me."

"Shit, I'm sorry, Grant. I…"

"That's not what I mean, Jack," Grant cut in. "Shit happens, but you can't let it slide. You know what to do, right?"

"Yeah," Jack whispered. "If Brent doesn't want my apology, I will just stand there and let him punch me or throw stuff at me or something. I deserve that."

"And you know where I am after that throwing war ends. Maybe you can bring Ennis and I'll give you guys free beers."

Jack smiled again but his heart was heavy. "Thanks, Grant."

"But this Ennis, he's something else. I don't even let my man feed Pepe, let alone take her out. I can't believe he let you have his dog."

"Me neither…You're at the Bay and Bridge the whole week, right?"

"Yes. And knowing Brent, I'm pretty sure he will be there most nights, too, you know, just to sit there like a corpse and remind me that I have a part in this or something."

Jack felt like shit. "I shouldn't have dragged you into this in the first place."

"Don't worry about me, Jacky. Brent and I go way back…I mean…I don't think it's permanent. But you and he, it's another story. Just call first, ok? Maybe you need some back-up troops."

Jack chuckled despite everything, "Yeah, but you have to make sure Lee is locked up good somewhere, I don't care if I'm outnumbered as long as he's not there."

Grant laughed. "Ok. Now take care, you hear?"

Jack didn't know how he could summon the strength to buy lunch and go back to his apartment with a hamper full of clean clothes and Flea by his side. But when he realized, he found himself standing at the bottom of his bed where Ennis was sleeping on his side, chest rising and falling in rhythm. He'd said he'd had a busy night, must be double tired from writing. Without thinking about anything, Jack took off his coat and shoes and slid up behind Ennis, resting his head on the man's nape and hugging his body close. And Jack soon fell asleep, too, his heart still weighing heavy with untied knots.

----------

They woke up with a start from the vibration of Ennis's phone on the nightstand. The sky had turned relatively darker but it must have been only around four or five for Flea hadn't yet whined for his dinner. Ennis groped for his phone, murmuring a hello and snuggling back in the crook of Jack's neck, sighing when Jack's arms went around him tighter.

"Morning, Tiger! You still sleeping?"

_Shit._ Ennis rubbed his eyes and moved away a little. Mona's voice from the phone was loud enough for both of them to hear. "Kinda, yeah…"

Mona talked some more about dinner and Christmas and back to dinner again but Ennis could hardly focus 'cause Jack was staring at him so close. The heat from his body spread throughout the sheet and seeped into his skin.

If he hadn't been so sure about what he wanted this morning – which he thought he had been pretty much certain, Ennis realized things couldn't be surer now. This was what he wanted, the affectionate and strong embrace of Jack to keep him warm and safe, not dinner with Mona nor Christmas at home, just being in this small room with Jack was enough.

Jack still stared and Ennis couldn't look away either, Mona's talking becoming like some street noise from outside the window as he wondered how a man's eyes could say so much just by looking. '_I want you'_, _'we don't have to do anything, just stay'_ and he felt Jack's arms grow tighter around his waist, his hand slipping inside his T-shirt and caressing his naked skin, '_stay with me_.'

And Ennis muttered 'goodnight, I have to go' or something like that, he wasn't quite sure, into the phone and hung up. His cell phone landed somewhere on the bed as Jack crawled on top of him and kissed his lips, murmuring incoherent words until Ennis relaxed and sagged back on the bed. But he could catch something: "You make me crazy, Ennis Del Mar."

Ennis closed his eyes and buried his nose in Jack's hair.

_Can I do this? Am I ok to do what I want to do now? I have done what I've been told for the rest of my life. Can I just be myself for a second, a minute, or an hour? Can I?  
_  
Jack kissed away all the doubt and Ennis gasped, clutching Jack tightly.

And like a ship with an anchor being pulled up, Ennis let go, feeling his body float away to somewhere where there was no more Ennis Del Mar, just this man who wanted to stay in the other man's embrace forever and be gone, gone and lost in Jack and never come back to live in the real world.

_And you make me crazy, Jack Twist._

----------

"Mona, I don't think this is a good idea."

"We'll just stop by to see him at work, no harm done. Besides, didn't you say the owner of the clinic is your godfather?"

Alma sighed and dutifully nodded. Both of them had just had a nice dinner and Mona insisted on dropping by the clinic to say 'hi' to Ennis and Alma's godfather before going home. But they only found a black woman behind the counter there. She smiled at them, "Good evening."

"Hi," Mona stepped in and looked around. "We're here to see Ennis…"

"Dr. Del Mar?" Martha crooked her brow, "I'm sorry but he asked for a night off."

"A night off?" Mona blinked. "Is he sick?"

Martha shrugged lightly, "I have no idea but he sounded fine. Maybe he's got some errands to do."

And she excused herself to do her work on the computer, leaving Mona and Alma looking at each other in wonder.

And that minute Dr. Brown came down the stairs and Mona watched him and Alma hug before she was introduced to the bald vet, still couldn't stop pondering Ennis's absence. Ennis had never taken a night off, well, if he wasn't sick to death, which had never happened before anyway. He hadn't even skipped school or church when he was younger, always a good, nice and mellow kid. This was weird. Mona couldn't help but wonder what Ennis's 'errands' could possibly be.

TBC

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Thank you all for reading. Chapter 13 is also here, so…hope you'll enjoy :)


	13. Chapter 13

**----------**

**Close your eyes and sleep well, my friend. For you're now safe in the world with no pain.**

**Sweetest lullaby, little angels smile and sing. Just for you, my dear soul, in the land of forever spring.**

**Rest in Peace, Heath. You'd been loved and will never be forgotten. This story, although it's nothing compared to what you had done for us fan, is for you. **

**----------**

**You & Me & a Dog Named Flea** Chapter 13 "a Turtle and a Kangaroo"  
**Disclaimer** : Annie Prouxl owns the timeless characters in BBM. I'm writing from love and making no profit.  
**Summary** : Altinate Universe Fiction of Ennis and Jack (from Brokeback Mountain) set in San Francisco ; Jack Twist had a chance encounter with a veterinarian one day, didn't know the shy vet, and his black and white terrier, would have a permanent place in his heart.  
**My Deepest Thanks** always to Judy, my ultimate beta!  
**Feedback** : means the world to me:)

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Chapter 13 "a Turtle and a Kangaroo"

Ennis woke up feeling cold at his feet, and tickling. He blinked for several minutes until his mind slowly came to register that he was still in Jack's room, on Jack's bed, and Flea was chewing on his heel. Groaning, he buried his face back into the pillow and withdrew his feet into the warmth of the blanket, ignoring Flea's sharp protesting barks.

But he didn't go back to sleep, just listened to the echo of the clock ticking in this quiet room, the clock that said eight thirty. Damn, how come he had been in such a deep sleep that he didn't realize when Jack had left.

He saw from a corner of his eye a small piece of paper on the nightstand. Ennis read the neat handwriting in block letters, his other hand caressing Flea, who had leant on his stomach; _'There're some muffins in the kitchen and you know where the coffee is. J.'  
_  
Ennis scanned the room again, then grabbed his cell phone, suddenly feeling worried about Elvis, whom he hadn't seen last night. He hoped the dog was getting better. The phone rang two times before Drew picked up. "Hi, this is Ennis."

"Good morning, Dr. Del Mar."

"Morning, Drew. How is Elvis?"

"Oh, he's getting better. Dr. Brown had a discussion with the Animal Hospital about the possibility of transferring him there if his condition is getting worse. But as of today, he's fine. He just ate his breakfast."

Ennis sighed with relief and Drew heard that 'cause she laughed. "Well, I guess you have more important things to worry about tonight."

"I do?" Ennis wondered out loud.

"We have a Christmas party tonight, come on, Doc. You can't be forgetting this."

Ah…right and he had totally forgotten it; a private Christmas party for the clinic's clan which had been held around a week before Christmas every year. Drew was a party lover who had never tired of figuring out different themes for parties each year. Two years before, they had a cartoon party theme and Ennis remembered being half-forced by Martha to dress up as Popeye to go along with her Olive Oyl. If that wasn't torture enough, they had a rock n' roll theme last year featuring girls with big hair and blood-red lipstick and men with leather pants. He still couldn't shake the picture of Dr. Brown wearing a long brown wig and head band with a picture of skulls, the letters on his black tight T-shirt saying _'W. Axl. Brown'_. God, just thinking about that made his hair stand up.

This year's theme was a lot easier though. It was an animal theme. Surprisingly, they had never had this kind of theme before, considering they were people working with animals and all. Nobody knew how grateful he was for that. He didn't like parties of any sort, let alone dressing up like some crazy man.

"Oh, you forget!" Drew gasped into the phone.

"No, not really. I'll do something."

"You'd better!" And then Drew lowered her voice, giggling uncontrollably. "Ennis, you won't believe what Dr. Brown has in mind. But I'm not telling anyone. That will ruin the surprise."

Ennis found himself chuckling with her. "I bet it'll be good."

Ennis hung up and spent another minute or two lying on the bed and just staring at the white ceiling, making mental notes of what to do today. Then he closed his eyes again.

Everything smelled like Jack, the pillow, the sheet, even his skin, and Ennis found himself inhaling deeply, feeling comforted simply by Jack's scent, the same scent that became familiar minute by minute.

He closed his eyes and thought back to the first night he slept with Jack, the night he woke up and just lay still, almost holding his breath for fear it would stir Jack from his slumber. Ennis remembered looking at Jack for like eternity, registering how his long dark lashes splayed out across his cheekbones and how soft his mouth and skin were under his touch, his body shaking so bad from hard realization that came rushing at him, knocking him off balance like some wrecked ship in a storm. He liked everything he saw about this man, how he tasted, how he smelt and how he felt. Everything.

The realization was too hard to bear that night. So he got up quietly and got dressed, trying hard to block his train of thought from going too far. Ennis told himself it was a one-shot thing as he took Flea out of Jack's room and out to the clinic. He told himself he wasn't _really_ gay. He had never felt something for any man before, so how could he be gay. His thoughts ran in circles, like being in a whirlpool with no way out until at one point he came to realize that gay or no gay, there was one simple thing he couldn't deny.

He liked Jack. That was why he didn't panic when he saw Jack at the coffee shop the next morning. And that was why he was here, surrounded by everything Jack, where he could close his eyes and sleep so deep and long like he never did anywhere else, even in his own apartment.

He even asked for a night off just to spend last night with Jack. Ennis opened his eyes at that and got up from the bed. If he let himself linger on Jack's bed any longer, he might never leave.

Ennis set the newest world record for dressing and eating breakfast almost at the same time and was ready to leave in five minutes, his brain still working on where he could find some kind of animal outfit in such a short time. Just as he was walking past the sofa to grab his jacket, he saw himself in his gray turtleneck from the reflection on the black T.V. screen, and he got the stupidest idea.

Ennis sat on the couch, frowning hard. Then he grabbed his cell phone. Maybe Jack could tell if the level of his stupidity was tolerable. He was still chewing on how to start when Jack's voice greeted him, all cheerful. "Hey, you up?"

"Yep." He cleared his throat, feeling bashful all of a sudden as he looked at his reflection on the T.V. screen again. "I need your opinion."

"On what?"

"See, there will be this Christmas party with the people from the clinic tonight, just a small, private one and it's a theme party, about animals."

"Yeah?"

Ennis shifted, murmuring, "What do you think if I show up wearing my turtleneck."

"What?"

_God, this is stupid_. Ennis sighed, "You know…_turtle_neck."

There was silence before Jack burst out laughing so loud Ennis had to pull the phone away from his ear. He cursed himself for asking Jack in the first place.

"Shit, stop that," Ennis muttered. "You've made yourself clear, alright. That's just an idea, you know."

"Jesus," Jack said, a little out of breath. "You're unbelievable sometimes. God, thought I'd die from laughing."

"It's just an idea in case I can't find something animal-related to wear. But it sucks, I guess."

"No, actually it's fun, you know," Jack said. "But maybe you need to put some emphasis on that 'turtle' part. People wouldn't normally recognize an animal from a turtleneck."

Jack had a point but before Ennis had a chance to say anything, Jack continued, "Hey, I have an idea. See the hamper?"

"Yep," Ennis dragged over a hamper which was still full of clean –but rumpled- clothes, a sudden movement that stirred Flea's interest. "What about it?"

"I got this T-shirt that says 'No Kangaroos in Austria' in there, the black one."

Ennis dug inside and spotted one black T-shirt near the bottom. "Got it."

"Well, how about that? If you can find a kangaroo stuffed toy and put it in a bag to go with it, you know, like you're a kangaroo mother. I think it's cool."

"A mother?"

"I saw a kangaroo costume for toddlers in Macy's once. I'm sure they've got some kangaroo stuffed toys there." Jack seemed to be having fun with this theme party, much more than he was. Ennis sighed but clutched Jack's T-shirt anyway.

"Can I borrow this, just in case, of course?"

"Sure." Jack chuckled. "If you win the prize, don't forget me."

"There's no competition like that. If there is, I doubt I'll win. Last year we had a rock n' roll theme party and Dr. Brown showed up in Axl Rose's costume with head band, chains, tattoos and all. I don't wanna think which animal attracted his interest this year."

Jack laughed again and Ennis found himself joining in. It was always comfortable talking with Jack; he guessed they had passed the 'awkward stage' of this new relationship already. The thought made Ennis's heart skip a beat.

"Hey, you alright?" he heard Jack ask and he had to smile.

"Yep." They were quiet again, but it wasn't uncomfortable. And Ennis broke the ice this time. "I gotta go. Thanks for the T-shirt."

"That's alright. Ennis?"

"Huh?"

"See you later?"

"Yeah." And Ennis hung up, smiling. He spent some more minutes just rubbing and looking at Jack's T-shirt before he called Flea and both of them headed out to the daylight of Monday morning, wondering why suddenly he had the thought this Christmas party could be enjoyable.

----------

Jack walked into the Bay & Bridge club at about seven and it wasn't too crowded on weekdays. He roughly scanned the dim place decorated with Christmas items and went straight to his usual table when he didn't see the person he was looking for at the beverage counter.

Grant and Lee were there along with some friends and Jack was greeted with massive hugs that could take his mind off things. He was in a club, might as well enjoy himself. He was chatting and laughing and could even manage to ignore Lee for about ten minutes before the shit-red-head kicked his shin under the table. Jack shot him a look only to wince when Lee kicked him again, this time jerked his chin in the direction of the drink counter. And there, Jack found the man he was looking for.

He walked up to the counter but didn't take a seat, just stood, feeling nervous as he called out the name that suddenly seemed weird coming from his mouth.

"Brent," Jack said and the other man didn't say anything, just slid a black Issey Miyake bag toward him.

"I bought it for you, before _the call_."

Jack felt bad as he watched Brent drinking the clear liquid in one gulp. He clutched the bag, trying to think if he could take the gift. It was a harmless, generous gesture from Brent whom he had practically dumped mercilessly, a gesture Jack didn't deserve or expect. He could just say thanks and take it. But the truth was he knew he couldn't do something without thinking of the consequences anymore. He had hurt Brent and the hurt should be put to rest now so that he could move on and find someone he loved and who loved him back more than Jack could.

"Thank you, Brent, so much. But I don't think I can take it. It's too expensive. It's…I mean…for…"

Brent cut in, "For ex-lovers?"

Jack didn't answer, he just stood there chewing his lip and looking at the man who sounded cold like a stranger, the total opposite from when they first met. He still remembered like it was yesterday, how Brent came up to him with his confident self and sparkling eyes, saying, _'You can just knock me down if you think I'm not being sophisticated. But I really need to know your name.'_

"Tell me something, Jack." Brent's voice was calling him back to the present, his green eyes on him now, staring seriously. "Am I just someone you've been passing time with? Did you ever like me?"

Jack gasped, "Don't say that, Brent. You were special to me…"

"Were, huh?" Brent laughed bitterly. "Well, well, well..."

Brent turned his upper body to face the counter, swept more tequila down his throat. Jack winced, "You shouldn't drink so much."

Brent signaled the bartender to serve him another shot instead and Jack sighed. He really needed to talk with Brent before alcohol did its dirty job and drove Brent out of control. But Brent didn't make thing easier for him at all.

_Because he really likes you, that's why he is so broken_, a small voice in his head said and the guilt loomed over him like a dark cloud before the storm, making him sick to his stomach.

"It's not easy being gay, Jack," Brent said, out of the blue. "This vet, is he gay?"

"He knows I'm gay."

"Is he gay?" Brent asked the same question and Jack could just lie to settle things. He could just say they were both gay and were falling head over heels in love with each other. He could even build up some solid evidence of it, like they were going to move in together or something. But Brent's stare was too strong, so certain of the answer to his own question that Jack couldn't utter any words. "Life for us gay men is not a fucking fairy tale, Jack. There is no happily ever after, there's no armored prince on a white horse and you're definitely not a princess. He'll eventually figure out that, well, being with a woman is a hell of a lot easier in this rotten society. And he'll fucking leave you."

Brent was staring at him fully now, his eyes even more solid and hard. Jack swallowed, trying to control his body that started to shake with the uncontrollable force of rushing emotion: insult, fear, humiliation and anger.

They didn't say anything for a while and the silence was full of energy like some big balloon, ready to burst any minute.

Jack inhaled and exhaled slowly as he observed Brent again. The man looked older all of a sudden, like he had aged ten years in Japan. There were dark circles around his eyes, which were red either from lack of sleep or heavy crying, his hair was a mess and he had thick stubble like a man who had been stuck on some island for weeks.

He looked like shit because he was brokenhearted.

Jack bit his lip and again decided to do the only thing he could for Brent, be truthful. "You may be right. Maybe there's no prince for me. But I gotta try this, Brent. I've never felt this strong. I'm sorry."

Brent turned back to his drink. "Will I get to meet him?"

"Don't drag him into this, Brent. It's not his fault."

"It is," Brent growled. "Only if he doesn't fucking … shit… just…go…"

"I'm really sorry," Jack whispered for the last time and, as quietly as possible, he walked away from the counter. He was relieved he had told Brent the truth. He should feel as free as a bird now but, God knew why, what Brent had said still echoed in his brain like the sound of a bad record._ 'He'll eventually figure out that, well, being with a woman is a hell of a lot easier in this rotten society. And he'll fucking leave you.'_

Jack washed his face in the men's room and went back to join Grant, Lee and friends. Grant openly tried to cheer him up but Jack couldn't bring himself to enjoy the rest of the night with the guys. Just when he was about to excuse himself, there were loud noises from the back of the club and Grant got to his feet, following a couple of big bouncers there with Jack and Lee right behind.

There was the unmistakable sound of fist-smacking-flesh fighting as Jack and Lee made their way through the swarm of people. Grant was there first and hauled the man with the black shirt up from the floor, letting the two bouncers handle the other man who was bigger and obviously too drunk to control himself for he was still swinging his arms like a lunatic. That man's face came into Jack's full view and he gasped. _Jesus, Brent._

Grant shouted to the crowd, "The party is over, people. There's nothing going on here."

Jack, with jaw hanging open in total shock, could do nothing but watch Grant half-drag Brent inside the office section of the club, his mouth dry like there was a whole Sahara desert in there. Lee had to come back and grab his forearm. "Come on."

But all they could catch was a shouted '_Leave me alone'_ before Brent stomped off, swearing and knocking over some boxes along the way.

"He's drunk," Grant said

Jack groaned, "I had no idea he would…damn. Where'd he go?"

"Said he was going home."

"But you said he's drunk."

"And too mad to accept any help," Grant added and almost instantly snatched his cell phone out. "Hey, it's me. I'm going out for about a half hour. Can you take over…? Yes, thanks."

"Damn, man," Lee observed, "The cops will get his ass for weaving all over the street…hey! Where're you going?"

Grant walked out of the club from the back door to his SUV and the next minute, they were in Grant's car that sped out into the night, with Jack at the passenger's seat. It didn't take too long for them to find Brent's black BMW. Grant sighed, "Thank God, at least he's driving straight."

"Damn, you ass," Lee smacked Jack's shoulder. "What did you say to him? He was insane like the Hulk back there."

"Shut up," Grant and Jack said at the same time and Lee pouted at the two men who were focusing only on the black BMW that suddenly stopped at the next corner before turning right abruptly, the sound of tires leaving rubber on the road invading the peaceful night. The car on the other side honked like crazy at him and Brent stuck his middle finger through the crack of the window.

Grant shook his head, "He's gonna crash the damn car any minute now."

"Or get shot dead showing that finger around," Lee added.

But Jack had another concern. "Where's he going? It's just a block away from his place."

Grant groaned then. "God, he is going to the clinic."

"Which clinic?"

"_The_ clinic."

Jesus Christ, Jack gasped, "But how? He's..I didn't…" And slowly he put two and two together. Jack turned to Lee, his eyes narrowed but before he could say anything, Lee blurted out,

"I was angry when he called that day! Who the hell knew he would remember every goddamn thing I said!!"

"Arhhh!" Jack threw his hands in the air and turned to grab Lee's neck and shook hard, Lee screamed and asked for help, but Grant couldn't care less about the neck-wrangling war that practically shook his car. He carefully parked his SUV at the side of the street, watching as Brent got out of his BMW and crossed the street to Pet Haven Animal Clinic at the other side of the road.

"He's in front of the clinic," Grant said and Lee was the first who wrenched himself away from Jack's capture and jumped out of the car. The three of them walked quietly after Brent, keeping their distance. Brent stopped in front of the clinic and they hid behind the big billboard advertising the new CD of Paris Hilton a few feet away. Jack lagged behind, closing his eyes as he leant on the billboard, wanting to look but not daring to do so. "What's happening?"

"Nothing," Grant said quietly, one hand held on Lee's forearm, preventing the man from stepping out too much. "He's just standing there, not moving."

Jack sighed, "Shit, I feel even worse."

Lee frowned, "You mean it would be better if Brent just went in and punched the hell out of your vet?"

"Shhhhh." Grant and Jack kicked Lee's shin at the same time. And they just hid behind the billboard and watched Brent, who stared blankly at the door of the clinic until there was movement behind the door. Martha was the first person to emerge, wearing pink pointy rabbit ears and a pink bundle tail, a box of presents in her hand. She looked astonished at Brent, who stepped away a little from where he was standing.

"May I help you, sir?" she offered with a smile but Brent didn't say anything. His eyes focused on the man behind Martha who had just emerged. Grant groped for Jack's wrist, because Jack had moved back again, and dragged him nearer. "Ennis's here."

"Oh, shit…shit…shit." Jack poked his head out from behind the billboard, couldn't stop cursing as he sort of leant on Lee, who was practically going down on his knees on the pavement. Grant was poking his face above Jack, his hand on Jack's shoulder. They must look stupid to other people who were walking by but Jack didn't care. He almost couldn't breathe as he observed the scene in front of the clinic.

Ennis was zipping up his brown sweater, Flea's leash in one hand, a toy kangaroo in the other, his eyes on Brent puzzled at first but then they were calm. "You go ahead, I'll follow," Jack heard Ennis tell Martha and the others before they walked to the nearby small diner where, Jack thought, the Christmas party would be held.

Jack turned his attention back to the two men in front of the clinic, his heart beating faster the longer the silence stretched. Ennis just stared, but his jaw was working, his eyes showing an expression Jack couldn't make out.

"You know what," Brent started after a staring contest that lasted an eternity. "He will crawl back to me. And when he does, I won't ever let him go again even if I have to lock him up."

Jack tried to wrench his wrist from Grant's hold but was prevented by both Grant and Lee from moving out from behind the billboard. He was getting angry. Brent had no right to talk to Ennis like that and being drunk still wasn't a good enough excuse for that kind of rude action.

Ennis was tense all over, his lips pressed tightly into a thin line. Jack watched with worry, clenching and unclenching his own hand, and almost forgot to breathe when Ennis finally opened his mouth to speak.

"I…" Then he kind of paused and looked up at Brent, his face more stern. "This is not about you, is it? Whatever happens with him and me has nothing to do with you, I believe."

They stared at each other hard again and Brent inhaled shakily, his chest visibly rose and fell. Then without saying anything more, Brent turned on his heel and walked away.

Lee snorted, "Damn, I thought there'd be a free wresting match."

Jack ignored Lee as Grant seized his forearm, "Are you going to go out there and talk to Ennis?"

Jack opened his mouth to answer but the sound of a dog barking froze his body. The three of them slowly turned around to see Flea sitting on the ground, tail wagging crazily, Ennis standing behind him wearing a facial expression that, again, Jack couldn't figure out.

_Shit_. Jack smiled sheepishly, "Hi."

Lee snorted and stumbled aside, cursing, as Jack and Grant both elbowed him. Ennis simply nodded. Jack cleared his throat and grabbed Grant's arm. "This is Grant and…Lee."

"Um…I remember. How's your cat?"

"Oh, oh, she's fine. She's happy and fine." Lee snorted again and was pushed by Grant. "We'd better go. See you later, Doctor. Jacky, we'll wait in the car, you can take your time."

Grant patted Jack's shoulder and he and Lee walked back to the SUV, leaving Jack with Ennis's searching stare. Jack sighed, decided to stick with honesty. "How did you know I was here?"

Ennis pointed to the window of the camera shop behind the billboard. "Reflection."

"Oh." Jack made a face when he saw his own reflection there. Flea barked again and this time jumped around Jack's feet for more attention. Automatically, Jack scooped him up, glad for some distraction. "They'll let you take Flea inside the restaurant?"

Ennis shrugged, "They said yes but I was thinking it might be a better idea to lock him up inside the clinic for an hour, seeing him all perky like this."

"I can look after him," Jack offered. "So you can have a nice Christmas party, you kangaroo mom. Let me see." He reached his free hand out to touch the zipper of Ennis's jacket. Ennis looked around a bit but didn't move away, permission granted, so Jack unzipped the jacket and smiled when he saw his own 'No Kangaroos in Austria' T-shirt that Ennis was wearing. "Give me the kangaroo."

Sighing, Ennis held out the stuffed kangaroo to Jack. At first Jack placed the stuffed toy on Ennis's chest but then he frowned and put Flea down. Now he was concentrating seriously on where the toy fit best with his two hands and Ennis felt his own mouth twist with amusement at the kid in Jack.

Jack sensed the tension in Ennis was gone so he said slowly, careful-like, "You know, Ennis, me and him are over. I'm sorry he showed up here. He shouldn't have talked to you like that and I should have told you about him."

Ennis observed the man in front of him, how his lashes were so long when he looked down and how his eyes were so blue when he looked up. "You and him are over because of me?" he whispered. Jack first shook his head and then nodded.

"Yes and no." Jack thought a bit. "Sixty percent 'yes' um…seventy actually. Wait, it has to be eighty...five?"

"Shut up," Ennis grunted. Jack smiled then his face turned serious.

"So what happens now? You said it's between us and he has nothing to do with whatever happens."

Ennis pressed his lips together and Jack reached out to touch the hem of Ennis's sweater, longing for some connection as he drew in a deep breath. "Ennis, listen to me, ok? I have been thinking…You know, it took years for me to realize that I'm gay. I'm not wishing you will realize that you're…I mean…in a short period like this. You know, if it's too fast to see if you're different or not. Maybe you can start with something easier like…I don't know…asking other related questions to yourself."

"Like what?" Ennis asked, to his own surprise.

"Well…" Jack shrugged, his mouth curving up into a slow, mischievous smile, the one he got every time he teased Ennis. "Something like…do I like Jack?"

Ennis didn't know if Jack meant for this to be a joke but he knew the answer to that already. He could keep it to himself like he always did, but, God knew why, he didn't want to keep it tonight. "That's not hard to figure out."

Jack's cheeky smile faded as he whispered back just as soft, "No?"

And Ennis shook his head, "No. But I can't promise you the world, Jack. I'm not like…him. I can't…now…"

"Shhhh." Jack tugged Ennis closer by the hem of his sweater. "Forget about him."

Ennis flicked his eyes at Jack. "You think you're ok with that…for now?"

Jack's eyes on him suddenly turned soft, warm blue eyes weaving some unnamed feeling that was getting familiar. Ennis could think about the warmth from the sun but that would be exaggerating and out of reach. This warmth seemed close enough that if he allowed himself to reach out, he could touch it, could be wrapped up in it like the warmth of a quilt on cold days.

"I'm ok. I am, really." Jack nodded, his hand hovered over Ennis's, who flipped his palm over and laced their fingers together, allowing himself to feel the warmth of Jack's hand. They squeezed each other's hand once and let go. Jack crooked his head and smirked like he was surprised, the cheekiness came back to his face and Ennis found it hard not to smile back.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"Jack!" They looked around to see smiling Martha, still in her pink rabbit ears and tail, walking their way. Jack waved, smiled wide.

"Hey, Martha. You look great, Bugs Bunny, huh?"

Martha laughed, "I should look great. I spent two hours on this! Hey, you should join the party, Jack."

"Nah…Sad to say but I'm allergic to all kind of animals, well, except _Flea_, right?" He bent down to rub Flea's head. "I'm here just to babysit this kid and, oh, I was just trying to dress this man properly. Any ideas?"

Ennis rolled his eyes as Martha, too, began to look him up and down with narrow eyes, obviously trying to decide where the stuffed toy should be placed. They just agreed that Ennis should have the toy on his stomach and zip up the jacket a bit, having the head of the toy out so that it would look like he had the baby kangaroo in the mommy kangaroo's front pocket with the text about kangaroos on the T-shirt still visible.

Martha nodded, pleased, then she glanced up over Jack's shoulder and saw the person she was here for. "Dr. Brown asked me to come looking for you. Oh, I love your fluffy scarf and hat, Alma. You are one cute little sheep!"

Martha said something more but Jack didn't hear it as he met Alma's eyes. She looked at them in bewilderment and Jack had to wonder how long she had been watching them. Her gaze went to Ennis, down to his T-shirt-- the one Jack wore the day they had dinner together-- and finally landed on Jack's face, her eyes wide with a question Jack hoped he could be the one to answer. But he had already told her everything. Ennis needed to do this.

It was the worst time to think about what Brent had told him, especially the 'it's easier being with a woman' part and that dreadful 'he'll fucking leave you' part. _Wow, what a way to discourage yourself, Twist._ Jack tried to shake that out of his mind as he hauled Flea up into his arms. He had to trust Ennis on this.

"Well…" Jack began but was cut short by Flea's sharp barks at Alma. They were all startled for Flea rarely acted aggressive like this. Jack rubbed Flea's shaking little body and murmured something to comfort him while Ennis kneaded the little dog's neck.

"I've never seen him like this. This is weird." Martha shook her head then turned to grab Alma's arm. "Let's go, Alma, Dr. Brown is waiting. Goodnight, Jack, and you follow us, you kangaroo."

And Jack looked up at Alma again, his heart thumped faster when the doubt in her eyes changed into hurt, and a hint of jealousy when Flea snuggled into his touch. It seemed impossible now to have both Ennis and Alma to himself. He had to choose and Jack knew the right choice for him. He just hoped the consequences wouldn't be too disastrous to handle.

TBC

----------

Thank you all for reading. The next chapter should be up very soon. smiles


	14. Chapter 14

**You & Me & a Dog Named Flea** Chapter 14 "The Sun and A Little Candle"  
**Disclaimer** : Annie Prouxl owns the timeless characters in BBM. I'm writing from love and making no profit.  
**Summary** : Altinate Universe Fiction of Ennis and Jack (from Brokeback Mountain) set in San Francisco ; Jack Twist had a chance encounter with a veterinarian one day, didn't know the shy vet, and his black and white terrier, would have a permanent place in his heart.  
**My Deepest Thanks** always to Judy, my ultimate beta!  
**Feedback** : means the world to me:)

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Chapter 14 "The Sun and A Little Candle"

Lee's face was as scrunched up as a bulldog's when Grant dropped him off in front of his house.

"You have a class tomorrow and your mom must be wondering where you are, it's late," Grant said calmly.

"This Thickasshit also has to work tomorrow."

"Hey?!?" Jack growled.

"Good night, Lee." Grant just waved and ended the conversation like that before turning his car and driving off. Jack looked at Lee, whose reflection was getting smaller in the side mirror, and lifted his eyebrow at Grant.

"You know, don't you?"

"What?"

"Lee has strong feelings for you. You know, don't you?"

Grant didn't answer. He was quiet for such a long time that Jack thought he wouldn't get the answer to that for sure. But then he heard Grant sigh. "I would be blind if I didn't notice. But there's nothing I can do."

"Why? You can just give him a chance, you know."

"Lee is just twenty-one, Jack. He has a lot more time to meet someone his age."

"But he likes you," Jack said. "I can't believe I'm saying this but he's crazy for you, plus super protective and unbelievably jealous, too. He could be a dedicated and committed partner."

"And a very noisy one." Grant shook his head. "It's not that easy, Jack. Life of a gay man is not a fairy tale."

"Shit, you sound like Brent."

"I do?"

"Yeah." And Jack said low, mimicking Brent's voice, "_Life for us gay men is not a fucking fairy tale and he'll fucking leave you_. Christ."

Grant grunted, "He said that?"

"Direct quote, there're more parts about 'a woman' that I very much want to forget so don't ask."

"Wow, I guess there must really be this thing called 'going-on-forty crisis' for gay men after all," Grant said and explained when he saw the amused but bewildered look on Jack's face. "Ever heard of that? It's somehow similar to the mid-life crisis that women have when they are tired of everything, no good job, no love, and one day they decide suddenly that their life's destiny sucks. So they stop living, just breathing in and out and..."

Grant shrugged like it was no big deal but Jack didn't buy that. He sounded hopeless and Jack never saw this side of him. Grant Bennett he knew was a strong man, like a rock whom he could lean on, unlike this man who was looking out at the dark road with a pair of sad eyes. Jack said, not because he knew how to make things better, but just because he had to say something, his voice coming out soft and small, "You're not forty, yet."

"Yeah." The corner of Grant's mouth curved up a little, apparently could read what Jack wanted to imply; _You will find happiness, Grant._ "And I'm still living, I know. Thank you. You would make a good leader in a therapy session, you know. You ever thought about that?"

"Nah, I can't do that, not with my life still this fucked-up. But Brent was so broken up, I've never seen him drink and lose control so completely."

"Yeah. Thank God he had taken a swing at somebody else first before seeing Ennis."

Jack's eyes got wide. "Oh yes, but Grant, do you think that going-on-forty thing is the reason that he was like that?"

"Boy," Grant smiled wryly. "The only reason he acted like a madman and said some mean things is because he really likes you. But yeah, maybe being near forty does something to him, too. He's thirty-eight, Jack. And when you two started dating, he also stepped into that relationship with insecurity. You leaving him probably had been his bad dreams all along and then it wasn't just a dream anymore. I would be pretty wrecked myself if I were in his shoes."

"Jesus, I don't know what to say…" Jack sighed. "He was insecure? Why? Age difference?"

"Probably," Grant said. "And you have to admit you weren't falling head over heels for Brent. Everyone could see that."

Jack was speechless at that 'cause he couldn't deny it. Being with Brent had been nice but being with Ennis spelled heaven. Maybe he was really lonely back when they first met and he just grabbed anyone whose embrace was warmer than his own.

Jack glanced at Grant and had an urge to know whether Grant ever thought that Ennis would leave him, like Brent did, whether all the encouragement he had been giving to Jack was based merely on fake hope. Carefully so as not to disturb Flea from his nap, Jack shifted toward the driver's side, "You ever think Ennis will leave me?"

Grant looked at him, his brows knotted a little. "What do you mean?"

"What Brent said…" Jack leant his head on the seat. "I can't help but feel that you are at my side and help me because of our friendship and maybe deep down, I mean really, really deep down, you do think that me and Ennis wouldn't work."

Grant was quiet for a full minute and finally shook his head, "Now you have me thinking. And I have to say, no, I never thought you and Ennis wouldn't work, not that far. But I sometimes think he could hurt you, one way or another." The car stopped at the red light and Grant could finally turn his attention to Jack fully. "But what I think isn't important. It's what you think that counts the most. You draw your own destiny, remember? You're the one who walked into the Velvet a year ago and you make this path of your life by yourself. You choose who you love. If you're lucky in love, you will be loved beyond the day you die. If not, then you hug yourself and go down to the grave."

Jack crinkled his nose. "Damn, Grant, your realistic way of looking at things scares me sometimes. Will I sound dry like this when I'm turning forty? If so then I'd rather stick with my happily-ever-after dream."

Grant barked a laugh. "Not if you keep this spirit. That's the most precious part of you, Jack, a beautiful and brave spirit. If there is a happy ending for a gay man, I won't be surprised if it's you. So tell me, you ever think you and Ennis won't work?

"About a million times a day. God, I haven't been able to stop thinking about that since I got in this car five minutes ago."

"Why?"

"I don't know." Jack shook his head warily. "I know he likes me. He said that, well, not really saying but implying…"

"He said he likes you?"

Jack shrugged, "Well, yeah, kind of…"

"Holy cow," Grant gasped, smiling and Jack found himself grinning, too.

"Exactly what I have in mind. But…"

"I know where this is going," Grant said. "But Ennis isn't gay."

Jack nodded. "Yeah. We're like a couple when it's just us, together. If somebody else finds out about us, he might run off, I guess." _What he might be doing now if Alma decides to ask if he is gay. Damn, he might be driving out of California already at this minute.  
_  
"Have you ever mentioned the Velvet?"

"No, it might be too much for him."

Grant sighed. "I wish I could talk to him."

"Me, too. You won't believe how many times I've wished you were with me when we talk about some serious stuff."

Grant chuckled softly and nobody said anything for a while. Jack looked out on the street at night, seeing the reflection of Grant from the window. He wanted to ask Grant about another thing that had been bothering him from long ago. Everyone at the Velvet knew Grant and Brent used to date, a long while back, but no one dared to ask why they just quit each other one day and became friends. Jack wasn't sure if this was the right time to ask but his mouth worked faster than his brain most of the time, and this time was no different. "What happened between you and Brent?"

To his surprise, Grant just grinned. "I was wondering for how long you could keep that to yourself. Well, it was very simple. We dated for a year and I broke up with him."

"Why?" Jack asked with a hoarse voice, surprised. "But you like him."

"I did and I still do but it's not working between us. I wanted commitment but he didn't. Maybe I wasn't really the one for him back then, I don't know. He was with me but he still kept on searching, and searching for Mr. Right when I completely stopped searching for someone else after I met him."

"Shit." Jack felt crestfallen.

"Yeah, shit. I don't know what the ideal of being gay is for Brent but obviously we have different views so parting seemed to be the perfect choice for us. That was for the best. We're better off as friends. I was glad when he met you and I was hoping he would stop at you… For a moment, I thought he did," Grant said then frowned a bit. "That reminds me, I guess I have to see him sometime seeing his condition tonight. Hey, hey, don't make that face, it's not your fault."

"I hope he didn't think that he was just a stepping stone for me. I really did like him, Grant. It wasn't like I was searching for someone else when I was with him. But Ennis was just there, one day, I met him and bang, it just happened."

Grant simply nodded and left Jack to dwell in his thoughts for the rest of the drive, thinking on how weird his life had been. He had broken off a relationship with a man who loved him and had run after another man who could make no promises, just left his dog for him to babysit. And Brent said this was no fairy tale? Damn, if Walt Disney knew the details of his rollercoaster life, he would have made a movie out of it already. No shit, that Spiderman guy could be a perfect choice to play him. Jack chuckled at his own silly imagination.

The car stopped in front of the Bay & Bridge and Jack looked up to see Grant smirking. "Wanna crash? I think Pepe would love some doggie company."

Flea's head jerked up with interest and Jack playfully hit his butt. "Wanna crash, Flea? Wanna make some friends?"

Grant shook his head. "Damn, Jacky. You're crazy for this dog, too, aren't you?"

"Yeah…who wouldn't be, right, right?" Jack scratched Flea's belly, chuckling when the dog whined and tried to lick his face. "You love me, too, don't you, huh?"

Grant couldn't help but worry about Jack and his growing affection for Flea. If Ennis did leave him at the end, which he hoped like hell Ennis wouldn't, Jack would be left with a broken heart twice as damaged and his beautiful spirit would shatter into pieces. _God, just don't let that happen.  
_  
----------

"I saw your recent column, Ennis, it's very nice. You have great photos, too."

Ennis tried to smile. He thought he could manage one 'cause Alma was smiling back at him, her eyes telling him a story he was afraid to read so he simply ducked his head down over the food. "Thanks. But Jack took all the photos."

"Oh."

Ennis cursed under his breath. The more he told himself not to say Jack's name, the more it came out of his mouth, the name so familiar to his tongue as if he was born crying out that name. Ennis wet his lips with nervousness, almost felt like he could still taste Jack's lips from the tip of his tongue, and that she knew. He looked up at Alma again, her gaze still fixed on him with the eyes that dangerously bared her heart; _What happened between you and Jack?  
_  
He could just pretend not to understand it but he remembered how Jack had looked on him earlier with expectation. Ennis hated expectation, that wasn't something new, but strangely, now he felt calm and wasn't sweating, even his legs weren't shaking with anxiety. From minutes ago, the blue-eyed man himself seemed to pop up in his head and kept on assuring him by repeating _'It's alright, Ennis'_, the way he always did. And Ennis found himself relating everything she said to Jack.

This wasn't going to work. What happened between Jack and him was their business, indeed. But it was his job at least to stop the hope in her eyes that, even though palely, was still blinking deeply in there somewhere, the hope that he would reply _'Nothing'_ to her unsaid question.

But Ennis couldn't just tell Alma that he and Jack were kind of together, shoving it in her face like that. Maybe he could start with…_them_. He could tell her that he didn't like her in that way. The sparks in her eyes couldn't light up fire in him the way those blue flames did.

"Ennis."

"Huh?" Startled, Ennis blinked at her. He didn't expect Alma to talk first at this tongue-tied moment.

"It might be confusion. It might be just fake attraction or…seduction. It could even be misunderstanding of your own feelings and…What the Bible says, I mean, flowers are always looking up at the sun. It's natural and, and…this…"

"Alma." He hadn't seen this coming but Ennis could finally find his voice that came out harsher than he intended it to. "What're you talking about?"

"I know how Jack feels about you," she whispered back, voice shaking, but she didn't stop and Ennis had to listen to her talking more about Bible and God and dirtiness and sin until he could hardly breathe. His pulse quickened and he was sweating, his head throbbing like it was gonna explode. "You're not gay, Ennis. Jack is, and…"

"That's enough," Ennis said throaty between gritted teeth and stood up. He stopped the urge to sweep the table loaded with food onto the floor, instead stomped out the door, ignoring gasps of surprise from everyone else in the restaurant.

The car honked at him as he crossed the street but he didn't care, just kept walking, and walking, wanting to get away from what Alma had said but it was echoing in his head even clearer.

_Gay?_ This fucking word again. Maybe he was gay, maybe he wasn't, but what the hell. Why did she have to say it with that tone? Accusing, like he had just murdered someone, like it was an ultimate sin to just feel something for a man. _Fuck, am I gay? And even if I'm gay, why does the whole damn world have to care?_

He kicked an empty can with a grunt and watched it fly deep into the dark alley. _Just leave me the fuck alone!_

Ennis stomped around aimlessly and found himself in front of the clinic later, breathing hard and shaking. He pushed the door open and gaped when he saw Martha behind the counter, her usual spot, still wearing her pink rabbit costume, but looked ready enough to resume her night shift.

She simply looked up at him, her face showed no vivid expression as she observed his condition. Ennis was pretty sure everyone in the restaurant had heard him shout and most likely the words _'I'm pissed'_ were now written on his forehead for her to read. If he had known someone was here, he would have spent at least another 20 minutes pissing at…what? What or who was he pissed at actually? Alma? Himself for even caring what she said?

Ennis closed the door and just stood there, frowning and stiff. He heard Martha shift and then she was in front of him within arm's reach, nudging the nose of the kangaroo toy at his cheek. She didn't smile when Ennis looked up at her blankly, but she wasn't angry or annoyed.

After a moment of just standing there with a kangaroo toy poking in his face, Ennis started to fidget. That was when Martha cracked a smile. "You can go up to the second floor, Dr. Del Mar. I'll call you if anything comes up."

Ennis shifted his weight from one leg to the other, watching Martha walk back behind the counter. She sat down and glanced up to the rabbit ears that hanging down on her forehead, "You don't mind your assistant wearing this thing, don't you, Doctor?"

Ennis shook his head dumbly, and she nodded. "Thank you. Then I don't mind you wearing that kangaroo T-shirt without the white gown, either. I like that shirt, it looks good on you."

He just stared at her and looked down at his T-shirt, _Jack's T-shirt_, for a long time. He clutched it over his chest, then rubbed down and zipped up his sweater, crossing his arms and hugging himself through it. Martha's eyes were still on him when he glanced up at her again, her eyes soft. "Please go upstairs and get some sleep. We might have a long night, Dr. Del Mar."

"Just..." he found himself say that softly. "I like it better when you call me Ennis."

Martha shrugged, "I like that, too. Go, Ennis."

And he dragged his heavy legs up to the second floor, what Alma said still haunting him like ghost._ Christ._ He knocked his head against the door. Just having Jack's T-shirt on him wasn't sufficient. He wasn't strong enough alone. Where was Jack when he needed him the most? _Tell me flowers aren't always turning up to the sun, Jack.  
_  
----------

"So, what're you going to say to Alma today?" Grant asked as he parked his SUV in front of Pet Haven Animal Clinic at seven thirty in the morning.

Jack had stayed over at his room and they had talked all night like some high school kids at camp, exchanging some over-the-top gay sexual fantasies and laughing their heads off at each other's first object of affection who both turned out to be their roommates at college –a athletic man with sweaty, flexing muscles who always stripped and walked bare-ass to the bathroom.

The talk turned serious at some point and Jack ended up telling Grant about Alma and her obvious feeling toward Ennis, wondering how much stress Ennis could bear, being with her at the party after she had seen them together with Jack's shirt. He wasn't even so sure she saw them holding hands earlier but judging from the look in her eyes, Jack believed the shirt alone was enough to send her over the edge.

Grant had another idea though. _Give Ennis some credit, Jack_, he had said, while scratching Pepe's neck. Flea had gone to sleep long ago, snuggled close to Jack's side, after exhausting himself playing cats and dogs with Pepe. _Talk to him tomorrow_, was the last thing Jack heard Grant murmur before he, too, fell asleep, leaving Jack staring into the darkness for nearly the rest of the night.

"I don't know." Jack sighed. "I want to talk with Ennis first, I mean, if Alma didn't say something that scared him away already."

"Don't do this to yourself, boy."

Jack groaned, "He could just call me and tell me what happened, you know. Shit. Do you think he will freak out now that Alma knows about me and him?"

"We're not sure about this."

"She knows," Jack said firmly. He looked down at Flea and rubbed his head. "Let's find out about this, huh?"

Grant followed Jack to the clinic and hung behind when Jack greeted the black woman behind the counter. "Hi, Martha."

"Good morning, Jack. And oh, I remember you. How's your horny cat?"

Grant chuckled. "She's fine, thank you."

"Nice to hear that." Martha smiled broadly but the smile faded when she saw Jack looking up at the second floor, restless. Jack saw her expression and his stomach flipped with worry. But he didn't stop his legs that seemed to be drawn to the second floor the moment he stepped into the clinic.

Jack knocked on the door. "Ennis?"

Silence. So he knocked again but there was no sound or movement behind the locked door. He snatched his cell phone out and called Ennis but he had turned off his phone. _Something did happen_.

Jack hurried down and looked at Martha questioningly. Martha sighed, "Ennis seemed to have a falling out with Alma last night and he…"

Jack didn't hear anything else but a buzz in his ears, his mind racing crazily, picturing stuff that made him want to puke; Ennis leaving him, Ennis shouting _'I'm not gay'_ in his face and not wanting anything to do with him anymore.

He ran a hand through his hair and exchanged glances with Grant, felt his legs shaking. "Is he still here?"

"Yes. He stayed in the room all night. We had no customers last night anyway." Martha leant on the counter and just looked at Jack's face, looked, and looked, and Jack could do nothing but return her stare. She knew he was nervous. She might even notice his shaking hands but Jack doubted if she knew why…

"It's a curse to deal with Ennis Del Mar," Martha said softly. "Ask me, I've worked with him for almost three years. But there's no choice. I like him. He's so quiet and clumsy and the world's most unconfident vet and only God knows what's going on in that thick head of his most of the time. But he's also the one who stays with sick dogs and talks to them until morning. Wait," Martha smiled at Jack. "You know that already, don't you? Hmm?"

Jack swallowed back the clog in his throat. He opened his dry mouth to speak but shut it, didn't dare to move or even nod. His heart still raced but something in Martha's eyes calmed him. "He will be fine, Jack. Give him some time. In the meantime, I'll take care of his dog, and…" she nodded at the stuffed kangaroo that was lying on the counter. "…his baby kangaroo."

"Kay." His voice broke and Martha frowned, displeased. Like a kid, Jack cleared his throat and tried again. "Okay." And he gained an approving nod from her. Jack freed Flea from his leash and watched him sniff around. He glanced to the stairs to the second floor for the second time, met Martha's eyes before he walked out the door, leaving Grant standing at the doorway. Grant and Martha looked at each other, unsaid understanding passed back and forth between them. _Thank you_ was accepted and _you're welcome_ was thrown right back. But before Grant turned his back to go, he turned around and met her eyes again.

"Ennis is working his way around," Martha said. "Please tell Jack that. If they were not so happy together, I wouldn't stick my nose in like this."

_She knows._ Grant nodded slowly, dumbfounded. _Goddamn, she knows._

----------

Ennis had a terrible headache. He hadn't slept a wink last night, despite the fact that no pets were sick. Martha had given him painkiller but he'd refused to take it 'cause his headache had nothing to do with fever, he knew that.

He wasn't expecting the enthusiastic greeting from Flea when he went down the stairs and Flea whined at his half-hearted hug. Jack had sent Flea off without seeing him, that fact did something to him but he tried not to think about it much. Besides he was the one who turned off his cell all night 'cause he didn't want to speak with anyone. Actually he was half-glad that Jack wasn't at the clinic because he wasn't ready to talk now. What he needed right at this moment was some caffeine. Maybe it could chase the headache away.

Flea was left at the clinic and Ennis walked to the coffee shop like a zombie, didn't count the steps the way he always did, didn't even care if the fat pigeon was there or the weather was already too wintry for birds to stroll.

He made a quick stop at the coffee shop for an espresso to go before going straight back to his apartment, which he hadn't been to for a couple of nights already. His plan was to do the laundry and some cleaning and go back to the clinic.

The coffee was good, but the headache was still there. Kneading his temple with one hand, Ennis opened the door of his apartment with the other. He kicked it open and stopped short when he saw the light blinking on his phone. He had a message. Ennis pressed the button and had to frown at the lady's voice that said 'You have three messages'.

_I have three messages?  
_  
The first one was from Carol, he should have known. She said something about K.E. coming home for Christmas and asked if he could bring that woman who seemed to have fallen in love with him home, too. Groaning, Ennis threw himself on the bed. Mona had told Carol about Alma, he should have known this, too.

The second one was from Mona Lisa herself, but her voice was tired this time –the tone something he wasn't used to; 'Tiger, you shut off your cell, you haven't been home for two nights and you haven't been online for the last few days. You've been avoiding me. You can have my car 'cause I'm not going home this Christmas but you will have to call me. This is not a threat, but I think we really need to talk. We never fail to communicate, Ennis, that's why you have me. Just call when you're ready, ok?'

Ennis sighed into the pillow as the third message rolled on. 'Hey, little brother,' Ennis sprung up on the bed. _K.E.?  
_  
'I'm back but I'm staying with Rick now, something came up and I can't stay at Carol's. Ah, can you call me back? At Rick's place? Talk to you later, man.' 

Ennis threw himself back on the bed, took off his sweater and belt and sent them flying across the room with a grunt. He lay spread-eagled and staring at the ceiling. _Why the fuck won't everybody leave me alone? Why can't I be the one to decide who to bring home for Christmas? And why do I need to call back everyone that left a message? Fuck them all.  
_  
He shifted and felt the hard nudge of his cell phone in his jeans pocket. Ennis took it out and turned it on. He didn't plan to call anyone back, now. He wasn't in the mood. The Nokia sign blinked on the screen before the phone came to life, and he saw he had one message from Jack.

----------

They were in a dim restaurant - a small fragrant purple candle was lit inside a glass on the table, embracing them with a faint soothing, sweet aroma. Jack looked at Ennis, his smooth but serious face glowing in candle light. Ennis had said nothing ever since they had arrived here and Jack was thankful for the waitress who came over with their food, two orders of spaghetti with marinara sauce, which kept him from reaching out and prompting Ennis to say something.

Jack couldn't shake what had happened at the clinic this morning out of his head, how Martha had told him to wait for Ennis to come around. He had been thinking about that all day, which was also an Alma-free day, thank Jesus, and could come up with only one conclusion; Martha knew what was going on between Ennis and him. He thought of telling Ennis but instead he talked about grated parmesan cheese. _How smooth._ "I like only a little parmesan cheese on spaghetti. You?"

"Huh?" Ennis looked confused. Jack didn't blame him. But he was looking at Jack now and Jack knew he was willing to be the world's dumbest fool if only this pair of golden eyes would look on him.

"Talk to me, Ennis. What happened?"

Ennis stirred his spaghetti with his fork, his throat was working. "Got a call from Carol. I need to go home this Christmas."

"Alone?" Jack asked in a small voice. Ennis just nodded. "Oh. And? What happened with Alma, Ennis?"

Ennis fiddled with the salt shaker. "She…asked me if I'm… You wanna know? Alright! She said it's wrong and flowers will always turn to the sun because it's natural. Happy now? Where am I? A stupid reality TV show? Everybody wants to know what the fuck is happening to me. Shit."

He took a big gulp of water and banged the glass on the table. Jack snatched the parmesan cheese shaker and sprinkled some on his food then banged it on the table, too. Well, Ennis wasn't the only man who could bang stuff around here. That drew Ennis's attention to him and he winced when Jack put more cheese on the spaghetti again.

"Yeah, she's right. She's fucking right." Jack snorted. "Tell me something, Ennis. What if, what if there was this…candle…" He tapped on the table near the candle before going back to putting more cheese on the food, annoyance seeming to eat him up bit by bit. "What if that damn candle is stupid enough to burn itself all the way down just to compete with the sun? Do you think that flower will care to look at it? Fuck no. That flower won't even glance at it 'cause, what did she say? Right, it's not natural. Yeah, and the candle will be burned out, right there, waiting for the time that will never come, for the sun will always shine. The burned-out candle couldn't even prove how much love…how…Fuck."

Jack murmured something more, he was angry and obviously couldn't stop his hand that was still wielding the shaker vigorously even though his spaghetti was already covered thickly, and ugly, by the pale yellow cheese he hated.

Tired of his own stupidity of being a nice gay man waiting for the day this straight man whom he had been sleeping with would turn gay, tired of the pale yellow spaghetti that looked like some leftover food, Jack banged the shaker on the table and crossed his arms. He was pretty sure Ennis knew he was angry and he made sure by not avoiding Ennis's eyes.

Ennis crossed his arms, too, but he didn't back away but instead leaned in, placing his arms on the table as their eyes met for a long, searching and revealing stare. Jack wanted to say something bad, something that made Ennis wince with pain or twist his guts with worry and fear, the way he had been feeling since last night. But he just couldn't.

After like forever, didn't know what his eyes told Ennis, Ennis eventually opened his mouth to speak. "Me and K.E., long time ago we were playing Scrabble when the local news about some murder came up on the radio. They said a man was attacked with some car tools last night. Dad knew him, said he was queer and that was how things went for queers like him. He was attacked on the side of the street and he died at the hospital a few days later."

Jack was stunned. "Ennis…"

"He was beat to death, Jack."

"That's not gonna happen to us." But Ennis didn't look like he believed it. Jack bit his lower lip. "Ok, so what if it happens, can you stop this thing between us? You want us to end, cause it's not natural? Guys being together, you mean, but can you just wake up one day and tell yourself that you don't feel anything anymore?"

Ennis didn't answer. Jack said, again, "If you can look at me and say you want us to be over then I'll leave you alone so you can spend eternity looking up at the sun."

Jack leant back again and stared hard at Ennis. He didn't know what had gotten into him but he had been the one committed to this unsettled relationship and he was tired of it. Ennis needed to contribute something. Or if he couldn't, they could just part ways now before he fell even harder for Ennis.

Ennis looked up at him eventually but didn't say anything. He just uncrossed his arms, kind of sighed as he reached one of his hands out and switched their plates.

"I'm not some damn flower," Ennis murmured, stabbed his fork into Jack's cheese-covered spaghetti and stuffed it in his mouth. Jack closed his eyes and had to wonder why on earth this man had so much power over him. He was thinking of quitting Ennis a minute ago and all Ennis had to do was eat his spaghetti loaded with parmesan cheese that he hated, and Jack just melted, wanting to kiss him hard on the mouth instead. _What am I gonna do with you, Ennis Del Mar?_

Jack watched Ennis lick the cheese on the corner of his lips and suddenly was full of determination. Grant had raised him better than this (sorry Ma) and he would prove that Brent's going-on-forty-crisis theory about gay men and fairy tales and Alma's scientific theory about nature and whatever wasn't always accurate. Hell, he could even be as bad and unreasonably stubborn as shithead Lee when he needed to. "I'm going with you."

"Huh?" Ennis lifted one eyebrow, still chewing a mouthful of food.

"I'm going to Wyoming with you."

TBC

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Thank you all for reading. Special thanks to JustAnAmateur for your comment and rating!! I have more than 20 comment alerts from fanfiction for a night. You make me startle. LOL. Thanks. The next chapter will be posted after this one immediately. smiles


	15. Chapter 15

**You & Me & a Dog Named Flea** Chapter 15 "Out of His Shell"  
**Disclaimer** : Annie Prouxl owns the timeless characters in BBM. I'm writing from love and making no profit.  
**Summary** : Altinate Universe Fiction of Ennis and Jack (from Brokeback Mountain) set in San Francisco ; Jack Twist had a chance encounter with a veterinarian one day, didn't know the shy vet, and his black and white terrier, would have a permanent place in his heart.  
**My Deepest Thanks** always to Judy, my ultimate beta!  
**Feedback** : means the world to me:)

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Chapter 15 "Out of His Shell"

Jack didn't remember exactly why they had ended up on his bed after dinner. He remembered the argument about the Wyoming trip, how Ennis had insisted on going there alone as he stuffed the spaghetti in his mouth, his face stern as if he was forced to swallow it which was, well, partially true.

"It's just a Christmas party, Jack. I don't know if I can tell my family about us. It's not that easy," Ennis blurted out when they had finished dinner and were walking out of the restaurant. Jack tried to catch up with Ennis, who had paced ahead with his long stride, shouting something to Ennis's back like, "My family lives there, too, you know. I got a Christmas party to attend as well," which he doubted if he really meant, considering he hadn't yet called his mother about a decade after getting her letter asking if he would go home for Christmas.

This might be a lame excuse but no matter what, he was going to Wyoming with Ennis.

_How did they end up on Jack's bed, anyway?  
_  
Oh yes, now Jack remembered clutching Ennis's shoulder at the corner of the street, saying, "We're not done with this, Ennis," before he sort of dragged Ennis down to his room…where they were now. But somehow, the argument didn't continue. They didn't even speak, just murmured incoherently as their naked flesh rubbed against each other on the warm bed.

Jack moaned softly, craning his head to the side as Ennis kissed down his neck, his big, strong hands hot on Jack's skin. He had the feeling he could get used to this; having sex at the odd hour of seven p.m. He guessed that was the price to pay for dating a vet working a night shift, a price he was willing to pay.

"Ennis…" A wet, warm tongue lapped on his collarbone and Jack hissed, goosebumps rising all over his body. He clenched and unclenched his fist on Ennis's curls, his heavy-lidded eyes looked at the golden head that was moving down his chest to his stomach, breath ragged with anticipation. But Ennis didn't go lower, just rested his head on Jack's flat stomach and breathed hard, one of his hands rubbing up and down Jack's torso.

"Come here, up." Jack gently tugged his hair and was the one who slid down Ennis's body instead.

Ennis groaned as Jack went down on him. This wasn't new to Jack, but the time he had done this before seemed very ancient, like some pale painting from the last century, like you had remembered painting it but you couldn't recall how it looked or felt the moment you splashed color on the paper. Unlike this minute, with Ennis bucking hard and panting like he was going to die beneath his mouth, every tick of the clock seemed real. It was now and Jack hoped it would be forever.

He could hardly remember how he came to be lying in Ennis's arms again after that. Did Ennis pull him up? Or did he crawl there by himself? But that didn't really matter for now Ennis was spooning him from behind, his breath on Jack's neck, his arms around Jack's waist. And they fell asleep like that, the cold December night around them turned summer warm.

----------

Ennis woke up sometime later and just lay there, staring at the back of Jack's neck. He traced the tip of his fingers on Jack's nape, wincing slightly at the red bite mark he had left there somehow without realizing. The mark looked ridiculously like the letter E, Jesus, and he moved to bury his nose there, willing himself to sleep some more. He still had about twenty minutes anyway.

But Ennis couldn't close his eyes. Suddenly he had doubt. He wondered if that man he'd met in front of the clinic had ever left any marks on Jack. Had he ever slept where he was sleeping now? Had he ever touched Jack where he had…touched?

Ennis clamped his eyes shut, hoping in vain to block the pictures scrolling under his eyelids. _Of course he did, you stupid fool. They dated. What do people do when they're dating? Hell._ Sighing long and warily, he craned his head and looked down at Jack.

Jack was sleeping deeply, his breath even, and Ennis tried to sit up on the bed as quietly as he could. The light from the street shone through the crack of the curtain above the bed, casting an orange glow on half of Jack's face, the back of his neck down to the small of his back. The sweet curve of his ass was palely visible under the shadow of the blanket that covered his lower body. If Ennis moved just slightly, their legs would be aligned from thighs to toes.

_'He will crawl back to me and when he does, I won't ever let him go again even if I have to lock him up.'_

And how the hell did what that man had said in front of the clinic the other night come back to him at this moment anyway? Ennis groaned in his throat as he recalled what had happened. He was acting cool that night, practically telling that man to back off. But he couldn't deny now that what he had said actually did something to him. It wasn't a warning. It wasn't a threat either. It was a fact.

If he screwed this up, Jack would go back to that man who always had his arms open for him.

What was he supposed to do then? Drive up with Jack to Riverton and tell Carol and K.E. that he was kind of dating a guy? Must not forget Mona. Never mind. They would share hot news anyway.

_Shit_. Ennis groaned again, louder this time, and he felt the bed stir. Jack had awakened and turned to him, looking up at him with worried blue eyes. "Are you ok?"

_Have you ever looked up at that man so concerned like this, Jack?  
_  
Ennis forced himself to nod stiffly and looked away. He heard Jack shift, feeling their naked thighs touch under the warmth of the blanket as Jack leant on the headboard beside him. "What are you thinking?"

"You don't wanna know what I'm thinking," he muttered softly, almost to himself.

"Maybe I do, if you want to tell me."

Ennis flicked his eyes to Jack, his blue eyes turned some strange color from the orange glow. "That man…"

Jack looked astonished at first but it wasn't long before he registered who Ennis was talking about. "Oh…"

"You…with him?" _Of course he did._ Ennis shook his head. "Never mind."

Jack leant on the headboard, pressing his head to Ennis's forearm, and sighed. He had to touch Ennis one way or another if they were going to talk about Brent. And no matter how awkward it was, Jack wanted to talk to Ennis, wanting to tell him how Brent didn't matter and how Ennis was the only one he wanted. "We dated for a couple of months and, yeah, we did fool around, you know, the way…guys…do..." He kissed Ennis on the soft skin on his arm, taking the sting out of his words. "But we never did it to the end. I mean, I never let him do me _that_ way. It just seemed too surreal and I wasn't ready."

"Surreal?" Ennis found himself asking.

"Yeah. He was the first man that I officially dated. I read about it…I mean gay sex and stuff and I have fantasized about it. But it was just…a big step for me and I didn't want to rush into it. And he never pushed. Brent is a good man and…"

"I don't wanna know his name."

"Sorry," Jack kissed Ennis's arm again, murmuring into his skin. "But I still want to tell you everything. I know how you feel."

"Yeah, right," Ennis couldn't help but snap. Jack put his chin on Ennis's shoulder and smiled, their mouths close but not touching.

"I do. How do you think I feel when you're with Alma?" Ennis didn't answer right away. Now he wanted to know one thing.

"Are you going to be ok at work?"

"I hope so. Alma wasn't in the office yesterday so I haven't seen her reaction yet." Jack sighed. "But I'm not gonna act like nothing's happened. I still can't believe she talked about me behind my back. I don't even need you to tell me what exactly she said about me 'cause truth is she wasn't supposed to say anything. Alma is supposed to be my friend."

"I'm sorry."

"Not your fault." Jack turned to nuzzle his ear and dropped small kisses. "That's bound to happen. As long as you're the prize, I'm not gonna give up."

"Um…" Ennis shifted uncomfortably. "Why are you always so sure about me? I don't even…myself…"

"I'm just being honest, Ennis," Jack said quietly and smiled up at him. "If all is said and done and you dump me, at least I'll know I've done my best to show you how I feel. That way, I can still feel good about myself without you." Jack laughed a little. "Self-respect, the early lessons from Grant Bennett and the Velvet."

Ennis had been staring at Jack the whole time as he spoke, feeling a clog rise in his throat. Jack was good with words, knew exactly what to say in every goddamn situation. But now Ennis just looked at him, tongue-tied, heart beating fast as if it was about to burst out of his chest, and he couldn't figure out something to say.

"Jack," he found his voice finally. Jack was honest with him, maybe he could give him back something he was sure of. "I don't feel anything for Alma, not that way. You know that, don't you?"

"Yeah, but it's kinda nice to hear that from you." Jack was smiling broadly, all dimpled. "And me and Brent are really over, you know that, too, right? Don't ever doubt that. He never made me feel the way you do. I shake like a leaf simply from your kiss, in case you didn't notice."

Ennis stared at Jack whose face was still illuminated with orange glow, the color of the candlelight.

He wondered if he should tell Jack what his kiss did to him. How, not just his body, but his entire world was shaking once those sensual lips were on his. No woman had ever made him feel like that. No one in the past and he doubted if there'd ever be anyone in the future.

"Come here," Ennis whispered and kissed Jack, weaving his fingers in the dark threads as soft as silk. He felt Jack tremble in his arms and a shiver ran through his whole body, the warmth from Jack's skin seeping into his. Ennis deepened the kiss, gasping into Jack's opening mouth, and pinned him back on the sheet.

Jack wasn't the sun and he wasn't some damn flower. They were just Jack and Ennis.

And maybe Alma was right on her nature theory. But who was she to judge, when this candle could still burn him up with a flame stronger than the rays of the sun anyway?

----------

It was twenty minutes to nine when Ennis eventually walked out of Jack's room, freshly showered and wearing one of Jack's shirts again -- a plain white T-shirt which fit over his chest just right. Jack had walked him to the door and kissed him, murmuring on Ennis's lips again, as he had done uncountable times that evening that they would go to Wyoming together. Ennis didn't argue, partly because his mouth was occupied, but also because deep down he knew if he had to take someone home for Christmas, it would be Jack.

But how he should introduce Jack to everyone was still a puzzle he couldn't solve.

The first thing Ennis did when he stepped out onto the pavement was call K.E. at Rick's place. Surprisingly, compared with Carol and Mona, K.E. could be the best person he could talk to about Jack first, with his deliberate character and carefree mind and all. But he wouldn't plunge into that tonight. K.E. sounded desperate to talk to Ennis in the message he had left a couple of days ago. Maybe he would have to focus on what K.E. needed to say first.

The phone rang three times before Rick picked up the call. Rick was both his and K.E.'s childhood friend, a married-with-three-children owner of a tool shop in downtown Riverton whom he talked to once in a blue moon, a big man whose laugh was loud enough to wake the dead. "Hello?"

"Hi, this is Ennis. Oh, hi. I'm fine, thanks. Yes, I'm going home. Um…yeah? Oh, please. Thank you."

That was fast. Ennis dug his free hand in his jacket pocket as he walked uphill to the crossroad. It seemed somehow that Rick was expecting his call 'cause the first thing he said was, _'I'll get K.E.'_

K.E. leaving a message was strange enough but K.E. staying at Rick's during Christmas, not Carol's, was almost horrifying. Something had happened, and not something good, either.

"Hey, little brother." K.E. was laughing and Ennis found himself grinning, too.

"Hey. You spooked me with that call. When did you come back from Vanuatu?"

"Tanzania actually. Vanuatu was months before."

"Where the hell is Tanzania? Wait. Whatever." Ennis stopped at the crossroad, shuffling his feet as he waited for the light to turn green.

"Two days ago. And I was heading out to Rick's right away. And oh, Tanzania is in Africa."

Ennis frowned, "Carol said you'll be joining them for the Christmas party."

"I'm not sure anymore that she wants me under the same roof on such a holy day as Christmas."

"What do you mean, K.E.?"

He heard a heavy sigh from his big brother, "Well, I did something that she doesn't approve of and apparently she still thinks I am 10 and that she can just twist my ear to turn my head. She needs to register that I am thirty and have my own brain."

"She twisted your ear?"

"That's a metaphor, Ennis." K.E. laughed a little and he spoke again, his voice low and measured. "I just don't want you to freak out if you arrive at Carol's place and hear her scold me like I have just killed someone."

Ennis gasped, "Jesus, K.E. What happened?"

"I guess what I have done is bad for a woman who's been living forever in such a small town with narrow-minded people. That's why I always tell her to go somewhere sometime to broaden her view. Apparently, she never listens to me."

"Stop your diplomatic speech. Just tell me already," Ennis almost shouted. There was a pause and he had to stay back while everyone else was crossing the road. "I'd better hear it from you, not Carol."

"I'm gonna be a father in two months."

"You…" That was the most Ennis could utter. He was too stunned to speak. K.E. could buy a farm, become a politician, or even really kill someone, but not turn into a father. That was the last thing he expected from his deliberate, shoulder-length, curly-haired brother. And why the heck didn't he just phone Carol and tell her when he first found out about the baby? Maybe Carol wouldn't be that mad if K.E. gave her fair warning instead of showing up with his big-belly wife in front of her house a few days before Christmas.

K.E. chuckled, breaking the heavy silence, but Ennis heard bitterness behind the cheerful sound. "Man, I think you're still invited to the family gathering at Carol's place. So don't get all quiet on me like the world will end tomorrow 'cause I'm gonna be a damn father."

"Sorry. I just…I don't know. I just doubt Carol will let me in her house, that's all," Ennis said and he wanted to knock his head against something for saying that out loud. With those words, he was sure K.E. knew something had happened in his life, too. They were always very close growing up together but they were very different at the same time. For one thing, Ennis tended to retreat into his shell when it came to uncertainty and fear, but K.E. just jumped off the cliff; sometimes he dealt with stuff by telling lame jokes just to clear the fog, like now. He was chuckling again.

"Oh man, you, too?!? Double shit for Carol, poor lady. How old is your baby then?"

"Fuck you," Ennis muttered and K.E. barked out a laugh. "Shit, K.E. I still can't believe this. I don't know what to say. You…a father?"

"Yeah. How about 'congratulations'?"

"Right. Congratulations."

"So you're not gonna be a father, I'm relieved. But you're going to be Uncle Ennis." There was a smile in K.E.'s voice but it turned serious suddenly. "So what happened to you, uncle?"

"It's…I don't know…It's kinda hard to say over the phone."

"That bad, huh?"

"Worse than you, I guess, for Carol, I mean." Ennis rolled his eyes. "Maybe for you, too."

"Shit, you ain't gonna tell me what happened to you, are you?" K.E. paused but spoke up again when Ennis still kept quiet. He half-growled into the phone. "Ennis, I've been in a village where some kids eat once a day and almost half of the people there have AIDS. There's nothing in this world can shock me anymore. Come on, man."

Ennis's free hand fidgeted with the hem of his sweater, noticing for the first time that there was dirt on his black boots.

"O.k.," he heard K.E. sigh after a full minute of silence. "Sorry if I offended you. I'm such an ass. You don't have to tell me if you're not ready. When will you be home, anyway? Tell me you'll come. I'm terribly in need of brotherly spiritual encouragement right now."

"Guess that goes both ways," Ennis said. "I'm gonna talk to Mona first. Have to borrow her car. She's not coming home this Christmas."

"Don't listen to that woman any more than necessary. Mona has studied too much psychology. She thinks everything can be fixed. She has to learn that some things are just gonna be a certain way."

Ennis felt the corner of his mouth quirking up. "Yeah. Anyway, I have to drive up there. Guess I'll arrive Sunday night the latest."

"Good. If…I mean if things go bad for you, too, so bad Carol kicks you out, call me. You hear?"

"The last thing I want is going to Rick's and having you kick me out, too."

"Now you're judging me, man. Let's think this way...I'm in fucking deep shit right now, with Carol, but I'm not regretting the baby and the baby's mother. I know our shit is different but I have jumped off the cliff so you're not gonna be in the depths of the deep hole alone this time. Welcome to the sucks, brother."

"I'd say you're getting good at this diplomatic thing, excluding the language." Ennis smiled despite everything.

"I got the best practice growing up with you."

Ennis sighed heavily. They talked some more before hanging up. The light turned green and he crossed the street with other people but feeling like he was the only living soul on this earth. Damn, he was scared shitless just picturing himself telling his family that he was in love with a man. Still, the biggest part in him registered just now how lonely and how half of a man he was without Jack.

----------

"You want it or not?"

Jack waved a piece of paper in front of Lee, smirking viciously when the man's gaze followed the movement like a butterfly going after flowers. No, that image was too cute. Should be more like…what?...Jack winced and grinned wider. Lee's gaze was following the movement of the paper like a fly going after Flea's poops. Now that was more like it.

"Well? If you don't want it, I'm going to…"

Lee snatched the piece of paper from his hand before that sentence ended.

Jack invited Lee out for lunch and gave him his reservation at the ski resort in Lake Tahoe, the one he had planned to go to with Brent, 'cause he had to pack for an unexpected trip back home to Wyoming instead. He had called his mother earlier, telling her he was coming home. His mother sounded so sincerely happy that he felt guilty. The motive of this trip wasn't to go there, but Riverton, and he had no idea if there was a chance to really go to see her up at Lightning Flat, Crook County, which was another five-six hours' drive up north from Riverton. But being in Wyoming without telling her was just plain too cruel.

"So are you going to spend Christmas with your vet or what?" Lee's voice brought him back to their table in the small restaurant.

"Oh yeah," Jack smiled, sad Christmas with his parents temporarily forgotten as his mouth twisted. He enjoyed every minute of torturing Lee, who looked like he was going to spit fire the more Jack talked about Ennis happily.

"Like hell you are," Lee snarled in disbelief.

"I can't believe it myself, Christmas with Ennis. Pinch me."

Lee smacked Jack's outstretched arm away and Jack laughed good-naturedly. Lee muttered moodily into his lunch, a traditional steak with French fries and lots of ketchup. And Jack went back to his own pasta, finding himself enjoying the not-so-quiet lunch with his long-time foe.

"You know," Lee started again after a while. "I don't think Grant will go to Lake Tahoe with me."

"Why not?"

"Don't know. But he won't just say yes. Hello? He never goes anywhere with me alone."

"Then go in like a group. You've got the whole cabin. Ask someone else…Scott, A.J., the girls at the Velvet, Brent, even."

"Oh, please," Lee groaned. "Then they will just sneak out together."

"They won't," Jack assured him. "Grant told me they won't ever be together again. They can't 'cause they're too different. For the record, you shithead, Grant broke up with Brent in the first place."

Lee's eyes got wider. "He did?"

"Yes. Now stop whining like a dog and get into action! Are you serious about Grant at all?" Lee didn't answer but his face grew solemn. Jack nodded and smacked the man's arm with the brochure on the table. "Then do it."

Lee rubbed his forearm and observed Jack who was drinking water. "Why are you doing this?"

"I'm not doing this for you. This is for Grant." Jack shrugged. "Besides, I'm not going to have my life hanging by a thread alone this Christmas. Yo-ho. If I'm gonna have a potentially miserable, uncertain trip with Ennis in Wyoming, than at least I'll be happy to know that, on the other side of California, you're having your shitty, unsure life in Lake Tahoe as well."

"Very funny, yo-ho." Lee rolled his eyes. "I'm going to have a blast with snow and friends but you're gonna deal with the future in-laws who are probably a bunch of homophobes ready to serve you poisoned food for seducing Mr. Good Old Vet, oh Lordy Lord." Lee leant closer and grinned devilishly, "And I believe you still have a co-worker who's also falling for your man to handle, yo-ho. Look whose life is sweeter, now pinch me."

Jack smacked Lee's arm and was the one who grumbled this time. "And you have to remind me of that now?"

"That's life, Jackey-poo."

Jack leant back on his chair and played with his pasta.

They'd had a small meeting this morning in Lureen's office about job allocation in the editorial department during Jack's one-week absence after Christmas. Last year, he did Alma's work when she flew to stay with her family in Seattle. Jack took a week off this time and Alma was supposed to help out but somehow Jack wasn't surprised when she said she was occupied.

"I have to join the Mediterranean cooking workshop in Berkeley for two days starting tomorrow. I'm hoping to write about it for the Christmas issue. I'm afraid I can't be much help," she had said, her attention on everything but Jack the whole time she spoke.

Jack had told other co-workers that he had finished all but two columns already. He hadn't yet told Ennis to submit the animal column before heading out to Wyoming but he was pretty sure there wouldn't be any problem. Ennis could write in Wyoming and send the file by e-mail later. Josh the Nerd said he would submit his column around Christmas by e-mail, too. The person who filled in Jack's work only needed to do a little editing after that.

Everyone sort of looked at Alma who sternly kept her gaze down at the paper on her lap. Jack sighed. Lureen looked back and forth between them and cleared her throat, ending the uncomfortable moment by saying she would fill in for Jack.

"Mars to you, you Martian," Lee snapped.

"I can't believe I'm discussing this with you but…I need to get this out of my head." Jack shook his head. "Me and Alma, we've been good friends and she knows I'm gay. She's known that all along and never showed any sigh that she hated me for being gay until she saw me and Ennis together. Now she acts like I'm a fucking bacterium or something."

Lee just shrugged. "That Alma bitch could just have been pretending she liked you, wearing her smiling mask from the beginning. She might even have hated you but thought you were so fucking pathetic and as a girl with a holy heart, she felt sorry for a gay man like you so she lowered herself to be your friend. God would love her more for that kind of gesture. Or, she could just have turned loony all of a sudden. Who cares? You're the one getting the man. And who wants a friend like that anyway?"

"But I don't want our friendship to end this way. And don't call a woman a bitch."

"Holy Mother of God." Lee threw his hands in the air. "Who are you? Saint Jack? You know what my mom would say to this?

"What?"

"You can't have it all, dude. You win some, you lose some, live with it. If you want a man's dick then say goodbye to big tits for good. That's how things go."

Jack winced but chuckled nonetheless. "Why do you have to talk like that? And what kind of shitty theory is that anyway? Gay men and women can be friends, tits or no tits. Did your mom actually say that, about tits and all? Wait, if she's your mom then maybe…"

"Shut up." Lee rolled his eyes again and Jack giggled. "So tell me, Mr. Lover Boy. How do you feel now that someone hates you? Are you going to report this to the police?"

Jack hissed and snatched the ketchup from Lee's side of the table. "I so hate you."

"And I love you, my ass," Lee stabbed his fork into the French fries. "Give me the damn ketchup."

And their lunch practically went on like that, snapping at each other over their food. Jack almost changed his mind and took the ski resort reservation sheet back from Lee. He wasn't even so sure anymore why they had to have lunch together in the first place. But suddenly Lee looked up at him, his facial expression changed.

"Should I call him? Or should I just go to the Bay & Bridge?"

Jack knew this facial expression; insecurity. He saw the same look in the mirror every day recently. Lee was a badass but even a badass could love someone enough to risk everything. Besides he was in no position to judge the man when it came to Grant. If Grant didn't like Lee that much, he'd better tell him now. It was going to hurt Lee but if that was the fact then Lee had to accept it. On the other hand, if Grant was hesitant about them, Lee should make a real move and wait for his reaction.

"Well," Jack chewed his lip, getting excited for Lee for no proper reason. "I'm going to see Grant this evening. Want me to tell him?"

"Go to hell."

Jack smirked. "After you. Call him, you asshole."

----------

It was half past two in the afternoon and Ennis was looking around the crowded Macy's store for a Christmas present for K.E. He already got ones for Carol, her husband, his nieces and Mona weeks ago, but nothing for K.E. yet. Who would figure that K.E. would just show up like this, considering he had never joined the family Christmas party ever since his volunteer job forced him to travel around Asia and Africa five-six years ago. Ennis was used to getting up with the phone screaming at midnight and a cheerful voice practically yelling 'Merry Christmas, man' over the loud music to his ear for the past several years. That was nice enough for both of them, hearing each other's voice on Christmas across the ocean.

Buying a Christmas present for K.E. was difficult enough but now that he had come back with his unborn baby and the wife he didn't talk about, it was twice as hard to pick out something. He was pretty certain K.E. wasn't into comics anymore. And he always dressed like a homeless person, or a tribe living up in the mountains or isolated islands so men's clothes and accessories wouldn't be a good choice. After about an hour or so wandering around Macy's, Ennis gave up and walked out to the street. He decided to find some lame stuff like a book for new dads and all as he stopped short when he saw his own reflection from the window of some shop. Shit, he looked terrible. His face was pale and his hair was a mess. He needed some caffeine to awaken his brain cells.

Ennis ordered a cup of espresso at the small coffee shop at the corner of the street. The girl behind the counter smiled at him and Ennis had to wonder if she noticed the flush on his cheeks which he was pretty sure was there. He couldn't really blame her if she laughed at him 'cause he wanted to roll his eyes at himself, too, for thinking about the message from Jack that binged sometime while he was shopping.

_Drink Mocha for a change today. You know Mocha has the color of your eyes?_ That was what it said and that caused Ennis to stumble against the small counter of Adidas, hurt his toes like hell.

"Here it is, sir." She came back with the espresso and Ennis fumbled with his wallet.

"Thank you," Ennis murmured and paid. A minute later, he sat at a table and fished out a little piece of paper from his wallet; a check list he had roughed out last night at the clinic. Ennis checked the list one by one, deleting what he had done with the tip of his finger. Christmas present for K.E., decided, get it later. Something for Flea, checked. Well, he hadn't bought anything for the little dog yet but he planned to buy him his own bed. That had to wait though, Ennis thought as he drank his coffee.

He scanned the note again, chewing the inner side of his cheek absentmindedly. It looked like he had covered everything before going to Wyoming, everything but 'calling Mona'. And Mona led to the car and the car led to the trip to Wyoming and the trip to Wyoming finally led to Jack.

Sighing, Ennis leant on the seat and fished out his wallet. Mona's Christmas present (Gift Certificate at Macy's) that he had bought weeks back was still there, waiting for him to give it to her. Ennis had left a message with Mona's secretary that he would stop by her office around four, and it was only about an hour before he would have to face his judgment day.

Ennis drained his coffee and gave his thighs a big pat before heading out the door. He wondered how Mona would react. Would she freak out? Would she quote every single line from the Bible against him the way Alma did?

And what would he do with that? It was easier with Alma, he could just walk away from her, because he hardly knew her. But it was different with Mona. She was his friend, like a sister whom he had grown up with, the only person in San Francisco Ennis counted as family.

Mona had always been such a busybody. But that was because she cared so much for him, Ennis knew that very well. Still he hid away from her.

He arrived at Mona's office eventually, letting all the air out of his lungs as he stepped into her office. She was sitting on her usual chair facing the door, palming her face as if she had been waiting for him for quite some time.

"Jesus, Tiger," she started. "You look…"

"Like shit, I know." He finished it for her and sat down, rubbing his rough face with days-old stubble. Mona looked tired, too. She wasn't wearing much make-up today and that made her face paler than usual. "You look tired."

"I am tired, got so much to do before Christmas. How's your day?"

Ennis shrugged. "Ok, I guess."

"Good."

And they went quiet. Ennis looked down at his fingers when he heard Mona shift on her seat. Looked like he wasn't the only one who was nervous. He felt as though he was listening to his death sentence.

"Look, Ennis." As usual, Mona started again. "Can we talk? I mean, really talk? I feel like you've shut me out. And you know me, I've never judged you and I never will. Talk to me, please, do not hide away from me."

"I'm not sure if you can listen to what I'm about to say and not judge me, Mona," Ennis said softly, still keeping his eyes on his lap.

"Try me."

They exchanged brief eye contact before Ennis looked up at her directly. "I have feelings for a man. I…I don't know. I might be…"

The word came out softly from his mouth but Mona heard it, Ennis knew from the look on her face. She stared at him for a long time and closed her eyes, a long sigh escaped from her mouth.

"Why didn't you tell me?" she asked.

Ennis shook his head. "I just can't walk up and tell you that…I…I don't even know how to…"

"Remember when you lost your shoes at school three days in a row because that fat-ass basketball player bullied you? You told me, not because I could help but because you wanted to share, you knew I cared and wanted to know what happened." Mona looked at him, her eyes sad. "The same goes for why you made me a hay bundle and let me punch the hell out of it back when that asshole boyfriend of mine dumped me."

Ennis closed his eyes as Mona continued, her voice began to shiver.

"I tried to reach you, Ennis, but I can't when you keep walking away. I've been searching for any connection so I can get back to you and I've been fumbling my way with that… I thought I could get to you through Alma but you bounced away from me even more... Why didn't you tell me, Ennis? We can always talk."

Mona spoke softly and her eyes were teary. Ennis shook his head, wanting to cry too. "It's huge for me, Mona. And I'm scared of everything and the last thing I want is for you to know…and then…"

"God, you really think that I'd just…what?...hit you over the head if you told me you were probably gay? Jesus Christ, this is San Fran-fucking-cisco, Ennis. And it's the 21st century, no one kills you 'cause you're gay anymore. And of all the people on the planet, you think I would do that to you? Don't you know me at all? We're like family, Ennis. Didn't you ever trust me?"

Ennis knew all the answers to her questions, how much he trusted Mona and how fucked-up he had been treating her, but he just couldn't utter any words except '_I'm sorry'_. He kept his gaze on Mona, watching her wipe her eyes with a tissue, feeling like shit for making her cry. They didn't talk for a while until Mona sniffed for the last time and met his eyes. Someone knocked on the door before they had a chance to say anything. Ennis kept his head down when Mona's secretary poked her head in and told her that someone was waiting for her in the lobby.

Mona just nodded. She completely ignored Ennis while she stood up and gathered her files. Ennis quietly took out his wallet for the envelope containing the Gift Certificate at Macy's he had bought for Mona. Some slips of paper fell out and he swept them up.

"Merry Christmas, Mona. I'm sorry." He put the envelope on the table and walked out of her office just as quiet.

Mona looked after him, swallowed another bead of tears that threatened to run down her cheek. The memory of a seven-year-old Ennis with curly blond hair running after her with a frog in his hand was still vivid in her head. A ten-year-old Ennis whom she had helped to climb up to his bedroom through the window on the second floor, after spending half the night falling asleep in the barn with his dog. A fourteen-year-old Ennis who had told her about the bully at school when he had walked home with bare feet three days in a row. A seventeen-year-old Ennis who had listened to her whine when her boyfriend dumped her. A twenty-three-year-old and drunk Ennis who had rolled over laughing at the movie Shrek on Christmas at her home on his first day in San Francisco.

The memories seemed to pump more tears into her eyes and Mona had to take a deep breath. Suddenly, the fact that Ennis might be gay wasn't as painful as how he didn't trust her enough to talk about this.

She took a deep breath again and exhaled a little shakily as she told herself she had to think about this later when she was calmer. Mona was about to walk out the door when she noticed some papers on the seat that Ennis had sat on. They must have slipped out of his wallet. One of the papers was a name card with something that looked like an address written at the back of it. On the front it said, '_Grant Bennett, The Velvet; Friends for Gays and Lesbians'. _

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Jack jogged up the small hill and slowed his pace when he saw Ennis standing there; one of his hands was holding Flea's leash while the other was in his pocket, his head hung down. Ennis's voice on the phone had been sad when he said they might not have a car to go to Wyoming and Jack knew right away it wasn't the car Ennis was worried about cause they could always rent one. "We'll do something," Jack had assured him and Ennis just grunted.

"Hey," Jack said a little out of breath when he reached him, smiling when Ennis looked up to meet his eyes. "Dinner?"

Ennis looked exhausted, his eyes dull and his body all tense, even had no words when Jack took him to the Bay & Bridge later.

Grant was cooking something in the little kitchen when Jack poked his face into the room on the second floor of the club. Ennis looked surprise but not spooked. His brown eyes did a brief scan around the large room before they landed on the black and white cat lying down and swishing her tail gracefully on the lone sofa near the entrance. Flea barked, asking to be let off of his leash.

Ennis just stood there and blinked when Jack freed Flea, who almost instantly jumped up on the sofa only for Pepe to jump up higher to the table. Flea yelped but Pepe ignored him, turning her butt to Flea, her long, fluffy tail swaying down for the little dog to play with.

"Sautéed chicken with rice?" Grant broke the silence and that startled them both. Jack looked over at Ennis who simply ducked his head down, exhaustion seeming to have eaten him up so much that he couldn't even summon strength to build a wall around himself in such unfamiliar territory. Grant walked over to them, patting Jack gently in his shoulder as he smiled over at Ennis. "Or bacon and lettuce salad?"

Grant always had a way to calm people and Jack couldn't thank him enough, for now Ennis looked up, his brown eyes not as dried and lifeless as before. Maybe because he was hungry, Jack didn't really care as long as Ennis didn't shut himself away from them. Grant smiled wider and walked back to the small kitchen. "Come have a seat on a stool. You're about to eat the finest dinner in the Bay area."

And Grant wasn't a liar.

The sautéed chicken was great and the salad with bacon, lettuce and tomato was just as tasty. They ate quietly with the sound from the T.V. in the background mingling with Grant's soft footsteps as he walked around the small kitchen, fixing food for Pepe and Flea.

Jack looked at the side of Ennis's face, resting his gaze until Ennis's thick eyelashes fluttered and flicked up, revealing the sweet golden-brown eyes that Jack loved. The eyes were weary and vulnerable for the wall hadn't yet been built up. Jack reached out to touch Ennis's cheek, asking without words for an entrance to his soul.

Ennis sighed, looking back at Jack fully, responding to Jack's wish as he eventually opened his mouth to speak. "I talked to Mona. She cried."

Jack gasped. "Mona cried?"

"It's my fault." Ennis shook his head and glanced at Grant who was still crouching down on the floor, petting Flea. He turned to Jack again. "I should have trusted her. She's family. I talk to her more than I do to my own sister. She never judges me. Why the hell didn't I ever think about this before? Why didn't I just go talk to her like I always do? And I just…I made her cry, I feel like a jerk."

"You can't predict the future, Ennis. You couldn't know what her reaction would be."

Jack rubbed the small of his back and Ennis shrugged his hand off. But Jack's hand returned to pat his back, just once and away as he looked at him so close.

"You know, I can't believe I am quoting what Lee said but…I think he was right. We can't have it all." Jack thought about Alma, about how their two years' friendship had turned upside down in one fateful night. He was still unsure how to handle the mess. He wasn't ready to confront her, not yet, at least not until he and Ennis were official. Now Alma might think of him as some dirty gay man who seduced Ennis into his bed or something. That was fair enough considering she was sweet on Ennis. But Jack hoped that next time they talked, he could just tell her straightforwardly that Ennis and he were together. And if they were going to do the dirty deed and rot in hell, then it was their business not hers.

But Alma was different from Mona. He could cut loose a friend who talked bad about him behind his back but Ennis couldn't lose a family member, especially one who really cared, no matter how much of a busybody she could be.

"Call her, Ennis," Jack said. "Talk to her."

"What if she…"

"Keep calling or leave messages until she picks up your call. If you think she's worth all the trouble. Hell, I did that." Jack touched the tips of his fingers lightly on Ennis's cheek again. "And I'm glad as hell I did."

Ennis swallowed hard and sat still for a moment. Jack was still keeping his gaze on him, smiling a little. Grant turned back to dig some more food from the fridge, giving them as much space as the small kitchen allowed.

All the childhood memories came rushing back to Ennis like a flood, all the happy and sad times he had shared with Mona when Carol and K.E. were busy working. Some secrets he had never shared with anyone else were still kept with her even now, the bully during junior high school, for one thing. He doubted if Carol ever found out why he had lost so many shoes back then.

_No, he couldn't lose Mona._

Ennis fixed his gaze on Jack again, wanting to ask if he ever tired of fighting for someone as clueless and dumb as him. But Jack's eyes held the answer to that already and Ennis's heart swelled with something that pushed his brain cells into action.

Quietly, Ennis slid off the stool and walked to the window. Jack saw he was typing a message and he prayed Mona would read the message or even call Ennis back.

"He'll be fine, Jacky." Grant's voice broke off his attention. "Now tell me, what else did Lee tell you besides that smartass 'you win some, you lose some' stuff?"

Jack smiled a little. "You want the raw version or the edited one."

Grant laughed. "Well, since we're in the middle of dinner, I think the edited one will be safer."

"He talked about Alma," Jack said as he palmed his face. "How she might have hated me from the beginning but can't wear her mask anymore because she sees now Ennis is with me. But are you sure Lee hasn't yet told you everything we talked about at lunch? I thought he filled you in every day."

Grant shrugged, "No. We don't talk much."

"Has he said anything about skiing? Anything?" Jack asked and smirked when Grant shrugged but he wasn't giving away anything more.

Ennis walked back to the stool, the look on his face not telling much about how things had gone. Jack and Grant exchanged eye contact.

"Well?" Jack raised his brow.

"Um…I don't know." Ennis put the phone down. "I just sent her a message and…"

The phone on the counter binged and they all looked down at it. Ennis grabbed his cell and spent a moment just looking at the screen. Mona had sent a message back to him with only a few words but it was enough for him to know that he could still fix what had been broken.

"Is it bad?" Jack asked again, fearing the worst.

"Don't know. At least she's still calling me Tiger. I'll call her again." Jack and Grant were looking at him expectantly, and Ennis finally nodded, a little sharper, surer. "And again and again until she talks to me."

Grant smiled and retreated back to the fridge when Jack leant in and clutched the back of Ennis's head and kissed the golden curls above his ear. Ennis stayed put, didn't flinch even a muscle this time.

"Oh yes, an aggressive and insistent Ennis Del Mar fighting for what matters to him, I like this." Jack's hand petted his head as his smiling lips pressed on Ennis's forehead. Ennis leaned into the touch until Jack sat back on his stool when Grant walked back with a bottle of wine, the kiss still burning on Ennis's skin.

Grant turned around to grab three tall glasses from the cabinet. "What you guys plan to do for Christmas?"

"Gonna take a sixteen-hour drive up home," Jack said but didn't sound bored by the idea despite how boring it might sound. "You?"

"I'm going to Lake Tahoe," Grant said plainly, then pointed the corkscrew at Jack. "Not a word."

And Grant poured them all wine, grabbed his glass and a bowl of salad to sit on the sofa and watch T.V. in the middle of the studio-type room, his back to them, Pepe and Flea tagging along like little followers. Jack thought he saw the smallest hint of a smile on Grant's mouth and he chuckled into his salad, took a bite and looked up at Ennis who was staring at him with bewilderment.

"Long story. I'll tell you during the drive. We got 16 hours to kill anyway."

Ennis just grunted. Jack couldn't remember since when Ennis had stopped telling him to back off from the Wyoming trip. But somehow it didn't matter anymore.

"What're you doing?" Ennis said muffled into the front of Jack's shirt as he stood on the rung of their stools and threw his arms around Ennis's shoulder. Jack didn't answer as he tightened his embrace, just humming and running his long fingers through Ennis's hair, kissing and nibbling the curls as they swayed together on the not-very-stable stools. "Um…you think my hair is damn lettuce or something?"

Jack's chest vibrated from his chuckle and Ennis closed his eyes. He wanted to think more about what to do, how to fix things with Mona, how he would deal with Carol and K.E. and everything. But he was so tired. He had been drained emotionally for the last few days and the feel of Jack's warm body and his affectionate petting and kissing were so damn cozy.

And Ennis buried his nose deeper in the soft fabric of Jack's shirt, letting himself be held and swayed, feeling tense muscles in his shoulders and legs loosen up bit by bit, his head getting lighter. He was getting comfy to the point that a small whimper escaped from his lips.

He inhaled the comforting, familiar scent of Jack mingled with the clean smell of his shirt as his arms hung down weightlessly at his sides. Jack's hum sounded so far away and he thought he was going to fall asleep. But that certain place in his brain which was woken up by Jack didn't feel like sleeping. The place that drove Ennis to fight for someone he loved, not run away and hide like before. He had sent a message to Mona 'cause she was important to him, he couldn't lose her. The feeling was new, but wasn't unwelcome; an aggressive and insistent Ennis Del Mar fighting for what really mattered.

And Jack mattered to Ennis, too. No one had ever held him like this, or fought for him the way Jack did. No one had ever told him how his eyes were the color of gold. _Just Jack_. Ennis wondered if the guy who was cradling his head knew how much he meant to Ennis, didn't matter at all even if he was the smallest candle set against the brightest rays of the sun.

Ennis came to a decision.

He couldn't lose Jack. He couldn't retreat back into his shell anymore. K.E. had jumped off his cliff and Ennis knew this time he really had to jump off, too. If he couldn't find K.E. in the midst of the darkened depths as his brother had promised for whatever reasons, he still had Jack -- the candlelight that would lead him home from where the sun couldn't shine.

"We'll leave Saturday," Ennis muttered and felt Jack smile into his hair. "Don't know yet if Mona will let me have her car. Might have to rent one. And you drive first."

Neither said anything as they swayed gently on the stools, back and forth, back and forth, the quiet voice from the T.V. said there was a possibility of white Christmas this year.

TBC

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Thank you for readin. The next 2 chapters will be posted in a few days.


	16. Chapter 16

**You & Me & a Dog Named Flea** Chapter 16 "Long-Lost Puzzlel"  
**Disclaimer** : Annie Prouxl owns the timeless characters in BBM. I'm writing from love and making no profit.  
**Summary** : Altinate Universe Fiction of Ennis and Jack (from Brokeback Mountain) set in San Francisco ; Jack Twist had a chance encounter with a veterinarian one day, didn't know the shy vet, and his black and white terrier, would have a permanent place in his heart.  
**My Deepest Thanks** always to Judy, my ultimate beta!  
**Feedback** : means the world to me:)

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Chapter 16 "Long-Lost Puzzle "

_Oh yes, the Wyoming trip._

Jack grinned as he craned his head and watched Ennis try to squeeze the big foam box into the only small space, about the size of a shoe box, that was left in the back seat of the petite Honda Fit. Flea barked at Ennis from the passenger seat, maybe wondering when they were going to head out.

It seemed Ennis would take forever with the preparations but, well, he had no complaint. The view was kinda nice…

Jack let his gaze travel down Ennis's long legs outlined perfectly in his blue jeans, feeling his own face muscles stretch as his slow smile reached up to his eyes. He couldn't believe his luck sometimes. Jack Twist, a loner in a far away small town on the north edge of Wyoming who had been struggling to accept that he was gay for years, finally felt ok with himself and got a nice, sweet man by his side. Ennis Del Mar, a blond-haired vet who preferred to talk with dogs and cats than human beings. Ennis Del Mar whom Jack would spend this year's Christmas with, Ennis Del Mar who was now trying to squeeze stuff in the small car.

Talking about the car, how come they end up with Honda Fit anyway? Didn't Ennis say on the phone yesterday that he would rent a big sedan?

"I thought we would rent a sedan," Jack wondered out loud.

"I was late yesterday and all they had left was this one," Ennis said without a glance back Jack's way. "Who the hell knew you would have a lot of stuff. Shit."

One of their duffel bags that were settled on two boxes at the same level as Ennis's chest fell out but Ennis was fast, grabbing it with his left hand while his right hand managed to push the foam box into the small space successfully, with help from his right knee.

Ennis cursed and looked over his shoulder at Jack who stood on the pavement, blinking at struggling Ennis who was trying to keep all the bags and boxes and stuff in place. He looked like a big spider crawling on the wall, only this spider only had four legs. _What a sight._ Jack found his mouth curving up into a small bemused smile again and the next thing he knew, he was laughing. Ennis shot him a somewhat hard glare but that only made him laugh more.

"What's so funny? Come on, help me!"

Jack stumbled to stand beside Ennis, still chuckling as he took the bag from him. "What the hell is all this stuff? Are we refugees or something?"

"Recognize that green army duffel bag? Or this box of CDs? More than half of this stuff is yours, Twist."

"Ah!" Jack smacked his forehead, an Oscar winning display of acting. "That's why! Thought I'd seen that bag before!" Jack sang a song, wasn't even slightly disturbed by Ennis's sarcasm and continuous hard glare. Jack was a happy man. He was pretty sure even Lee couldn't make him mad today.

Ennis had parked the little car in front of Jack's apartment at six A.M. sharp this Saturday morning while Jack still had a handful of clothes to pack. It might be exaggerating but as he heard the sound of the car roaring down the street, he knew it was Ennis coming. Jack had stopped packing and listened to the movement outside through the open window and he waited. Heard the door shut, Flea barked, then his buzzer rang.

Jack was stuffing the last item of clothing, his sweater with the fluffy collar, into the bag when Flea rushed into his room first. The dog barked and almost flew at Jack like they hadn't seen each other for ages. Jack laughed and tried to wince away from Flea's passionate licking, talking with Flea in what he thought was a puppy-like tone, leaving Ennis at the door, mouth hanging open at the sight of Jack's three boxes and two bags on the floor.

"What the…"

Jack bounced up on his feet and walked toward him. He pushed the door closed, then swallowed whatever Ennis was going to say with an ardent kiss.

"Good morning, doctor," Jack murmured and kissed Ennis again--longer this time, smiling when he felt a strong arm go loosely around his waist.

He didn't allow time for Ennis to say anything, pushed a green army bag into Ennis's chest and patted his shoulder. "Down to the car. Come on! We don't have all day."

And Ennis, still bewildered, complied.

"Anything more?" Ennis asked, dragging Jack back from the memory of the sweet morning, and Jack couldn't really capture his tone whether it was a real question or another sarcastic remark. Jack rubbed his chin, pretended to think and was shoved hard by Ennis who just grunted and got into the passenger's seat, hauling Flea up on his lap.

"Hey! I was just thinking!"

Jack laughed and followed Ennis into the car. They fastened the seatbelts and Jack drove off, humming to some random hip-hop song from the radio, Flea barking and howling along with the singer, Ennis chuckling – the finest music to Jack's ears.

They were just turning onto I-80 when Jack broke the easy silence in the car. "Did you eat something?"

"No. You?"

"Na…But I have coffee in the thermos enough for both of us. So we don't have to stop for breakfast. Oh, is Flea's poo time still at nine even when traveling?"

Ennis chuckled. "I don't know. But I think we should stop in like 2-3 hours so he won't get so frustrated and trash the car."

"Ok." Jack turned his attention back to the road. Ennis kept his eyes ahead, too, and absentmindedly stroked Flea's head with his long fingers, his other hand tapping lightly on his knee along with the rhythm of the song from the radio. Flea was chewing his bone, a distraction that magically kept him quiet for more than ten minutes now. Seeing the little dog happily chewing on something, Jack came to think of what he had bought for Flea yesterday. "Ennis, can you grab the brown bag from the back seat? There's something for Flea."

Ennis frowned but grabbed the brown bag and put it on his lap anyway. There was a medium-sized box wrapped in white paper and tied with red-dotted ribbon inside the bag. He looked up at Jack amused as he took it out, toying with the small card attached to the ribbon with the picture of a big German shepherd on the front. There was a white bubble above the black dog's head that said 'Merry Christmas'.

"You don't want to wait until Christmas?" Ennis asked, still chuckling.

"Looks like Flea can't wait." Springing up from Ennis's lap at the mere mention of his name, Flea started to sniff at the box in Ennis's hand. "See?"

Ennis wrenched his hand away from the dog's curiosity as much as he could in the narrow seat, squinted to read inside the card as he did so. "Beef broth, molasses, cracked wheat, powdered milk...What is this?"

Jack shrugged so Ennis continued to read. There was more stuff like egg, salt and yeast, all the ingredients in the cook book, Ennis observed, and there was something written at the bottom of the card in big, bold letters. It said _'Yap! Bake me my cookies! Yap! Yap!'_

"Shit," Ennis murmured and Jack laughed out loud. This was exactly the reaction he had been waiting for. "Who the hell can bake cookies for dogs? I can't even bake ones for people. Where did you get it?"

"The dog shop near my place. Cool, isn't it?"

"The wrapping is too pretty. I don't have the heart to rip it."

Jack laughed again. "Oh, you and your soft heart. Let Flea handle that. There's something for you, too, in the plaid bag."

Ennis blinked and kept his gaze on Jack's face, totally forgetting the box in his hand until he felt Flea tug on the ribbon. He held it up, still looking at Jack who looked at nothing but the road before him.

Jack bought him a Christmas present? _Oh.  
_  
"Um…" Ennis shifted, switching his attention to the box in his hand. "You…well…don't want to wait until Christmas?"

"Ah…that…I don't know. It depends on the expiration date." Jack smirked and gave Ennis a gentle shove on his shoulder. "It's fruit cake, Ennis. I walked past the bakery shop yesterday and it smelled so damn good so I bought it for you, in case you're envious of Flea having his cookies."

"Fruit cake?"

"Yeah…" Jack nodded. "Come on. It's a long way 'til we find something to eat. I'm kinda hungry."

"I thought it was for me."

Jack shrugged as Ennis reached to grab the plaid paper bag from the back seat. He took the plastic box with a tasty-looking fruit cake out of the bag. And, like Flea's box, there was a card attached to it -- a small card with a picture of a Ferris wheel at night on the cover. He swallowed as he kept his gaze there, thinking back to the time when Jack and he went to the carnival together last month. They were on the Ferris wheel and it was a beautiful night…

Jack cleared his throat and that startled Ennis. He looked up from the card to see Jack shift on his seat, obviously feeling a bit awkward himself. But, quietly, Ennis went back to the card anyway, opened it and saw Jack's handwriting inside, it started with…_um?_ wheat, apple…_what the…?  
_  
The inside of the card went the same way as Flea's card, with the list of baking ingredients and all, and at the bottom of the card, it said, in Jack's big letters, _'Yeah! Bake me my cake! Yeah! Yeah!'_

"You're crazy, Jack Twist," Ennis muttered the same minute Jack barked a laugh, folding the card and put it in his shirt pocket, along with Flea's card. He shook his head as he unpacked the cake, feeling his mouth watering nonetheless.

The fruit cake was truly delicious and Jack was driving one-handed as he took a bite and hummed, eyes wide with appreciation. Ennis gave some of it to Flea as he chewed the cake and sipped the coffee from the thermos.

"You know, my mom has her special recipe for cherry cake," Jack said, with his mouth full. "It's my favorite cake, ever," Jack emphasized with a sharp nod. "I've been trying to find good cherry cake in the city but no one bakes like my ma. She bakes for me every time I come home. It's become traditional."

"Um…How often do you come home?"

"This is the first time in five years." Jack sighed. "Yeah, I'm such a bad son. I miss her but you can say that I'm not very eager to see my dad."

"You don't get along with your dad? I remember you said something like that."

"Yeah. He's mean. Ever since I was a kid, he said I was useless, didn't know shit about ranch work. You can imagine when he found out I'm gay. All hell broke loose."

"You grew up on a ranch, too?" Ennis asked, took another bite of the cake. He wanted to get away from the subject that might bring down Jack's high spirits.

"We raise dairy cows and stuff, yeah." Jack stole a glance at Ennis. "Your family runs a horse farm, right?"

"Did."

"Can you ride? You own a horse?"

"K.E. owned one, a very beautiful black mare, very kind. He let me ride her sometimes. But we had to sell everything after mom and dad died."

"That was…sad," Jack whispered and saw Ennis nod from the corner of his eyes before he looked out of the window, thinking back to the past, maybe. Jack knew the feeling, and was surprised that he wanted to share something with Ennis, something he had never told anyone before.

"When I was about nine or ten," Jack started and he got Ennis's attention back from the view. "There was this mother cow that I secretly named Madeline."

Ennis snorted and Jack gave him a little shove on the shoulder.

"What? She was a sweet mother cow, she deserved a nice name."

"I didn't say anything."

"Whatever. Anyway, she was going to have a baby so she was kept alone in a separate place. And I spent my time after school with her a lot, just rolling around on hay and being with her. After she had her baby, I don't know what happened but she couldn't provide milk anymore and you know what happens to a diary cow with no milk."

"Guess I have some idea. Shit, Jack, that's hard for a kid."

Jack sighed, seeing the picture of himself, lanky and bare-foot, running after a truck that carried Madeline away to whoever had bought her for his meat cow operation. Little Jack was running and crying like crazy but no one came out to soothe him or hold him back, saying something like Madeline would be alright. He knew it was a lie, but it was better than hearing Madeline's cry out from the truck that was getting further and further out of reach as he finally collapsed on the gravel road.

"I was crying until I couldn't breathe and I couldn't eat beef for months." Jack shook his head and suddenly winced at himself. "Shit, why do we have to talk about sad stuff? It's Christmas!"

Ennis wanted to say something lighthearted, too, but when he looked back at his childhood memories, all he remembered was loneliness, especially the years after his parent had died when all he did was study and work, not because he liked it, but because it was something he had to do, the only thing that kept his mind busy.

"Ennis," he startled a little upon hearing his own name. "Let's talk about you. How come you become a vet?"

Ennis shrugged. "It was just meant to be. I got a scholarship."

"Wow, so you're a straight-A student? I should have known."

"You know," Ennis's mouth crooked. "In high school, there's a thin line between a straight-A student and a nerd."

Jack laughed

"I just studied, burying my face in books because that's only thing I can do. And I didn't have many friends, just this guy I always paired up with in science class whose glasses were bigger than his head. Carol quit school to work full time and K.E. always worked late every night. I didn't know what to do when I was home alone. Studying seemed to be the best way to stop my brain from thinking and feeling too much."

Jack looked at Ennis and they exchanged small, understanding smiles.

"But I bet you knew more about horse farming back then than I did about ranch work," Jack said. "I was a total loser. The only thing I knew was how to tie Madeline."

"Now that," Ennis snapped his fingers, "is a real art."

They both laughed, comforting silence stretched between them in the car. And Ennis found himself staring at Jack, wanting to know more about him.

"What was you like as a kid?" Ennis asked suddenly.

"Well, my dad would say I was a lazy kid."

"I don't care about your dad."

"Ok." Jack tapped his long fingers on the steering wheel, giving Ennis one of his winning smiles before he began to speak again. "I didn't hate ranch work, you know. I love animals and milking cows was fun, when my dad allowed me to do it, that was. But I never pleased my dad and I was sick of hearing him scold me. So I just quit helping him. When I was older, I spent most of the time at school, hanging out with friends, dating a few girls. If I was home, I would just go to my favorite oak tree and stay under the shade, looking up at the sky all day."

"You love looking up at the sky."

"Yeah…" Jack said. So Ennis had remembered their brief conversation on the Ferris wheel a month before. The acknowledgement warmed his heart.

"You know what I always did outside school?" Ennis asked and Jack winced, stole a glance his way.

"I don't know. Chase girls?"

Ennis snorted. "Boo. Remember I was a total geek?"

"Then what? "

"Um…running."

Jack almost thought he'd heard it wrong. "Running? Like a marathon?"

"Yep. Only that I never did a marathon, just ran around the farm with my dog, when he was still there. It was a great feeling, when the view and voices surrounding you kinda faded and all you heard was the sound of your own heartbeat ringing in your ears."

Ennis stopped talking and Jack saw he'd sort of drifted off somewhere outside in the green field, maybe, to the time he was running with his first dog Spooky one fine morning in the middle of nowhere, a smile ghosting his lips.

"That was the most favorite time in my childhood that I can recall."

"I think I understand where you've come from. I have friends, you know, but I wasn't myself with them most of the time. It was like being with my dad all over again, talking about stuff I didn't care shit just so that I'd have some company at lunch."

Jack paused but continued when Ennis didn't say anything.

"I liked being with Madeline 'cause she respected me."

"Cause she couldn't talk," Ennis snapped, good-naturedly.

"You should have seen the way she looked at me. It was mutual respect."

"So you said."

"So I said." Jack slowed down the car a little and reached out to grab Ennis's left hand and wove their fingers together.

"What's this for?" Ennis asked, a smile in his voice. And Jack shrugged, gripping tighter as he moved their hands to rest on his thigh.

"Just a reminder that, well, you got me now, that's all."

Ennis pressed his lips together, wanting to tell Jack that he was driving one-handed on a highway. But it seemed Jack knew what he was doing. Besides, it felt kind of nice having Jack hold his hand like this. Ennis caressed Jack's thumb with his, looking up at the road sign absentmindedly, trying to figure out something to say. But before Ennis could say anything, Jack squeezed his hand again.

"Come on, I can be as good as Flea, I won't even bite your toe," Jack said and bumped their hands up and down on his thigh, distracting Flea's attention from his cookie a bit.

Ennis winced, "A dog?"

"Yeah, a Lightning Flat Terrier."

"Um," Ennis chuckled. "Ok. I can handle two terriers. But I'm not gonna be your cow."

Jack laughed and brought Ennis's hand to his mouth, biting the thumb playfully.

Three hours passed in a blink and they stopped for gas at the next truck stop. Flea jumped down from the car and ran like crazy around the place, drawing attention from a group of young girls who squealed as the little dog wagged his tail their way. Jack lagged behind slowly, letting Flea entertain the girls while Ennis disappeared inside the small diner.

They decided to buy something easy to eat for lunch to save time and would leave as soon as Flea had done his doggie business. But it seemed the dog enjoyed being hugged and kissed by the girls, who probably were traveling in the big Toyota Fortuna that was parked right beside their tiny Honda Fit, despite how he had whined painfully to be let out of the car minutes ago.

"Ah." Jack suddenly thought of something. He turned to the diner to check for signs of Ennis but there weren't any yet. That was great, because, oh yeah, every bit of time he could find was what he needed now. Jack called Flea, gave the girls an apologetic wave and led him back to the car.

"Let's work on this again, ok? You want to give Ennis a Christmas present, too, don't you?" Flea sat and craned his neck, looked at him with his big black eyes, his tail never stopped wagging. Jack had been training Flea when they were together, being strict with him especially for the last few days, with the book he had bought, plus dog training tips on line. It had been working pretty well, partly because Flea was a fast learner, one of the best breeds with the sharpest brain – according to the internet, and partly because Jack wanted this to work so much. He wanted this to be perfect.

Jack took out a small piece of cookie from the box in the car and chuckled when Flea stood on his back legs, sniffing and barking.

"Not until you show me what you got. Come on, show me we're a good team."

Jack signaled the dog to sit back and Flea did so. Jack held out his free hand to Flea and almost instantly, Flea touched his little forefoot on Jack's palm, forming a little rough action of hi-five.

"Yes!" Jack cheered, gave Flea the cookie and hauled him up for an affectionate squeeze. "You're the best!"

Flea barked again as if he could understand Jack. Well, Jack put Flea down and smiled. If the dog cooperated this well, maybe he did understand Jack after all.

-----------

Ennis took over the drive from the gas station and they headed along the same highway until they arrived at Salt Lake City at five twenty. The tiny car moved slowly past the busiest part of the city, people were everywhere and it almost didn't feel so different from San Francisco. Ennis always thought California just didn't fit with a traditional, precious occasion like Christmas. Santa Claus belonged to pine trees and snow-covered mountains, not palm trees and big ocean. Ennis looked out of the window and registered the white peaks of the mountain that stood up high in the horizon, embracing the whole city in the valley.

_This is where Christmas is supposed to happen.  
_  
"Let's see," Jack spread the map on the dashboard and looked for the hotel where they were supposed to stay overnight. "The Temple Square Travelodge. I've booked us a double room from the internet. They allow dogs inside," Jack said to no one in particular, his eyes trying to find the location of their hotel on the map. Flea panted, and stuck his head under Jack's arm, either wanting to help or to eat some more cookies from Jack's pocket. "Found it. Over there on North Temple Street, two blocks from the church."

"That church?" Ennis jerked his chin to the big white church on the far corner of the street. Jack looked up and down to the map again.

"Guess so."

"Ok."

Jack hauled Flea up on his lap as he scanned beautiful Salt Lake City which was fully decorated with Christmas lights everywhere. On the left side, a big Christmas tree stood tall in front of the old building with a red bright star on top, smiling families and couples laughing and taking photographs. Jack smiled, pulled Flea up more until both their faces were pressed against the window. "Look at that Christmas tree. You know, Ennis, we should go out and have a nice stroll after checking in. It's beautiful out there. I bet it gets better at night."

Ennis didn't answer right away. He was also marveling at the spectacular colorful lights himself, the lights that somehow illuminated this side of town with old buildings until it looked like heaven on earth—if it really existed.

Jack seemed about to say something more but stopped when he noticed Ennis's blank eyes, his mouths curving up with amusement. "You drifting somewhere again? I must be damn boring company."

"No," Ennis cleared his throat. "It's just…I don't know. It's beautiful."

"Yeah," Jack said, still smiling. "I'm glad we're here."

Ennis found there was nothing else he could do except nod, dumbly, and tried to ignore the fast beating of his heart and concentrated back to the road ahead.

The Travelodge was a small but cozy motel with a cute girl with blond hair as a receptionist in a red and white Santa costume. She smiled widely and welcomed them with cookies. Ennis let Jack handle the hospitality while he and Flea, with their duffel bags, hung around the tiny lobby with some travelers in thick clothes, looking ready to explore the night.

There were many people, guys and girls and oldsters. Two middle-aged men were leaning on the registration counter, chatting and discussing postcards on the showcase. The other two men, younger, were rolling over on their seats, laughing at something they saw on the computer screen in the internet corner. Ennis looked back at Jack, who was walking his way swirling a key on his index finger, and had a feeling that it should be ok. It looked like they were not the only two guys that traveled together. It shouldn't look too…obvious.

"Second floor." Jack grabbed his own bag and led the way.

Ennis spent sometime refreshing in the bathroom and when he was done, he found Jack was ready. He even had on a deep blue knit scarf and black gloves, tucking Flea inside his semi-long leather black sweater that covered him down to his upper thighs, his blue eyes twinkling like an exciting kid about to play.

"Um…" Ennis couldn't help but raise his brow. "Someone is excited."

"Who?"

Jack looked around as he walked to where Ennis was standing, a brown and black plaid scarf in his hands. Ennis chuckled and the next thing he knew, Flea was pushed into his arms as he was pulled to Jack by the scarf tied around his neck. "Now I'll show ya how ta tie them cows."

Didn't know if it was because of Jack's cowboy's tone or if he really was cold, Ennis let Jack finish with the scarf. Their faces were so close that he thought Jack was going to kiss him. But no, he didn't. They just stood there together, touching softly here and there, eyes roaming on each other's faces.

"What do you wanna eat?" Jack whispered then stole a kiss on the corner of Ennis's lips.

"Don't know." Ennis's voice was hoarse, unfamiliar even to himself. Jack kind of purred.

"How about something easy like burgers? We ate burgers all day but it just means we don't have to find a place that allows Flea inside. And we can stroll and see the lights while eating."

"Um…ok…"

"Ok." Jack rubbed their noses together, shifted slightly to kiss the other corner of Ennis's mouth. Jack's lips were so soft and moist and Ennis found himself closing his eyes and enjoying the feel of Jack close to him, around him.

And their lips touched, continuing the slow kiss unhurriedly, Jack's lips were sweet like pears in fruit cake. Ennis felt Flea wriggle in his arms before they both felt the dog's wet tongue lapping on both their cheeks. They parted with giggles and curses and Ennis had to clean up in the bathroom again.

----------

With a cheeseburger in his hand, Ennis hung back leisurely behind Jack and Flea, looking up at the colorful lights on the tree above his head as he did so. The street was alive with Christmas songs, kids running and screaming as they were chased around playfully by their parents. Guys and girls in red and white fluffy clothes were everywhere, selling stuff or simply giving away something.

Tomorrow was Christmas Eve, and Ennis had to wonder whether he should celebrate Christmas earlier here in Salt Lake City with Jack. He doubted the Christmas party in Riverton with his family would be a memorable one for them, had better make one now when they could.

The thought might have made him stop in his tracks for a minute cause now Jack was walking back to Ennis, frowning. "You drifted out on me again."

"Sorry," Ennis shrugged, chewing the last piece of his burger. "I was just thinking."

"About what?"

He threw the paper in the trash and wiped his mouth. Jack did the same with his burger and they started off again, side by side this time.

They didn't talk right away as they turned at the corner into a somewhatbig space that looked like a park with this huge, old building standing tall in the background. There was a Church-look-a-like building on their far left side, the Tabernacle was next. The whole place was brightened up with different shade of illuminations, making it look like some castle in a fairy tale. It was stunning.

"Temple Square," Jack breathed and they just stood there for a moment, absorbing the beauty of it in the midst of people walking by who were talking and making jokes, flash lights from cameras blinking along with those from the trees.

"It's beautiful," Ennis said.

"And cold." Jack's voice was shivering as he held Flea up in his arms, covering the little dog with his own sweater. Flea snuggled into the warmth of Jack's chest, looked around with interest. "It's like the whole population of Utah is here. Let's go over there, it's less crowded."

They took a slow stroll closer to the huge building and Ennis regretted he didn't bring some brochures from the motel. Ennis knew he would remember this night no matter what would happen in Wyoming. And knowing the name of this place and that building would make the memory more vivid and real, in case he had to live with it, just in case…

The thought sent a chill throughout his body.

Ennis was looking around, hoping to find something when Jack elbowed him and handed over Flea.

Flea wiggled in Ennis's arms and wrenched his body so that he could watch what Jack was doing. Jack dug into his pockets. His left hand took out a small, folded brochure from the left pocket, and his right hand took out a strap of a digital camera from the right pocket. He mouthed something like _'ta-da'_ and smiled broadly. "Let's take some pictures. You stand there, come on, move."

"What?"

Jack took a few steps back and held up his camera but Ennis followed, shaking his head. "I don't like taking pictures."

"Aw, come on," Jack shoved him back and stepped back some more. "A picture or two with the Temple wouldn't hurt."

"The what?"

"Salt Lake Temple, that huge building behind you." Jack waved the brochure toward Ennis's face then looked through his camera at the grumpy Ennis. "Just one, come on."

Ennis rolled his eyes, didn't shy away this time but didn't look at the camera either. That was more than fine actually because Jack always liked this angle of Ennis's face, looking down and away from him. Jack liked how Ennis's jaw and the outline of his nose stood out in the lights, those lips, Jesus, he could even make out the thick lashes from here.

Jack took that picture and signaled for Ennis to come. "Ennis."

"That's ok…no need to check."

"Not ok, I want to have my picture taken. You come over here, this angle is great."

Rolling his eyes for the second time in less than a minute, Ennis walked to get the camera from Jack. He put Flea down and locked him with his legs while he fiddled with the camera. When he was ready and looked up, Jack was doing his muscular-wrestler pose, holding up both arms like Popeye.

Flea joined Jack later and a few pictures after that featured panting Flea and a winking, grinning Jack, howling Flea and, well, howling Jack, laughing Jack as Flea licked his face. And Ennis just took picture after picture, taking several steps back and wrenched away when Jack reached for the camera. They wrestled and ran around in small circles, laughing along with Flea's sharp bark.

Some kids started to squeal and run with them and that was when Ennis stopped. Jack snatched the camera from him with a small shove, still chuckling as they watched Flea practically mobbed by the kids.

"He's such a cute dog." A forty-something woman who must be the mother of one of the kids smiled at them. "We used to have a bull dog but she died last year. The kids sure miss her."

"Oh," Jack turned to her, whined slightly. "That must be hard for them. Was she sick?"

"Yes, she had cancer. We were all very sad when she died."

"That's why you need a new dog. How about a Salt Lake Terrier? This man has just got himself a Lighting Flat Terrier." Jack patted Ennis's back as the woman laughed. She didn't seem to care if that was the fact 'cause she knew Jack was joking. And Ennis just stood there, watching Jack talk with her, listening to Jack tell her about Flea, the reason why they were here and how beautiful Salt Lake City was. The conversation went on until it reached the point of self-introduction. The woman, whose name they learned later was Natalie, was thrilled with the story of their road trip. "Nothing compares with traveling with your best friends."

"Yeah," Jack said quietly, reached his hand to pat Ennis's shoulder again. "We're best friends."

And she went on with her wild story about when she was younger, listening to heavy metal music and following her favorite rock band on tour from city to city with her groupie friends. "Those were the days."

Natalie sighed and laughed with Jack. Ennis smiled with them, feeling more comfortable after knowing that Natalie thought Jack and he were best friends. _Well, Jack was his best friend_. At least, from his side, because Ennis had never had any close friends before. Jack was the first.

"The Mormon Tabernacle Choir will be rehearsing in the Tabernacle," Natalie said after hearing that they would leave tomorrow morning. "You guys should stop at the Temple before you leave. I think they start at eight, all tourists shouldn't miss it for any reason."

"Then we won't miss it, right, Ennis?" Jack smiled and he could just nod.

"Yep, sounds good."

"Yeah."

Natalie and the kids were gone with a big wave, leaving them standing at the same spot, watching until they disappeared into the crowd of people. Even Flea looked sad to see them go. He kind of squeezed his small body in between Jack and Ennis's body, whining a bit.

"You love girls, don't you?" Jack murmured and hauled Flea up. "You're a real Casanova." Flea barked and Jack bumped Ennis's shoulder, "See, he even admitted it!"

Ennis just smiled and they started walking again. It was time to go back to the motel and they walked closer, their shoulders, arms and hands bumping from time to time. People would think they were best friends and it was alright. They didn't have to understand what they really were to each other, how they kept each other warm at night and safe from loneliness that seemed to follow them from the past.

----------

"What's on T.V?" Jack asked as he walked out from the bathroom, his hair looking darker from the wetness.

"Elf."

"Elf?"

"Yep, it's Christmas. There's no Die Hard or anything of that sort on HBO now."

Jack made a sound in his throat and just stood and watched T.V. at the bottom of the bed near the bathroom, where Flea was comfortably sprawled in the middle of the bed. Ennis was half-sitting, half-lying on the other bed, toying with the remote control in his hand.

"What was it like when you told your parents?" Ennis asked when their eyes met.

"That I'm gay?"

Ennis nodded. Jack was quiet for a minute, thinking, then moved to sit down on the bed near Ennis. At this point, everything but the truth seemed to be the only thing Ennis needed.

"It was the day my dad had nothing to say to me. Maybe the only day he couldn't find a word even to scold me like he always does." Jack snorted. "But I have made my choice so I just had to brace myself. I'm not going to say it's easy, Ennis."

Jack played with Ennis's curls, wanting to rub off the crease on his forehead. "How surprising."

"Ennis, are you sure you're ready for this?"

Ennis sighed. "I don't know, but it's the only thing I can…I mean…I can't lose you."

"Jesus," Jack moved closer. "You're not gonna lose me. Don't you see I'm crazy for you? But I don't want you to do this for me, Ennis. You have to do this for yourself, because you have a reason to do it."

Ennis threw his hands in the air, looking a bit annoyed all of a sudden. "Isn't it too late? We're half way to Wyoming and you're telling me now that I have to do my_ what?_ self-discovery first before telling my family about you?"

"No, Ennis." Jack grabbed Ennis's hands, scooted further in the bed and locked both of Ennis's hands in his palms. "I mean, it took me years and I sort of walked up the steps from the bottom. I know I'm gay, that's why I like, well, men. And I dealt with that…eh…realization and told myself that my life would change from now on. Jack Twist is gay and I have to learn to love my not-so-perfect self and live with it." Jack paused and squeezed Ennis's hands as Ennis fixed his eyes intently on Jack. "But you…you just jumped over to, I don't know, the middle of the path. And it's partly my fault 'cause I'm a selfish freak. I gotta have you. And you can kick me now for practically forcing you to have my ass up here with you for this trip. I just can't stand you being away alone cause I hate the idea of not knowing anything while you're gone. I can't lose you, either, you know."

"God, we're so fucked up." Ennis closed his eyes with a heavy sigh and let Jack pull his body on the bed from their locked hands until he was on top of Jack.

They stayed like that for a while before Jack turned to nose Ennis's cheek. And they were soon kissing, hands gripping tightly as their bodies shifted, seeking for closeness until there was no space between them. Ennis came to know every pore of this body and it fascinated him to no end how, sometimes, only his hands could make Jack squirm and moan hard. Just like what he did now, when Ennis caressed Jack's chest, squeezing down to his navel, and felt the muscle there tense like his breath was taken out of his body.

Ennis felt powerful and needed.

He felt Jack's hot pants on his shoulder as Jack fiddled with their sleep pants, still moaning softly each time Ennis's mouth planted a hard kiss, suck or bite on his skin. The cold air touched their bodies as their clothes slipped off. Ennis roughly pounded the lamp switch on the nightstand with his fist when Jack reached blindly for the remote control on the sheet in the now semi-dark room. He increased the volume of the T.V. until it muffled the sound of their naked flesh rubbing and passionate moaning--the sound of their love-making.

Jack cried out when he entered him a little rough, almost felt like the first time, only this time Ennis loved Jack from the front and he wondered why they never did it this way. Maybe because he was scared to see Jack, to see how he was the reason for this man panting and bucking almost desperately from wanting him. Or maybe because he was scared to see his own reflection looking back at him from the depth of those blue eyes that showed the same desperate expression, that he wanted Jack just as much.

"En…nis…Jesus…"

Jack gasped as Ennis bent his body almost double with a grunt and clutched their hands even tighter on each side of Jack's head. Ennis saw his own bead of sweat drop on Jack's damp shoulder and he heard his own heartbeat ringing in his ears.

They locked eyes as they moved together under the light from the T.V. screen. Jack's eyes, as always, showed what was in his heart and what Ennis saw confirmed his fear. There they were, the same old pair of brown eyes, looking back at him now with the same feelings he saw from Jack - trust, vulnerability, passion and love.

_Silent night, Holy night  
All is calm, all is bright  
Round yon Virgin Mother and Child  
Holy Infant so tender and mild  
Sleep in Heavenly peace  
Sleep in Heavenly peace_

They were not the only ones who couldn't look away from the choir dressed up in ankle-length white cloth, swinging a little along the slow, soulful rhythm.

They were standing at the back, hovering around the entrance of the Tabernacle because they weren't going to stay that long for Flea was left alone in the car. And Jack saw from the corner of his eyes some couples leaning onto each other, swaying happily. He thought it would be nice to do the same with Ennis, and when he met Ennis's eyes, he saw the way Ennis looked at him and knew Ennis thought the same thing. Since last night, he felt more connected with Ennis. Still, they couldn't do that. They couldn't even hold hands, had to be content with what they got now – the contact of their upper arms. Jack pressed closer, leaning his weight more into Ennis without taking his eyes away from the choir.

"We should go," Jack heard Ennis whisper, a soft breath on his ear, and felt a tug on the hem of his black coat. He nodded and they quietly made their way outside of the Tabernacle. The cold morning air ruffled their heads as they walked against the wind back to their car. Shaking, Ennis shrunk his neck more into the warmth of his knitted sweater while Jack let out a puff of breath and watched it melt away in the air.

"Are you ready?" Jack asked softy.

"I'm ready enough."

"Ok." Jack smiled and threw an arm around Ennis's shoulder. Ennis shot him a glance but didn't wrench away. A few seconds later, he swung his arm over Jack's shoulder as well. What the hell, they were good friends and good friends do this.

Both clung on the other's body as if to keep the long-lost puzzle together, filling the void in their soul. The sweet singing of the choir from the Tabernacle turned into some weird tune when their footsteps and laughter were thrown into the mix.

Didn't know who started it, they just hopped stupidly and tried to step over one another's boots as they walked back to the car, laughing and scolding like some ten-year-old buddies coming back from school. Suddenly they were young boys again, lonely young farm boys who had finally found someone whom they could call friend.

_A friend, and something more.  
_  
TBC

----------

Thank you for reading. The next chapter (a very long one) will be posted in a few days.


	17. Chapter 17

I'm so sorry for the delay!! This chapter is very long so I hope you will find it worth the wait :)

**Title** : **You & Me & a Dog Named Flea/Chapter 17**  
**Author** : **fridayblues**  
**Pairing** : Ennis/Jack  
**Disclaimer** : Annie Prouxl owns the timeless characters in BBM. I'm writing from love and making no profit.  
**Summary** : AU!AU set in San Francisco ; Jack Twist had a chance encounter with a veterinarian one day, didn't know the shy vet, and his black and white terrier, would have a permanent place in his heart.  
**My Deepest Thanks** always to Judy, the ultimate beta!  
**Feedback** : means the world to me:)

Chapter 17 "African Beads"

The drive from Salt Lake City was very quiet. Even Flea wasn't squirming on Ennis's lap when they decided not to stop anywhere until they entered Wyoming, which was another two hours away. But it was alright. Jack was sort of dwelling in his own private world, too. It wasn't good when you kept on drifting somewhere else when you were driving. But Jack couldn't help it. Instead of seeing the road ahead of him, Jack saw his old house in Lightning Flat, saw his mother standing on the porch, smiling a little – the way she always did. Then he saw himself stop the car and slowly walk toward her. They hugged, swayed a bit and Jack closed his eyes, loving the feeling of being hugged and petted by Ma. The scene then shifted to the same evening when he told his family that he was gay. How Daddy's fierce gray-blue eyes bored into him with his cold, deadly stare. His eyes narrowed on him for a silent-as-hell moment, studying him. He spat into his coffee cup before the same accusing eyes moved to Ma, as if she was to blame for what Jack had become. _What Jack had become.  
_  
Jack shook his head, trying to shake the image out of his head and looked at Ennis from the corner of his eyes. Ennis was looking out of the window, blinking slowly. Jack wondered what he was thinking but he was afraid to ask.

The silence in the car was getting heavy when the tiny Honda Fit went past the '_Welcome to Wyoming'_ sign, and Jack felt it was getting harder for him to breathe despite the huge dry fields surrounding them that made the sky bigger.

"You know," Ennis's soft voice broke the silence and Jack's heart leaped up without a proper reason. "Wyoming is an American Indian word. It means 'huge field'."

"So I've heard."

"Um…K.E. always says something like, 'Damn, it should mean huge and fucking lonely field'." Ennis crooked his neck and smiled a little at Jack. "He's real liberal. We shared a room and he had this huge world map nailed up on the wall beside his bed. And every night, he'd tell me what he had read from the library that day, something about the Dead Sea, where we would never drown, or Stonehenge and the Titanic and stuff like that. He would fall asleep murmuring, 'I'm gonna be there someday', that's K.E."

Jack shrugged. "I feel like I know him. You know who he sounds like?"

"Who?"

"Jack Twist."

Ennis chuckled. "But I bet you didn't shove your dad and yell at him to fuck off at 15."

"No shit."

"Yes shit." Still chuckling, Ennis remembered the moment. "K.E. was reading something when he was supposed to be helping Dad. I can't remember what Dad was doing at the time, maybe some customers were checking on the horses, I don't know. But he must have been very busy and very tired. He stormed into the house and snatched the book out of K.E.'s hand. And he shouted something like, 'Quit studying, you're going to work on the farm for the rest of your sorry life anyway'."

"Whoa…"

"K.E. was furious. He shoved Dad and yelled at him. Carol ran up and took me away from the scene. But I heard him shout that he'd be out of this town and away to the moon as soon as he could."

Ennis stopped and sighed. Jack looked at him and back to the road, brow furrowed a little bit. "What happened to him?"

"He had terrible bruises on his face and arms, and an even stronger will to leave Riverton for the moon."

"Shit."

"Yeah. I think they both felt bad. But they didn't say anything about that day after that, like it never happened." Ennis turned fully to Jack. "Have I told you K.E. is going to be a father?"

"He is? Wow, and you never knew?"

"Not until a few days ago. I feel there's something more to this. I just don't understand why he's keeping this a secret. Carol is mad at him and I'm going to throw her another curve in about two hours."

"It might not be that bad."

"Right." Ennis didn't sound convinced but he didn't say anything more either.

Flea whined for a break and they stopped at the truck stop just outside Riverton. Ennis told Jack more about Carol, how she was so much like his old man when it came to K.E. and him, how she claimed she had to take care of them instead of Mom and Dad after they died. A mother hen, she was. But K.E. and he weren't some baby chickens. They were old enough to take care of themselves. At one point, they just drifted apart. K.E. was a smart man and he applied to go to college at faraway UCLA while Ennis followed his own path, moving to stay at the dorm in Laramie, when he won a scholarship at Wyoming U.

Jack listened and imagined what Carol and K.E. looked like. He drew the picture first with the curls, but couldn't go on for they had entered Riverton and his concentration soon had to be redirected to negotiating the turns as Ennis pointed the way.

Jack stopped the car outside the brick house at the end of the narrow street. Ennis swept his eyes over the house, registering the changes in Rick's house from the last time he was here. The color of the fence was different, pale gray now, and there was a birdhouse in the small yard, too. The annex was another new thing. But he remembered Rick had mentioned before that he wanted to build it for guests. Seemed it served the purpose just now. There was a movement at the door of the main house and the next thing they knew, a man with a pony tail had stepped out of the door. He half-ran toward their car with a thousand-watt smile, his arms open wide.

"Damn," Ennis muttered under his breath as he opened the door. Jack grabbed Flea and could do nothing but watch the two men hug and pat each other's shoulders. "Man, you look like a caveman. What's with the hair?"

K.E. laughed as he took off the rubber band that tied his ponytail, loosing his shoulder-length curly hair and ruffling it. "Just not in the mood to fuss with it, you know. How was the drive?"

"Good. Um…" Ennis shrugged and noticed that K.E. was looking over his shoulder to the car and jerked his chin that way.

"Your friend?"

Ennis swallowed and followed the gaze. Jack was getting out of the car at a snail's pace. His eyes moved from Ennis to K.E., then to Ennis again cautious-like. Ennis nodded. "Yep. Jack?"

Jack hauled Flea up and walked to them. His heavy heart felt a little lighter when K.E. reached out his hand and smiled big. They shook hands and exchanged small talk about the drive and stuff in general, then K.E. looked down at Flea, amused. "Who's this fella?"

"Flea," Jack said, petting the little dog's head. "He's Ennis's god-son."

"Shut up." Ennis rolled his eyes and changed the topic. "Where's Rick? Everybody home?"

"No, they'll be back in about an hour. Have you seen Carol?"

"Nope." Ennis sighed, then the brothers looked at each other and smiled ruefully, understanding passing between them.

"Damn, and aren't you gonna tell me what happened to you, Ennis? I can tell something's wrong."

"I…"

Ennis swallowed again and shuffled his feet. He didn't dare look up at Jack but he heard Jack move back to the car again and start to take out their stuff. K.E. rushed to help. Ennis sneaked a look through his lashes at them, unclenched his jaw that seemed to tense from the moment the car stopped in front Rick's place. Jack didn't look at him. He was giving Ennis his personal space while he concentrated purely on their bags. But Ennis didn't need the time to think. He didn't want to think anymore, he wanted this to be over with but there was only one problem. He just didn't know how to begin.

They were carrying the stuff to the porch when the door of the house squeaked open again and a woman with a big belly walked out. Ennis knew instantly who she was. She was K.E.'s wife whom he hadn't talked about a lot on the phone earlier. And Ennis understood why he hadn't done so. She was black.

Ennis didn't know how long he had been rooted to the pavement, staring. It could have been a century because when he felt himself blinking again, his throat was dry and he couldn't find his voice to speak. No, he wasn't racist and he had known a lot of black people. Hell, Martha was black, too, and they got along just fine. But…this was just something he had never imagined, K.E. and a black woman as a couple. And Christ, they were going to have a baby – his nephew or niece. It knocked him off balance.

"This is…um…" K.E. cleared his throat, rubbed his palms on the front of his jeans as he walked up the stairs to the woman and awkwardly put his arm around her waist. "This is Ruby. Ruby, c'est mon frère, Ennis. C'est son ami - Jack."

"_C'est?"_ That came out of his mouth before he realized and K.E. nodded. "She speaks French. She's from Rwanda."

Ennis felt numb. He stood totally still like a statue, opened his mouth to say something but ended up quiet again. Jack moved past him to grab Ruby's hand and that brought Ennis back to the moment. He looked up at K.E. finally and saw the uncertainty in his brother's brown eyes, something that was rarely there considering that he had been a very confident and aggressive man – Ennis's opposite pole.

K.E. was frightened. Maybe he had looked like this before with Carol, waiting for her reaction, fearing the worst. And he was feeling the same again with Ennis, like déjà vu. Like a bad dream that never seemed to end.

_Jesus_. Ennis bit his lips and dragged his heavy legs up the stairs. One, two…so this was what K.E. had been terrified of, the moment of truth. He had jumped off the cliff again and now was bracing himself for what was to come. _What if Ennis hated Ruby?_ _What if Ennis hated him, like Carol did?_ Ennis knew how K.E. felt 'cause he had exactly the same fear.

Ennis had difficulty averting his eyes from K.E. but at last he succeeded. He looked at Ruby, a small, black woman who was nervously snuggling close to K.E.'s side. She was scared, too.

Ennis hesitated but not very long. He held out his hand for Ruby's and kept his eyes on their clasping hands for a moment. Her hand was small, too, but very warm. He felt there must be more to this hand for she was the one K.E. Del Mar had chosen, despite everything.

"Hi," Ennis coaxed out. His voice broke but it was ok. She was smiling at him now, her smile shaking a little at the edge, and she whispered back the same word, softly, as if she still wasn't so sure if she should.

"Hi," Ennis said again, his hand shaking as he reached for Jack, who was caught a little off-guard. From instinct, Jack pulled back a little, gasping Ennis's name, but then let himself be pulled in.

K.E. was looking at them, Ennis knew without even turning his head, and Ennis let him watch. Jack's body tensed up under Ennis's touch but he didn't wrench away, even when Ennis's fingers crept down to nestle with Jack's. Brown met blue, then brown met brown as K.E. flicked his gaze slowly up from Ennis and Jack's entwining fingers to his face. The brothers looked at each other, eyes wide, searching for whatever signs might be there. But they didn't need any sign, everything was vivid. A small gasp escaped from K.E.'s lips and Ennis's eyes were stinging, still he forced himself not to look away as Jack caught his hand in return.

The sound of a door shuting from somewhere broke the stillness of the moment and Ennis realized his other hand was still in Ruby's palm. He felt the squeeze from her and it was then that K.E. scrunched shut his eyes and let out his heavy, shaky sigh, bending his head down.

"Holy shit," K.E. murmured, shaking his head, but his eyes softened on Ennis when they opened again, teary all the same. "Holy shit."

Ennis shrugged because he didn't know what else to do. The view before him was getting blurry as he clutched Jack's fingers so tight that it must have caused pain.

"Holy shit."

It seemed K.E. didn't know what else to say either. He leant his head to Ruby's and reached out to ruffle Ennis's curls, still repeating the same thing under his breath as he moved to pat Jack's shoulder and back to Ennis's head again. Ennis felt like a ten-year-old kid but he didn't mind. At least K.E. didn't recoil away from him like he had the plague.

No words were exchanged, only the sound of boots scratching the porch was heard as Jack rested his forehead above Ennis's ear. Ruby still clung on to Ennis's other hand, forming a little connection of four people. Tired as they were, suddenly, it seemed the weight they had been carrying was not as heavy as it used to be.

--

"He speak French or what?"

Ennis chuckled when K.E. gestured to Jack with his coffee mug. Jack was talking with Ruby at the small table near the door, lifting his hands around frustrated-like from wanting so badly to communicate but he was looking animated nonetheless.

"He will speak Chinese if he has to."

Ennis sipped his mocha and stretched his long legs under the table in the kitchen. He kicked off his boots, checked on Flea who was taking a nap near his feet, and found K.E. looking at him square in his face. Ennis squirmed under the amused stare of his brother. "What?"

"You're radiant, you know."

"What?" Ennis laughed but frowned when K.E. held up his two hands and closed his eyes, looking like all those psychics at the fair. "Damn, you just spoke French and now you're a fucking psychic. I can't believe this."

"Oh yes, Ruby is not the only good thing that happened to me when I was in Africa."

"Um…" Ennis shook his head and turned to Jack and Ruby, both still having fun communicating mostly with their waving hands. "Where did you meet her?"

"Ruby?" K.E. opened his eyes which were twinkling suddenly. "She is my counterpart, a community leader from the project in Rwanda. We were helping people to realize the danger of AIDS there and we worked together again in Tanzania. And, you know, we just…well…what about you?"

Ennis shrugged. "I…It's pretty simple…We just met…and…you know."

"Yeah, it's weird, isn't it? How things turned out the way they are." K.E. looked over the rim of his coffee cup to Ennis. "And I mean it when I said you're radiant. You glow, man. Beautiful colors, too, like twilight, the color of a healthy soul. You're happy."

Ennis should be laughing. Never before had he and K.E. talked about all this psychic stuff. They would just watch movies or play cards or embarrass each other with stories from their childhood. Instead, he just nodded, dumbly, something like 'yep' escaped from his lips before he could stop it.

"I'm glad for you, man."

Ennis smiled and smacked K.E.'s forearm, a little too hard. "You, too. You look happy."

"I am happy. I'm gonna be a fucking father."

"Jesus, I still can't believe this."

"Yeah, you wanna bet? My daughter is going to be as hot as Beyonce." They laughed together but went quiet too soon, it was almost awkward. Both looked down at the cups in their hands and Ennis chewed his inner cheek, tracing the rim of his cup absentmindedly. K.E.'s voice went through his brain again. "You should go see Carol. I bet she's waiting."

"I don't know…"

"What did Mona say about this?" K.E. waved between their table and the direction of where Jack was.

"She acted badly at first. Guess she was shocked but we will talk again when I'm back."

"I know she can't cut you off." K.E. grinned. "She cares for you too much and she's a modern girl. She's been in many big cities and she's more open, I guess. Carol is a totally different story though. What're you gonna do?"

Ennis sighed, long and warily. "Guess I have to see her, like you said. I got Christmas presents for her and the girls, too."

"You going alone?"

Ennis looked back to Jack, who was now paying attention to something inside the box which Ruby was showing him, and turned to K.E. "For now, maybe it is better if I go alone."

K.E. nodded. "You know what I'm thinking?" He smirked and Ennis felt his own mouth crook up.

"What?"

"Dad would be so damn proud of us if he was still alive."

Ennis snorted. "Would be so proud, he couldn't grab the belt fast enough."

"Fuck yeah. But I have no regrets. I wouldn't change anything even if I could turn back time."

Ennis followed K.E.'s gaze to the door. Jack and Ruby were walking up to them with the box in Ruby's hand. The four of them sat close to each other. Ennis didn't understand a single word Ruby was saying, as she poured colorful beads from the box onto the table. _Rouge, bleu,_ maybe she was talking about color because it sounded like it. He was pretty sure Jack didn't understand either but Jack looked sincerely interested. His intense stare encouraged Ruby to talk more and K.E. did his best to be the translator. Ennis cupped his chin, a faint smile ghosting his lips as he watched his brother, Ruby and Jack line up beads with different color into a few rows. It looked like she was going to make necklaces or bracelets out of them.

"Aimez-vous ceci? Like this?"

Ruby was handing him a deep-ocean green color bead. Ennis simply nodded and watched her go back to those beads on the table. Ennis knew if he wanted to go to Carol's place, he had better move his ass now. But still, he felt like he was in his fortress here and the idea of getting out in the cold and seeing Carol seemed more horrifying as a minute turned to two. He felt like he was going to the battlefield with zero chance to come back alive.

But he needed to do it.

Ennis rubbed his face and groaned. "I'm going to Carol's." His voice was muffled behind his palms but they all heard it. When he put his hands down, the first thing he saw was Jack's gaze on him, his face expression soft, and Ennis's heart swelled despite everything. "I'm…I'll just take a moment in the bathroom before I go out."

"Take as much time as you want." K.E. patted his shoulder and murmured something to himself.

Of course, Jack followed him. He waited until Ennis finished washing his face and squeezed into the small bathroom to stand between Ennis and the sink, slowly took the towel from Ennis's hand and bent to lick the water drops off his mouth.

"How're you feeling?" he breathed.

"Tired," Ennis whispered back and just stood there, let Jack kiss him soft and sweet.

"You want me to go with you?"

"It's ok. You stay here with Flea."

"Kay." They looked at each other. Jack saw and wanted so much to smooth the creases off Ennis's forehead. But before he did, Ennis walked out of the bathroom.

Jack stood still, motionless like a sculpture, and felt like he was in a foreign country. For the first time since they had left San Francisco, Jack didn't know what to do and where to fit. He started to wonder if being here really was a good idea after all.

--

Taking a deep breath and checking his reflection in the window one last time, Ennis rang the bell. He told himself to calm down but couldn't stop his feet from tapping on the ground with nervousness.

Carol emerged from the door and hugged him so tight he could hardly breathe. "You're going to kill me."

"Oh, Merry Christmas, Ennis. It's good to see you."

"Merry Christmas. Where's everyone else?" he asked as he stepped into the empty house.

"The girls are out at a party at their friend's house, just around the corner. Eric is with them. Come into the kitchen. I'm fixing you something to drink."

"Here, I have presents for Alicia and Janice. Can you put them under the tree?" Ennis followed Carol into the kitchen and handed her a big bag.

"Of course. Won't you stay overnight?"

"I can stay late, but maybe not stay over. Oh, and here's something from K.E. to the girls."

Carol's shoulders tensed but Ennis insisted. "Please, Carol. He means well. It's Christmas and they are his nieces."

"So you saw your brother." Carol grabbed the bag, put it together with Ennis's on the chair and turned to fix coffee.

"Yes, and I'm staying with him, at Rick's place."

"You seem indifferent." Ennis pressed his lips tightly. So Carol continued. "What do you think Mom and Dad would say about this? That their oldest son is going to marry a black woman."

"Jesus, Carol. Mom and Dad aren't here. And you never hated black people!"

Carol swirled her body to face Ennis, arms crossed. "Having a black woman as a neighbor and a sister-in-law is different! I don't want to talk about K.E. anymore. Let's hear something from you."

Ennis laughed bitterly, threw his hands in the air. "Carol, if you can't talk about K.E. and Ruby--" he saw Carol flinch at the name "--I don't think we can talk about me and be decent."

Carol turned back to bang the coffee mug on the counter. Ennis caught sight of the wall near the refrigerator where lots of postcards were attached. He remembered receiving some of them that looked the same, like that one with African people dancing around the camp fire. Carol did keep the postcards K.E. had sent from his Marco Polo journey anyway. "You know K.E. is like a bird. He always has been."

"How can I forget? He couldn't leave here soon enough after graduation. He packed so fast you'd have thought the house was on fire. So did you."

"Not again, Carol," Ennis groaned.

"So you're ok with K.E. and his wife." Carol did the quotation marks around the word wife with her fingers. "But I don't have to feel the same. See, you're not the one who will have to live with nasty talk in this town once K.E. moves his ass out. What if you were me? What if your girlfriend finds out? What would she say if she knew?"

"Jesus. We're not gonna talk about this again. You have your choice, too. You can leave this town and you know that. And I don't have a girlfriend. Who cares what others think anyway?"

"You do have a girlfriend," Carol snapped.

"I don't. Might never have, I don't know."

He might have been a little too harsh because Carol was looking at him now. "What do you mean?"

"I'm dating someone. But…shit. I'm kinda dating a man, alright?" he shouted and couldn't stop. "I'm dating a man. Do I have to ask for your approval, too?"

It was getting out of hand and Ennis knew it. This wasn't what he had planned but the reaction from Carol was exactly what he had imagined. _What's the difference? To hell with all this_.

"This is not the time for a ridiculous joke, Ennis," she said, voice strained like she had forced all the words out. Ennis's heart beat like a drum as he swallowed hard.

"It's not a joke."

Ennis gritted his teeth when Carol walked to the door and opened it. Without a look back, he walked out, cool air smacked his body and he shivered. It was freaky cold but he wasn't in a rush to find some shelter. The truth was, all he wanted right now was to be washed away by the wind and disappear into the night, or maybe get buried by a snow storm and never have to face another day.

Somehow, he got back to Rick's place in one piece and headed to the room in the annex to unpack. Ennis sat against the wall, quietly took out his shirts and jeans from his bag. The shadow from the bulb above the door moved and Flea ran into the room, Jack followed closely behind. He flopped down to sit beside him. "Well?"

Ennis shrugged. "I told her. I should feel relieved now that Carol knows, but how the hell is it that I feel even worse?"

Jack didn't say anything. They were quiet for a moment, then Jack snapped his fingers and drew Flea's attention. He jumped down from the bed with wagging tail, eyes on anything but the cookie in Jack's hand which, it looked like, he had just summoned out of thin air. "I have something for you."

Ennis's brows crooked up. "A Christmas present? For real this time?"

Jack nodded and sat on his knees. He did something with his hand that made Flea sit up on his back feet. Then he held out his palm to the little dog who just craned his neck and looked at Jack like duh. "Come on, Flea. You can do this."

"Do what?"

"Just watch. Come on, here." Jack pretended to hand the dog the cookie but drew it away again. Flea barked and walked to him. "No, sit up. You're not going to eat this if you don't listen to me. Up."

Flea whined but didn't sit up. He just flopped down on his belly and whined some more. Jack frowned. "Don't do this to me. Come on."

Ennis chuckled.

"Swear to God, he could do this." Jack was getting angry, Ennis could tell, so he clutched his arm.

"Hey, you don't have to be upset. That's ok."

Jack shook his head, still looked upset. "I'm sorry, I thought this might cheer you up. I'm just being stupid."

"Come on. That's not too bad, I had fun." Ennis's lips curled a little and Jack groaned. Flea barked and managed to eat the cookie in Jack's hand anyway.

"Um, actually, I have something for you, too."

"You do?"

"Yep. Nothing fancy, just…" Ennis took out a small paper bag from his jeans pocket and handed it to Jack. Jack narrowed his eyes at him, but grinned as he took it. Ennis watched as his long fingers dug inside the bag and fished out a small silver keychain. It was from Salt Lake City, Jack remembered seeing it at the motel. Jack's grin went broader.

"Thanks, I like it," Jack said, then grimaced. "I feel bad I can't give you your present."

"That's ok." Ennis tugged Jack's ear and soon they were kissing. But Ennis couldn't keep his eyes closed for so long. Everything that had happened since a few nights before was crystal-clear under his eyelids and even Jack's kiss couldn't chase those images away. He must have turned to stone 'cause Jack sighed then. "You're all tense. How're you feeling?"

"Don't know. Weird," murmured Ennis, rubbing his face so hard Jack had to still his hands and scoot closer, their knees touching. "But I did it. I told her. It's over now, right?"

"What?"

"This," Ennis waved his hand. "The mess."

Jack sighed. "This isn't homework, Ennis. You don't do this because you want to have it done."

"What do you mean by that?" Ennis raised his voice a bit without realizing it. He narrowed his eyes at Jack. "It's still not enough for you?"

"Ennis…"

"What more do you want, Jack? You wanted to be here and here we are. I told my family about you. What do you want me to do next? Fucking tell me."

Jack frowned. Ennis's accusing tone was like a hammer hitting on his head. He realized his voice was going to be loud but he didn't care. "It's not about me, ok? It's about you, Ennis."

"What about me?"

"It doesn't mean that if you tell your family about us, everything is done. Carol isn't the last person who might not accept us. What about the folks at the clinic? Or your college friends? Things aren't going to be easy, Ennis. That's why I told you, you have to understand yourself first and you will look at things from a different but right angle. Damn, only if you realize and accept that you…that I…shit."

Jack couldn't continue. Ennis hadn't yet made peace with himself, hadn't found the reason beyond all the mess that practically moved the earth beneath his feet. _You're gay, Ennis_, Jack wanted to tell him. _That's why we're together. That's why you're holding hands with a man, with me. And it's alright. Because you're gay, we're gay. And if people don't approve then fuck them. Why don't you just accept the truth and see that there is nothing wrong with us?  
_  
Still he couldn't say anything.

Ennis was looking at him intensely and Jack thought if he didn't read that look wrong, maybe Ennis did know what he was thinking, 'cause then he shook his head.

"That important?" Jack shot Ennis a puzzled look. "My self-discovery."

Jack simply nodded. "I think it is."

"Why?"

Jack felt the clog in his throat and swallowed it down. "Because…I want us to be together. I want you to…" Jack clutched Ennis's hands, trying to gather his bravery before plunging into the deep sea. "I want you to say it, how you feel about me. I want you to realize that there's nothing wrong about us. And you can't do it if you can't accept who you are."

Ennis's lips turned into a thin line as he studied Jack, his hand balling stiffly.

"I'm gay, Ennis. I know how I feel about you and I want to tell you but I doubt you're ready to hear that."

"Maybe I am." Ennis wasn't challenging. It looked like he wanted to test the water himself for his lips were shaking a bit, and his hands fidgeted within Jack's hold. Jack clutched tighter.

"Ennis," Jack whispered. "I…"

It was fast but Jack wasn't surprised when Ennis clamped his hand over his mouth, his eyes wide…and teary. "Don't…" he breathed.

Then he withdrew his hand and grasped his hair, looking down at the floor with slumping shoulders while Jack couldn't do anything but stare at his head. He felt sad for Ennis, for them. And he cursed himself for forcing things between them to go too fast. Like an express train plunging off the track, he could hardly have any control over what happened anymore.

And Jack wondered what it would be like if he had let things between him and Ennis go naturally from the start, like the course of water – a small steam flowing into a big, borderless and bottomless ocean. What if Alma was the one working with Ennis on the doggie column? Would Ennis still be with him now? Would they end up as friends? Or total strangers?

He didn't know. But there was one thing he was sure of. Grant was right. He was going too fast and, like Romeo and Juliet, love in the fast lane always ended up in tragedy.

Jack was still looking at Ennis's head when they heard K.E. shout from outside the room, hollering for them to go to the main house. "Come on, move your asses. The party won't last forever!"

And Ennis jumped to his feet and rushed out of the room, leaving Jack sighing into the emptiness alone.

The Christmas Eve party at the Beckers was a small one, according to K.E. Rick and his wife wanted this to be a private party so they didn't invite anyone and it was more than alright with Ennis. Honestly, he didn't really want to go to any party, didn't even want to move a single muscle. All he wanted to do was close his eyes and sleep. Maybe he would dream of Jack, or Jack and Flea, hanging around at the vet's office, Jack's place, a dog park, or even in Salt Lake City. He didn't want to wake up from that dream ever. But no matter how sweet your dream was, the night wasn't going to last forever. It was the rule of the universe.

Ennis felt bad for leaving Jack on his own but he didn't want company at this moment. He wanted to think.

Maybe Jack was right, that Carol wasn't the last person who wouldn't jump up and hug him when he said he was dating a man. Dr. Brown, although he mightn't kick him out of the clinic for that, would look at him differently. Then there would be Martha and Drew. Shit.

The back door of the main house wasn't locked so Ennis opened it, hearing K.E. talking with Ruby in French some steps behind. But he didn't wait for them. Once he was inside, he spotted Rick who was talking on the wall phone, turning his back to him, a series of wheezy giggles escaping from his heavy-bread lips as his big body vibrated. Ennis was about to give the man his privacy and managed to summon a stiff smile to Patricia - Rick's wife who was at the kitchen table - when Rick barked a laugh. "Can you believe it? That bookworm kid is gay. Figure fucking old man Del Mar sure as hell will rise from his grave and kick the kid's ass into next week. I thought K.E. was fucked-up, seems Ennis…"

Ennis didn't feel like himself but fuck it as he snatched the back of Rick's collar and punched the man square on his jaw. Patricia screamed when the two men kicked and rolled on the floor, an animal-like gesture that dragged the tablecloth and the food down with them, the sound of glasses breaking invading the peaceful night.

"You son of a bitch!" Rick growled, smacked Ennis down on his back and hit his face. Ennis pushed and kicked the bigger man until he ended up on top. But his fist was stopped mid-air in Jack's grip and he was dragged off of Rick by K.E., Rick still shouting and pointing at him with a visibly shaking forefinger. "You fucker, how dare you? You motherfucker…"

Rick was cursing and swearing some more, Ennis figured, but he didn't hear the rest because Jack dragged him out of the house and shoved his chest as soon as they were alone in the small backyard.

"What the hell happened, Ennis?"

Ennis's chest heaved. "That son of a bitch, he, he, fucking said I'm…"

"What? Gay? Homosexual? Queer? Which word did he use?"

"Fuck you," Ennis hissed. "I'm not like you."

"Oh yeah?" Jack shoved Ennis again, harder, taking one step closer until they were nose to nose. "What am I?"

Ennis shoved back and turned on his heel to walk away, but Jack gripped his arm. "Don't fucking turn your back on me, Ennis."

Ennis held up a fist but Jack was prepared and instinctively let loose a swing. His fist landed on Ennis's nose and he gasped when he felt red blood on his skin. "Oh, shit…"

"Fuck you!"

A punch smacked Jack's cheekbone and they soon found themselves wrestling, hitting every bit of flesh they could reach and hurting each other on the dirty ground. Jack felt salty blood in his mouth before someone pulled him up on his feet.

K.E. was panting with rage as he turned to face them, but his face was…_Jesus_…black and blue all the same. He spat, "We're packing."

Ennis was still half-sitting on the ground, but he was looking at K.E. with hanging jaw. "What the hell…"

"What the hell?" K.E. snarled. "I'll tell you what the hell. We're leaving. I'm not going to stay here for a minute longer and have that fucker says shit like that in our faces."

With that, he stomped off. Jack and Ennis stayed rooted to the spot with mixed emotions but Ennis was the first to get up and follow K.E. Jack turned to Ruby who slowly walked up to him. With a sad, brief exchange of eye contact, they followed the Del Mar brothers into the annex.

The packing was fast and soon Jack found himself cramped beside Ennis in the back seat of the Honda Fit, Flea whining on Ennis's lap. They tried to stay away from each other but it was difficult, especially when K.E.'s and Ruby's stuff was taking up all the space behind the driver's seat. Jack started to feel sore from the bruises on his face when the adrenaline wore off. _Sore and angry, too_. He couldn't really name the reasons why. Hell, he was hit in the face on Christmas Eve, guess that was enough to make anyone mad, even the Pope.

K.E. was driving like a drunken man and the motion brought Ennis's and his bodies to touch almost all the time. Jack tried to hang on to the driver's seat and keep himself from moving. And it seemed Ennis didn't want any part of their bodies touching either for he was practically hugging his knees and Flea, fixing to stay as far as possible from Jack.

Nobody said anything but Jack was pretty sure he was not the only one who wondered where K.E. was driving them. But the wondering reached a dead-end when K.E. stopped the car with a jerk in the middle of nowhere, cursed and punched the steering wheel so hard the whole car shook. Jack startled, sneaked a look at Ruby. She seemed calm. But Ennis didn't.

"Where the hell are you taking us?" he snapped, stared at his brother in the rearview mirror. K.E. shot the look back at him with almost identical hard-as-steel brown eyes.

"Away. Just shut up, alright? I'm thinking here. That dick has no right to fucking say something like that. He's lucky I didn't break his neck."

Jack snorted. "Maybe he has the damn right, if it's the truth."

Ennis narrowed his eyes at him and Jack lifted his chin, challenging Ennis to say something or even start another round of fighting.

"And I'm not fucking standing for this, either!" K.E. turned and threw his hand their way. "What the fuck happened? Why were you fighting back there, huh? You fighting over who got to punch Rick or what?"

Ennis's jaw moved. He looked like he was going to say something but instead kept his mouth shut as ordered, leaning back a little. Jack, too, leant back and kept his eyes focused outside the window.

Instead of Christmas carols, the sound of the engine was the only thing audible in the small car, while tiny, little flecks of white snow began to fall from the dark sky.

So they really had a white Christmas this year, what an irony.

_"Il neige…"_ Ruby whispered. She opened the door and reached out her hand, smiling down at the white snow flecks resting on her palm. The three men just sat there and watched as she looked up to the falling white dots that were slowly springing around her small body, her white breath melting into the dark. K.E. snatched a thick red scarf and followed her out, banging the door shut, but left the engine going.

It was a miracle how a simple thing like watching a woman admiring snow – which might be something she had never seen before in her entire life - could calm a man's nerves. But it was true. Jack felt calmer, and maybe Ennis did, too, because they both allowed their upper thighs to touch. The bridge was built, and Flea climbed from Ennis's lap to Jack's and stretched his legs, contented to have more room to lie down.

Flea sighed when Jack rubbed his head, felt like he was in doggie heaven when Ennis did the same on his back. It was good cocooning in Ennis's lap, but it was always warmer having both Ennis and Jack to himself at the same time. Cause like cookies and milk bones, he couldn't decide which one was his favorite.

--

K.E. and Ruby talked, about God knew what, Jack couldn't really imagine. But they obviously had agreed on something for K.E. made a U-turn as soon as they were in the car, heading back into town.

The car stopped in front of a small house with a white fence and Ennis groaned loudly, frowning at K.E., who looked back. Somehow Jack knew it was the Del Mar big sister's house without having to hear the declaration from anyone. His assumption was proved correct by the tension that hung heavily between the brothers, who went stiff and still. Ruby was the first to move, and Jack found himself climbing up to her empty seat and following her out the passenger side. Without a word exchanged, they both walked up to the front porch. Jack rang the bell and met Ruby's eyes, waiting for another round of hell-breaking-loose.

And he had to wonder how many more times he had to face this kind of moment.

But all his worries died down the instant a woman with curly dirty-blonde hair opened the door. Her face didn't show prejudice or disgust, but pure confusion. It turned serious when she saw Ruby. Jack figured they already knew each other from the not-so-nice first encounter. And she gasped quietly when she turned to Jack. Must be all the bruises.

Carol kind of pushed her way through them and went straight to the car where K.E. and Ennis were fidgeting around the open doors, looking at anything but her.

"Oh my God, what happened? You been wresting with bears or what?"

She didn't wait for an answer but dragged Ennis by the arm up to the porch, shot K.E. a follow-me look over her shoulder and pushed her way back into the house between Jack and Ruby again. "Come on in, it's snowing," Carol said softly but Jack heard that. So did Ruby for she was tugging his wrist.

Jack got Flea and Ruby's bead box from the car and they were sitting together on the chairs at the corner in the guestroom trying hard not to listen to the argument of the Del Mar siblings that could be heard coming from the kitchen.

Flea didn't help much at all. He sniffed and scratched the door, probably wanted to go out and bark at whoever was shouting at his Ennis. Jack didn't really like someone shouting at Ennis either, or someone punching him or calling him names - like that Rick guy. But K.E. had hit the hell out of Rick already and judging from the black-and-blue bruises on his face, Rick might now be celebrating Christmas Eve at the hospital (Damn, let's just hope he didn't make a stop at a police station after the party). But unlike Flea, Jack knew it wasn't the place or the time to act or even show up. For one thing, he was still sore from the punch and he was still mad at Ennis. Besides, Ruby was here and he wanted to keep her company.

"Red?"

Ruby distracted his mind and pointed at the red beads in the box. Jack nodded. "Yeah, it looks nice. Should be great with these black and white ones."

"Yeeees." Ruby smiled and lined up the beads together, preparing to convert those beads into a bracelet. She had finished three bracelets already and they all looked exotically beautiful with these bright, colorful African beads you often saw as accessories on those Reggae or Hippy guys.

Flea flopped down, exhausted maybe, after some time and Jack just decided to have a good look at his face in the mirror when he heard shouting from the kitchen again. This time it was loud and clear. Carol sounded right mad.

"For God's sake, you men think with your fists or something?"

"But…" That was K.E.

"God, I hate how you always take a swing before your brain muscle has a chance to move!"

"It's…" Now that was Ennis.

"Shut up. I can't do this. I don't believe you punched the man who let you stay at his house! What if he reports it to the police?"

"But that dick…"

"I'm not listening. Seeing as how you two wanted bruises that much, I think you can just fix them up yourself." Then there were footsteps coming near the guestroom. Jack looked at Ruby and almost jumped up when the door to the bedroom opened, Carol walked - more like stomped - inside, carrying a first-aid box with her. "Don't touch that. Let me look at it."

Jack blinked, his hand floated mid-air on the way to his cheekbone that had started to swell. Carol stepped close to stand by his side.

"I'm ok," Jack said softly, seeing K.E. and Ennis look in wonder at them from the open door.

"No, you're not. You're still bleeding a bit. Here, hold it there." Carol handed him a white cloth and fiddled with the stuff inside the box. "Ennis punched a star basketball player once on the last day of high school. The boy was knocked out flat. You're not ok. Don't ask me why I know Ennis did this to you. I just know Rick Becker would never lay a fist on his guests first."

With that she narrowed her eyes at K.E. and Ennis.

Jack decided to sit quietly as Carol took care of his bruises. It didn't take long and she had soft hands, like the hands of a mother, which she was. When she'd done, she put the first-aid box on the table before Ruby and, without eye contact with anyone, simply turned around and walked out of the guestroom, murmuring something like she was going to check on her husband and kids.

Ruby ended up fixing both K.E.'s and Ennis's faces. And Jack managed to avoid Ennis's eyes the whole time by just closing his eyes and leaning back on the headboard of the bed. K.E. and Ruby talked some, but most of the time, they were all quiet, so quiet that they heard Carol's footsteps coming back from upstairs and heading to the kitchen.

The smell of coffee drifted in the air and Jack pried his eyes open to see the obviously sober K.E. and Ennis walk away from the guestroom, shoulders slumped and looking defeated. He sighed and patted the bed for Ruby to sit with him.

"Flea, come on." Hesitating, Flea looked back and forth between Jack and the space outside the door. "Come on, buddy. Everything is gonna be alright."

Flea jumped up on Jack's lap eventually and the little dog was soon glued to Ruby and her beads. Jack scratched Flea's head and sneaked a look out of the room, again, didn't know what to do and where to fit. But still he hoped that everything was really going to be alright.

--

Ennis turned back to look at Jack and winced, suddenly getting annoyed when Jack was just lying on the bed with his eyes closed, totally ignoring his presence. But his annoyance turned into a stomach-flipping nervousness once he stepped outside the guestroom. The smell of coffee should calm him, like it always did, but somehow he didn't have an appetite for an espresso – again, like he always had, even though it was only half past nine.

Carol was pouring coffee into three cups and took her own cup out to settle in front of the tiny fireplace near the small Christmas tree decorated with colorful blinking lights and twinkling balls. K.E. took his cup and followed, leaving Ennis no choice but to do the same.

It was weird. When was the last time the three of them sat together like this? Yep, the night their parents passed away. It was decades ago but the image was still vivid. They were sitting pressed up on the sofa, their aunt was crying but Carol wasn't. K.E. didn't cry, either. But he was grinding his teeth so hard, Ennis could hear it. And Ennis, well, he didn't cry. He kind of sat there looking into the wall while people around him petted or hugged him, rubbing his back making him feel like he wanted to puke.

Anyway, this was different, at least nobody had died. Not yet.

Ennis sat on the far end of the sofa, frowning down at his coffee, and fidgeted. K.E. drank his coffee noisily then cleared his throat, breaking the silence.

"What? Something in your coffee?" Carol snapped and K.E. rolled his eyes.

"You know what, we'll leave if you want. Quit all this snapping, will you?"

"It's we, again." Carol shook her head. "I'm so sick of you two and your free-as-a-bird lifestyle."

Ennis shot her a look. "Free as a bird? What's that supposed to mean? You think it's easy? Being me? Me?"

Didn't know what got into his head, but once Ennis started, he couldn't stop, even when Carol and K.E. were looking at him now with shocked expressions.

"All I want is a simple life, a wife and a nice little house with a dog. Maybe some kids, you of all people should know that about me, and I tried to have that life with Rachel. Look where I ended up. Divorced, after several months of marriage! Then I got this feeling for someone again, this feeling too overwhelming to ignore. It's strong and I can't turn my back on it. You can scold me to death but it won't change anything. Fuck. Don't you think I hate myself sometimes? For having this feeling? And you call this a free-as-a-bird lifestyle?" He threw his head back against the cushion and cursed something not understandable under his breath.

After a minute of silence, Carol sighed. "I hate my life sometimes, too. I hate working at the bakery and joining the PTA meeting with a bunch of ignorant people. I hate being the Del Mar big sister and being strong and I'm sick of people saying how much I'm like Daddy."

"You and Dad were identical twins in your past life," K.E. pointed out and earned a hard stare from Carol.

"I'm not like him! Look who uses violence to solve problems!" Ennis and K.E. sneaked a look at each other and looked down at their cups. Carol continued, "We've had a hard life since we were kids but you are free now. You can choose to live your lives as simply and comfortably as you can. But this…what you've chosen."

"Carol," K.E. looked at his sister. "But you don't regret your choice, right? Being here in the shadow of old man Del Mar, working your ass off and taking care of the house and the kids."

"Can't say I do."

"Me, neither. I don't regret Ruby and the baby even if there are bumps ahead. I have thought about this, and I'm ready to accept whatever comes. Why the heck do you think I told you about Ruby and me when she's seven months pregnant? I'm sure about this, Carol. Guess the Del Mars are meant to live tough lives, huh?"

Ennis kept quiet as he listened to them talking. He thought about their lives as kids, poor and raised by a very strict father, how they all tried their own ways to run away from the loneliness and difficulty in the past. Carol got married once she turned 18. K.E. traveled around the world. But Ennis didn't really do anything. He just accepted his fate and loneliness had become his close friend. Then one month ago, his dull life had changed into a colorful one once Jack had stepped in. He felt alive. He was happy. But Jack was a man. Was he supposed to throw away the best thing that had happened to him just because Jack was a man? Or should he learn to accept it? That he had a strong feeling for a man. That he was gay?

"Ennis," Carol called his name, her voice soft this time. "You know your life isn't going to be all rosy if you choose this road. Although you live in San Francisco, not all people would accept this. Are you sure you want to do this?"

Ennis rubbed the rim of the cup, thinking randomly about Jack. His head chose the most recent scene when Jack attempted to teach Flea to do something for him this Christmas. Carol spoke again when he went quiet, "You don't have to answer me if you're not ready. Tell me one thing, are you happy with him?"

He looked up, weighing his feeling. But there was only one answer he could give for that question. "I am."

Carol sighed while K.E. gave him his small, I-know-how-you-feel smile.

"I see." She sighed again and they focused attention on their coffee. The clock on the wall struck eleven and it was then that Carol stood up and gestured to the long sofa with her cup. "Ennis, you and your friend can stay out here. K.E. and Ruby can use the guestroom, she will be more comfortable there. Excuse me but I have a telephone call to make. I can't believe I still have to clear up your mess at 36."

K.E. smirked. "You enjoy playing dad to us, admit it."

She rolled her eyes and simply walked back to the kitchen. K.E. moved, too, patted Ennis's shoulder and followed her quietly.

It was half past one but Ennis still couldn't sleep. He just sat on the couch, looking at Jack's sleeping form on the sofa. He thought about their fight, how Jack had told him in Salt Lake City that he was leaping over the important part of their relationship. How Ennis needed to accept who he really was. How he wanted Ennis to tell him how he was feeling about Jack.

His thoughts were running in circles. And Jack's face was the last thing he saw before he fell asleep with exhaustion.

--

Christmas morning was chaos. Ennis was roused from his slumber by the squeal of his nieces. They were running from upstairs and went straight to the pile of presents under the Christmas tree. Alicia, 14, the older of the two, had stopped to give him a hug but Janice, 11, was so totally glued to the tree that she didn't seem to notice him.

Ennis squinted as he looked around. Jack was gone from the sofa and the same deep brown quilt that he had used to warm himself last night was now covering Ennis's body up to his nose. There were soft noises from the kitchen and Ennis groaned as he felt the strain on his neck and waist. Seemed like he had been sleeping in a very uncomfortable position the whole night.

"Mom, look! I got a Barbie!" Janice screamed and ran into the kitchen with a big box. Ennis rubbed his eyes and slowly followed her.

"Uncle Ennis!"

"Hey," he gave her a hug and murmured a good morning to Carol and Eric, her husband.

"Morning," Carol said, didn't look as mad as last night, but didn't smile either. "Go wash up. Breakfast in five minutes."

When he walked out of the bathroom on the second floor, he found everyone sitting around the living room. Everyone. Carol was sitting near the tree, helping Alicia unpack her presents. Eric and K.E. were talking and watching T.V., Ruby sitting by his side. Jack and Janice were sitting on the carpet, and seemed to be having a Barbie talk. Flea was with them and was the first to notice his presence.

"Uncle Ennis! Look! Jack gave me a Barbie!"

Janice ran to him and dragged his arm to join the Barbie talk. Ennis stared at Jack who shrugged. So this was what all the stuff was all about. _Jesus, Jack…_

"He gave Alicia a diary, too," K.E. said. "Man, thought I was going to be her favorite uncle this year with my present."

"Uncle K.E.," Alicia rolled her eyes. "I'm not wearing tiger-stripe pants."

"It's not a pair of pants. It's a scarf!"

She rolled her eyes again and joined her mother in a giggling session as Carol waved her zebra bag. "A zebra cosmetic bag? Come on, where do you think I will carry this bag around here?"

"The PTA meeting. And it's ten times better than a book, hello?" K.E. waved his 'New Daddy 101' book and shot Ennis a glare. Ennis shrugged.

"You don't know how to hold a baby. You almost dropped Janice once."

"You what?" Carol howled and K.E. scooted over to Ruby who was chuckling.

"I didn't drop her, did I?

Jack watched the banter with a smile on his lips. Janice went over to the Christmas tree again and it was the first time Ennis and Jack met eyes this morning. The bruises on their faces were still purple and they both squirmed to see how much they had hurt each other. Jack touched Ennis's bruise at the corner of his lips as Ennis rubbed Jack's cheekbone. They said nothing though, both tried to read what the other was thinking but their gaze was broken when the phone rang.

It was Eric's parents. Eric hollered for the girls to say Merry Christmas to their grandparents and K.E. cleared his throat as soon as the five of them were left alone.

"Ruby has something for you, Carol. And for the girls, too."

Carol looked at them with bewilderment as Ruby opened the box. There were five or six bead bracelets inside. Carol blinked. "Wow, this is beautiful. Thank you."

Ruby smiled as Carol picked up the one with yellow and black beads. Then she beckoned for K.E. to choose one from the box, too.

"Me, too?" K.E. asked.

"Oui, yes. Ennis?"

Ennis frowned but walked to sit where they all were. Jack and Flea followed. Ruby nodded when the three of them had the bracelets in their hands. "For Del Mar. More for Alicia and Janice?"

Everybody understood her simple English and was looking at Carol who seemed stunned. Ennis saw her throat move and she hissed a little as she looked through the bracelets in the box, shaking her head like she had a hard time believing what was happening.

Ruby was smiling big, admiring her hand-made bracelets on Carol, K.E. and Ennis's wrists. Carol's was yellow and black, K.E.'s was red, white and black and Ennis's was white, green and blue. Jack nudged Ruby and gave her his wide, dimpled grin as the Del Mar siblings compared their bracelets, feeling embarrassed to wear similar accessories for the first time in their life despite how they were related.

K.E. chuckled. "Shit, I have a funny feeling."

"It's cool though." Ennis smiled, "Thank you, Ruby."

"Yeah, thanks, honey." K.E. squeezed Ruby's shoulders and kissed her temple. Then out of the blue, Carol looked up from the two bracelets in her hand.

"Alicia and Janice aren't really Del Mars, you know. Half of them belongs to their father. Besides, the Del Mar clan has this special quality to always draw in difficulty and hardness to their life. It's their fate to dwell with it. Alicia and Janice are far from achieving that goal."

K.E. snorted. "It's pretty exciting."

"Whatever. I think there is someone else who meets the qualification," Carol said quietly and handed the bracelets to Ruby and Jack. "You don't have any idea what you're getting yourself into. We stink but welcome anyway. Damn, I think I need a beer. Want some? Not for you, Ruby, but I'll fix you some hot cocoa. Come."

Footsteps faded into the kitchen and Jack looked down at the black and turquoise bracelet in his hand, numbed. Ennis took the bracelet and tied it around his left wrist. They closed their eyes and rested their foreheads together, fingers playing with the beads around their wrists.

"Ennis," Jack whispered. "We need to do something if we want us to work. We are going too fast, we need to slow things down and get our feet back on the right track."

Ennis opened his eyes to a very serious-looking Jack. There was something on his face that squeezed Ennis's heart. Jack cupped his face. "We need a foundation, Ennis. You can hardly carry your own weight right now. How can you carry mine, too? I'm too heavy for you."

"Oh my God."

"Shhh," Jack soothed, as if he knew what Ennis was thinking. But if Jack did know, he still didn't say anything to counter that thought. Instead, his sad, watery blue eyes confirmed Ennis's fear.

Jack was going to leave him.

TBC

**Edit** : It's not that bad so take a deep breathe. In...out... It's just Ennis's assumption and he was kind of weak and tired right now. You know me, I can't stand much angst, either :) Thanks for reading!


	18. Chapter 18

**Title** : **You & Me & a Dog Named Flea  
****Author** : **fridayblues**  
**Pairing** : Ennis/Jack  
**Disclaimer** : Annie Prouxl owns the timeless characters in BBM. I'm writing from love and making no profit.  
**Summary** : AU!AU set in San Francisco ; Jack Twist had a chance encounter with a veterinarian one day, didn't know the shy vet, and his black and white terrier, would have a permanent place in his heart.  
**My Deepest Thanks** always to Judy, the ultimate beta!  
**Feedback** : means the world to me:)

**Warning; NC-17 chapter. Back out when you can...LOL**

Chapter 18 "A Deeper Love"

"Merry Christmas, Ma," Jack said into his cell and smiled big when his ma made a sound in between laughing and sobbing when she heard his voice on Christmas morning.

"Merry Christmas, honey. Where are you?"

"I'm at a friend's house in Riverton. Is it ok if I come home this evening? You and Dad have any plans to go out or something?"

"Oh, no, Jacky. You daddy has been waiting for you. He waited for your call all day yesterday."

Jack wanted to tell Ma to stop acting like a bridge to fill the gap between Daddy and him, but Jack didn't want to hurt her feelings. "Alright. Guess I'll see you tonight."

"Oh yes, dear, you drive carefully now."

"I will. Bye, Ma."

He disconnected the phone and looked around the small house. It was quiet, except for the sound of laughter coming from upstairs. Jack smiled, knowing instantly that Alicia and Janice were watching a DVD - the animation called _Madagascar_, a Christmas present from their uncle Ennis, and having a great time. Ruby and K.E. were talking and giggling at the kitchen table over that _New Daddy 101_ book which was given by, again, Ennis. It seemed everyone loved Ennis's Christmas present. Jack was definitely one of them.

He took out a Salt Lake Temple key holder from his pocket and swung it in front of his face. God, how he wished he could give Ennis a Christmas present, too. Sighing, he looked over to Flea who was rolling over the rug at the bottom of the stairs. He should have known that Flea wasn't trained well enough, he had so little time and he should have prepared something else for Ennis just in case.

Jack sighed again, walked out to the porch quietly and plopped down on the swing where the late morning sun warmed his skin. He had just taken out the keys to his room and his bicycle and rolled them into the key holder when he heard the sound of a car arriving and stopping in front of the house. Carol, with an arm-full of grocery bags, got out of the car. She waited until Eric drove away before she walked up to the porch, struggling, looking like she was having a hard time with all the bags. Jack put the key holder in his jeans pocket and rushed to help her, the question _'Where is Ennis?'_ snapping up in his head like a camera flash.

They had gone out together before lunch time and he was sure there was no one else in the car with Eric. _Where'd Ennis gone?  
_  
"Here, let me help."

"Thanks." Carol handed Jack one of the bags and managed to carry the rest to the porch. "You have to love Mrs. Watson. She opens the store even on Christmas! God bless her."

Jack just smiled and stopped short as Carol turned to look at their Honda Fit that was still parked in front of the house. "You should park it in the garage."

"That's ok. I'm leaving in about an hour."

Carol froze for a second and just looked at him, her expression like that of Ennis when he was trying to figure out something – her forehead creasing, her lips pursing, and Jack found himself smiling at the resemblance. The creases on Carol's forehead went deeper as she asked matter-of-factly. "You broke up with him already?"

"No!" Jack almost yelled. "No, it's…" He looked down on the floor and took a deep breath. "We're not breaking up. It's just complicated. And it's a very sensitive moment for both of us. We just need time to figure things out a bit…and I need to see my mom and dad in Lightning Flat for one or two days and come back. It's about 5 hours' drive from here. I think it's better if Ennis stays here with you because you know, he's been away and it's a …"

Jack stopped 'cause he knew he was just babbling. Carol still fixed her glare at him. Jack ran his fingers through his hair, thinking if Carol asked him straightforwardly like that, maybe she expected nothing but the truth.

"I don't want to break up with Ennis, that's all I can tell you right now, Carol. As I said, things between us are pretty complicated. Maybe we just need time to think."

His additional explanation did make Carol pleased, he guessed, for she put down the grocery bags on the porch, gesturing for Jack to sit with her on the swing.

"Now I have to admit," Carol started. "What you just said is the most credible thing I've heard since last night." Jack simply blinked and Carol took it as a sign for her to continue. "Every relationship is complicated, especially the one between you two. Please don't get me wrong but isn't it supposed to take time? This, I mean. Normally, it should take years for a man to realize that he's gay. Then it might take a few more years for him to accept that and, I don't know, it should take another year for him to find his partner and come out to his family, don't you think?"

Jack sighed and nodded at the same time. "Now you've just described my life."

"Last Christmas, Ennis was still married, if you know what I mean." Carol pushed the swing gently with her feet and it swayed lightly, sending out a soft squeaky sound. "I didn't think about this at first. But Eric pointed this out and I think he is right. Ennis we all know is like a turtle. He is slow and if you nudge him to go faster with a stick, he tends to shrink into his shell."

Jack just kept his eyes on his hands, the warmth from the sun caressing his cheek but he felt cold inside. So it was true. He had pushed Ennis too hard. Even Carol could see it.

"I don't mean anything bad, Jack."

Jack looked up to meet her eyes. "You're right. Things are going very fast. It's like I've been in this speeding car going 100 miles per hour for days and finally managed to stop. I kinda feel dizzy myself. Can't imagine how Ennis is feeling."

"I think he's feeling the same." Carol smiled a little as she shrugged. "Not that I'm an expert but we all know love can do crazy things to people, I mean, in a very regular sense."

Jack suddenly cleared his throat and changed the subject. He couldn't talk about this with Carol, it was too personal. "Anyway, you and your husband are ok, right? About all this? I would feel very bad if you fought or something."

"No, we are fine. Eric works at the feed lot an hour away from here so he doesn't really care about the town gossip. Maybe we need to talk to Alicia and Janice because the town gossip seems worse if the kids hear it." Carol shrugged. "To be honest, I'm still adjusting to the idea. But you don't have to worry about us. We are fine."

"I'm sorry." Jack gave her an expression between a grimace and a smile. "But thanks anyway. You've been very kind to me despite everything…"

"You're polite, Jack, a real western man. You just go after the life you want and I'm afraid I have no right to ever judge you." Carol smiled a little in return. "I'm adjusting to the idea of you and Ennis, like I said, but I'm a Del Mar and I'm tough. Alicia is old enough so she should be fine. And Janice punched the boy who teased her about her ponytail a couple of days ago. It seems she got more of her temperament from her mother, ah, maybe from her uncles, so she should be alright."

Jack chuckled. Carol stopped the swing and looked at him. "One thing though. Ennis might look tough, but that's because most of the time, he is living in this very thick shell. But he is living without it now, I believe. Have you ever seen a turtle without a shell? It's weak and pale….and it needs time to adjust. I don't know how you did that, getting him out of that shell and everything. I still can't believe it but--" She sighed. "—no offense, ok? But Ennis doesn't usually let people into his life very easily. So far, he's opened up only to his dog, so it's weird to see that he let you…come on, Jack, it's not that funny. You know it's true."

Jack's smile stretched into a wide grin at that and soon they both laughed quietly. Carol pushed the swing again and leant her head on the big pillow, her face relaxed for the first time ever since Jack met her. "Don't tell him I told you this. But I kinda liked it when he punched Rick. It's a wrong way to deal with anger but at least, he's dealing with it, not just accepting things the way they are. Remember I told you he hit the basketball star once in high school?"

"Yeah."

"I almost jumped up and down with delight. That boy and his friends had been picking on him hard for too long."

They stayed like that for a little while until Carol looked at her watch and stopped the swing once again. "Anyway, it's nice to talk to you, Jack. I can't imagine talking about this with Ennis. It must be too weird."

"It's nice talking to you, too," Jack said. He insisted on helping with the grocery bags but Carol could manage to haul them all up in her arms this time. Before she entered the house, she said she would bake some pies and Jack could take them to eat during the drive to Lightning Flat.

Jack sat on the swing for a little longer, loving how the sun at noon was making the turquoise beads on his wrist gleam. _Where are you, Ennis?_ The same question rang in his head again and Jack looked up at the narrow street. _Will I see you before I go to Lightning Flat? Or are you going back into your shell once again and blocking me out?  
_

--

It was three in the afternoon when Ennis got back to the house. There was no Honda Fit in sight and he tried to ignore practically everyone and everything around him. He tried to be passive, neutral to sound and sight. But it was difficult when somebody dogged your steps as soon as you walked in the front door.

Ennis swirled his body to face K.E.

"Jack waited for you until twenty minutes ago. Where the hell have you been?"

"Hell, I guess," he snapped, ignored his brother and went straight to the kitchen. He didn't feel like eating anything, but the living room was modified to a small playground for Alicia and Janice with the sofas and table pushed to the wall. They were having fun dressing Flea. Shit, Ennis winced as he saw Flea sitting on the rug, a spiky crown-look-alike paper around his head. With a torch in his hand, Flea would become the Statue of Liberty.

Ennis groaned but didn't move. He fixed his eyes on Flea who seemed to enjoy the girls' company and to have totally forgotten him. Ennis winced harder, and with a snort, turned on his heel and threw himself on the chair in the kitchen

First Jack dumped him. Now Flea. _Great.  
_  
It took a while for him to realize how hard his breathing was and he tried to take deep breaths, noticed for the first time Jack's laptop on the table. _Jack's laptop?  
_  
Ennis reached to open the lid and found a piece of paper inside. He took it out, heart pounding.

_I'm going to see Mom and Dad for a few days. Don't forget about the column, Doctor. This will keep you busy until I come back. Christmas is a precious time to spend with your family and you have a really nice family, Ennis, so have a good time :) Will bring back Mom's cherry cake for everyone. Can you thank Carol for me for her apple pie?  
Call u later, J.  
_  
Ennis blinked, _Call u later, J?  
_  
Jack would call him? Wait. But this morning, didn't he sound like he was going to dump him?

A plate of apple pie was slid from the other corner of the table then stopped in front of the laptop, startling Ennis from his deep thought. Carol stared at him and Ennis found himself mock-opening the lid of the laptop and turning on the power, hurriedly tucking Jack's note in his pocket.

"Coffee?" Carol asked and Ennis simply nodded. He looked at her and remembered Jack's note.

"Jack said thanks for the pie."

"You're welcome." Carol looked over her shoulder at him. "You tell him that when he calls."

Did Carol just say that? There it was again, the strange feeling that was making him want to cry which happened too often lately. Ever since this thing with Jack got more serious, he had become too emotional. Jack was right. He was weak, without foundation, and who the hell wanted to be with such a weak idiot like him?

Ennis swallowed hard and blinked away the tears. _Don't think_, he told himself. _Not now, come on_. And Ennis clicked open the Microsoft Word program and began his column. He didn't know what to write about but thought maybe once he started, the idea might come to his mind.

Carol put the coffee down on the table and walked away to give Ennis some privacy. She stopped midway, turning to look at her little brother who had started typing something at a slow pace.

"Here we go again," K.E., appearing out of nowhere, whispered to his sister. "You remember last time he did this?"

"This? You mean reading or working on something when he is supposed to just talk it out?"

"Or tear up stuff or hit the hell out of someone, yes."

"No, but I remember he read a science book the night Mom and Dad died, right after Aunt Marie left us alone. I think I was crying in the bathroom and busy trying not to sob out loud. Maybe this wasn't the last time he did this. Where were you back then anyway?"

"Hitting the hell out of the tree trunk behind the barn."

"And Ennis was up in his room, reading a science book."

"Yeah." K.E. scratched his head. "I have this image of Ennis reading a history book on his bed in my brain. He was like ten, maybe, I'm not so sure. And that was after Dad told us gay people were meant to get beat up and die."

"Jesus Christ!" Carol dragged K.E. to the narrow corner at the base of the stairs. "When was that? And why did Dad have to say something so cruel?"

K.E. shrugged. "Well, that wasn't exactly what he said. But we heard the news on the radio about a gay man being beat up and hospitalized and he said something like that was bound to happen to gay men. I think Ennis was pretty scared."

"Oh my God."

"He was brave yesterday. I thought I was going to cry when he and Jack just held on to each other, you know. And hearing Rick say something so mean like that, it just made me mad, I wanted to rip him open, really. All the things Ennis has been through, the effort, the braveness, shrunk to nothing 'cause of what that sonofabitch said. It's just not fair."

Suddenly what Carol saw in front of her wasn't Ennis at 26, but little Ennis whose head was always buried in books – the usual sight that she always hated. It would have been better if Ennis would yell when he was angry or sad, like K.E. But he just didn't. Ennis only had one way to deal with pain, reading books -- shrinking back into his shell, building the wall around himself like a scared child.

She couldn't help but wonder if she ever knew Ennis at all. What if _being different_ was something Ennis had always wanted to do, but was too scared?

_Christ, Daddy_, Carol cursed under her breath. _Look what you've done_.

--

Jack arrived at the ranch at seven and he was greeted by the new fence, the new mailbox, the newly painted house and his mom who, he believed, was dressed in her new clothes, too. Jack smiled and almost jumped out of the car as soon as he parked it under the tree.

"Oh, Jacky."

"Hi, Mom." Jack squeezed his mother and closed his eyes when she wrapped her lean, fragile arms around his waist. "You look good."

"You look handsome, too."

She touched his cheek and Jack was touched by the same affectionate gesture his mom had for him despite how he had abandoned her for years. "I missed you, Mom."

"I missed you, too, very much. Come on, let's go inside. It's cold."

The inside of the house had not changed much. There was a new couch and rug in the living room, apart from that were all the things he was already familiar with, including the empty chair where the father of every family should be sitting around dinner time. His mom must have seen what he was looking at, because she softly led him to the kitchen.

"You daddy is in the barn. He should arrive soon. I'll bring you something warm. Coffee?"

"Thanks, Mom."

Jack took off his overcoat, swept his eyes around the small house for the last time before he sat down on the chair. He drank his coffee silently, smiled up at his mother once in a while as she still looked at him like she hadn't seen him for ages– which was true anyway.

"Mom," Jack cleared his throat. But before he could say anything, Ma just smiled and put her hand on his and told him to go clean up. She would call him once Daddy came in and when dinner was ready. Maybe Ma did know after all that he was sorry for not visiting more often.

Jack, with a coffee in one hand and his duffel bag in the other, went up the narrow stairs slowly, carefully looking at the family pictures on the wall. He felt strangely calm to be home again, despite the fact that the place had always been something he wanted to get away from.

His room hadn't changed. Jack put the bag on the floor and sat on the bed, tested the springs a little then looked around. It was smaller than what he remembered. But it smelled the same, the scent of wood which Jack found himself inhaling deeply.

Jack took a sip of his coffee, put the mug down on the small nightstand and lay down on the bed. He stared at the ceiling and just stayed motionless for like eternity.

It was cold without Ennis.

"Ennis…" Jack whispered the name of the man he loved, shifting to his side and hugging his chest. He wondered what Ennis was doing now, joining the family for dinner, maybe. Jack held out his hand and looked at the bead bracelet. And he thought about Ennis and their conversation this morning.

_We need a foundation, Ennis_, he had told Ennis that. And damn it but Ennis's sad face was unbearable to see.

Jack closed his eyes and snapped them open when he thought about something. He remembered keeping the picture of Madeline the cow somewhere. Jack slid down to sit on the floor, turned on the lamp and reached out into the darkness under his bed where he kept his belongings in boxes before he moved out. Jack smiled when his fingers touched the hard surface of a box. There were two of them, and he pulled the first one out.

Carefully so as not to dislodge the dust, Jack took the lid of the box off gently. The first thing he found was the picture of Madeline the cow and himself in an open field. He was grinning like a fool, holding Madeline around her neck. She looked annoyed though. Chuckling, Jack put the picture on the bed and looked at other stuff. There was nothing much, just some comic books, a yearbook which he wasn't really interested in looking inside.

Jack put the lid back on and blinked at the wall in front of him. He did have a damn boring childhood. No surprise he wanted nothing but to get away from here to somewhere where he would be surrounded by lives and sounds. _Oh, he did sound like K.E. Del Mar_. Jack chuckled at the thought. Not really anyway because he had no plan in his life other than that. He had focused so much on running away that he had forgotten to imagine what would be at the end of the line, where he would stand after he was sick of all this getting away thing.

Jack chuckled to himself again and pulled out another box from under his bed. The chuckle turned into soft laughter when he found some of his favorite toys in there- a small red F-1 car and some robots. Jack picked up the faded silver robot. One of its legs detached and fell off from the movement. He was about to fix it when he saw something from the corner of his eyes. Hidden behind the miniature helicopter, like a shy boy who didn't want to be discovered, was an old rodeo cowboy figure carved out of wood. Jack dropped the robot and took it out, smiling fondly as he blew off the dust and placed it on the bed.

Jack stared at it. That was what he had wanted to become when he was a kid – a rodeo cowboy. It was weird thinking back to the old days. He had never wanted to fly like Superman or be a brave man like a soldier. He just wanted to be a rodeo cowboy, something very simple, a local hero who was loved and adored.

Maybe that what he had wanted, simply be loved by someone he loved.

When he was five, it was Daddy he begged for love and attention. At 10, when he was old enough to realize that Daddy had no interest, he turned to Ma. At 15, it was his first girlfriend and at 20, it was his second girlfriend in Texas. Now he was practically clinging to Ennis.

Jack wasn't as strong as he thought he was. That man with a golden pair of eyes made him weak in the knees. That was why he held on to Ennis so tight, because he was afraid of losing him.

And suddenly, Jack wondered if he had been fooling himself that he would be ok if Ennis dumped him. He wondered if he talked big with Grant because he did think he would really be ok, or if he just wanted Grant to leave him be.

Yes, he'd been fooling himself. If Ennis left him, he could just picture himself flopping down on his knees and maybe crying until he had no tears left. He would be wrecked and broken-hearted because what he felt with Ennis was so strong. It consumed his heart and soul so that even the thought of a daily life without Ennis made him shudder.

Jack leant on his old desk and looked out at the dark sky through the square that was the only window in his room. For all these years, he had been seeing beyond the sky, drawing vague pictures of high buildings and packed streets, fancy cars and trendy malls. But now Jack just saw beautiful, twinkling stars. And Ennis. He missed Ennis, missed his soft lips, his sweet smile and his warm body.

"Jack! Dinner's ready." His mom was yelling from downstairs. But Jack didn't move. He turned to look at the rodeo cowboy figure again. It sat there on his bed and was looking at him all demanding like _"Twist, what exactly do you want? Haven't you figured it out yet after all these years?"_ Jack tipped the thing with his toe and watched it flop down on its side. He didn't want something out of reach anymore. He wanted Ennis, just Ennis, and a sweet life with him. That was it. Very simple and very little, something a fifteen-year-old Jack Twist would laugh at. How funny, but it was the truth.

"Jack!" his mom called out again and Jack pushed the box back under his bed. "Coming, Mom!"

Jack hopped up and walked down the stairs, smiling at his dad who looked as grumpy as ever. "Merry Christmas, Dad."

A grunt came back his way but Jack just shrugged. His mom handed him the basket of bread before she walked away to bring more food. "Mom, did you bake cherry cake this year?

"I did. Dear, can't you wait until after dinner?"

"Do you think you can bake some more tomorrow? I want to take some to my friends in Riverton."

His ma looked happy, her face glowed with delight. "Of course. Are you sure your friends will like it?"

"I'm more than sure, Ma. Your cherry cake is the best."

His dad grunted again, but maybe to agree, because his face didn't look annoyed. His ma finally sat down after all the food was set on the table. They prayed and started to eat. Jack stuffed the roasted turkey and a piece of chestnut into his mouth. Who knew? Maybe after being fed, Jack Twist might regain his strength and once again be ready to deal with a turtle in its shell as thick as the Berlin Wall. There was no other choice. He loved that man.

--

His cell phone had been ringing, for a minute now maybe, and Ennis just looked at it, craning his head as his gaze followed the movement of the vibrating phone until it climbed up the edge of the table and fell down.

_Shit._ He snatched it from mid-air and punched the button, ignoring the amused expression on K.E.'s face as he walked by with a plate of sandwiches.

"Where have you been? Pouting somewhere?" That was _who-else_ Jack, kind of howling, his voice a bit higher than normal. He sounded too cheerful and Ennis found himself actually pouting at that.

K.E. walked by again, laughing this time. Ennis groaned and turned his back on his brother, grumping something like 'what' back into the phone.

"Nothing." He could imagine Jack shrugging. "Want to talk."

"Um….I'm busy." Ok, he was acting like a girl but damn it. Those words just slipped out. Couldn't take back what had been spoken anyway.

"Ok. Hand over the phone to Flea then."

Ennis's mouth hung open as he looked down on his feet. Flea was there, looking up at him with pleading big, black eyes, tail wagging as if he knew Jack was on the line and wanted to _talk_ with him on the phone.

"Wh…"

Flea barked. Jack kept quiet and Ennis turned to see K.E. chuckling with a mouthful of sandwich on the couch. He wondered whether he should make a fool of himself by just letting Flea talk to Jack, pressing the phone on his ear and stuff. But that was stupid. If Jack wanted to play, then so could he.

"Flea's busy, too," he said and heard Jack laugh. It made his chest expand with some strange feeling, and he had to take a deep breath.

"I really want to talk to you, Ennis," Jack said again after a quiet minute and his voice was serious this time. "Are you really busy? Are you in the middle of dinner or something? I can call again."

"No," Ennis stood, hauled Flea up and left him on the rug in front of the Christmas tree where he could play with his pink ball. Then he walked out the front door and sat down on the swing. It was cold, but not too cold to spend maybe 10 minutes talking on the phone 'cause this seemed to be the only place free from K.E.'s prying. "Yeah?"

"Have you eaten dinner?"

"No, is that what you want to know?"

"Yes, I want to know how your day's been." Ennis winced. How was my day? _Sucked_. But he didn't say it and Jack hummed into the phone again. "You know what I found in my room just a few hours ago? A picture of Madeline and me, taken when she hadn't had her lamb yet."

Ennis still didn't say anything. He let Jack talk about his day, realizing he had leant his head on the pillow, swung the swing gently and listening.

"And I found a rodeo cowboy wood-carving."

"A rodeo cowboy?" Ennis blurted out, bewildered, and Jack said something like _'u-huh'_ with a smile in his voice.

"My favorite toy when I was a kid. It reminds me how I have been hard on myself when all I ever wanted is something very simple." Jack paused. Ennis counted the wooden planks that made up the floor, waiting for Jack to tell him more about the simple thing he wanted. But Jack just switched the topic. "Can you do me a favor?"

"Huh?"

"I'm coming back to Riverton tomorrow. Can you book us a room in a motel? For a night? I want to talk to you, Ennis, and I want to do it on the bed, with you, not on the sofa at your sister's house."

Heat swept from his head to his toes and Ennis found himself coughing out the next sentence. "A motel? I don't think there will be any vacancies."

"Maybe people want to spend the night with their family tomorrow. Can you try? Please?" Before he could say anything, Janice ran out of the house and shouted that dinner was ready. Jack's laughter rumbled into Ennis's ears again. "Go ahead, Ennis. I'll call you again tonight."

"Ok."

And that was all he said before Jack hung up.

Ennis was in a daze after that. He ate dinner in a daze, listening to the conversation around the dinner table without much response. He seemed to hear the chant _'Jack isn't leaving me'_ ringing over and over in his ears, that was why. But nobody seemed to care. Then he showered in a daze and just sat on the sofa, looking at the wall blankly. _So Jack didn't leave him. No, he didn't.  
_  
After some time, Ennis moved. He searched for the names of motels in the yellow pages and called the last one on the list, hoping stupidly that other people would book the ones at the top of the page and that this Siesta Motel would have a room for them tomorrow night.

And they did.

Ennis was in a daze again after he had finished making the reservation. Tomorrow night he and Jack would be alone, together, on the bed…shit… He threw himself on the sofa but he was far from feeling sleepy. He didn't know for how long he was lying there but when he came to his senses, the living room was dark except for the pale orange light coming in from the street. He heard the sound of a T.V. from upstairs and the small thudding steps of Flea who was still having fun with his new toy--Janice's old frog doll.

His cell rang, but he wasn't startled. He'd been waiting for this, maybe from the minute Jack hung up the phone earlier tonight.

"Hey, I won't keep you long," Jack said. "Merry Christmas, Ennis."

Ennis closed his eyes and exhaled. "Merry Christmas," he coaxed out finally.

"You got the room for us?"

"Yep." Another wave of heat spread over his body.

"Good." Jack chuckled a little. "So, see you tomorrow?"

"Ok."

"Night, Ennis."

"Goodnight." Ennis nodded, shivering from Jack's whisper as if now Jack was pressing close to him and talking into his ear, not being far away in Lightning Flat.

It must have been ten minutes or so that he just sat there on the sofa and looked at Flea who was chewing on the stuffed doll like he wanted to eat it. Suddenly Ennis thought about Jack and what he wanted Flea to do last night. Reaching for the rest of the cookies on the coffee table, he slid down from the sofa to sit on the rug, diverted Flea's attention from the doll without any difficulty.

He tried to copy Jack's gesture, grasping the cookie with his right hand above Flea's head while holding his left hand very low. At first Flea just looked, then Ennis remembered Jack told him to sit, so he did.

"Sit, Flea," Ennis said, moving the cookie down a bit. "Come on, like that."

Flea sat, wagging his tail the way he did, but there was something different about his look. His big eyes were fastened up at him, and then at the cookie, as if he was waiting for his order. Ennis moved the cookie down a bit and up, moving his left hand closer to Flea, and there it was, Jack's Christmas present to him--Flea touching his forefoot on Ennis's palm.

"Jesus…"

Ennis gasped as Flea did it for the second time, then a third time with more strength. And Ennis finally gave him his cookie, numbly. Jack never forgot anything he ever said, not even the little story of how his first dog, Spooky, could hi-five.

"Jack." He crawled up on the sofa and buried his face in the pillow. Where was the line? Did this thing with Jack, whatever it was, have a bottom line at all? He thought he was doing better when he told Mona about them, thought he was doing Jack proud. But then Jack would do something else that made him feel so small. Flattered, yes, he was flattered. But at the same time, he felt inadequate.

Ennis wanted to be stronger and become a man Jack deserved. _Was there a miracle for someone like him?_

--

Morning came too soon, and Ennis found himself wanting to fast-forward the hands of the clock. Then there was lunch time and Carol's roast chicken sold like hot cakes. K.E. did the dishes after that, his usual responsibility ever since they were kids, and talked about his adventure in Africa. Carol listened, laughed at times, but most of the time she paid intense attention to the story. Ennis and Ruby listened, too. They both smiled a little when the story went too wild. "You know the kids there ride elephants to school," K.E. said once, deadpan, and Carol threw a cube of sugar that she was about to put into her coffee at him.

Ruby showed pictures of her village to them and Carol was so excited to see there were actually concrete buildings in Rwanda, not some huts--the image she already had about Africa in her head. At one point, Carol touched Ruby's face after long minutes of staring that could be interpreted as almost-rude. 'You have very beautiful skin," she said, and kept on staring at Ruby's smooth cheek until they both laughed nervously at the unexpected gesture.

They were scheduled to go to Rick's place sometime after that to apologize officially. But Ennis didn't want to go, and it seemed both Carol and K.E. knew that 'cause they both insisted he wait for Jack at home.

It was five when they were ready to leave and it was the same time when the familiar Honda Fit parked in front of the house.

Ennis didn't want to answer questions so he didn't wait for Jack to show up on the doorstep. He simply told them he would be out for the night and asked Carol to take care of Flea. Carol nodded, telling him not to worry. The girls loved Flea, they would be very glad to do the job. With that, Ennis ran out the door.

The Siesta Motel was about 15 minutes' drive from Carol's place, and it was located on the main street, so Jack didn't need much guidance from Ennis to get there. Ennis waited in the car as Jack checked in, looking around nervously as he willed himself to calm the mad thumps of his heart that threatened to jump out of his chest.

There were no words exchanged but Ennis could almost hear Jack's thoughts from the intense, smoldering look of those liquid blue eyes. _I've been waiting to be with you._ A hot, hard grip of Jack on his forearm led Ennis through the door of their room and he found no bones in his body that resisted. He was rooted with his back pressed on the closed door and Ennis was thankful for having some solid place to lean on, 'cause once the door was locked, Jack shouldered off his jacket and started to unbutton his shirt, his darkening eyes never leaving Ennis.

He had difficulty breathing when Jack shed his shirt and pulled his undershirt off over his head, his broad chest layered with dark hairs rising and falling with every sharp inhale and exhale he took.

Jack smelled of clean sweat that made his head dizzy with desire. "Ennis," a soft voice called his name and Ennis actually shut his eyes and bit his lip hard when Jack pressed his cheek to his, rubbing their rough stubble together, whispering his name again and again as his tongue licked and swirled into his ear. The faint essence of Jack's aftershave mingled with his distinctive, manly clean sweat and the feel of Jack's solid body pressed firmly on his was overloading Ennis's senses.

A moist tongue licked down the sensitive skin on his neck and Ennis just arched his neck in return, wanted to feel more of it. Jack was crazily sucking and kissing there as his strong arms went around Ennis's back, scrabbled under the shirt and rubbed slowly and sensually all over his naked skin.

"Jack…" Ennis hissed and arched his back, increasing the intensity of the sweet grinding Jack was doing with his groin. His thoughts were scattering but he could manage to coax out a few words in between ragged panting, his nails digging deep into the smooth skin on the small of Jack's back. "Jack…what?...Jesus...why, all of a sudden, shit."

"Just let me do this," Jack said as one of his hands clutched Ennis's nape, bringing their mouths together. "Let me tell you this way how much I…" Jack kissed him again, his other hand roaming over Ennis's heaving bare chest, up and down, kneading the rippling muscles that jumped to life under his touch. "How much I want you, how crazy I am for you."

_Oh my God_, Ennis moaned when Jack jerked his shirt and sweater up as far as he could and rubbed their exposed upper bodies together. His vision whited out as if a bolt of lightning had hit him. Jack's wild mouth moved to suck his earlobe and he sagged back against the door, panting then holding his breath when he felt Jack's hand move beneath his now-open zipper. He cried out and banged the back his head on the door as Jack's long fingers wrapped around him, feeling himself pulsing hot and heavy in Jack's palm.

He felt boneless but Jack's strong arms were around him, held him up and led him to the bed.

They had never done anything like this before, had never taken this much time when they had sex, and Ennis had never imagined what it would feel like to go slow, touching each other until they both couldn't stand to just touch, and they had to move to the next steps of wild, sexual exploring. He wasn't comfortable with the idea of sexual exploring, and maybe Jack knew and didn't want to rush him.

But this…_Jesus_… Ennis groaned and lifted his hips up hard to meet Jack's, breathing fast, and stiffly hung on to Jack's shoulders as Jack straddled his middle, his head bending low to deliver a soft kiss to Ennis's jaw, whispering something unintelligibly on Ennis's lips before their tongues met in a hungry, deep kiss that took away his breath.

Jack's full weight was pinning him down on the mattress and Ennis clutched a handful of the sheet to still himself as his clothes were removed. Jack slid down to slip off Ennis's jeans and then his own. Ennis looked at Jack who looked up at him with his dark, lustful eyes once they were both naked. He didn't know what Jack saw in his eyes, but it made Jack pause for a second before he slid back up and aligned their bodies from chest to toes. The sweat was making the rubbing more sensual and Jack was kissing him again, cupping his face, and Ennis moaned almost painfully at the surge of desire that was rising like a flood.

"I always want to touch you like this," Jack panted and reached one hand down Ennis's stomach, tugging on the hair and down below. "I want to make you feel good. God, you feel so good."

Jack's tongue moved in circles around his navel and Ennis couldn't stop bucking his hips frantically, his head wild on the pillow, and he moaned loudly again when Jack sucked his inner thigh.

"Wait…Jack…I…"

"I know…" Jack whispered and kissed up his body. "Crazy, isn't it? God, I've never wanted someone like I want you." Jack straddled his hips again and clutched Ennis's crazily swinging hands in his grip. They kissed, open-mouthed, and Ennis thought he would explode just from the feeling of it.

Jack had the lube in his hand and Ennis found with puzzlement that he couldn't avert his eyes from what Jack was doing. Jack's touch was like fire down there, moist, slick but hot, like fire burning his skin. Wet hands were heavy on his chest as Jack pushed himself up a bit and lowered his body onto Ennis.

"Ja…ck…ah…God…" Ennis arched his back, panting, wave after wave of electric shock drowning him at every intense move. Jack bent down, kissed and bit the pulsing vein on Ennis's neck, down to his collarbone, trying to calm him down some, but Ennis couldn't stop himself. He bucked, surged up hard into Jack uncontrollably like a captive horse surging out of its confines, at last, after longing for freedom since the day it was born. The horse galloped madly into the large, open field at the horizon.

"Ennis, Ennis." He heard Jack's moans ripped out of his mouth, felt his ragged breath as he rested his sweaty head on Ennis's chest, rocking down on him hard, crying out almost desperately every time their bodies met. And Ennis was overwhelmed with the feel of Jack surrounding him, the warm and loving Jack, the dedicated and strong Jack who wanted him. He wouldn't believe until the day he died that someone like Jack wanted him this much--a funny, witty and charming man like Jack.

The last thing on Ennis's mind before another bolt of pleasure hit him and blacked out his thoughts was that he didn't need any miracle. Jack was a miracle to him, here, warm and willing in his arms. A miracle that he had been craving, here, now curled and tucked under his chin, going nowhere. Here to stay. Here, beside him, for the taking. If only he would listen to what his heart spoke for once and give himself a chance to grab it.

--

The day passed slowly in Carol's place with them not doing anything much, just sipping coffee or tea and eating cherry cake in the kitchen, listening to Carol discuss the possible ingredients of the cherry cake mostly with herself as she ate it and purred with appreciation. K.E. started to get fidgety after spending so much time not doing anything. He began to look around the house and make mental notes to do some fixing and painting in the garage. Ruby agreed to cook them some traditional Rwandan dishes and was making a grocery list. Ennis found his eyes on Jack again during all these events. Jack's eyes went soft when he caught his stare but Ennis saw Jack was also doing his own thinking, and he caught Jack looking at him sometimes, too.

Day turned to night and Ennis sprawled on the big sofa, hearing Jack's footsteps coming from the bathroom upstairs. His footsteps faded into the kitchen, there was the sound of the fridge opening and shutting, then the same footsteps came back his way.

Ennis watched Jack walk to the smaller sofa and grab a blanket. Without hesitation and almost naturally, Ennis scooted over. Jack snuggled close to him on the sofa, two blankets spread out over them. Their legs twined and their bodies pressed together, Jack molding to him like liquid. Ennis nuzzled his hair and closed his eyes as sleep tugged him in.

Morning came and it was time to go. There was nothing much to pack once all the Christmas presents were gone and they were ready to leave in about an hour.

Jack was with the girls, who had some difficulty parting with Flea. He said something but Ennis didn't hear clearly what he was talking about. Alicia hugged Flea. She was sad but was nodding her head. Eric was there, too, with Janice, who looked like she was going to cry on his lap.

K.E. stepped near him suddenly and dragged Ennis inside the guestroom. "Listen, Ennis. Don't let what Dad said control you, ok? This is your life." Ennis swallowed as he felt the pressure from K.E.'s grip.

He was patted on the shoulder again before K.E. walked with him to the living room. Jack was saying goodbye to everyone else, Flea in his arms, and Ennis noticed their stuff was gone. Maybe it had already been moved to the car.

K.E. gave him a shove and Ennis found himself in Ruby's embrace, then being hugged around his waist by the fragile arms of his nieces. Eric shook his hand firmly and finally he kind of bounced to stand in front of Carol.

She didn't say anything. She had always been a woman of few words, like Dad, and Ennis almost squirmed with discomfort. Then she reached out and hugged him tightly, still didn't say anything as her arms locked strongly around his back, pressing the Del Mar bead bracelet into his skin.

The drive out from Wyoming was just as quiet as the drive in but somehow they were both calm. The silence in the car wasn't as heavy. And Ennis just sagged into the passenger seat and let Jack take his hand and rest their clasped hands on the seat between his thighs.

"You can take a nap."

Ennis wasn't sleepy but he did close his eyes anyway. Jack unclasped their hands to grab the steering wheel when he turned right at the corner. Ennis opened his eyes to see his fingers hanging, and the next thing he knew, he tucked them under Jack's thigh, with only his thumb caressing lightly along the seam of Jack's black Levi's.

Jack sighed and shifted his leg a little, giving Ennis more room. He heard a rustle as Flea shifted, too, on the back seat, but soon settled quietly on the new bed which was a present from Alicia and Janice. They didn't turn on the radio and Ennis thought about what Jack had told him on the phone when he was in Lightning Flat, that Jack said how he had been hard on himself when all he wanted was something so simple. They stayed overnight at the motel because Jack wanted to talk. But they hadn't done any talking at all. Ennis's heart gave a hard thump at that.

"You haven't told me yet." Ennis cleared his throat. "What the old wood carving you found at home reminds you of?"

Jack chuckled low. "Yeah, you kept me busy, we haven't talked yet."

Ennis groaned and Jack simply tugged Ennis's fingers more under his own thigh. "This."

"What?"

"What I want, just this, just you." Jack smiled at him and he was still smiling when he turned to look at the road ahead.

Ennis could almost hear the unspoken question from Jack after that. _So, how about you? What do you want, Ennis?_ And Ennis wanted to tell Jack what he wanted. He wanted a miracle. Used to think he wanted a miracle, more like, before Jack had showed him the other night that he already had his miracle. All he wanted now was to figure out how to carry this miracle with him on his way down into this endless place 'cause, God damn it, there was no bottom line for this feeling he had for Jack. Deeper and deeper, he fell in love.

Didn't know how long he had been looking at Jack. But when Jack saw him, he slowed down the car a little and shot him a bemused look. "You mind?" he said. "I'm trying to drive here."

Ennis shrugged and Jack finally parked the car in front of an abandoned farmhouse. He lifted his right leg up and twisted his body to look at Ennis full in the eyes, smiled a dimpled smile.

"Damn, Ennis. Haven't I made a fool of myself enough for you to know that I'm practically your love slave? Wanna bet what will happen if you keep on looking at me like that?"

"Guess I have some idea," he breathed and heard Jack hiss, his face serious now.

"Shit."

They clutched onto everything they could grab and Ennis ended up seizing Jack's collar while Jack grasped the back of his neck, gasping into each other's mouth in a long, fierce kiss.

And maybe this was what Jack had always tried to tell him. All the things Jack did for him, every little thing he remembered about him, his touch, his smile and all that was Jack Twist. That it was all for Ennis, that he was going all the way down deeper and deeper with him, falling as deep in love.

TBC

--

Thanks all for reading (I think there're 3 of you outthere!! LOL) The boys are going back to SF in the next chapter. I'll upload it (hopefully) this weekend. Until then, take care!!


	19. Chapter 19

**Title** : **You & Me & a Dog Named Flea/Chapter 19 "After the Rain"  
Author** : **fridayblues**  
**Pairing** : Ennis/Jack  
**Disclaimer** : Annie Prouxl owns the timeless characters in BBM. I'm writing from love and making no profit.  
**Summary** : AU!AU set in San Francisco ; Jack Twist had a chance encounter with a veterinarian one day, didn't know the shy vet, and his black and white terrier, would have a permanent place in his heart.  
**My Deepest Thanks** always to Judy (**judybluecat**), the ultimate beta!  
**Feedback** : means the world to me:)

**Chapter 19 "After the Rain"**

_San Francisco.  
_  
Jack stopped his bicycle and straightened his back, looking through his sunglasses to the distant view of the Golden Gate Bridge down the hill. He couldn't help but wonder if everything that had happened was a dream in one long, cold night, that meeting Ennis's family had only happened in his head and Carol, K.E. and Ruby were only some imaginary people. Being here, surrounded by familiar setting and atmosphere, Jack almost felt like he had never been away at all. _Almost.  
_  
He looked down at the bead bracelet around his wrist. Then he frowned suddenly, wondering why he sounded somewhat miserable.

Things hadn't gone that bad. He and Ennis took turns driving all the way from Wyoming to here, with a few stops at truck stops so that they wouldn't wreck the car with all the continuous driving. Jack drove at night while Ennis slept, and Ennis took the wheel from about two in the morning until they reached San Francisco four hours later.

Jack slept uncomfortably, which had caused him to wake up on and off throughout the drive. He woke up groggily when the car stopped in front of his apartment. "_You want me to go with you to the car rental company?_" Jack had asked but Ennis shook his head. "_That's ok_," he had said and Jack just nodded 'cause he didn't know what else to say. Besides, his eyes had been threatening to close any minute now. They got out of the car and Jack took out his stuff. The sky was still dark so they took their time, hugging long and lingeringly, tracing lips on the soft skin of each other's neck. Jack planted one last kiss on Ennis's ear. "_I'll call you_." He remembered saying that and felt Ennis nod and say something like, "_Go to sleep, you're sleeping on your feet like a horse, Jack_."

Jack poked his head into the car and rubbed Flea's body. The little dog whined and leant into his touch. "_See you, buddy. Be good_," he said and watched Flea lick his hand. His heart sank merely from the thought of not being able to hang around Ennis and Flea anymore. Well, maybe not _anymore_. More like, not as much as he wanted to. Jack waited until Ennis drove away, waving a hand slowly at the Honda Fit that soon disappeared around the next corner.

He climbed up the stairs, stripped and just buried himself under the blanket. Sleep claimed him within a second.

Jack woke up in the afternoon of the same day and spent the rest of the day unpacking. He ate what was left in the kitchen—some cereal with milk which was still good despite being in the fridge untouched since last Saturday. He made a mental note to go grocery shopping sometime tomorrow, before he climbed up on the bed and fell asleep again.

_And here I am, back to San Francisco.  
_  
Jack turned back from the view of the Golden Gate Bridge and started to pedal down the hill. It was 9:20, Saturday morning of the 31st of December, the last day of the year, and no matter how much he wanted to call Ennis, Jack needed to fill his stomach first. Grant had promised a breakfast served with a cup (or two) of hot espresso if he could arrive at his studio-type room before ten. There was no way Jack was going to miss it, especially when his fridge was still empty.

It didn't take a long time to get from his apartment to the Bay and Bridge Club and he reached his destination in no more than 20 minutes. Jack locked his bicycle and went straight to the room on the second floor of Club, knocked twice and smiled at Grant who opened the door with one hand, a cup of coffee in the other. "Hey," he greeted. "Come on in now. Can I have a hug from my favorite man?"

Jack chuckled and hugged the older man. Grant patted his back, then led Jack to the small kitchen where a bowl of fruit salad had already been set in the middle of the counter.

"So," Grant crooked his brow as he poured coffee for Jack. "How was Christmas?"

"Good. I met Ennis's sister and brother. They're cool." That brow went higher, and Jack sighed. "Actually, it wasn't that good at first. Ennis was called a bad name by his brother's friend. Carol, his sister, kicked him out when he told her about me. Oh, and she had kicked K.E. out before that, that was his brother, 'cause he's got an African wife. Then we, I mean Ennis and I, kind of hit each other, too. I got bruises on Christmas Eve. Phew."

"And you called that a good Christmas?"

Jack chuckled. "We got to talk after that. I think we're ok. Actually, we didn't really talk…I mean, it wasn't our mouths that did the talking. Oh, no, our mouths did the talking, too, actually…"

Grant narrowed his eyes as Jack couldn't stop the grin that started to crack his face.

"Yeah?" That was all Grant said before he turned to cook Jack the breakfast he had promised, his shoulders shaking a little from laughing. "But I can see the man is really into you, isn't he? He even introduced you to his family."

It seemed like a statement, not a question, so Jack just smiled down at the coffee in his cup. Grant made a noise in his throat that sounded like humming, his ma did this, too, when she was having a good time cooking, and Jack took the opportunity to look around the room. The Christmas tree was still sitting tall near the window, the T.V. was on with the re-run of some wrestling match. He felt tickling on his calf and looked down to find Pepe, mewing and strolling lazily around the stool.

"Hey," Jack hauled her up to his lap, played with her soft fur, the urge to tell Grant more about the Wyoming trip starting to eclipse his appetite as the time passed. The next thing he knew, he blurted out to Grant's back about what happened on Christmas Eve and the morning after. "We almost broke up."

Grant turned to him almost instantly. "You what?"

"You were right. We're going too fast. And this thing I feel for him is so strong and I am so afraid of losing him." Jack sighed. "I just want him to be safe, Grant. Sometimes I just want to keep him in this castle up high, or on the mountain top, where the world is good and kind. And we won't have to see anyone, just live together."

"You're always a dreamer, Jack." Grant smiled. "There's nothing wrong with wanting to keep him safe. But you can't be strong all the time."

"Yeah… I told him we need to slow things down, figure things out, give each other space." Jack trailed off. He scratched Pepe's neck and watched her eyes getting narrower. Flea did this sometimes, too, when he was scratched on his belly and was getting comfortable to the edge of sleep. He looked up to find Grant's eyes on him, then smiled sheepishly. "Turned out I could be without him for only two days. What a fool."

"You're not a fool. You're just in love."

Jack grinned. "Yeah."

Grant got back to the cooking and handed him two plates of steaming scrambled eggs that smelled like heaven. He puts two slices of bread into the toaster and gets butter from the fridge. "So? You guys are ok now?"

Jack nodded as he gulped his espresso. "He looked broken at first. But I kinda showed him my final card. I wanted him to know I've come this far and I'm not going to back out on him if he needs more time to think about stuff. I think he got some clues, he was calmer all the way back to the city."

"He had already begun the thinking."

"I guess so. I don't want him to do stuff because of me. I want him to do this for himself." Jack took another gulp of coffee and freed Pepe from his grasp. She bounced down from his lap and jumped up to the sofa, swatting her long, fluffy tail on the back of the seat as she flopped on her belly. Jack thought about Flea again, how the little dog loved to lay his belly on the cool surface and spread his legs like a jumping frog. "Damn, I miss Ennis. I miss Flea, too."

"It's not like you're not gonna see them again."

"Yeah," Jack said low. "And I need to regroup myself. During these few weeks, I feel like I have disappeared into Ennis's skin or something. Like, I've been breathing through him and that my life depends on…" He trailed off once the words escaped his mouth. Jack gasped when he realized how true that was. "Jesus Christ."

Grant didn't say anything. He simply settled on his stool and pushed a plate of food to Jack. "That's not new, Jack. Love consumes people."

"Damn."

"Come on, no more of that." Grant punched his shoulder playfully. "Now tell me about your final card. What was that?"

Jack grinned suddenly, trying to focus on their conversation when his mind kept on thinking back to that night in the Siesta with Ennis. "That is a secret."

"A-ha."

"Let's hear about you. How was Lake Tahoe?"

"Ah, it was fun. We watched Young Guns and were so drunk we could hardly remember how the movie ended."

Jack snorted. "You've watched Young Guns before."

Grant shrugged. "You can't be serious, Jacky. Hot guys in cowboy outfits are all I care about."

Jack laughed out loud but his laughter died down when he heard the creak of a door. Lee came out from the bedroom bare-chested, feet dragging and eyes half-closed but he definitely didn't look drunk. Jack felt his mouth hanging open and he didn't make an attempt to hide it as he turned to look at Grant.

Grant sipped his coffee calmly, didn't even flinch when Lee walked up and gave him a hug and a peck on his cheek. Jack watched as Lee dragged his feet back to the bathroom, sleep-walking-like, and shot Grant another look when he heard the water running.

Jack opened his mouth and snapped it shut again, slumped back on the seat of the stool. He should be teasing Grant, prompting him for every detail of what exactly had happened in Lake Tahoe and how on earth Lee came to be emerging from his room on Saturday morning. But he found his face serious instead.

Grant was waiting for his reaction, smiling a little when Jack finally leant his elbows on the counter. "Grant. Lee's feeling for you is very strong. I believe I know how he feels. For God sake, I've been in his shoes. Shit, I _am _in his shoes. Please don't tell me you were also drunk last night. He'll be wrecked."

"No," Grant smiled a little wider. "I wasn't drunk last night. I gave myself a chance. Well, Lee is an ok kid…he's young and…I don't know. I still can't believe of all the gay men we know, he wants to be with me. I could be his father."

"You're not that old," Jack mused.

"I just woke up and thought; I'm not going to sit and brood about how different we are. I decided to give it a try and see what'd happen next. No point worrying, just go with the flow."

"Damn. What happened to the logical Grant Bennett? Did you lock him up somewhere?" Grant laughed and Jack found himself joining in.

"I'm no dreamer, Jack," Grant said between sips of his coffee. "I don't see myself with anyone in three years, or five years. But I can't not give Lee a chance. Let's just say how could you turn away someone who wrote you a song?"

Jack's eyes got wide at that. "He wrote you a song?!"

"That was exactly how I looked when he went up to the stage at the restaurant in the resort."

"God," Jack shook his head. "Wait, but I think he is a drummer."

"He can play three cords on the guitar." Grant chuckled.

"And what kind of a lame song has three cords anyway?"

"Will you stop saying stuff about me as if I'm not around?" Lee's voice broke through their laughter and soon he was sitting beside Jack on another stool, wearing a pale yellow T-shirt and a pair of white shorts, his hair wet and spiky from water. He didn't spare anyone a glance but stabbed his folk into the scrambled eggs right away. Jack swept his eyes all over Lee and chuckled when he noticed Lee had taken off all of his armor—no black eyeliner, skull rings or black T-shirt and shining, rock-star-look-alike leather pants. Jack couldn't stop staring as his smile turned to an amused grin. What Carol had told him popped up in his head. Love did crazy things to people indeed.

"What're you looking at?" Lee snapped. "I'm not a monkey in the zoo."

It just made him more amused. "Have you considered being a comedian? You so crack me up all the time."

"I play drums, asshole. And if I can't be in a rock band, I'd rather work with my dick."

Jack choked on a mouthful of coffee and coughed. Grant handed him some tissue as he gently, playfully shoved Lee on his forehead. "You've been searching the internet again, have you?"

Lee smirked. "Found this advertisement calling for healthy men and women for this job as condom testers. That's my idea of a job from heaven."

Jack barked a laugh again. God, Jack Twist hadn't gone anywhere. Much as he thought he had disappeared into Ennis, here he was, laughing and enjoying his friends' company. The only difference was that Ennis had his permanent seat in the corner of Jack's heart now. And he liked it just fine.

"Hey, there's something I think you should know." Grant poured more coffee for him. "Mona went to the Velvet the other day."

Jack choked on his coffee for the second time that morning. "What?!"

--

"One more thing and then we'll wrap up the meeting," Dr. Brown said, digging for some documents under piles of papers on his desk. Ennis took the moment to close his eyes and sigh. He needed to remind himself again that he was back at the clinic in San Francisco and was now engaged in the weekly staff meeting for the last week of the year. All the dream-like events that had happened in Salt Lake City and Riverton had passed and he should be focusing on his work now, which was something he was inclined to do.

"Here we are," Dr. Brown, with a thick white envelop in his hand now, continued. "The vet seminar in Boston, scheduled from January 25 to 28, Hilton Back Bay Hotel. The theme is emergency medicine and surgery. We need to send in the attendee's name to the organizer by the first week of January. I still insist Ennis should go."

Ennis pressed his lips together as he felt a nudge from Martha who was standing behind him. Dr. Leang and Dr. Amy turned to look at him with kind eyes while Drew nodded her head. He had been avoiding all these kinds of seminars and meetings because he hated them. He got out of them once last September; thanks to all the mess from his love life with his now ex-wife, he didn't have to go to one of the seminars in Denver. Ennis had to wonder if everyone at the clinic would spare him some pity and change their minds if they knew how miserable his life had been during Christmas. _Maybe not._

"Do you have anything important during that time, Ennis? Any appointments with the clients?"

Ennis managed to shake his head. "No, sir. But I think I'm not qualified enough."

"Define qualified." Ennis bit his lip and looked down to the floor. He heard Dr. Brown sigh. "Ok. I'll give you time to decide. If you're ok with it, we will have to fill in Ennis's shift at night but there shouldn't be any problem." He waved the file. "Martha, can you…?"

"Oh yes, Dr. Brown." Martha stepped up and grabbed the envelope. Dr. Brown took out his wallet and fumbled for something.

"And you'll need business cards, Ennis. Here, let's just make him some following the same pattern; Ennis Del Mar D.V.M. and then follow with the name of the clinic and the address. Make it simple. And Martha…can you…?"

"No problem, Dr. Brown." Martha stepped up again, so enthusiastic-like that Ennis had to wince at her. He wanted to yell so everyone would notice that he hadn't yet said yes to the invitation. But it was no use now that Dr. Leang and Dr. Amy had started a discussion on how marvelous and fruitful some seminars they had attended before were.

"Drew will help you with all the statistics and reports you might need to take to Boston," Dr. Brown went on. "You have a week to make up your mind. Take the file home to read. You will meet lots of vets from all over America so this should be fun." A pat on his shoulder and Dr. Brown turned on his heel, looking like he was about to walk out. But then he stopped and looked Ennis in the eyes. "You have any plans tonight? How about dinner at my house? Should be fun."

Again, without hearing Ennis saying yes to his inquiry, Dr. Brown was gone from the office along with the others, Ennis hearing them discuss already where the certificate of his participation in this seminar should be nailed up on the wall downstairs.

Ennis groaned low in his throat and threw himself on the couch near the window, grabbed today's schedule and scanned his page. He would have one more appointment with a French bulldog in two hours and he would be free. No night shift tonight because it was the countdown night. And the clinic would close for two days.

_Countdown night._ He wondered where and with whom Jack would celebrate a new year. But what was the difference? He would be stuck with Dr. Brown tonight anyway.

_Did he have to?_

He had never met Dr. Brown's wife. Why did Dr. Brown invite him then? How the heck was he supposed to act when he met her?

The sound of his cell phone ringing brought Ennis back to the present. Relief and something else that warm his heart flooded up his whole body when he saw the caller ID 'Jack' blinking on the screen.

"Ennis? Are you at work?" Jack said, soft and sweet in his ear. Ennis pressed his fingers harder on the bridge of his nose and nodded.

"Yeah. You? At work?"

"Nah," a smile in his voice. "I'm at Grant's. We're going to the Embarcadero waterfront for the countdown. I hope you can join us."

Ennis sighed. "I don't know."

"Oh."

"Dr. Brown kinda invited me to his house. I don't know what he has up his sleeve." Ennis leant on the window sill. "Might take hours."

"I don't see any problem. I guess Dr. Brown wouldn't keep you all night, right?"

Ennis smiled, for the first time today, he'd noticed. "I guess so. Who'll be there?"

"Some friends, I don't know for sure but Grant and Lee are with me now. You remember Lee, right?"

"Yep." Who could forget a red-headed man wearing thick black eyeliner like that anyway? He was at the clinic once, with Grant. Then he met the two amigos again the day Jack's ex went to scold him at the clinic. _That Brent guy_. Without really thinking, Ennis asked. "Is he going to be…there?"

"Hmm? Who?" Jack was chewing on something now 'cause his voice was muffled.

"That man, your…ah…"

"Brent?" Jack was still chewing on something, but chuckled a little. "I don't know, Ennis. What're you saying here?"

"Um…" He shrugged.

"Hey." Soft voice like Jack's hand on his cheek. He closed his eyes to savor the feeling. "I don't know if Brent is going to be there. But who cares? Call me when you're done with the dinner. Call me anytime even if it's ten to midnight. I'll be waiting. Say you'll do that."

"Ok," Ennis said, swallowed the clog in his throat. "I'll call."

"There'll be fireworks, too."

"Oh, that." He grinned.

"Yeah."

Ennis played with the string of the blind when there was a pause. Just at that minute, the phone on the wall broke the silence. The French bull dog must have arrived. "I gotta go."

"Ok, ah, Ennis?"

"Yep?"

"Ah…have you got…? Never mind. See you tonight?"

It seemed Jack wanted to ask him something. But instead of urging, Ennis simply nodded. They would be seeing each other soon anyway. He'd asked him about this later. "Yep."

Ennis thought he might be occupied for at least a half hour but this French bull dog case turned out to be quite simple; bacterial infections, and Ennis sent him off with a heap of medicine in only 15 minutes.

He was on the phone five minutes later, answering a question about a ferret from a client who wanted to buy one for her grandson. He wasn't a ferret expert, didn't know if there really was a ferret expert, but she was an old woman who seemed desperate for any kind of advice, and he ended up reading her stuff from the website for almost an hour.

When he walked down to the second floor, exhausted from all the talking, Dr. Brown had already put on his black leather jacket with the symbol of Guns and Roses on the back, looking ready to go. Martha's cheeks and ears were all purple, from a long minute of suppressing her laughter, maybe, and she rushed out from behind the counter to tug his sleeve. She whispered while Ennis let her have his white coat. "You ready to rock? Rock and roll all night, baby!"

Ennis winced and chuckled at the same time. He looked at Dr. Brown who didn't seem to have heard what Martha had said. Off course, because he was listening to his iPod now, tapping his black shiny boot on the floor. Martha patted him on the forearm as she chuckled. "Come back for Flea later, Ennis. I'll take care of him."

"Thank you." Ennis smiled a little. "I'll close the clinic then."

"Oh, that'd be great. I'll sort out your mail for you. Several letters came during your break."

"Thanks. Call if there's anything."

"Kay. Go, Dr. Brown's been waiting."

Ennis poked his head to look at Flea on the floor behind the counter but he looked like he was in the edge of sleeping. So he simply gave Martha a nod and followed Dr. Brown out.

The drive was loud with hard rock music, a male singer with a very high voice was singing the lamest song that said _emergency, emergency, my love for you is killing me_. Dr. Brown sang under his breath and after a while, Ennis found this kind of music wasn't all that bad.

But it wasn't enough to cheer him up.

Ennis sneaked a look at Dr. Brown in the driver seat. He wondered why he needed to go to this family dinner thing at his house. But he had no guts to ask, just as he had no guts to say no to attending that vet seminar in Boston. Why didn't he just give voice to what his heart said? Why was it so difficult to live the life he wanted?

The song went on and Ennis found himself frowning, occupied by his thoughts. Dr. Brown cleared his throat. "Twenty years, you know, since I first heard about this band."

"Yeah?"

"Yes. Listen, Ennis. I know you don't talk much so please hear me out, ok?" Ennis turned to look at Dr. Brown, his heart sinking uncontrollably. Judging from his stern face and serious voice, this wasn't going to be something good. "My friends in Seattle have been bugging me to join their research team on Respiratory Viruses of Domestic Animals for years. I refused because I can't turn my back on the clinic."

"You quitting?"

That wasn't something he wanted to say. But this fact shook his world pretty much, if he had to admit it. He hoped like hell Dr. Brown wouldn't have any high expectation for him to take care of the morning shift and something else on his behalf. Dr. Brown shrugged. "No. I just need to find a few more vets to take care of the clinic. This clinic is very important to me and I want to make sure it is in good hands before _we_ go to Seattle to conduct the research for three months."

"We?" Ennis whispered.

"I'm going to be direct with you. We need a research assistant, Ennis. You're experienced in zoonosis laboratory work. You're just who we need."

"I can't do that." He gasped out loud. "I'm not…"

"Don't judge anything yet, not until you see the research proposal. I might not able to answer all your questions, but you can ask my friends in Boston. They'll be at the vet seminar, too. Here we are. Oh, and I asked Alma to join us tonight, too, so you will have some friends."

The next thing he knew, Dr. Brown parked his car in front of the two-story townhouse and signaled him to follow. Ennis was stuck in the passenger seat, his whole body heavy. It was a full minute before he finally opened the door to stand on the pavement with heaving chest. He took a series of deep breaths and collected himself.

Something squeezed his heart. He didn't want to be a research assistant, he hated all seminars, he didn't want to go to Boston or Seattle and he didn't want a dinner with Alma in Dr. Brown's house. But what else could he do? Well, if there was anything Ennis Del Mar was good at, it was denying his true feelings and going on with his sorry life.

--

"Come on, we won't find a place big enough for your sorry ass at the Waterfront now if we're a minute later!"

Jack groaned and shot Lee a sharp glare, but Lee had already walked half way to the door. Grant came back from feeding Pepe and was now looking back and forth between them. "It's New Year's Eve, peeps. Can't we get along?"

Lee murmured something as Jack rolled his eyes. If there was one thing that could keep Jack and Lee in sync, it was a man called Grant Bennett.

They took the crammed cable car to the Embarcadero where some of their friends from the Velvet had already been since late afternoon, claiming the space for all of them. It was always crowded at the waterfronts on New Year's Eve in San Francisco because it was where you could hang out with friends and enjoy fireworks for free.

Jack stopped for a cup of hot tea and jogged to Grant. Lee had long disappeared into masses of people across the street. Grant tugged at his elbow. "Guess you should know, Brent will be there, too."

"…Oh…" Jack thought this news didn't affect him, but he might have slowed his pace a little for now Grant was about an arm's length away, shooting a worried look at him over his shoulder.

"Are you gonna be alright?"

"Yeah. Why not? But are you sure he won't just punch me once we're there?"

"He knew you would be coming. And you know Brent couldn't punch you, Jack."

"Oh…" Jack said low then groaned. "Shit. It would be better if he did."

Grant patted his back but didn't say anything more until they reached their space at the waterfront. Several of their friends were there, just hanging out and Jack spotted Brent right away. He was in his best black Commando sweater and a black camo jacket—the one he bought when they went shopping together a while back.

Their eyes met accidentally when Brent waved at Grant. And he walked straight to him. "Jack."

"Brent," Jack forced a stiff smile out of the awkwardness. "How're you doing?"

He nodded, "Fine. Heard you went back home over Christmas."

"I did. How about you?"

"Party here and there, you know me, I prefer the city. Besides, I don't have any relatives."

"Right." Their conversation was even more awkward and Jack found himself shuffling his feet with uneasiness, trying to summon a topic, any topic, out of thin air. An idea struck and he blurted it out without really thinking how inappropriate it might sound. "Have you found anyone?" Brent snorted, looked sore, and Jack cursed himself for being so stupidly inconsiderate. "I'm sorry, Brent, I didn't mean to…I'm an idiot."

"Every time you look at me with those puppy blue eyes, I would give you the world if I had to. I still want you, Jack. You have such power over me. I can't get over you that fast."

"I'm sorry," Jack muttered again, feeling sick in his stomach. Brent looked at him long, and after a while, he turned to look out toward the ocean, his hands deep in his sweater's pocket.

"Are you willing to risk that much heartache for him?"

Jack winced slightly, suddenly feeling self-defensive. "Maybe. But I'd risk heartache for just one day with him."

To his surprise, Brent's eyes went soft. "That makes you special, Jack, your caring and giving nature. And I want the man you choose to see this. I'm not going to stand seeing you with some jerk that doesn't deserve you. He'd better be good or I'm going to steal you back."

He wasn't a thing someone could just snatch or steal away. He was a man of flesh and blood whose heart and soul were pretty much owned. But still Jack couldn't help it when his heart jumped at the familiar sensation of being loved and wanted this clearly, something Brent had always been good at.

"Shit, I'm…" Jack groaned and turned to look out to the ocean where the sun was sinking. But then Brent shifted around to lean his back on the rail.

"I'm not giving up on you." And with that, Brent rejoined the group.

Jack sighed. There was no way Brent would understand how deeply Jack felt for Ennis, him being all confident and thinking love wasn't, couldn't, be the key element of a gay man's life. He was so wrong, 'cause even just thinking about Ennis, Jack could almost feel Ennis's arms around him, whispering low and soft in his ear, "_You're sleeping on your feet like a horse, Jack_."

It might not be much but Jack knew that the small, innocent moments like this would remain in his heart forever, and it was definitely worth a thousand heartaches.

--

"I don't think Ennis will go as far away as Boston," Alma said calmly, her eyes fixed on either Dr. Brown or the beef steak on her plate even though she was talking about him. Ennis pressed his lips together, force himself to chew the vegetables in his mouth.

"Boston is great," Mrs. Brown, a lady with red hair and red freckles, said.

"I know," Alma continued, ignoring Ennis's presence still. "But he's just begun a relationship. It's not a very good time to be apart."

Gasps came from all sides and Ennis found himself clenching his jaw so hard it hurt. He knew from the start this was not a good idea. But it was worse than what he thought. Alma was hurt, he could see it clearly in her eyes, and like a wounded animal, she was fighting back, giving him some hurt.

Ennis had no idea when he had given Alma any sign that he was interested in her that way. Yes, maybe it was partly Mona's fault. Only God knew in how much detail Mona had talked about him behind his back and how much hope she had given Alma. But it wasn't like he had no clue she felt something for him beyond friendship. He should have been honest and told her from the start that he wasn't thinking about her as an object of affection.

He loved Jack even before he knew her officially. But he still opened the door for her to step in, then just practically kicked her out. He was to blame for this as well. And maybe this hurt and humiliation were for him to take.

"So, Ennis? Who's the lucky girl?" Ms. Brown asked, smiling wide.

His jaw was working while he clenched his sweaty palms. The silence in the room wove heavy tension between them all. _Could he just jump up and punch her? Like he did with Rick?_ Before anyone said anything, they were startled when Ennis's cell phone rang. He excused himself to the foyer and picked up the call. It was from Martha. "Is everything ok?"

"Ennis, I mean, Dr. Del Mar, you have to come back."

Martha called him Dr. Del Mar on very formal occasions only. Whatever was happening at the clinic, it must not be a good thing. "What happened?"

"Someone wants to see you. He's ah…he has something very important to talk to you about and he said he'd wait no matter how long it takes."

"Who is he?"

"Please come back, Dr. Del Mar. We'd better talk about this here."

A horrifying force gripped his heart again and he took less than three minutes to say goodbye to everyone at the dinner table. Dr. Brown looked alarmed but Ennis promised to call if something bad really had happened. Alma never said a word to him, nor spared him a bit of interest as he eased himself away from the kitchen and out the door.

Ennis got out of the taxi at eight fifteen. The clinic was darker than normal and Martha was waiting for him in front of the door. No, this didn't look good at all.

"Ennis." She must have seen his white face because she was gripping his arm as if to steady him. "Listen to me, please, you don't have to do as he says. If you don't want to do it, tell him to fuck off…I mean…just tell him to go or tell him we'll figure it out later or something."

"You're scaring me, Martha."

"Just follow your heart, don't do something stupid that makes you sad and sorry forever."

Even though he had no idea what was going on, Ennis was worried and nervous. If someone pushed him now, he thought he might puke all his guts out. But with shaking legs, he pushed the door open and walked in anyway. A man around 35 almost leaped at him from the waiting seat. He took Ennis's hand and shook it like he was a puppet. "Dr. Del Mar."

Ennis didn't know this man. He turned to look at Martha with bewildered eyes but the man didn't give him a chance, dragging him to the waiting seat. "Dr. Del Mar, I'm sorry I didn't make an appointment with you first. My name is David Mills and this is my son, Tommy. Oh, I think you remember him, right? Tommy!"

A boy ran out from the counter, his head ruffled and his cheeks pink from all the running around. Flea wriggled in his small arms. "Here's Flea, Daddy!!"

Ennis suddenly couldn't breathe. Everything seemed to be darkened as if the sky was about to fall. He remembered Tommy, the boy who first found Flea and brought him to the clinic three-four mouths ago. He was here after a long while of not showing up, claiming Flea back.

"His mother was allergic to animals so he couldn't bring the dog back home," David continued, not seeming to notice Ennis's face which was now as white as a sheet. "But we're divorced now. I have a place of my own with enough space for a dog and Tommy will be with me every weekend… Dr. Del Mar? Are you alright?"

Ennis looked at Flea who tried to be still in the boy's arm. His eyes stung and honestly he had no strength to even try to hide it. "May I excuse myself just a second? Please?" And without hearing an answer, he walked up to the second floor, body heavy with nausea, his hands shaking badly when he opened the door.

He tried to take a deep breath but exhaled out in gasps, eyes hot and hurting from the tears that were coming. They were taking Flea away. _You don't have to do as he says, if you don't want to do it._ Martha's words echoed in his head as he slumped on the chair, heaving a sob, and held his breath, again trying to collect himself.

Out of habit, Ennis looked around for something that could distract his mind. There was a small pile of mail on the table. The one at the top was next month's issue of Modern Dog magazine, and tucked behind it was a postcard with a stamp from Salt Lake City with only the corner popping out.

Ennis reached out, a small gasp broke from his mouth as he saw familiar handwriting on the postcard. It was Jack's.

_I have this habit of sending a postcard back to myself when I go somewhere so don't be surprised. By the time you get this postcard, it will be around the end of this year or the beginning of the next. You're the best thing that happened to me this year, Ennis. Happy New Year :)_

He sobbed, again, unable to stop it this time. Tears were threatening to roll down his cheeks so he dragged his sleeve over his eyes, hissed and read the card once more. He was blinded by a veil of tears when he reached the smiling symbol at the end of the note, for the second time.

_He was so fucked up, but still the best thing that happened to Jack._

Dragging the sleeve over his eyes again, Ennis flipped to the front of the postcard. The picture of the Salt Lake Temple decorated with Christmas lights at night came to his view. He felt his face started to crumble as a wave of emotions hit him all at once; self-hating for he was too weak, but blessed because he was loved this much by Jack.

"God, Jack. I don't know what to do."

Ennis buried his face in his palms, crying like he had never cried before. He was stuck here, hurt and beaten, like rocks were being thrown at him from all corners, while all he ever wanted was to be with Jack who might be talking and laughing with that old boyfriend of his by now.

But a small voice in his head didn't think so. Jack loved him. Jack said he would be waiting no matter how long it took, that all he ever wanted was him.

Ennis pressed the damp sleeve over his eyes and stayed like that for a while, waited until he could calm down a bit, and looked at the postcard through his blurry vision again, repeating the message on the back of the small postcard like it was some sacred prayer.

Ennis gazed out of the window to the Golden Gate Bridge. For the first time in his life, he felt calm and peaceful. The tears had cleansed his soul. And like the sky after the rain, the road was clear before his eyes.

TBC

--

Chapter 20 will be posted right after this one. Thanks for reading!


	20. Chapter 20

**Title** : **You & Me & a Dog Named Flea/Chapter 20 "A Fighter in You"**  
**Author** : **fridayblues**  
**Pairing** : Ennis/Jack  
**Disclaimer** : Annie Prouxl owns the timeless characters in BBM. I'm writing from love and making no profit.  
**Summary** : AU!AU set in San Francisco ; Jack Twist had a chance encounter with a veterinarian one day, didn't know the shy vet, and his black and white terrier, would have a permanent place in his heart.  
**My Deepest Thanks** always to Judy (**judybluecat**), the ultimate beta!  
**Feedback** : means the world to me:)

**Chapter 20 "A Fighter in You"**

"Ennis…"

"Please, Martha," Ennis said resignedly and turned his back to lock the door of the clinic. "I don't want to talk about this now."

"When do you want to talk about this? That David Mills guy could come back anytime and take Flea away."

"He said he will be back in a week."

"God, yes, now you're talking!" Martha was pretty mad and that made him a little uncomfortable. "He will be back in a week, after his house has been fully furnished, and he will…Take. Flea. Away."

Ennis squirmed, gazed down at Flea who looked like he was freezing in Martha's arms. She covered him with her thick scarf, with only his pointed ears and big eyes popping out from the puddle of cloth, but still his little body was shaking from the cold weather.

He thought back to David Mills and his son—Tommy. The boy looked happy tonight, giddy and jumpy like a kid his age should be, unlike before. Ennis remembered the time when Tommy used to come to play with Flea on the way back from school, sometime alone, sometimes with his friends. The clinic became a small playground, either Drew or Martha always acting like a mother hen, hollering for them to go home when the clock struck five, but he could tell they were having a good time as well. But happiness was short-lived 'cause the parting at the end of the day was always full of sorrow. Tommy pouted, eyes turning glassy with unshed tears as he cuddled the little dog. Flea was just a puppy back then. Ennis had no idea if Flea remembered Tommy. But the boy sure remembered him.

Flea whined a little, his breath came out rough, and Ennis reached out to scratch the dog's ear, flicking his eyes to meet Martha. "Is it okay if I ask you to take Flea tonight?"

"Yes, it's not the first time. Mama Jane sure missed him. Last time, she called him Little Fart but he still wagged his tail her way." Martha glared at him. "But are _you_ alright?"

"I'm fine," he muttered.

"Are you sure?"

"Yep, why?" He dared to look up at her.

"You're wearing sunglasses in the middle of the night, Ennis."

Although her reflection through the camouflage of his sunglasses was duller than normal, and even though his eyes were still pretty sore from all the crying, there was no mistaking that Martha was narrowing her eyes at him, suspecting something was wrong. Ennis sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "I'm ok, really."

Martha shook her head and simply held out her hand for the key. "Promise me you will think hard, really hard about how to deal with that David Mills guy. Don't do anything stupid. You have to fight for Flea. You've been with Flea all this time, not them. They can't just waltz in and claim him like he is some toy. You know what I think? The father just wants to win his son's heart now that the parents are divorced. His experience with dogs might be zero and how can we let Flea live with him?"

"But Tommy is just a kid, Martha. And you saw how much he loves Flea."

"And you love Flea, everyone sees that, and Flea loves you, too. He wouldn't want to be with Tommy," she said, strong, and Ennis realized how true it was. He loved Flea and Jack adored him, too. The little dog was like one of the connections between them, a big part of what had led them to the point where they were now. Ennis swallowed and felt Martha's eyes still on him. She hugged Flea tighter to her chest. "Anyway, you can pick him up anytime tomorrow. Call me first. I should be home all day but call first, just in case. Bring Jack if you want, I'm sure he will love Mama Jane's cooking. And Ennis," Martha gently touched his arm, didn't leave no gap for him to argue. "Please, don't do anything stupid, ok? There're always other ways out. Always."

He nodded, stiffly, and exchanged a good night and a happy new year with her along with a loose hug, didn't even counter her thought about bringing Jack to her house tomorrow. Well, maybe he did want to bring Jack, wanted to be himself at least in front of one person in San Francisco.

Ennis jammed his hands in the pockets of his brown coat as he felt a shiver run down his spine. Only the thought about coming out chilled this bones. To make it worse, his mind kept on reviewing image after image of Tommy and Flea together and he felt a prick of tears in his eyes. Shit, he wasn't going to cry again, or else he might not be able to take off these fucking sunglasses forever.

What would he tell Jack about the damn sunglasses anyway? Could he just tell him he got pinkeye? Ennis rubbed the corner of his eyes behind the sunglasses. Jack knew him inside and out, there was no way he would believe Ennis's ridiculous lie. So he might as well consider telling Jack the truth, that his postcard made him weep like a girl. His eyes turned all puffy, he had to grab an old pair of sunglasses that he had kept almost forgotten in the drawer to cover them.

But…it wasn't all that bad. The road he saw was clear, even when it was still dimmed by the damn sunglasses. There was Jack, at the end of the road, waiting for him.

--

"He's cute," Grant said finally after a long moment of looking at the pictures in Jack's digital camera. Although there was only one picture of Ennis (taken with Flea) the night they had a nice stroll around the Salt Lake Temple, Jack knew Grant was talking about Ennis. "And this little dog should be a cover boy for some dog magazine. He's a natural in front of the camera."

Jack chuckled. "Flea is the man, super friendly with strangers and flirting even with dogs twice his size."

Grant laughed and gave the camera back to Jack, stretched his legs and crossed his ankles. Though his face and tone changed almost instantly when Brent walked past them with some friends. He waited until Brent was swallowed by other groups of people to ask, "What did Brent say to you?"

"Ah," a heavy sigh, "that he isn't going to give up on me."

"I thought he was joking when we talked a few days ago."

"You talked?" Jack turned to face Grant, brow furrowed.

"He was pretty wrecked and I just talked with him so he didn't end up drowning himself in beer and liquor."

Jack rolled his eyes. "You did this, didn't you?"

"I didn't do this on purpose. What am I supposed to do? I am a group leader in the therapist session. I can't tell him to go to hell or jump off the roof or something." Grant gave him a squeeze on his forearm. "He's just being honest about his feelings, Jacky, like you were with yours. You can't stop a man from feeling something for you."

Jack groaned. "What the heck am I supposed to do?"

"Nothing. Just believe in yourself and Ennis. When he realizes he can't win you back, or if he sees that Ennis is good enough, I know he'll leave you be. Besides, being a good-looking banker who loves partying, I don't think Brent would stay single for long."

"But it's like I have to live up to his judgment and I hate it. I don't have to, you know."

"I know. That's one of the reasons why I date Lee. People think I'm crazy dating a kid a hell of a lot younger than myself. But I don't know, it's kinda fun."

Jack, feeling a bit uplifted, smirked at Grant. "I like the wild Grant Bennett."

Grant winked. "I like him, too."

"And I don't think you're crazy…" Jack's face cracked with a wide grin. "…but you're dating a crazy man. There's a difference in that."

Grant threw his head back and laughed. Jack heard footsteps and soon he felt a man's arm locked around his neck, heard Lee growl, "Will you people ever stop talking about me behind my back?"

"Oops," Grant said, though he didn't sound sorry, his voice muffled because his neck was locked by Lee's other arm. With one last squeeze, Lee let go and handed each of them a can of Budweiser, smacked Jack's head and flopped down on the ground near Grant, draping his arm on Grant's thigh.

"Hey!" Jack howled when the beer spattered out of the can and hurriedly licked the foam. They were sitting and sipping beer in comfortable silence. Jack sneaked a look at Grant who was combing Lee's reddish-brown hair idly, both looking pretty content, and Jack found himself smiling into his beer. He wished Ennis could let him play with his curls like this, too, out in the open and not caring about the world. _Maybe one day_.

"Ah," Grant blurted out suddenly, almost startled Jack. "I still owe you the story about Mona."

Jack grimaced. "Should I worry?"

"No. She just thought I was you."

"And you tell me I shouldn't worry?" Jack's eyes went round as Grant continued.

"I already told her I'm not dating Ennis but just happened to take my cat to the clinic. She said she found my name card, the one I gave Ennis with your address on the back. So she came to see me 'cause she thought, well, you know. Obviously she picked the wrong side of the card."

"What happened next?"

"Nothing." Grant shrugged, sipped his beer. "I gave her a cup of coffee."

"That was it?" Jack blinked, Grant shrugged again.

"Not really. I had a therapy session that day. She asked whether she could join, as an observer, of course."

"Mona wanted to join the therapy session?" Now Jack was bewildered.

"Yes," Grant said and crossed his arms when the wind blew in from the ocean, thinking back to that day. "We got a few new faces that day, high school kids, and we talked about how their parents treat them about being gay. They were quiet so A.J. helped out by talking about his father."

"That S.O.B," Jack growled, remembered his friend A.J. who used to get beaten by his father back in the day.

"Yeah. And then one of the kids started talking and Mona just started to…cry." Grant shook his head. "And she excused herself from the room and just left."

Jack flicked his eyes out to the outline of the Bay Bridge which was dotted by lights. He wondered what had happened to this cheerful woman he had met once at the party. Ennis said he would talk to her when they were back to San Francisco. Had they talked yet? Maybe not, Jack could just picture Ennis busy with the clinic after a week of being away.

Jack straightened his back. "You don't think she is, you know, into women, do you?"

"I don't think so." Grant shook his head. "But I have a feeling I will see her again. She has enough guts or else she wouldn't show up alone at the Velvet that day."

"Yeah."

"Come on, let's deal with that later." Grant was being Grant, patting his shoulder and cheering him up, and with a half-hearted nod, Jack leant back on the bench.

He listened to the sound of the ocean waves hitting the bay and people's voices talking and laughing, his eyes wandered around the place as he sipped the last drop of his beer.

Their friends from the Velvet were sitting and standing in small groups, chatting about stuff, shoving and running after each other. Brent was still out somewhere and Lee was sitting on the ground with outstretched legs, resting his head on Grant's thigh, his eyes closed. He looked like he was getting high and Jack didn't wonder a bit why. Being here with Grant after God knew how long he had been hiding his feelings; now it must feel like heaven.

It was 11:40 when his cell phone rang. A wide, dimpled smile split his face when he saw the caller ID. _Finally_. He pushed the button. _My own little piece of heaven_. "Ennis? You got here?"

"Yeah. I just got off the cable car. Where are you?"

"Pier 39. Where did you get off?"

"Embarcadero."

"I'll see you there then."

"Million of people are here, Jack," Ennis said. "It's like I'm watching trains of ants crawling out of their holes."

Jack smiled when Ennis compared things with animals, the way he hadn't done for sometime now. "I can always find you. Just stay where you are."

Jack patted Grant's shoulder, who was shooing him off with his hand, and started to run.

It wasn't difficult to spot Ennis because his blond hair kinda looked blonder from the street light, whereas his freckles seemed to be darker. His curls were going crazy but he looked as good as Jack remembered. Though there was definitely something wrong with him.

"Hey," Jack stopped just in front of Ennis, panting a little and swept his eyes all over the man in a brown sweater. "What's up? You alright?"

A shrug, then Ennis looked down at his shoes, mumbled, "Yeah."

"But you're wearing sunglasses twenty minutes before midnight, Ennis."

The corner of Ennis's mouth crooked up a little at that. He had prepared for this. "Too much glare from the fireworks. Better be prepared."

"Ah, nice try." Jack reached out to the sunglasses. Ennis had prepared for this, too, still he could not help but freeze, his mouth turned into a thin line with nervousness, and being as caring and understanding as Jack was, he waited for some sign from Ennis.

Ennis simply stood still. His breath came out slowly when Jack took the sunglasses off his eyes, as if he had been waiting for someone to do this; taking off the mask, taking the weight off of him. He rubbed his face, in a poor attempt to cover his swollen eyes, but it wasn't fast enough for Jack not to notice. But to Ennis relief, Jack wasn't panicked. He gently caressed below Ennis's eye with the tip of his thumb, a faint smile on his lips. "Want me to kiss it and make it better?"

"Um, don't think it can get any better. I've spent like…Christ…an hour…this, you know," he swirled his finger in front of his eyes. "Thought I would die from dehydration."

Ennis frowned when he realized he had made a joke at his own poor self. Jack tugged his ear, "Come here then." And Ennis stumbled into Jack's embrace, closed his eyes as he was hugged tightly. Jack whispered into his ear. "Bad day?"

"God, you have no idea." His voice was muffled by Jack's shoulder.

Jack squeezed and let go, finally realized they weren't alone. He craned his head to look at him. "Do you want to go someplace quiet?"

_Oh hell, yes_, Ennis wanted to say. The warm and safe shell was calling out for him to burrow his head back in. But Ennis shook his head. No, tonight was Jack's night. Jack whose postcard totally saved his day, helped him out of the dark into the light of the day. And if Jack wanted to see fireworks and hang out with his friends then it would be something Ennis would do.

"It's ok." He cleared his throat.

"Alright," Jack said, voice measured. "Come on," Jack nudged him gently for a stroll to Pier 39, keeping the sunglasses in his shirt pocket. But the way was blocked almost completely, which wasn't surprising 'cause it was now only fifteen minutes to midnight. They exchanged glances when the man in front of them hauled his son up on his shoulder. An idea struck and Jack bumped Ennis's shoulder. "Let's move back where the view is clearer. Come on."

It must have been a while that they just walked side by side against trains of people who were heading to the waterfronts. They were almost to Market Street when people around them started to count, whistling and yelling with excitement.

"Five, four, three…" Jack joined the counting, too, grinning like a kid waiting in line for his favorite ice cream, gripping Ennis's wrist as the countdown continued. "…two, one."

"Happy New Year!!" People screamed when fireworks boomed in the sky, looking like huge red, orange, silver popcorns splitting into hundreds and hundreds of colorful pieces. Jack wanted to kiss Ennis, and he did, damn those sidelong glances from others. Then again, they were cerebrating 2007, who the hell cared who kissed who anyway.

He grabbed Ennis's face and kissed him on his mouth. "Happy New Year, Ennis."

"Um…" Ennis enveloped Jack in a bear hug. Blue and gold fireworks exploded above their heads again but Jack could hear Ennis murmur a _Happy New Year_ on his shoulder. He let Jack go with a pat on his back and turned away from him, looking up at the spectacular fireworks in the sky.

Jack was hypnotized as he looked closely at the side of Ennis's face. His cheek glowed but the rims of his eyes were a little red and fluffy, slightly swelling, too. He had been crying. But now colorful lights were blooming in Ennis's golden eyes, the eyes that Jack loved, the eyes that were now back to fix on him. "I got your card," he said softly. "Thank you. That, that means a lot to me, really."

Jack smiled like a fool, until his face hurt. "You're very welcome."

They ended up cocooning on the small wooden-frame loveseat at the corner of Grant's studio-type room after Jack had called Grant and said they wouldn't be back to the waterfront after the fireworks show ended. Grant shooed him off to his place where a small private gathering would be held later in the night. He even told Jack where the spare key was kept and Jack could just picture Lee fuming if he knew Grant had treated him special like this again.

Pepe greeted them once and went back to her favorite place on the sofa, leaving Jack and Ennis alone on their own. With a cup of hot Mocha for Ennis and a cup of tea for Jack, they settled on the loveseat together, heads jammed against the soft red velvet fabric as they shared stories in the pale orange light from the only lamp in the room, cell phones shut off to prevent any kind of intruders.

"How was the dinner at Dr. Brown's?" Jack asked, turning his head to rub his cheek on Ennis's hair. Ennis scooted even closer as Jack's finger drew a figure-eight on Ennis's jeans-clad thigh which was now aligning with his own.

"Sucked. Alma was there, too, almost told Dr. Brown about us. And Dr. Brown wants me to go to Boston and Seattle."

"You don't want to go?" Jack asked and felt the movement of Ennis's head which he figured was a shake _'no'_, as his curls tickled Jack's neck. "Oh."

"I hate seminars. I want to be at the clinic, not that I want to see lots of sick dogs. I just want to do my job which is curing sick animals."

"You want to be a vet who cures dogs rather than a vet who works with papers and aims for the Nobel Prize."

Ennis grunted, and with that he reached out for Jack's hand. They looked at the top of their fingers caressing one another for a quiet moment before Ennis said, "I was thinking it would be a hell of a lot easier if I could just punch them all like I did with Rick and just walk out the door." A long pause and Jack patiently waited for what Ennis had to say next. "…Jesus, I can't believe I punched Rick like that."

It was the first time Ennis talked about the "Rick incident" after they came back from Wyoming. Both of his hands were holding Jack's now, naturally seeking comfort without him noticing it. Jack made a voice in his throat and waited for Ennis to continue, which he did. "I think I got his nose. There must have been blood for sure. The last time I did that was in high school and God it was crazy."

"Oh, that basketball player." Jack smiled a little and bumped Ennis's shoulder. "Tell me about him."

Ennis chuckled now, looked up at Jack's face and rested his head back on Jack's again. "Six feet three and very stupid. Didn't know a damn thing about biology and he failed mathematics more times than I could remember…green eyes, long fingers. He was…he made fun of me, saying something like a geek like me would die a virgin. The next thing I knew, I was pinning him down, punching him like he was some sack. He went to the prom with his mother's foundation powder in his trouser pocket so he could cover a black ring around his eyes."

Jack frowned. He didn't expect any physical details of that man from Ennis but somehow he wasn't surprised to hear it. Ennis was rubbing his hand as his murmur switched to silence. Jack bent down, trying to pull Ennis back from his time traveling. He thought he knew now why Ennis punched that guy. "You sorry you did that?"

"No."

"But you liked him, right?"

Ennis pursed his lips and blinked slowly, thinking. He shrugged, at last. "Maybe."

Jack searched for Ennis's mouth with his and kissed him. Their mouths parted with a sigh from both of them. Jack grinned. "But you knocked him flat on his back." Ennis shrugged, again, but was smirking nonetheless. Jack pretended to be wide-eyed. "I have to be good then."

"No, I would never hurt you. Not again."

A caress on Jack's cheekbone where the bruise used to be, a promise of the world.

Ennis's hand crept up to tangle in Jack's hair when their mouths met for real. Jack tasted of sweetness, not sugar which he was pretty sure Jack didn't put in his tea. The sweetness tempted Ennis to touch his lips again, licking and nibbling leisurely. Jack tasted like some kind of fruit.

"What is this tea?" Ennis murmured. Jack eased off his chest and grabbed the cup of tea from the coffee table.

"Blackberry." He took a sip and handed it to Ennis.

Blackberry tea tasted like blackberries and something else that was sweeter, Ennis noticed as he sipped the tea, honey maybe. Jack was punching the big throw pillow and leant his back on it, stretched his long legs across the length of the loveseat on Ennis's lap. "You know," Jack started after a while of staring into the dimness of the room. "I was thinking about Alma."

"Yeah?"

"Lee used to say I shouldn't care what she thinks. She shouldn't be acting like she's been betrayed when you and her weren't even dating." Jack slid further into the soft pillow, loving the feel of Ennis's arms draped on his thighs. "She seems like a bad girl in some movie, if we look at it that way."

"But?"

"But," Jack sighed. "I was trying to think from different angles here and the third party in me said 'being friends' does go both ways. I was a bit annoyed at her 'cause I thought she was my friend, so she isn't supposed to ignore me and act all bitchy about us."

"But?" Ennis crooked his brow over the rim of the tea cup at Jack.

"But," Jack smiled now despite anything. Ennis knew him all too well. "Alma has a right to be angry with me, too. I am her friend, I know she likes you and I'm not supposed to throw '_us_' in her face."

"We're not throwing us in her face."

"That's what we think." Jack rubbed Ennis's forearm. "I almost forget how complicated women can be. Much as she says she isn't homophobic, the woman's pride in her sure speaks louder. I was with Brent back then, too. So losing the man she has her eyes on for a gay man like me. I think maybe this part hurts the most."

Ennis looked at his hands that were holding Jack's cup of tea. "Maybe Mona does have a part in this. But I don't want to put the blame on her. What're we gonna do?"

"I will talk to her. I've been avoiding her and she's been avoiding me for too long now. Lureen, our boss, started to suspect and it's not good when we work together. Have you called Mona?"

"Left her a message. She will call back, I guess."

Jack held out his hand and Ennis grabbed it. He thought back to what Grant had told him about Mona early that night. "Grant told me that Mona went to the Velvet the other day. She got the address from Grant's business card. Grant thinks Mona thought he was me."

"Mona thought Grant was you?"

Jack smirked. "Yes, unless you're dating some other guys."

Ennis gave Jack one of his lopsided shy smiles. "Shit, I must have dropped the card when I went to see her before Christmas. She say anything?"

"No. She just showed up and left quietly." Jack left out the crying part.

"That's weird…" Ennis looked thoughtful, his hand unmoving in Jack's grasp and Jack took this moment to just look at him again. Ennis was strangely calm tonight even though he said he had had a bad day. All the talk about Brent, Alma and Mona should have spooked the hell out of him but he didn't even flinch when Jack referred to them as 'we'.

"Hey," Jack tugged his hand. "Anything else bothering you?"

Ennis looked even more thoughtful now and Jack swore he saw a glint of tear in Ennis's eyes. Jack reached out for the cup of tea in his hand, put it on the coffee table and poked Ennis's thigh with his foot for him to stand up.

Ennis flinched. "What're you doing?"

"Let's just…" Jack slid further and was now lying on the loveseat, pulling Ennis down in his arms. He winced a little at their belts that were pressing hard into their skins. So Jack pushed Ennis up a bit and took off his belt first, then reached for Ennis's, belts came flying down to the floor. "This is better."

They shifted until they found the most comfortable spot to lie together on the loveseat. Their feet were both hanging off the end but it was alright. Jack was warm and the skin on his neck was soft under Ennis's lips.

"So?" Jack's hands were rubbing under Ennis's shirt. "Is there anything else you want to tell me?"

"Um…" A sigh. "Flea."

"Flea? What? He sick?"

"No. The boy who bought him to the clinic came to claim him back today."

That was a shock. Jack hadn't prepared for this. "Oh. Shit." They were quiet, both drowned in their own thoughts. "Oh, shit." Jack muttered the same thing again and squeezed Ennis, feeling Ennis weightlessly mold into him.

Jack knew Ennis would give the dog back to the kid, because this was the Ennis whom he had loved from the first day they met, the gentle and kind vet who kept Flea at the clinic almost every night, fed him, cured him, just in case the kid came back to see Flea after his long absence.

Now he had.

And he knew Ennis would rather swallow his own grief than see this kid's sad face. He would rather cry his eyes out alone after Flea had gone with the boy. After Flea had gone with the boy… _Oh, no, Flea'd gone_... "Oh my God."

As if knowing what Jack was thinking, Ennis pushed himself up on his elbow to look at Jack. "Flea's with Martha tonight. The boy, Tommy, and his father will pick him up next week. I won't let him go without you saying goodbye. I know you love him."

Relief and sadness filled Jack at the same time, and Jack couldn't maintain a neutral face anymore. "You love him, too, Ennis, what're you gonna do? Are you going to give up on Flea?"

"I don't know." He lay back in Jack's arm again, snuggled his head in Jack's neck, one of his hands on Jack's chest. "He wears your collar. And he's a smart dog, a bit lazy and flirty but smart. He could hi-five, too." Jack could have jumped up and down with delight now that Flea had finally showed the trick he had taught to Ennis, his Christmas present had finally reached the man he loved. But he found no strength in his bones to even move an inch. Ennis's lips moved on Jack's collarbone. "And hell yeah, I love him."

Jack felt tears in his own eyes as he turned to kiss Ennis's head. "I'm with you, no matter what your decision is."

Ennis pushed himself up to look at Jack again. Jack's blue eyes were glinting in the dim room. He wanted to say something, but instead, he bent down to claim Jack's mouth for a moment and looked down at Jack for the third time. Jack's eyes were doubtful when suddenly Ennis brought his hand on Jack's hair and gently combed the soft strands.

"I..." Ennis whispered, one finger traced the heart shape of Jack's hairline and moved down to the rough chin, tilted it up and planted a tender kiss there. A long sigh escaped from Jack's mouth as he closed his eyes, the world narrowed down to Ennis's lips and tongue that were now slowly dotting on his neck, sucking and licking softly.

_What did he want to say?_ Maybe he wanted to say thank you, you mean so much to me or even _I love you_, but Ennis forgot all about it when he heard Jack moan and caught a handful of his hair. His fingers worked on Jack's shirt buttons, his lips followed the path and Jack's whole body shivered when the cold hit his naked upper body. But Ennis's hands were on his skin now, his big and strong hands, now touching Jack's neck and kneaded down his chest, spreading the heat until Jack couldn't stand it. His back arched, wanting to feel more.

"Jack..." Ennis breathed and watched his thumb caress Jack's nipple.

"Shit, En…nis," Jack gasped when Ennis bent to lick it, softly and careful-like. His chin was bumped by Jack's chest as Jack arched his back uncontrollably and he almost forgot to breathe as he looked down, amazed, at aroused Jack whose face was flushing like he had been running for miles. Ennis's heart skipped a beat, felt the heat creep up from his neck to his face. _He had done this_, Jack panting and beckoning for his touch and kiss like this. Jack beckoning for his love.

Ennis touched Jack's face, waited until he opened his eyes to look at him. Jack whispered something that sounded like his name and drew him in for a kiss.

Their jeans and briefs were pushed down to their knees, the rhythm was built as they kissed and rocked together. Hands tangled in hair, moans and hisses of pleasure mingled with names whispered on their lips. They reached the bliss with deep groans, and again, Ennis looked down at Jack with puzzlement. Jack looked so young and handsome as he smiled contently when Ennis rubbed his damp hair, like a cat, especially when he turned his head and sought Ennis's palm with his nose and mouth and kissed it.

"I love you." A murmur on his palm, sending electric waves to every pole of his body. Jack told him something he had already known, and he should say something back to Jack, too, like how he felt about Jack. But his eyes were clouded by tears again and what he wanted to say stuck somewhere in his chest.

"Shit," he cursed and rubbed his face.

"Ennis Del Mar," Jack grinned, stilling Ennis's hands, his eyes dancing with amusement and affection. "You're not gonna be able to get rid of those sunglasses tonight."

Ennis rolled his eyes and let himself be lost in Jack's laughter.

--

They had just done with the cleaning (Jack's cup of tea somehow turned upside down on the coffee table during the _talking_ they did), put on their jeans and lay back on the loveseat again to make out some more when the door banged open.

"Jacky-Poo, you and your vet got three minutes to dress up civil!!"

That was shithead Lee, shouting from the direction of the door, footsteps of at least five more people came stomping into the room with him.

_Damn it_. Jack and Ennis wrenched their mouths away from each other. The loveseat was near the window with the back to the door so they were safe with only their dangling feet in view. But if they didn't move now, Jack was pretty sure Lee was going to help them get dressed. _Shit_. He sent an apologetic look at Ennis and couldn't help but looked down at his swollen, red, tangible lips again.

"Two minutes!"

"Alright, alright!" Jack shouted and they slid down to the floor, both grabbing their shirts and putting them on.

The introductions were done pretty awkwardly while Ennis looked at each of his friends for less than a second and nodded, kept his eyes on the floor. Jack was sure he wouldn't remember them if they switched shoes. His friends were all smirking and pretended to sniff the air like a bunch of police dogs. Jack shot them a sharp gaze but it was making them bolder. A.J. was sniffing at Jack's neck now and Jack swatted his head like a fly, but smiling anyway.

"Come on, leave them be," Grant said, saving the day. "You boys get the room ready. I'm going to make some sandwiches."

Jack looked back and forth between the kitchen and the living room, his face a bit worried. Ennis gave him a small shove. "I'm helping with the food."

"Ok."

"You cook?" Grant came back with Pepe and led him to the kitchen.

"Yeah, but nothing fancy."

"Good." He smiled big. "We're going to need lots of sandwiches for a bunch of people whose hobby was to vacuum the fridge. Come on."

And Ennis ended up sitting at the counter, making sandwiches and listened to Grant telling him about the action-packed movies they were going to watch soon. The plan was to stay up until dawn, talking like they were summer camping.

Jack came to take the plate of sandwiches later. "What are we having, Grant?"

"X Men, Superman Returns and Fantastic Four."

"Ah, superhero night."

"Oh, yes." Grant chuckled.

"Jack!" Shouts from around in front of the T.V. "Move your ass down here or we'll start without you!"

"Alright," Jack shouted back, planted a kiss on Ennis's head and walked off with a cup of strong coffee in his hand.

And never in a million years would Ennis have seen himself sitting in the kitchen of someone whom he hardly knew, making sandwiches for a group of strangers and feeling calm and peaceful. Maybe it was the miracle of the New Year with Jack, he really did feel ok.

When Ennis, with his second cup of hot Mocha, finally settled on the long sofa with Grant around the back of the living room, X-Men had already run for about 25 minutes. Lee was already snoring soundly with a thick quilt covering him up to his nose. Ten or fifteen minutes later, only Jack and A.J. were still munching on sandwiches and watching TV and the next thing Ennis knew, he felt somebody put a blanket over his body. His eyelids were heavy and the warmth from the soft fabric was so comfortable that he couldn't pry his eyes open to see who was patting his head now. '_Sleep good, Ennis_,' was all he heard as he drifted off to a deep sleep.

--

"Shit," A man's voice startled Ennis from his slumber. He groggily pushed himself up from the sofa and searched for the source of the noise. Grant was feeding Pepe but somehow the cat had stretched her fluffy body and knocked the bowl over. "Ah, sorry, did I wake you?"

"No," Ennis said, rubbed his face and sat up straight. "What time is it?"

"Only six. You can sleep some more."

"Um…" But he didn't go back to sleep.

Ennis washed his face and was greeted by the heavenly smell of espresso that made his mouth water. Grant was holding two cups of coffee in front of the TV, looking down at Lee, Jack, A.J. and two other guys who were still buried in a pile of blankets and pillows, sleeping like logs, leaving Ennis no choice but to join him.

"Thanks." He took the cup from Grant, wincing a little when the first gulp of coffee burnt his tongue. Grant went down on his knees to tug the blanket under the blond-haired man on the far left. The guy shifted to his side and Ennis noticed a long scar on his chin. He asked quietly, "What happened with him? That's sure a big scar."

"That's A.J. His father hit him with a belt when he came out to him a couple of years ago."

"Jesus."

"Real mean bastard." Grant sighed and jerked his head to the curly brown-haired guy sleeping next to him. "That's Zack. He had moved here a half year ago to stay with his aunt when his parents in Houston kinda abandoned him. Lee, you know him, is living with his mother who is still trying to cope with the idea that her son is gay."

"Jesus."

Grant looked sideways at him. "Hey, don't make that face. These kids are fighters. They're stronger than a lot of people you know."

Ennis looked at Grant, then down at Jack and his friends again. They were still peacefully sleeping and snoring softly like babies. Something bloomed in his heart and he had to take a deep breath.

"Are you ok?" Grant asked. Just then Lee rolled to his side and draped his arm on Jack's torso, murmuring something in his sleep. Grant suppressed a laugh and snatched a camera from somewhere around the TV, chuckling. "I'm going to embarrass them with this picture for the rest of their lives."

With that Grant took the picture of Jack and Lee, sleeping with their ruffled heads jammed together and Lee's arm draped over Jack. He moved around with the camera, giggling and taking like a dozen pictures. When he was done, he rushed to turn on his computer immediately. Ennis chuckled at the enthusiasm of the older man and flopped down on the floor and just looked at Jack's sleeping form quietly.

A fighter.

Yes, Jack is a fighter, no doubt about that.

Ennis reached under the blanket to touch Jack's foot, kept his grip around his ankle and caressed his thumb on the skin there, warm like every other part of Jack. The man he loved, his man.

"Hey," a familiar just-woke-up voice drifted into his ears and Ennis looked up to find Jack smiling at him, his eyes red, his hair tousled, but still the most gorgeous man he'd ever seen. "Your hand is cold."

Ennis found it was easy to grin back so he did. Jack simply fell back to the pillow as he stretched his legs and arms like Pepe did when she woke up and brought his body to a sitting position. Ennis held out a cup of coffee and watched Jack take it, purring as he sipped and savored it leisurely, his brow crooked up a little as his lips lazily stretched out to a lopsided grin again when he caught Ennis still looking.

Just seeing Jack like this, smiling easily in front of him, something bloomed in Ennis's heart again.

He had punched that basketball player back in high school. He had punched Rick, too, and it wasn't something a fighter would do. But he fought. Wrong method but he did fight anyway. Now he only needed to think of a right way to deal with stuff. _Can't lose Flea_. The little dog meant so much to him and Jack. _Have to do something.  
_  
A fighter? No, Ennis wasn't born a fighter.

But having Jack Twist by his side, maybe he could be one.

TBC

--

**As always**, thank you so much for reading. The next chapter would probably be posted this weekend. We have 5 chapters left, people.


	21. Chapter 21

**Title** : **You & Me & a Dog Named Flea/Chapter 21 "Flea's Army"**  
**Author** : **fridayblues**  
**Pairing** : Ennis/Jack  
**Disclaimer** : Annie Prouxl owns the timeless characters in BBM. I'm writing from love and making no profit.  
**Summary** : AU!AU set in San Francisco ; Jack Twist had a chance encounter with a veterinarian one day, didn't know the shy vet, and his black and white terrier, would have a permanent place in his heart.  
**My Deepest Thanks** always to Judy (**judybluecat**), the ultimate beta!  
**Feedback** : means the world to me:)

Chapter 21 "Flea's Army"

Ennis woke up on his stomach feeling cold at his feet and he took the moment to just lie there unmoving, listening to the sound of everything around him; the clock ticking, soft music from the neighbor—instrumental, the sound of scooters, a couple of them, from outside the curtain-covered window and Jack's steady, warm breath on his shoulder.

He shifted slowly and carefully to squint his eye up at the clock on the nightstand. Eleven, just two hours after they got back from Grant's place, and Ennis would have gone back to sleep if the thought about Flea hadn't crossed his mind. There was no sound of Flea in the room, and he missed him so badly.

Needed to go to pick up Flea today, needed to call Martha.

With a quick glance at Jack who was still sleeping, Ennis fumbled with the pile of clothes on the floor and took out his cell phone from the jeans pocket. Shit, it had been shut off since last night. He turned it on and the phone blinked to life and told him that he had three messages. The first one was from Carol, wishing him a happy New Year and saying that she'd call again. The second one was also from Carol, more like K.E. 'cause it read _Happy New Yr, man. I'm gonna get a cell soon. Talk 2u later_. Ennis had an image of K.E., looking like a hippy the way he was with long hair and beard, talking on the cell, and had to chuckle. That sure was a sight. Ennis leant back on the bed, pulled his feet into the warmth of the blanket and Jack as he read the next message, the third, and the last one, which was from Mona.

_Happy New Year, Tiger. We keep on missing each other's calls. You doing anything tomorrow? Call me_.

Ennis read the message again and without thinking, he punched Mona's number. He didn't expect the voice mail service saying she wasn't available to take the call. It took him a quiet moment before he finally snorted into the phone.

"You're right," Ennis chuckled softly, "…our timing sucks. Let's just meet, ok? Um…can you go to the clinic tomorrow? It's my day off but I have something to do there. I have so many things to tell you and…" Ennis swallowed. "It's been a long time since we last hung out together. I have a lot of things to tell you. And…ah…happy New Year to you, too."

He hung up and stared into the emptiness. Jack shifted to his side and Ennis instinctively stretched out his arm so Jack could snuggle closer to his chest. He looked down when Jack murmured something only to find those huge blue eyes looking at him. Ennis frowned a little. Jack looked too focused, eyes gleaming and bright, unlike someone who had just woken up. "Have you been spying on me?"

A slow grin on his lips. "Not intentionally. But I can pretend to go back to sleep."

"Smartass."

Ennis growled, halfheartedly, and pinned Jack back on the bed, a laughing Jack who took the phone away from his hand and bent Ennis's neck down for a kiss.

"Um," Jack hummed. "You talked to Mona?"

"Left her a message, again. Our timing sucks, it seems." Ennis shifted onto his side. Jack did the same and propped himself up on his elbow, looking down at Ennis.

"Tell me about her."

"Mona? Well, she and Carol are best friends, so similar and so different at the same time. Carol is like a man, never fussing. She would just observe you from far away, like a mother horse looking at her foal that had just been born, not giving it a single nudge until it could stand by itself."

"U-huh" Jack stared at him.

"But Mona is…what should I say…she pushes, for my own good, I know. She's concerned and it's good to know that she cares. But sometimes, she pushes me too fast, and too hard, and I have a feeling I want to step back rather than to walk on. You know what I mean?"

Jack smiled. "Carol told me that you're like a turtle."

"A what?"

"A turtle. She said you would shrink back into your shell when someone nudges you with a stick."

Ennis groaned. "Nice."

That brought a chuckle from Jack. "Don't you think Mona knows you, too? I think she does but for whatever reason, she doesn't want to follow in Carol's footsteps. She nudges you with a stick anyway, like I did."

"Like you did?"

"Ennis," Jack's face softened. "You have any idea how I've been trying to get inside that thick head of yours? It's like pushing a rock up a mountain."

"Then why did you do it?"

There was no sarcasm in Ennis's voice. His golden eyes were full of doubt and something else; a flash of hurt that he was trying to conceal.

"Cause it's beautiful." Jack scooted over and lay down on Ennis's pillow, gazing at him close and steady. "Why do you think people risk their lives to climb the Himalayas? It's worth it once they reach the top."

"Is it?"

"Damn right." Jack grinned and squeezed Ennis with his strong arms. Ennis pushed his chest away a little so he could look at him, eyes round in pure wonder.

"How do you do that?"

"What?"

"Being so…" Ennis shook his head, trying to find the right words for what he wanted to say. "…strong and optimistic."

Jack had on his sad smile. "I just try to be strong. I've been growing up alone. I don't have a Carol or a Mona, or a K.E. to back me up. My dad is mean and I feel so sorry for my mom that I don't have a heart to blame her when she let Dad hit me."

"Shit, Jack."

"I'm just trying to be strong, stick to my guns and reach for what I want, things that are important in my life."

"Like how you got on the Ferris wheel to feel the stars closer."

Jack mock-grimaced. "Jesus, you make me sound like a girl."

"Hmm."

"And you should know by now I'm not at all strong when it comes to you. You practically make me weak in the knees."

Ennis smirked. "Now you sound like someone in a soap opera."

"Desperate Housewives?"

Ennis laughed and flipped Jack on his back, ending the small wrestling match with him on top. Jack's laughter faded a little as seriousness eclipsed the smile on Ennis's face. He caressed Ennis's lips and jaw with the pad of this thumb. Ennis exhaled. "Jack."

"Yeah?"

"You're my best friend and…something more. What I'm trying to say is…"

"You don't have to say anything," Jack whispered, parting Ennis's lips with his thumb. "Remember what I said in Riverton? We're going to go slow. You're not ready to say…whatever you wanna say to me, but you're ready to hear it from me. That's good enough for now."

"Really?"

"Really." Jack surged up to kiss him and Ennis suddenly wanted Jack to know how he felt. He pressed Jack down on the mattress and deepened the kiss, letting his body speak for him. Did Jack know? Ennis felt Jack's smile on his lips.

Yeah, he did.

- - -

"Think we have to get up soon. I don't have shit in the fridge. Need to go shopping." Jack stretched and rubbed his eyes.

Ennis pushed himself up to sit on the bed. "Need to pick up Flea from Martha, too."

"Yeah." Jack squeezed his arm and jumped off the bed. Ennis scrabbled with his phone, could feel the heat on his face when he caught a glimpse of Jack's naked back as he searched for Martha's number. She greeted him with her usual loud voice after several rings.

They decided to meet at one o'clock, at Martha's place just outside Hayes Valley. Flea was barking in the background as if he knew she was talking with him and Ennis suddenly felt sad. He must have sighed or simply stopped talking without noticing it 'cause now Martha was comforting him like he was a small kid. "Ennis, we will talk about this Flea situation, ok? I know you don't want to hurt Tommy but we have to do something right. And the right thing is you and Flea together."

"I know…" Ennis grumbled, flicked his eyes to the bathroom where he heard the water running behind the closed door. "Still…"

"And I won't let him go that easily. If you're Flea's daddy, then I'm his freaking aunt. I've been with him almost every night. If you're going to give Flea away, then we have to talk, young man." Martha paused for a few beats and went on in her motherly tone. "Not to mention Drew will kill you, and I have the feeling Dr. Brown might have something to say about this."

"Martha," Ennis stopped her, laughing low at the way she talked about Flea like he was the clinic's official mascot or something. He and Jack weren't the only ones worrying about Flea last night for sure. "I get it, ok? Actually, I want to find a way to keep Flea. We, I mean Jack and I…will think of something."

"Jack, you and I will think of something," Martha said, leaving him no space to feel awkward from referring to them as 'we'. Ennis nodded. "Ok."

"Great." There was a smile in her voice, a relieved smile, he guessed. "See you then, Ennis. Take a walk, smell the air of the New Year. It might help clear your head."

"Yeah, ok."

And they actually took a walk after a quick brunch of hot dogs. The grocery shopping had to wait until later in the day because now they were already late. The street was pretty empty and they chose to walk past St. Mary's Cathedral, something that was not in the plan, and that was why they were fifteen minutes late.

Jack looked up at the mistletoe above his head as he stepped inside the small townhouse with a big red parrot in the cage at the front door. His eyes swept around the comfy room that smelled of home-made bread. He spotted Martha in her green clothes, so colorful, very different from the normal blue scrubs she always wore at the clinic. She was holding a basket of bread and hugged Ennis with her free hand and then turned to him. "Happy New Year, Jack."

"Happy New Year, Martha," Jack said and gave her a hug. "You look great."

"Looking great on the first day of the year would bring great luck." She patted him hard on his back and clutched his wrist as soon as she saw the bead bracelet. "Oh, my, this is gorgeous!"

"It was a present." Jack could hardly prevent his face from breaking into a stupid grin. "They're African beads."

"I know. I have a bead necklace, too, not as beautiful though."

Jack heard Flea's bark echo in the small room before his little body rushed out of the corner, which Jack assumed led to the kitchen. He stood on his back feet and scratched Jack's calves like crazy. Jack had to bend down to stroke Flea, trying to calm the little dog from the excitement of seeing him.

"Hey, buddy. How're you doing?" Jack whispered and flopped down to sit Indian-style on the floor. Flea still ran around, barking as he kind of pawed Jack's back, asking for more attention. Jack laughed. "What? It's been only three days since you last saw me."

Yep!

Another sharp bark. Maybe that was his way to say no, three days had already been too long.

Ennis sat in front of him and Jack looked at his soft expression when Flea jumped on his lap. He wondered if the father of the boy had looked at Ennis when he asked to take Flea back. Maybe not or else he wouldn't do what he did unless he was a heartless man.

Jack sighed and that switched Ennis's attention his way. He thought Ennis was going to say something but somehow Martha's footsteps stopped him. The next thing he knew, she flopped down on the floor with them, forming a small circle of three people and a dog. "So? What're we gonna do about Flea?"

Jack turned to Ennis as if he wanted to ask the same question. Ennis pressed his lips tightly into an unwavering line. "Need to find a Boston terrier puppy. But I doubt if someone's going to sell us one at this time of the year."

"We don't know yet," Jack said. "It's New Year. Maybe someone wants a pup for a present."

"Nobody's selling anything today, Jack."

"It doesn't have to be today." Martha tossed in her thought, then she looked at both of them with wide, horrified eyes. "God, what if his house is ready like tomorrow? No, Flea can't stay at the clinic. We can't let that man find him before we can think of something. You have to take him, Jack." She snapped her fingers as another thought crossed her mind. "How about we find this David Mills and talk to him first?"

"How?" Jack wondered.

"I think we have Tommy's mother's phone number at the clinic. Remember once when he stayed so late we had to call his mother to pick him up?" Ennis nodded, forehead creased with worry, but he didn't say anything, just stroked gently on Flea's belly. "If we can't find the mother's number, we'll move heaven and earth to find him."

"I'll help," Jack said, redirecting Ennis's attention with a squeeze around his wrist. "I'm gonna take him to work with me. Screw my boss. And I'm going to help you find a pup. It's going to be ok, Ennis."

Ennis looked slowly back and forth between them, his heart expanded, and he nodded again, stronger this time. "Ok. I'll talk to the father as soon as we find him. I'm damn good with talking, you know it. _Christ_."

He groaned and earned a gentle shove from Jack whose blue eyes were now shining with affection. Martha's laughter drifted in the air. The heavy tension that had been lingering around them abruptly departed.

"Right, Mr. Big Talker," Martha snorted. "Alright. Let's get back to our original program. We have pork ribs in gravy and mash potatoes. Be ready in ten minutes."

"Martha," Ennis called out before she walked off. "Thanks."

She simply shrugged and looked down at Flea who was stretching his front legs and rolling on his back, exposing his white, fluffy tummy for more tickling. She chuckled. "You spoiled, little brat."

She walked to the kitchen with louder chuckles, Flea barked and followed her as if to ask '_What's so funny?_'

Jack gazed after Martha until she disappeared with Flea. The suspicion that she knew about the true relationship between him and Ennis was beyond question now. He swore she saw their matching bead bracelets and there was a faint smile on her lips when their eyes met later.

"Are you sure you can take Flea to your office?" Ennis asked out of the blue, bringing his gaze back.

"No," Jack grimaced. "I'm pretty sure pets are not allowed into the building. But Grant could help 'cause he works only at night. Besides, Flea and Pepe get along just fine." Ennis made a sound in his throat which Jack assumed was something between 'good' and 'bad'. He shook Ennis's knee. "But Ennis, are you sure this is what you want? I know you don't want to hurt Tommy."

"Yes," Ennis bit his lip. "There're so many memories with Flea, about you and me. You love him."

"I told you I would be with you no matter how you decide. You don't have to do this for me."

"I have to, I want to." Jack's heart skipped the beat at the simple admission. "And this is not just for you. I'm doing this for me, too. I love Flea…"

Jack flicked his thumb on Ennis's cheekbone. "Ok, then. Let's do this."

After lunch and a brief stop to grab Ennis's clothes and personal belongings at the clinic, they went grocery shopping, got back to Jack's place at seven and started searching for info on Boston terrier breeders from the internet right away. They curled and rolled on the bed, working on Jack's laptop, taking notes, the sound of Flea playing with his squeaking stuffed friends echoing in the small room.

Ennis stopped once to feed Flea and to warm up the frozen beef lasagna they had bought from Trader Joe's for dinner. He called one of the puppy farms in Berkeley while he waited for the microwave to beep, but hearing the message that the farm would be closed until January 5th, something he had prepared for, was still very disappointing.

"So?" Jack asked from the bed. Ennis sent him a sad smile when the microwave beeped. "Shit. Didn't someone want a pup for a New Year's present?"

"They'll open on the fifth," Ennis said, and took the lasagna to the table.

After the meal, Ennis went back to the laptop, gluing his eyes on page after page of Google hits, while Jack rinsed the dishes. Jack called a few dog farms in Oakland only to find out that they didn't have Boston terrier puppies. When he asked for help, they suggested the farms in Boston; what a bad joke.

He must have fallen asleep at some point because now the room was dark, and Ennis was tucked under his chin, his body still a little stiff. Jack tightened his arms around Ennis, suddenly wanting to be the thick, comfy shell, keeping Ennis safe and sound at least for a night.

- - -

It was seven the next morning when Ennis woke up on his stomach feeling cold at his feet. He opened his eyes just above Jack's ruffled head, withdrew his feet into the blanket and buried his nose into the soft strands of Jack's hair. He closed his eyes again and listened to the sound of the clock ticking, soft music from the neighbor—different from yesterday, but still instrumental, the sound of cars and motorcycles from outside the curtain-covered window and Jack's warm breath on his neck. It was almost like yesterday morning except that he heard Flea shifting in his little bed at the corner of the room. And it was like the last piece of the puzzle that completed the picture of a perfect morning to wake up to.

Ennis snapped open his eyes. He had a feeling a fighter Ennis wanted to act early today.

"Jack?"

"What?" A half-irritated murmur and Jack buried his face deeper in Ennis's chest. He groaned when Ennis shook his shoulders.

"Come on, you have to go to Grant's."

Yawning, Jack rolled to hug the pillow and listen to the sound of the water running in the bathroom. It was far better than the music coming from his Mozart-crazed neighbor. Jack smiled and greeted Flea who was wagging his tail at the side of the bed. "Hey, come up here."

He knew it was a bad habit to let a dog stay in your bed. But he couldn't help it. He loved playing with Flea's soft hair and he was so damn cute. God, what would he do if he couldn't see him again?

Jack sat up at the thought as the reality gripped his heart. The time was running short and they only had four days until Saturday. This was so like Armageddon.

After a quick make-out session in front of the bathroom, an inevitable one 'cause a wet Ennis looked so sexy, Jack rushed to take Flea to Grant's, who didn't ask much (they would talk on the phone later, the way they always did) and spent the whole morning at Newsome Publishing searching for info about dog farms. He decided to have a look at dog rescue and adoption, too, just in case they couldn't find any pups.

Alma was at her desk, peering at him once in a while; the tension between them was as heavy as a 16-wheel truck. He knew he had to talk with her, but Jack had priorities. At this moment, Flea came first.

He called Ennis after lunch only to find that the pup farm in Boulder Creek, too, had no Boston terrier for sale at this time of the year. Jack sat still, e-mails were waiting to be checked, stories were waiting to be edited, but he couldn't care less. Jack couldn't spare his attention for anything else, hard as he tried anyway.

Grant called later in the afternoon and Jack told him all about Flea. His desperation must have rung clear in his voice 'cause Grant suddenly agreed to help. He would hunt for a Boston terrier pup from the pet shops in town. "I'll call if there's progress."

"Thanks, Grant." Jack let the air out from his lungs. "We need all the help we can get right now. Ennis doesn't want to give Flea away. I'll help him."

"I think he's doing this for you. Don't need a brain to know you adore the dog."

"But he said he loves him, too. I think he's doing this for himself this time, hanging on to something he loves."

"He's doing this for you, Jacky." Grant's soft chuckles could be heard from across the line. "He's a changed man now, can't you see? You know what I saw in him the first time we met?"

"What?"

"I saw this man with a fragile soul, waiting to be found and handled with care, 'cause with one small touch at the wrong angle, he would shatter to pieces." Jack leant back and looked at the miniature Golden Gate Bridge outside the window, hearing Grant continue. "But he was…he's changed. The Ennis I saw yesterday was…how should I say it…I don't know. But he looks more charming, like he knows he exists and wants to prove it. And you know how a man trying to do something with his sweaty forehead and nerve-wracked, shaking body could be so damn adorable."

Jack laughed. "Man, you sure have imagination. Does Lee know you have a crush on Ennis?"

It was Grant's turn to laugh. "I think he kinda likes Ennis, too, saying he is tall and that he should date someone taller than Jacky-poo and all."

"That shithead," Jack growled, only half-serious.

"Anyway, I'll bring Flea to your office at 5, let's cross our fingers for good news on the pup."

"Thanks, Grant."

"Stay tough, boy."

Jack still looked at the Golden Gate Bridge even after Grant had already hung up. What had happened during the past few days was rewinding inside his head again like the reel of a movie; the fireworks, the slumber party at Grant's, two days of waking up with Ennis and mirror-sharing in the bathroom before a major make-out session that followed this morning. He still couldn't believe how they had been acting like a real couple, like lovers. Jack winced, feeling a bit fuzzy and funny at the thought, so that he let out a nervous chuckle.

Damn, he needed to gather himself together and get back to work now. _Time is running out._

_- - -_

"Is she home?" Martha asked, irritated when Ennis just listened to his cell quietly. "Well?"

Ennis sighed before his body jerked like he had touched fire. "Oh, hi, hi," Ennis stuttered into his cell as a woman's voice broke the dial tone in his ear. "Mrs. Mills? No? Oh, I'm sorry. You're divorced…"

Martha rolled her eyes.

Martha and he seemed to have connected brains for they both went to the clinic even though it was the day off, and spending all day searching for Tommy's mother's phone number which they had finally found written on the back of the wall calendar just a minute ago.

"I'm calling from the vet clinic…" Ennis's stutter continued. "I'm Ennis Del Mar um…Mrs…ah Ms? Oh, Ms. Pickel_what_? Pickelwartz?" Martha snorted but schooled her face to stay serious. Ennis rolled his eyes at her this time.

He ended up explaining the situation to Ms. Pickelwartz and she gave the phone number and address of Tommy's father to him, with an earful of complaint on how impossible it was that the man would be able to take care of a dog since he couldn't even take care of his own son. Ennis's heart fell. He couldn't let Flea live with that man. But how the hell he could say no to him?

Martha wondered the same thing and was asking what he had just asked himself as soon as he put his phone down. "What're you going to say to him?"

"The truth, I guess." Ennis rubbed his eyes. "That I can't give Flea away. I'll propose the puppy deal to him."

Ennis grabbed the notepad with Mr. Mills' number and retreated to call him outside the clinic, hoping the cold would help chill his mind.

As expected, Mr. Mills didn't handle the news very well. But he agreed to meet with Ennis at the café called Steps of Rome on Columbus Avenue in an hour.

He must have stayed rooted to the pavement for a long time because when Mona showed up, with her newly-cut short hair, he found himself shaking from the cold. Ennis summoned a weak smile at her but Mona didn't buy it. "What happened, Ennis?"

Ennis straightened his back and looked her in the eye. "Many things happened, Mona. And I want to tell you everything. Can you go with me for a couple of hours?"

The Steps of Rome café was pretty crowded today, but their table was in a private corner. Ennis didn't tell Mona everything like he had promised, not now. He just told her about Flea, how he would try to persuade Tommy's father to agree to the puppy deal. Mona was patient. She was quietly drinking her coffee and just looked at Ennis with huge eyes and a puzzled stare.

Mr. Mills arrived on time. He looked tired and they shook hands awkwardly, sat back on their respective chairs and just stayed silent.

Ennis looked down at the bead bracelet and inhaled deeply. Looked like he would have to start first. "Mr. Mills. I have to confess that I've been trying to figure how to talk to you. I'm not…I'm not very good at talking. You might think this is no big deal, just about a dog. But this is very important so I think I'm going to be honest with you."

David Mills looked at him square in the eyes. Ennis was aware of Mona's stare on him, too, and his palms started to sweat. He had to clap them together between his thighs.

"I'm listening, Dr. Del Mar."

"Ok." Ennis swallowed. "I can't let you have Flea. You might think I'm a selfish guy, taking a dog away from your son. But this dog is special. He…" He sighed. "I'm in love with a man, Mr. Mills. I met him just about a month ago and I am scared to death about the feeling I have for him. But this feeling, whatever you may call it, a curse, a disgrace, a…a humiliation, whatever, is making me feel alive. It's like I've been waiting for someone like him to fill the hole in me. This dog is our bond. He's always been with us, when we're happy, sad, even when we fight. And he loves Flea. I…so I can't give Flea to you, Mr. Mills."

Ennis paused and tried in vain to stop his bouncing legs. _Damn it_. He took a deep breath as David's face turned blurry from the sudden tears. Ennis cursed himself for being a crybaby now when he had to be strong. He swallowed, took another deep breath and plunged in.

"I love him, Mr. Mills."

Mr. Mills looked…he didn't know what to call it. It was shock laced with surprise. Ennis didn't dare to look at Mona. Taking yet another deep breath, Ennis decided to pour out everything to this stranger.

"I love him, as much as a man can love someone. I know it can't be compared with the love you have for your son…"

"Don't say that," Mona hissed. "Don't compare love. You can't compare something like that."

"Mona…"

"You can't do that. It's not right." She turned all serious.

Mr. Mills, who looked awakened by Mona's small outburst, held out his hands. "Please, now please, let me say something, ok? I have to say I'm shocked. You don't have to tell me this, it's, it's very personal and it's a very sensitive topic to even discuss with someone you know. I'm almost a stranger to you, Dr. Del Mar. I'm tongue-tied right now but since you're being honest with me, I'm going to try to do the same."

He gathered his thoughts, looked pretty wrecked when he met Ennis's eyes.

"I am a bad father. I was never home and I'd never realized it until my wife wanted to divorce me three months ago. When I look at my own son, I see a stranger, some people's kid whom I know nothing about. I don't know what his favorite food is. But he's been talking about Flea a lot and I never cared to listen until, you know, his mother wanted a divorce. So you can say I'm a selfish bastard but now if Tommy wants Flea, I'm going to do anything to fulfill his wish."

Ennis's heart sank and he buried himself in the chair with a defeated sigh. But he felt a tiny kick in his guts, nudging him to try again. He was just about to open his mouth when Mona kind of hit the table with her palm. He wasn't the only one who was in shock for now Mr. Mills looked at Mona like he was seeing a ghost.

"Please excuse me," she growled, swear to God, she did. "It's time for me to step in, Mr. Mills, I think you misunderstand something. You want to make up to your son, you do it. Don't have a dog do it for you."

Ennis observed the two people in front of him staring at each other. He reached his cold hand for his cup but ended up sipping the emptiness. The waiter slipped close to fill the cup and slipped off just as quietly.

Finally, finally, Mr. Mills moved. He rubbed his face and looked up at them again with bleary eyes, his whole face crumpled and for a minute Ennis thought he was going to cry. And that scared him.

"Mr. Mills," Ennis started but Mr. Mills held up his hands.

"David, please."

"O…ok…" Ennis cleared his throat. "David…"

His hands went higher. "Actually, I haven't finished with my confession yet. Please let me continue." Numbly, Ennis nodded. Mona crossed her arms, looking at David with her fierce psychologist stare, a sight Ennis hadn't seen for a long time. "I don't know crap about dogs. I don't know how and when to feed or bathe them and I doubt if Tommy knows. We've never had dogs before. We used to have goldfishes though. But I don't want to hurt Tommy's feelings any more than I have done with the divorce. Your friend is right. I'm using this dog, but I don't know what else to do."

Mona was looking at him now. Ennis scooted his chair closer. "Have you thought about finding Tommy a puppy?" From the look of David's face, the answer was no. Ennis scooted even closer, his chest now bumped against the table, rocking their coffee cups. He wet his lips nervously. "How about we do this together, David? I don't want to hurt Tommy either. I'm going to try to find puppies and we'll look at them together. Tommy could choose the pup. I can tell you how to take care of it, where to buy the food and stuff, how to bathe him. I would go with you. And I can be his vet and…"

"Dr. Del Mar…"

David stopped him and for the first time Ennis realized that his body was shaking. Mona's hand had been resting on his arm since God knew when. "I'm sorry. I was just…damn. I'm sorry."

"No." David threw his hands in the air. "I'm the bad guy here. God, I can see how close you and Flea are. He can't even remember Tommy and he didn't even lick my hand." He held Ennis's eyes and gave him a wary smile. "So, deal."

"What?" Ennis gasped.

"I'll try to find a way to talk to Tommy. Call me a coward but I might need your back-up. I can't lose my son, Dr. Del Mar, but I want to do the right thing this time. I hope it's not too late." He turned to look at Mona. "So, yes, deal. Let's find a puppy for Tommy."

Ennis heard it; what David said rang clearly in his ear, but somehow he couldn't move. _He wouldn't lose Flea. He and Jack would still have Flea_. Mona's face was animated when she turned to him. Ennis tried to smile but he couldn't. His hands were still cold and shaking a little, his throat dry like he had swallowed sand. "Come on, Tiger," she pushed his shoulder. "Isn't it too late now to faint?"

Slumping from relief, Ennis felt like he really was going to faint. Everything turned white for a few beats and he had to close his eyes to compose himself. Soft chuckles escaping Ennis's mouth at last, as he said thank you and finally clasped hands with David who startled a little. It must be his icy hands that were grabbing his all too powerfully. But David didn't say anything, just looked at him and shook his head slowly. "How do you do that?"

"I'm sorry?"

"You have guts, Dr. Del Mar. You're a very strong character. I'm ashamed of myself."

Ennis thought back to when he had asked Jack the same question. And for the first time, he understood why Jack had said what he did. "I'm not that strong, David. But I'm trying to be. When we have important things in life, we all have to try to be strong enough to take hold of them. I guess…that's what I'm trying to do."

"Yeah, guess you're right," David murmured and reached for his coffee. Ennis observed how he put in two spoonfuls of sugar, took a sip, and cursed under his breath either from the hotness or sweetness of it. "And your friend is right. We can't compare love."

Ennis looked down at the black espresso. Jack was kind of grinning at him from there. He breathed, "No, I guess not."

- - -

"Can you stop pacing?" Martha said calmly but Jack saw her brows knotted with annoyance. Who wouldn't be annoyed? He was annoyed at himself, too, but he couldn't just sit still and wait for Ennis, who was talking with Tommy's father now, somewhere, alone. How the hell could he be calm…like someone?

Jack sneaked a look at Martha, who was fucking knitting behind the counter. He rolled his eyes, careful not to let Martha see it, and slumped his body next to Grant near the aquarium, which startled Flea from his biscuit-chewing on the floor. Grant looked amused. Jack groaned. "Why am I the only one worrying here?"

Martha shrugged. "He'll be doing just fine, Jack."

"Yeah," Grant chuckled. "Why don't you just sit back and relax? And is Flea supposed to eat more of that stuff?"

Jack looked down at Flea and blinked at the rings of excess flesh around his neck. "Whoa, Flea, man, you're getting chubby. Come here. You need exercise, you know?"

Jack loosened Flea's green collar and had begun to really relax when the door of the clinic opened. Ennis, with a big bag in his hand, walked in. Mona followed with a small man in his thirties. Flea barked, startled them all, and they looked at the dog that seemed to be the center of the universe now.

David grunted. "Does he have any idea what is happening?"

"If he does then he is a fine actor." Mona tugged the bag Ennis was holding. "Tiramisu? Anyone?"

Jack was helping David unloading tiramisu from the bag and onto plates when voices were heard from outside the kitchen. It seemed they had started to share the info of what they had been working on; Grant and his hunt for baby Flea from pet shops, Martha and her discovery of a Boston terrier farm in San Diego. Jack could just picture Ennis, and maybe Mona, too, listening with solemn faces.

"This is the last one," David said, putting away the bag. Jack handed the plate of tiramisu to Martha who poked her head in and turned back to meet David's eyes."

"Thank you, Mr. Mills," Jack said, and sincerely meant every word.

"You guys have been very polite and patient with me, I'm so ashamed." David shook his head regretfully. "I was just finding the easy way out. But I'm struck and inspired by what Dr. Del Mar said. I think he deserves all the thanks you all have been expressing to me."

"What Ennis said?"

"Yes." David rinsed his hands. "He said he couldn't give Flea away because the dog is the bond between you two, and he loves you. That takes some guts. It breaks and warms my heart at the same time."

Jack wasn't sure he'd heard right. "He said what?"

"I felt like a villain. I can't take away your precious dog."

It seemed David didn't hear what Jack had asked, for he was now heading out of the kitchen. Jack stood still lost in his thoughts… Jesus Christ, Ennis had told a complete stranger that he loved him.

"Damn, Ennis," Jack closed his eyes, letting the words seep into his soul. _You like making me weak in the knees, don't you?  
_  
The Flea discussion went on around tiramisu and more coffees but Jack still couldn't bring his brain to think. He just sat there, on the floor, next to Ennis, counted his freckles, smelled his faint aftershave and sneaked a kiss or two on his cloth-clad shoulder when nobody was looking.

Flea's Army's meeting, as it was called by Martha, ended about fifteen minutes later without a solid conclusion. But maybe the tiramisu had worked the magic through its heaven-in-your-mouth sponge biscuits, because everyone seemed to be strangely composed, parting with promises to keep the mission of Flea's Army going.

And maybe there was more magic from the little black and white dog that was jogging and sniffing the pavement in his extremely red doggie sweater. Because during the quiet trip back home, Jack found his hand buried in Ennis's coat pocket, their fingers lacing and rubbing, the deadly cold January night an excuse for them to lean in even closer.

Jack swore it was the only thing that kept him from floating to the moon.

TBC

- - -

On to the next chapter...


	22. Chapter 22

Grab your drink and get ready for the ride :)

**Title** : **You & Me & a Dog Named Flea/Chapter 22 "Lost in Space"**  
**Author** : **fridayblues**  
**Pairing** : Ennis/Jack  
**Disclaimer** : Annie Prouxl owns the timeless characters in BBM. I'm writing from love and making no profit.  
**Summary** : AU!AU set in San Francisco ; Jack Twist had a chance encounter with a veterinarian one day, didn't know the shy vet, and his black and white terrier, would have a permanent place in his heart.  
**My Deepest Thanks** always to Judy (**judybluecat**), the ultimate beta!  
**Feedback** : means the world to me:)

**Chapter 22 "Lost in Space"**

_"Say it, Ennis," Jack sucked on his neck. "I want to hear it."_

_"Ah…"_

_"Come on, baby…"_

_Oh God. He crunched his eyes shut tightly, fighting the urge to flip Jack onto his stomach and just do it. Jack called him baby. Baby. Jesus Christ._

_"Um." Jack's mouth on his, the urgency rang clear in his writhing body that was crawling all over him, the moans he was making like invisible hands that pushed him down, down, down and deeper into the dark place. There was no way up now. The way was blocked completely and Ennis felt himself being pulled even deeper into this edgeless space, floating and spinning, gliding and hovering. Lost._

_- - -_

"Ok, how about this, ah…" Grant patted the book in front of him. "…music therapy."

"Music therapy?" Jack echoed. "Why?"

"Because," Grant said slowly, narrowing his eyes on what Jack had been reading ever since they had stepped into the restaurant near Newsome Publishing for lunch some twenty minutes ago. "Wait, you aren't even helping me with this."

"I'm helping."

"You're reading Style at Home. Do you want to redecorate your apartment, buy a new bed or something?" Jack shrugged and flicked his eyes down but he didn't miss Grant's eyes that were narrowing at him even more. "Jacky, you promised me you will not rush this thing with Ennis."

"I'm cool, I'm not rushing anything."

"That's why you're planning to move in with him." Grant snatched another magazine from under his elbow and Jack pretended to rub his arm, refused to look up at the special issue of Elle Décor—The Place for Two, in Grant's hand.

Jack smiled sheepishly. "Well…"

"Jack…"

"I know," Jack said quickly. "I shouldn't have dream this far. But I can't help it. I used to daydream of a house with a backyard, you know, when I was little." He smiled and showed Grant the picture on the page he was looking at -- a small townhouse with a front yard. "Like this. It doesn't have to be big and I would have my desk near the window so I will be the first to see the ice cream truck coming."

Jack recalled the time when a seven-year-old Jack Twist spent most of the day staring out the window of his bedroom and saw nothing but dry, vague land. He was too young to draw his future at that age, but he still remembered the urge to just run and run away, getting as far as he could from this emptiness that surrounded him.

"Wow," Grant chuckled. "I haven't heard people say the word 'ice cream truck' for like a decade. Man, how I miss that stuff."

"Yeah. I would run like a couple of miles from home and wait for the ice cream truck in front of the hardware store. This fat guy with a long, ginger beard who own that store hated me. He yelled at me all the time 'cause I always shouted and made the street dirty with sticky ice cream." Jack laughed softly. "I was a pain in the ass."

"And I want to hug that boy, strangle the fat man's neck with his own damn beard."

Jack smiled. "You can't do that, you're a therapist."

"I won't let him join the group therapy anyway. He has no future, why bother keeping him?"

"Damn, you sound like Lee more and more. I don't know if I should laugh or cry."

"Laugh," Grant deadpanned. "I did that this morning, when I saw I have left dirty dishes in the sink for more than twelve hours."

Jack chuckled. The waiter came back with their order so he handed Elle Décor back to Jack. "You know it takes two to tango, right? Does Ennis know you're looking for a place for two?"

"Plus a place for a dog, and an annex just in case he wants to run his own clinic." Jack blew out a sigh. "He would freak out if he knew. Does it ever occur to you? It's hard sometimes to live in the real word, Grant. I feel like a glass filled with water to the brim. This feeling I have for him, it's this much." He pointed to his throat. "I feel like I would explode or puke if I dare think about him even for a second."

"Which is what you're doing now."

"Exactly," Jack growled to the macaroni salad in front of him. "I never thought I could love someone this much, it scares me. What if…"

"No assumptions." Grant cut him off. "You're doing great, ok?"

Grant's face was so serious that Jack had to nod solemnly. _It takes years to ferment top-grade wine, Jack Twist, no rush in this_, he lectured himself.

"And where is he this Saturday at noon?" Grant asked in between bites.

"Since we can't find Flea's clone on time, we're now moving to Plan B, which is facing Tommy. He is going to meet David and they'll go shopping. I guess there're things he needs to do."

Grant nodded as Jack stabbed his fork in the macaroni, bored, as his appetite ran dry all of a sudden. He shot Grant an accusing stare. "Why did you have to bring Ennis up? Now the picture of that house in the magazine is popping into my head again."

"Sorry." Grant chuckled and changed the subject. "Have to go back to work early?"

"Nah, meeting at 1:30. Have I told you we're going to launch a new gay monthly magazine?"

"Again?" Grant arched an eyebrow.

"Yes, but they said the newly-launched gay magazine from Newsome Publishing wouldn't be a cliché. It would be something very original, not about AIDS or gay rights or something of that sort. Gay people wouldn't feel gay when they read it."

"Meaning…"

"I wish I knew." Jack shook his head ruefully. "It doesn't make sense. Now I already have no life. Can't imagine how overworked we will be at the editing section."

"That reminds me, have you talked with Alma yet?"

Jack put his fork down and sighed. "Why would you have to bring her up?"

Grant shrugged. "That house has popped right out of your head now, I believe."

Jack rolled his eyes at a chuckling Grant. Hell yeah, Alma had just chased the image of the beautiful house away the minute her name was mentioned. _God, how the heck should he deal with her?_

- - -

"Relax." Mona elbowed Ennis from the driving seat. "It's just a shopping trip."

Ennis leant back on the passenger seat, telling himself again that David Mills had talked to Tommy about Flea already. There was nothing he should be worried about. Well, not exactly nothing. But the man had done the most difficult part and from the sound of his voice on the phone ten minutes ago, it was going alright.

Tommy did cry but the crying wasn't so severe when David told him about the puppy, the not-yet-found puppy to be exact. Now it was his job to take the newbie dog-lovers to go doggie shopping, not something he did every day, but he thought he could manage it. Beside, it would be a great way to excite Tommy and distract his mind from the puppy for a while.

Then why the hell he was this nervous, chewing on his lips here in front of the small pet store?

"They're here." Mona elbowed him again and got out of the car, waved at David Mills and Tommy who were walking their way. Ennis felt cold all of a sudden. Now he knew why he was nervous. How was he supposed to look David in the eyes now that the guy knew about Jack and him? Ennis chewed his lip harder. It was alright the night before, somehow, he didn't know why, blamed it on the adrenaline. And damn it but it was totally different from punching someone, like Rick, because they would likely not to be friendly toward each other anymore. But now, he suddenly felt so uncomfortable with the idea of meeting David again. What was he thinking telling a stranger that he loved Jack like that anyway?

"Ennis!" Mona knocked the passenger side window.

"Yeah, yeah," Ennis muttered under his breath and opened the door. He awkwardly nodded at David and avoided his gaze to pat Tommy's shoulder. "Hey. Are you ready? We're going to shop for your new pup."

Tommy gave him a halfhearted nod, refusing to meet his eyes. The three adults exchanged worried glances and Mona was the first to move. She gently pushed Tommy to enter the pet shop, asking him what he would name the puppy.

"Max, if he's a boy," Tommy said with a small voice.

"I like Max." Ennis nudged the boy. "Now let's find a collar for Max."

The shopping went on pretty smoothly. Tommy even giggled when Mona tickled him with a strange-looking dog toy -- a squeaking octopus with long, bendy legs while they waited for the staff to bring them puppy food from the top shelf. Ennis squirmed when David moved closer with a piece of paper in his hand. "What do you think about this? Don't laugh."

Ennis looked at the paper, brows knotted as a round object with black and white balls in it greeted him. There was another round object—smaller, attached to it, with two fat lines on top that looked pretty much like…eyes. _Oh_.

"Oh." David's face was as red as a tomato, and he blindly reached out for the paper in his hand. But Ennis was faster. He turned his back to the man and looked down at the picture again. Under the picture of two round objects in black and white that looked like some kind of a mathematics sign, there was the text saying, '_We need a Boston Terrier puppy!!_'

Ennis glanced up to David whose face was redder if that was possible. Maybe he wasn't the only one who felt awkward today.

David coughed into his fist. "I was just thinking, I should do something, put more effort toward finding a pup for Tommy. I don't want you to think I'm a bad guy, at least not any worse than you thought I was from what we said…at the restaurant."

And maybe he wasn't the only one who cursed himself for blurting out something so private to a stranger that day.

"Ennis…Is it alright that I call you Ennis?" David squinted up at him. Ennis shrugged.

"Yeah, sure."

"I never thought I would talk about something like that to you. It's like exposing to someone like a judge, 'Hey, I'm a lousy father,' and it was crazy."

_And I told you 'I have a boyfriend'_. Ennis winced at his thought. "Can we not talk about this?"

"Yeah, let's just, let me tell you one thing. It's like all those phone services when we pay to talk to someone. We can pretend we did that and forget it. Honestly, it's a relief now that it's out of my system and I don't even have to pay for it. And for the record, I don't have a problem with you being, you know. So, what do you say?"

Ennis thought he understood David. What he felt for Jack was so strong sometimes. And hell, it was good to say that out loud. "Yeah."

David chuckled. "You don't talk much, do you?"

Ennis shrugged but let a faint smile form at the corner of his lips. He handed the paper back to David. "No offense, but I think maybe you could do this with Tommy."

"That sucks?"

"Well," Ennis pressed his lips together. "I'm sorry but…" He flipped the front of the paper with the picture to David with the look-at-this gesture. David finally laughed.

"You're right. Let's have Tommy draw the dog again. Is it ok if we stick it up at the clinic? I'm thinking of posting messages on some dog message boards on the internet, too."

"That's a great idea."

Mona and Tommy came back with the pup food then so they headed to pay. The day ended with Mona dropping off the Millses at their house and later, Ennis in front of the clinic. They sat in silence for a minute before Ennis broke the ice. "Coffee?"

"No, Tiger, not today. I'm going sailing."

"Sailing?"

"Oh, yes, sailing." He felt his mouth fall open, since when did Mona know how to sail? "OCSC Sailing." She showed him a card that looked like a member card. "It's my recent hiding place. I've become a member after Christmas." That was when the mess had just started. Ennis still remembered Mona's first reaction when he told her before Christmas that he was kinda dating a man. Didn't know what she saw in his eyes now, but her smile turned soft as she patted his cheek. "It's this kind of face that makes me believe all the time that you still need me."

"You're like my sister," Ennis said softly.

"Ennis," Mona sighed. "I'm still shocked. It's like after all these years of us growing up together turns out I don't know you at all. But it doesn't mean that you need to do something that I approve of. I push you because I want you to do something that you feel happy to do. If your heart says you're happy with Jack, then I'm not going to get in the way."

"Mona…"

"No, listen to me. I was crushed. I was just feeling stupid and a little jealous because Jack could do something I couldn't. He opens you and gets inside you. He pushes you and for the very first time, you respond to that push, to his push. I know I'm being egotistical. But I can't help it. I'm a damn psychologist, am I? Then I went to the Velvet. I saw your friend Grant with those kids, pouring their hearts out about their fears and I was, I don't know, I saw the light. The important thing is the result. Who cares who waters the plants when all we want are blooming flowers? Grant is just a volunteer but he is a better psychologist than I am. God help me but I lost it, I cried like a baby."

"You cried?"

"Don't tell anyone. I spent the holidays doing a lot of thinking and talked to your sister." She flashed a smile at him. "Carol said I was a creep for treating you like a toy. She said you're too old to be dressed up like an elf at Christmas and I should let you pick up your own clothes."

Ennis fixed his eyes on Mona, seeing her small, sad smile. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be." She patted his cheek again. "I'm sure you'll like this idea just as much as I do. You don't have to hear me fuss and drag you around here and there anymore. And I can go sailing, attend some cooking classes and enjoy Sex and the City with my girl friends from work. I might even date! How's that sound?"

"I…" Ennis swallowed, feeling a little sad and lonely all of a sudden. "Do you hate me?"

Mona looked terrified. "Why would I hate you?"

"Dad would hate me if he knew."

"He may or may not hate you, you don't know because he's gone and you'll never know. You can't put your life in the hands of someone who isn't around. You stand up for Jack, and for Flea. Now it's time to stand up for yourself. You're a changed man, Ennis. You grew up, strong enough to say no to something you don't want and clutch what's important to you in your hands. Aren't you proud of yourself?"

Ennis made a face. "No."

"Why not?" Mona squeaked.

"I'm scared."

"That's ok to be scared. But the new Ennis moves on even when he's scared, right? Come on, take a good look at yourself and see it with your own eyes, admire the changed Ennis 'cause I think he's a jewel."

Ennis grimaced even more. "Who the hell looks at and admires themselves?"

"Me," Mona deadpanned. Ennis groaned as she smacked his arm. "I promise this will be my last push. Believe me. Do it, just once."

"You sound like a psychologist."

Mona smiled broadly. There were tears in her eyes but she quickly blinked them away. "Tell Jack I said hi. But now you have to excuse me 'cause the sea is waiting."

He chuckled but leant in to give her a hug from the passenger seat. It was weird. He didn't like it when she pushed, but now that she didn't, it felt…kinda lonely.

Ennis spent an hour bathing and drying Flea at the clinic and hauled him to the second floor, waiting for Jack. He turned on the computer and prepared to work on the column, something that had become like a routine on Saturday night. Flea was lying and rolling on the sofa, having a good time in his doggie world.

His mind drifted to the night after the tiramisu episode when Jack made sweet love to him, urging him to say something. _Say it, Ennis, I want to hear it_. He remembered Jack's liquid blue eyes when he looked down at him, begging to hear the word with those smoldering dark pools.

But it was also Jack who flipped him on top, his slick and hard body writhing, shouting without words for Ennis to love him, to make them one. And Ennis could do nothing but comply, lost and surrendering to the feeling overwhelming him like the strong pull of a tsunami.

And Ennis had to wonder how to ignore the world and say to hell with you all, I love Jack Twist, you have a problem with that? He shivered just from the thought. He wondered if that day would ever arrive. More importantly, how long Jack could wait.

- - -

Jack poked his head into Pet Haven Animal Clinic at six, not sure who to expect at this odd hour between morning and night shift. He saw Flea on the counter and Martha moved Flea's arm to wave at him, mimicked a kid's voice. "Daddy!"

"Hey, how was your day, little boy?" He played along and stepped in to give Flea a mock kiss on his head soundly, the gesture stirring a giggle from a woman with a cat sitting nearby.

"Someone is having a good day."

Jack grinned and hugged Martha above the counter. "Hey, how're you doing?"

"Life is good. We have news from the dog farm in Berkeley." Martha said. Jack excitedly leant into the counter and locked Flea, who was trying to lick his face, in the crook of his arm. "They said they have Boston terrier puppies but…they won't be due until next month."

Jack smiled. "That's great news!"

"It would take another six to eight weeks for a puppy to grow before they could take them away from the mother, Jack."

Jack did the mental calculation. It meant Tommy would have the dog in March, or the latest, in April. "Oh, that's…not so good. It's too long."

"Yes. Let's keep trying. It would be easier to find a puppy after the holiday season, I think."

"Yeah." Jack rubbed Flea's tummy and scooted over a little to make room for a woman with her cat. Drew came out from the examination room, gestured for the client to go inside and turned to smile at him.

"Hi, Jack." She looked back and forth between Jack and Flea with a bemused expression. "You two are best friends now?"

"Yeah, look at this. Come on, buddy, give me a high-five."

Jack pretended to give Flea a cookie and put his hand up. Flea barked and touched his front foot on Jack's palm, doing a perfect high-five. Everyone squealed and Flea barked again, wagging his tail, looking joyful to be the center of attention.

Ennis poked his head out from the door of the examination room eventually, frowning at the loud noise. But his tight lips curled a little when he saw Jack and Flea. With a file in his hand, he walked up to Jack. "What's all this fuss, huh?"

"Hey," Jack smiled wide and, without thinking, threw his arms around Ennis and squeezed him in a nose-nuzzling bear hug. He felt Ennis stiffen so he looked over Ennis's shoulder only to find Dr. Brown blinking at them from behind the counter. Oh my God, he was too focused on Ennis, didn't even see Dr. Brown had followed him from inside the examination room. Jack stepped back and nodded awkwardly at the bald man. "Dr. Brown."

"Good evening…"

There was a pause, a long one. Dr. Brown's gaze went slowly from Jack to Ennis, and back to Jack again, and finally nodded politely, before turning his back on them. Jack saw he glanced at the bead bracelet around his wrist, probably wondering why they had matching bracelets.

Oh shit. Maybe this wasn't how Ennis wanted to tell his boss about them.

Jack looked at Martha for support and the black woman broke the silence by turning to Flea. "Ok, time to go home now, little one."

This wasn't the proper way to handle things here either 'cause Ennis looked at her with a horrified expression when she kind of moved Flea toward Jack. Dr. Brown's plain voice pierced through the mad pounding of blood in his ears. "We got a boxer with a cherry eye. Ennis, follow me with the files and Drew, call the owner and transfer the line to me. I need a surgery room booking chart, too."

And with that he walked inside, Drew swiftly fished a file out of the cabinet and handed it to Ennis, who took it like a robot. She was the next to move away to the telephone and that was when Jack pulled himself together to stare at Ennis, whose face was as white as a sheet.

"Ennis," Jack touched the small of his back, searching look on his face. As if touching fire, Ennis pushed him away a little too hard. Jack's back hit the counter but Ennis didn't spare him a glance. He walked inside the examination room without eye contact with anybody, leaving Jack standing there dumbstruck in pain.

- - -

"Jack," Grant was hesitating when he handed Jack another bottle of Budweiser. "Aren't you too drunk already?"

Jack heard himself giggle, a sound he wouldn't normally make, even when he was drunk. "Oh, I'm not sure about that. Come on, give me that. I'm not drunk enough."

He snatched the bottle from Grant and took one long swallow of it. He wanted to get drunk, wanted to forget how Ennis had pushed him away like some disease and walked away.

"What happened?" Grant sat beside him and Jack just shrugged.

"Oh, nothing. Everything is perfectly fucking fine."

"Where is Flea? I thought you went to get him at the clinic."

Jack blurted out another fit of giggles, missing the bewildered glance Grant tossed at Lee over his head. Lee shrugged, then his eyes caught a familiar face from the new group of people who had just entered the club. He whistled. Grant looked over his shoulder, groaned. What great timing indeed. _Brent_.

"Hallelujah." Grant bounced of the seat and blocked the way, the grin on Brent's face being replaced by a slight frown from Grant's hasty movement.

"What's up? You look weird."

"Nothing." Grant gave the man a brief hug and felt a kick on his own calf. Lee was narrowing his eyes, which wasn't a very smart move 'cause now Brent turned to look at their table and saw his ex, his drunken ex more like, giggling with a bottle of beer. Grant ignored Lee and pushed Brent away from the table. "Come to the counter. I'll get you something."

Brent looked over at Jack again before letting Grant nudge him to the other side of the club. "What happened?"

"Everything is perfectly fucking fine. He's having a good time."

"He's drunk."

"As in having a good time drunk."

"O…k…" Brent nodded slowly, looked half-convinced, but he started his drinking anyway. With one last look to make sure Brent stayed seated, Grant walked over to his young boyfriend who was pouting. Someone was missing there.

"Where's Jack?"

Lee shoved him. "You worry too much. The shithead went to the toilet. What are you doing with him there?"

"He has a name."

"I don't care." Lee trailed off, his attention shifted to the beverage counter which was pretty empty now. "Oh-o."

"What?" Grant turned to follow Lee's gaze. His own eyes got wide with alarm. _Oh, now where the hell is Brent?_

- - -

Jack learnt his forehead on the cool surface of the men's room door, trying to stop the buzzing in his head. God, he was so drunk. But he wanted to get drunk, didn't he? Fuck you, Ennis Del Mar.

"You alright?" a voice asked from behind him, a voice so familiar and Jack found himself nodding.

"I'm fine." He lost his balance and stumbled into the man's arms, stuttering. "Sorry, I think I'm drunk."

"I can see that. You're as drunk as a skunk."

Jack giggled, suddenly finding what the man had just said very funny. Now that voice did sound so familiar. He blinked quickly and looked up, mouth hanging open and closing with a snap. "Brent?"

"Yeah, what happened? I hardly ever see you drunk. Come on, let me help."

"Nah…I'm ok, really." Jack tried to push away from Brent but his heavy body didn't cooperate. It might be a better idea to get help so he could be done with this. He gave a weak nod at last and let himself be held. But the idea seemed the worst idea possible when he was pushed to the wall instead. Being with Brent in this deserted, narrow place, when his head was kind of buzzing and dizzy from alcohol, was a pure disaster. Especially when the damn alcohol did something funny with his uncooperative brain. He heard himself moan when Brent pressed their bodies together. _God_.

"Get off me." Jack wriggled faintly when he felt hands on his hips before Brent ground down on him, an electric shockwave waking every pore on his skin, producing sensual goosebumps and forcing whimpers from his mouth involuntarily.

"I told you," he felt the puff of air on his lips. "He can't give you as much as I can."

"Get off me, you je…" Jack shuddered as Brent ground on him again, iron hands squeezing Jack's hips so hard, forcing him to feel the tortured friction of their groins. Jack gritted his teeth as he look at Brent, his dark, lustful eyes only an inch away from him. He smelled of expensive cologne, the scent Jack used to miss when he was away, the scent that had become alien now that he saw a dirty-blond-haired man under his eyelids. Ennis… The sound of his jeans buttons being snapped open pierced through his foggy brain, and Jack's first reaction was to smack Brent on his chest; something that hardly stirred the sober, and obviously stronger, Brent. _Shit, he shouldn't drink this much._

"Brent. For Christ sake, stop," Jack panted, his head dark and dizzy with uncontrollable heat that was blooming in his body like hot, sinful fire. Brent sucked on his throat, the all-too-familiar sensation that once again turned intrusive. He pulled Brent's shirt collar weakly with all the strength he could summon. "You know, Jesus. Hell yeah, I'm fucking drunk and horny as hell. But if something stupid happens, tomorrow morning, you know I'm gonna, I'm gonna…" Jack hissed when Brent ground on him again more forcefully but he could finally pull away from the collar of his shirt and look him in the eyes. "I'm gonna go back to Ennis anyway. What was between us is over, Brent. If something happens, it's a fucking mistake that I'm gonna regret every day of my life. And if he hates me, I'm just gonna have to…"

"Shut up," Brent said between gritted teeth. "Just shut up. Don't you think I know?"

Jack swallowed hard, gathered himself to push Brent off despite the pained look on his face. Brent stumbled away from his body with a grunt, and, against his will, Jack tripped forward, too, his head starting to spin with nausea. "God…I'm so fucked."

A hand came gripping tightly on his forearm and helped him to sit on the cool floor. "Damn, you sure are so fucked. When was the last time you drank this much?"

Jack managed a snort. They looked at each other then and Jack felt his heart being squeezed by some unnamed force. "I'm sorry. I hurt you. Why do you even like me? I'm an asshole."

"I want to find out the answer to that myself. Some things just have to be, I think." Brent tousled his own hair and sighed heavily. "Shit, you really like him, don't you?"

"I do." Jack was serious. "There's a thing called true love, you know."

"The next thing I know you'll tell me there's a prince on a white horse waiting for you."

Jack didn't say anything. He knew Brent never had the idea of true love, or even a slight dream of finding it one day. If he was honest with himself, Brent was perfect for him, a strong gay man who always walked on the ground of reality and kept Jack from dreaming a false dream, someone who would never push him away.

But look what a dreamer Jack had found. Ennis Del Mar, and the love he wanted to believe would grow old with them. Jack knew he wouldn't change that for anything.

"Jack…" Brent reached out and touched Jack's cheek when there was a bang on the door.

"Asshole! Open the damn door!! You gonna pee all night or what?"

The voice was unmistakably Lee's and Jack knew from the way he was pounding on the door so hard it shook that he was irritated. Jack wanted to believe Lee was a little concerned about him, but maybe the shithead wanted so bad to use the bathroom. Anyway, he owned the man big time 'cause he absolutely had no idea what would happen if Brent touched him again in this state. God, he cursed himself for the millionth time. _Why did I have to drink this fucking much?_

Jack tried to stand up and tensed visibly when Brent captured his arm, hauling him up with his strength. But he wasn't doing anything more than helping him walk with unstable steps.

The door opened and Jack had to flinch when another round of nausea rose to his throat. He looked up to Grant's worried expression, Lee's annoyed stare and…Ennis's shocked expression.

_Ennis?_ Why was he here?

Jack saw Ennis look down to the state of his jeans, still unbuttoned, but so what? Jack was still mad at him, mad at the way he pushed Jack away at the clinic, when all he wanted to do was to hug his shoulder, to greet him, to ask how his day was and tell him he missed him. _Was that too much to ask for? They were together, weren't they?_

Jack saw the hurt in Ennis's eyes but before he opened his mouth to say anything, Ennis turned on his heel and walked away.

"Ennis…" That came out too weak, Ennis wouldn't have heard it, but he stopped after a few hard stomps away. Jack waited with a racing heart that was threatening to hammer out of his chest, looking at the back of Ennis's body, seeing his fists clench and unclench.

Then he turned around swiftly and walked with determined strides to Jack, possessively clutched his arm and towed him away from Brent's grasp, all the time looking into his eyes. And Jack liked what he saw; Ennis with that '_get away from what is mine_' fierce look. Jack's head swirled again, overwhelmed with a great relief that Ennis hadn't walked away, and something else. He clasped his mouth.

"Holy shit." Ennis cursed and got both of them back into the men's room.

Brent snorted painfully when the door shut before him. "Now nobody wants to use the damn toilet? You pounded the hell out of it just a minute ago."

Lee ignored him and simply stomped away. Grant quietly inched closer to his friend, took out a pack of cigarettes from his pocket. "Want one?"

"You don't smoke."

"Can keep you company."

Brent narrowed his eyes. "How about your boy?"

"My boy will wait for me." Grant smiled calmly and handed Brent the cigarette.

"Damn, not again, don't tell me you believe in that true love crap, too."

Grant smiled wider. "It doesn't hurt, does it?"

Brent inhaled deeply, letting the hard truth pierce into his brain with the smoke. Jack Twist might have been his once but not again, not anymore. It was all over. _You see it in his eyes, you see it in their eyes._

- - -

Jack dragged the sleeve of his shirt over his mouth and slumped back on Ennis's chest. He pushed off him when he remembered what Ennis had done at the clinic, but groaned and sagged back again when his woozy brain protested with another wave of queasiness. And he struggled to the toilet again, Ennis's arm around his waist. Somehow, the warmth from the other man's broad chest on his back made him feel better. Brent's touch that burnt his skin a minute before seemed to be something that happened a long, long time ago.

After he had vomited his guts up, Ennis flushed the toilet and hauled him up to the sink, quietly watched Jack rinse his mouth and splash water on his face. Jack didn't have enough strength left to even stand, didn't even move a muscle when Ennis sat them against the wall and said through his gritted teeth, "Christ, I can't believe this, how can you…? What if I'm not…shit, Jack."

Jack looked up at him with angry, bleary eyes. "What the hell are you doing here anyway?"

Ennis coaxed out a bitter snort. "You weren't answering your fucking phone so I called Grant. What did you do back there with that asshole?"

"Like you care."

"Oh, no, I don't fucking care at all, that's why I'm here in time to see you and that asshole having a hell of a good time. Are you going to run to him every time I fuck things up?"

Jack shoved Ennis. "Are you going to deny our relationship and push me away every time somebody finds out?"

"This isn't easy for me!"

"And this isn't easy for me, either, asshole!" Jack shoved Ennis again but slumped back on his chest, curling his long body as his heavy head ached fiercely. "Nothing happened, alright? He just…shit… How can something happen when you are in my head all the damn time? God, I'm gonna die. My head hurts like hell."

"Serves you right."

Jack punched the nearest part of Ennis and murmured into the soft fabric of his shirt, "This is a bitch of an unsatisfactory situation. What exactly is the problem? I love you and you love me. If it was a fucking movie, it would be over already with us leaving for a honeymoon or something."

Ennis just grunted. _Hell, think I know the fucking problem_. They wanted to go slow, but instead they were rushing everything, building the house by just piling up bricks. He wasn't ready to accept that he was gay, but he couldn't lose Jack. He just tied Jack to him by a fragile rope that could snap every time it was pulled tight. Jack was right all along, without a solid foundation, they were too heavy for each other. But with this feeling so intense, it was hard to hold back sometimes, like a volcano ready to erupt, and it caused nothing but disaster.

_No, they couldn't go on like this_.

Ennis's throat closed up. "I'm sorry."

Jack didn't say anything. He was still angry but he let himself melt into the warm embrace, lulled by Ennis's rubbing on his back to stay peacefully still.

There was a soft knock on the door. Ennis looked at Jack whose body was warm and slack in his arms, his eyes half opened, but they were far away. Grant poked his head in, with a cigarette hanging from his lips. "You guys alright?"

Ennis heaved a sigh of relief. "Yeah. But I don't think we could…"

"I'll call you a cab."

He nodded, let out another long sigh and waited until Grant came back. They had trouble bringing the solid, six-foot, half-unconscious man out of the bathroom but after struggling five or six minutes, they managed to get Jack inside the cab. Ennis crawled in close behind him and nodded at Grant who patted the hood of the cab before they headed off into the night.

Jack was asleep when they arrived at his apartment, and Ennis had to drag him up the stairs and into the room. His neighbor, probably that Mozart-crazed guy, was spying on them, but Ennis paid him no mind.

Jack threw himself on the bed and closed his eyes, hearing Ennis's soft footsteps fading into the bathroom and back. A cold cloth was pressed on his cheek and he jumped in his skin, snapped open his eyes. It was cold, Jack hated it, but he let Ennis gently wipe his face, all the time looking at him from behind fluttering lashes, mesmerized at the sudden tenderness that almost dissolved his anger. Ennis opened the buttons of Jack's shirt and bent to kiss the middle of his chest. Jack frowned. "You can't just push me away like I'm some kind of junk and give me mind-blowing sex later."

Ennis bored his eyes into Jack. "But you shouldn't do that. You can't just throw yourself at me like you did. My boss was there and that's not how I want to…damnit."

"I wasn't thinking, ok? I just miss you, it's an automatic action!"

Ennis put his forehead down on Jack's stomach and just went still, thought about stuff. He looked up again. "What did you do with him in the bathroom anyway?"

Jack blew out a frustrated puff of air. "You really need the details?"

"Yes."

"Fine! We were just…"

"No," Ennis blurted out. "Changed my mind, damnit."

Ennis lay back down on Jack's stomach, eyes shutting tightly to block any undesirable image that might pop up before him. He heard Jack sigh before a hand went up to tangle in his hair. "I didn't want that, Ennis. I was just too drunk and stupid. It was a mistake…"

"I didn't want to push you away, either," Ennis murmured. "That's not how I want to…you know. I'm trying, Jack, you have to believe me, I'm trying, really."

"Shit, Ennis." Jack felt a prick of tears in his eyes. "I know. I'm sorry, I'm such an ass. I tell you I can wait, but look at me…acting like the world will end tomorrow."

"No, I'm an ass." Ennis kissed Jack's stomach again and licked around his navel, feeling Jack's tense body loosening and sagging more into the mattress.

They both stayed still, breathing in each other's scent and registering the familiar atmosphere that had become like home. Then, softly, Ennis planted another kiss on Jack's chest and licked down, following the trail of dark hair on Jack's shivering body to the waistband of his jeans. He didn't hesitate as he opened Jack's jeans' button and zipper, kissed and sucked softly on the exposed naked skin that felt like velvet under his tongue.

"Um…" Jack whined, clutching a handful of Ennis's curls. Ennis slid off his jeans with shaky, but determined hands, feeling Jack bucking frantically as he took him in his mouth. And Ennis let himself be lost, giving everything he had to pleasure Jack, wanting to hear him moan for him like this forever.

"En…nis, I'm gonna…" A shuddering hand was trying to pry his head away but Ennis stayed put, tasting and savoring every drop of Jack, and licked him clean. Ennis gathered himself to strip off his own jeans and T-shirt and climbed up on top of Jack, panting for air like a man drowning in water.

"Jack." He nuzzled Jack's neck and lifted one of his calves over his shoulder. Jack purred, his body slack and heavy. As a matter of fact, it was too slack and heavy. Ennis kissed up his jaw. "Jack."

"Um…"

He ground their groins together, gaining another long, approving purr from Jack. But that was it. Ennis took a good look at the man sprawling beneath him, forehead wrinkled. Jack was…snoring? What the...? They were just having sex, he still tasted Jack on the tip of his tongue and Jack had gone to sleep now when he was still painfully, and impossibly, hard and aroused? And Jack was here on the same bed, fucking sleeping!?

Ennis groaned and flopped on the pillow. "Jack, this isn't even funny."

He rolled on top of Jack again, cupping his jaw and giving it a little shake. Jack's forehead creased and he made an annoyed sound in his throat, his long lashes fluttering and still. "Jack Twist." Ennis licked Jack's ear, biting his earlobe and whispering. "Jack O' Lantern, Jack Black, Jacky…what's the name of that kung-fu actor? Ah, Jacky Chan…Jacky-poo. Wake up, come on."

But Jack's answer was more annoying sound vibrated out from his throat, his breath on Ennis's cheek. With a defeated grunt, Ennis gave up and rolled off, throwing his arms above his head. "Jack Twist…" He shook his head and turned on his side, punching Jack on his forearm, then threw it across Jack's chest.

After a peaceful minute listening to Jack's slow, steady breath, Ennis finally softened. He got out of bed and started to dress, careful not to make noise. He put the blanket over Jack and just stood there beside the bed, looking down at him, feeling kind of tickled by what had happened tonight, how he had acted like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde; pushing Jack away and running after him a minute later.

Ennis glanced at the clock. He still had a little more time before the night shift started. So he took a quiet moment to look around the dim room. He remembered the first time he was here. Jack was sick and this spot was exactly where he was standing stealing touches and kisses because that was all he could do. He was shocked at the feeling he had for another man, the feeling that sent thousands of butterflies fluttering in his stomach at the same time.

But it felt different tonight. Ennis reached out to caress Jack's cheek and jaw, touching Jack's upper lip with the pad of his thumb. No more stealing touches or kisses 'cause, slowly like how an oak took more than a decade to grow and stand strong against the cruel force of nature, their bond had been gradually built up, without them noticing. They thought they had rushed things, but the truth was…maybe they hadn't. It was just about time. Ennis thought he wasn't ready to accept that he was gay, but maybe…he was ready. He might have been ready the minute he saw Jack at the coffee shop that fateful morning. It was just easier to believe in the same old lie, something that was getting so familiar like an old pair of shoes. You thought you fit very well in those shoes but you never knew. You might look even better in the new pair.

With a sigh, he walked to the bathroom, flicked the light on and just looked at his own face in the mirror.

_"The new Ennis moves on even when he's scared. Take a good look at yourself and admire the changed Ennis 'cause I think he's a jewel."_

A changed Ennis.

His rumpled curls were getting longer now and looking like he really needed a haircut. And there were the same old boring pair of brown eyes gazing back at him, golden eyes, what Jack would likely say about them. Then there were freckles, darker tonight somehow, and the same mouth that always stayed tight-line.

Ennis pointed at his forehead in the mirror and gave it a light knock. _You there, Del Mar? Want to come out?_ About time to get rid of that shell for good, walk under the sun, and expose your true self?

_Come on, Ennis. It's alright_.

- - -

"What's behind that door?"

Ennis flicked worried eyes at Grant. The older man simply smiled back. "A space, a whole new world full of something you don't know exists, even in your head and in your heart."

Ennis was skittish but he tried taking a deep breath, suddenly felt like there wasn't enough air around here.

"Here, my present to you." Grant handed him a couple pictures with a wink. They were the ones he had taken at his room on January 1, when Jack and Lee were tangled in slumber. There, in one of the pictures, was a sleeping Jack, looking innocent and angelic with a mouth that seemed to curl up at the corners all the time. The man who smiled and looked at the world on the bright side, the man who slept beside him, behind him, around him, in his arms most of these nights recently. His own personal miracle.

"Everyone is a lost soul sometimes," Grant said. "All we need is a satellite to guide us when we're lost in space. Mine is here." He patted his jacket pocket on his chest. The same hand patted on Ennis's shoulder before he was gone. "Come in the room when you're ready."

"I am," Ennis said gruffly, looking up from the picture in his hand. "I'm ready."

TBC

- - -

One more chapter? Ok...


	23. Chapter 23

I can't seem to write shorter chapter... Anyway, enjoy :)

**Title** : **You & Me & a Dog Named Flea/Chapter 23 "Piece of Me"**  
**Author** : **fridayblues**  
**Pairing** : Ennis/Jack  
**Disclaimer** : Annie Prouxl owns the timeless characters in BBM. I'm writing from love and making no profit.  
**Summary** : AU!AU set in San Francisco ; Jack Twist had a chance encounter with a veterinarian one day, didn't know the shy vet, and his black and white terrier, would have a permanent place in his heart.  
**My Deepest Thanks** always to Judy (**judybluecat**), the ultimate beta!  
**Feedback** : means the world to me:)

**Chapter 23 "Piece of Me"**

Ennis had homework.

After he had spent about two hours of sitting quietly at the back of the room in the Velvet, busy trying to be invisible while others were reading and discussing poems, Grant still managed to find a way to drag him into the circle of the therapy session, asking him to share some ideas. When he just sat there with a dumb expression, Grant simply handed a book to him. _It's a poetry book, Ennis. I'm sure you'll find some poems that strike your heart_, he had said. That was his first assignment but there was more. _Next week's topic is_ _"I wish I would dot dot dot, and wouldn't dot dot dot." Let's talk about that in the morning session and we'll have a sandwich party in the afternoon, with free drinks_, and with that, the session ended casually.

Ennis had feared for the worst; bracing for the dreadful _Hi, I'm Tom and I'm gay_ kind of self-introduction. But, thank God, there wasn't any. And Ennis had been somewhat ok, not fully relaxed, but he could breathe just fine, as he listened to people in the room (there were around 15 of them) exchange their thoughts on poems—the topic for today, despite the fact that he had absolutely zero opinion about the poems.

But poems were good. He had no idea how it would help him or people like him overcome the fear and accept the truth about who they really were. But it was soothing, listening to beautiful words and rhymes. He saw that many people closed their eyes during the reading. Guess they, too, felt poems heal their soul—one way or another.

Still, still, he hadn't yet gotten past the first page of the poetry book in his hand.

Ennis looked at his watch. Ten minutes to three in the afternoon. Dr. Brown was in his office, next to this room, and he was making noises; banging files on the table and stuff as if to show a sign that he was ready to do whatever Ennis would want to do. Talk. Consult. Or simply turn up and say hi. Drew, whose actions hadn't changed after last night's nose-nuzzling hug episode, told Ennis that Dr. Brown was expecting to talk to him about the seminar in Boston. But Ennis doubted if that was the only thing in his mind.

Absentmindedly, Ennis rubbed the edge of the book with a hand-made hard cover. The book looked old, and torn, but he knew it was a precious treasure of the Velvet because each page of the book was someone's favorite poem written in, maybe, that someone's very own handwriting. Sometime, there were pictures with poems, sometimes illustrations and stickers. He only flipped through the first few pages and stopped, feeling like he was intruding on something very personal.

He would save this homework for later. Let's just work on next week's topic when he was in the mood.

_I wish I would dot dot dot and wouldn't dot dot dot._

Ennis swirled his chair, the action he had seen Jack do often when he worked on his laptop, and skimmed through scenes of his life. He could think about one thing pretty quickly. _Running_. He wished he would have continued it, wished he would have done something like run a marathon or enter a competition even. But teenaged Ennis Del Mar wouldn't in a million years run amidst cheering crowds and be watched like that. He'd rather run around the barn with his dog or lock himself inside the school's laboratory.

_Did he wish he hadn't done that? Did he wish he hadn't won a scholarship and become a vet?_

No, he loved curing animals, loved how they looked at him like they knew who he was and trusted in him. Shit. Ennis stopped the swirling chair. He needed to talk to Dr. Brown.

Ennis knocked softly on the door of Dr. Brown's office, but the answer from Dr. Brown was, in contrast, strong and clear, and Ennis suddenly felt nervous as he pushed the door open.

"Come in." Dr. Brown cleared his throat, gestured to the white leather sofa in the middle of the room. "We have…what? a hundred things to talk about?"

"I guess so."

"Let's have a heart to heart. I might look old but I'm young at heart. My daughter came to me instead of her mother when she had her first period…oh…sorry, you don't need details."

"I guess not." Ennis tried not to grimace as he sat on the sofa, rubbing his own thighs as he waited for Dr. Brown to start.

"You're a great vet, Ennis, dedicated and responsible. And a very good man, too. You could have dated Alma but you didn't and I thank you for not breaking the girl's heart. What is it? You're looking at me as if I have three heads."

He must have been staring at Dr. Brown too hard. But it was a shock to hear a compliment from your boss after he had discovered the night before that you were gay. Ennis shrugged. "I'm sorry. I was just…I didn't expect that…"

"Well, what did you expect?"

"I'm not sure. Maybe you want me to, well," Ennis said low, almost whispered, eyes on nothing but his own hands on his thighs. "…what we did that night…I mean…"

"Oh, that. I see." Dr. Brown's forehead crinkled a bit. "All I'm going to say is please be careful. Don't get me wrong but we do have children at the clinic sometimes and you have to know even though this is San Francisco, not everybody would be ok with that."

Ennis's whole body tensed up. "I know what I'm doing. I'm not stupid, Dr. Brown."

"You're not stupid, Ennis, I know that. I don't hire stupid vets in my clinic. And I'm not judging people by who they are. It's what we do that matters. We all rule our own life, but if our paths cross, I wish we would respect each other's space. It's like driving. You go left, I go right but if we meet at the crossroad, either you or I have to stop at the red light. It's about respect. And all I'm asking you is to be careful when you're at the clinic."

This was new. Of all the people in his life, Dr. Brown's reaction to the fact that he and Jack were together was pretty…what to say? He didn't know for sure. But it was fair enough 'cause Dr. Brown wasn't his family and wasn't really his friend. They weren't emotionally involved. It was about respect, all professionally related, and Ennis thought he could deal with this just fine.

"Dr. Brown." Ennis met the bald man's eyes. "I understand what you mean…"

"Great!" He blew air audibly. "So, there's no hard feeling between us, right?"

"No, sir."

"Good, very good. Phew."

They were quiet for a heartbeat before Dr. Brown hit his forehead like he had just remembered something. "Oh, the seminar in Boston…"

"I'm going," Ennis said. He didn't really want to go to Boston. But if Dr. Brown judged people from what they did, maybe he could prove something; that being with Jack didn't change him. But if it did, it would change him only for the better. Ennis fixed his gaze on his boss, but his strong will was shaken somewhat by Dr. Brown's muteness. He stuttered, "I-If you still w-want me to go…"

"Of course I do!"

"You do?" An unsure, small voice escaped his lips. Dr. Brown smiled his first smile of the day.

"Yes! This is great news!"

He rushed to the phone and talked to someone, maybe Drew or Martha, and waved his other hand, mouthing for him to go home and get some sleep. They would talk later when the registration process was completed.

Ennis slipped out the door, feeling strangely composed. And as he stepped down the stairs, he registered two things; one--he had to tell Jack about the Boston trip and, two--the poetry book had been clutched in his hand throughout the talk with Dr. Brown. He wondered if it had calmed his nerves back there. Maybe Grant gave it to him for a reason. More people had walked on this bumpy road before. If they could get through it, so could he.

Ennis walked down the stairs slowly, flipping the pages randomly until he found Jack's familiar handwriting. It started with the date June 25, 2005, and he saw there was a picture of a round object, with a little wedge-shaped missing piece, before the poem started. That missing piece made the object look like it was smirking. Jack sure drew better than David but Ennis stopped at that and closed the book. He weighed whether he should read it. But…Grant gave it to him. He must want him to know what Jack's favorite poem looked like. Right?

- - -

_Oh, Jesus Fucking Christ.  
_  
Jack stared into the emptiness of the white ceiling, jaw hanging open with…he didn't know what to call this feeling. _I fell asleep in the middle of sex.  
_  
They were having make-up sex, with Ennis all over him, and the next thing he knew, he woke up nosing and nuzzling a lukewarm hollow in the bed next to him at three in the afternoon. _I fucking fell asleep during sex!!  
_  
Jack covered his face with the pillow and groaned. Ennis was probably still at the clinic, even after the night shift ended. And Jack could just picture his man, standing with half his body hidden behind the door, shuffling his legs 'cause he wasn't sure if it was him who was so out-of-this-world boring last night that made Jack sleep rather than cooperate.

Still groaning, Jack clambered out of bed and stumbled through to the bathroom. Flea stopped him with his bark. _Flea?_ Jack looked down at Flea who was jumping around his feet, his big eyes almost able to speak. _It's about time you got your lazy ass out of bed!  
_  
Ah, so he had slept through sex, didn't even wake up when Ennis went out for the night shift, came back with Flea after the night shift ended, and went out again to God-knew-where since God-knew-when. Jack would have laughed if it didn't suddenly sound so horribly depressing.

The hot shower helped clear his fuzzy head and Jack came to a decision that he had to do something. It seemed they had been throwing this make-up-to-each-other stuff back and forth a lot for the last few days. But that was what being in a relationship was about, wasn't it?

Jack rummaged through his closet and settled on a simple long-sleeve white shirt and jeans before he headed for the kitchen. Flea must have been fed already, judging from how he leisurely strolled behind him, didn't fuss to have some food. Of course! It was fucking three in the afternoon! Jack cursed and hauled Flea up in his arms and was about to open the cabinet for a bowl of cereal when he caught a yellow note attached to the fridge with a KFC chicken magnet. It said 'a turkey sandwich in the microwave'. Jack opened the microwave and found the said turkey sandwich inside. There was coffee in the brewer on the counter, too.

"Aww, Ennis." Jack grabbed his cell but an idea struck him. Instead of calling, he sent Ennis a message, simply saying _'dinner at 6'_, feeling like a goddamn wife but he didn't care. He knew he just had to make up to Ennis this time. He couldn't cook shit, but he would try to find something special for dinner.

Jack spent a good half hour sipping coffee and searching the internet for easy recipes for something baked and salad and wrote down what he needed to buy. Then he changed the bed sheets, gathered dirty clothes, and made sure Flea had enough toys to keep him company while Jack did the laundry and went shopping, again, feeling like a goddamn wife. His cell binged then, and the short message from Ennis that said 'ok' made his heart sing. Fuck it. _I might be a wife. But tonight, I'm gonna make his eyes light up 'till he can hardly wait to jump my bones.  
_  
The cooking went on pretty smoothly. He made two simple dishes -- baked spinach with bacon and cheese and a Caesar salad, and he hadn't set the kitchen on fire so far, thank God. Guess the food smelled good, too, 'cause even Flea was now sniffing with interest near the fridge. "You get to taste it when it's done, buddy, don't worry."

When he put the spinach dish in the fridge, the clock said five thirty-five, and Jack made a final scan around the place. No candlelight, despite the urge to have some romantic glow inside the room. He didn't want to be that transparent. Caesar salad was ready on the table, as well as the Cuban cocktail which he had mixed, gin with lemonade, powdered sugar and lots of mint leaves, the recipe he had learned from Grant some time ago. This should be enough.

Later, he took Flea out for his evening poo routine at the nearby park. Jack shrunk his neck into the warmth of the scarf as he strolled behind Flea with a poo bag in his hand, chuckling at himself. Who would think Jack Twist would end up spending a beautiful Sunday evening picking up dog poo, and being fully content? Jack Twist who had practically fled from home with a bag full of dreams? Daddy would laugh his ass off if he knew.

Flea's tail wagged faster as he ran ahead of Jack. And there, Ennis slowly walked toward him. God, he looked so great in those black jeans and coat. It made him look mysterious and sexy.

"Hey," Jack said, watching Ennis bend down to greet Flea with one hand. A faint smile ghosted Ennis's lips but he didn't say anything, just stood there, looked at Jack with that pair of mocha-colored eyes. And Jack found himself drawn into Ennis's embrace, with him whispering 'Hey' low 'in his ear. He squeezed around Jack's shoulders once and let go.

Jack grinned, couldn't stop the urge to tease. "What? You're showing me how to hug in public now?"

"Smartass." Ennis shoved him.

"Where've you been?"

"Around…" Ennis reached for the end of Jack's scarf, swinging and twirling and fisting it in his palm. Jack narrowed his eyes. There was something different about Ennis tonight that he couldn't put his finger on it. He chose to ignore it for now.

The park was almost empty as the sun gradually sank lower, giving way for the darkness to creep in. Jack watched Ennis haul Flea up in his arms and they started to walk back to the apartment, led by the orange street lights.

They were back to the room in less than ten minutes. Ennis took off his coat, unzipped his sweater and jerked his chin to the table full of food. "You cook?"

"Nothing complicated." Jack moved to get plates and forks and put the spinach dish in the microwave, and then slipped to sit in front of Ennis. "You've been at the clinic all day?"

"Nope." He shrugged but gave Jack one of his rare dimpled smiles that made Jack's stomach do a little flip and flop. Jack shook his head. He would let Ennis get away with it this time.

The make-up sex was painfully slow, with Ennis crawling all over him, touching and sucking on his skin. Jack panted, his whole body shivering from the rough, strong hands that kneaded and explored his back sensually in circles. Jack whimpered. "I don't think I put anything in the food."

"Hmmm." Ennis pulled his face off Jack's neck only to nuzzle down his chest. Jack was straddling Ennis's hips on the bed, breathing hard and feeling like screaming from every touch of Ennis's lips and hands that were burning on his skin. "I want to do this. Let me."

"You've been doing this forever," Jack hissed and clutched the curls on Ennis's nape, nails digging as Ennis started to bite-lick his nipple. "You're gonna kill me."

Ennis sucked on his nipple, his hands rubbing up and down Jack's tense thighs, and crept behind to stroke his ass. Jack's head went swirling, his bones melting and he could do nothing but close his eyes and rock down on Ennis, feeling like exploding with need.

"Come here," Ennis whispered and surged up with his hips, the movement that brought Jack's groin pressed up even tighter with his own. Both bit back a strained cry. Ennis's hands shifted onto his ass, up to his back and neck while his lips sought Jack's.

Ennis made a vibrating sound in his throat and slipped his tongue softly into Jack's mouth, rubbing his hand slowly on Jack's taut stomach, the touch that made Jack's hardness throb in bittersweet pain. Feeling breathless, Jack wrenched his mouth off for air. "Are we having make-up sex?" He gasped when Ennis squeezed his ass. "Or is it s-some kind of revenge?"

Ennis just chuckled.

"I didn't fall asleep on you on purpose, you know?"

More chuckles. Jack trembled when Ennis rocked up toward him. But before he knew it, he was flipped, his body hit the mattress with a whoosh, and he was looking blurrily up at Ennis who gave him a lopsided, sweet smile. Jack locked his hands behind Ennis's neck and bent him down for bruising kisses, throwing his legs around Ennis's hips. "I need you now, come on."

Ennis moaned and hurled one of Jack's legs over his shoulder. _God_, Jack swallowed and surged up, chest heaving with mounting desire. Slowly but firmly, Ennis slid into him, biting his lower lip, and looked straight at Jack. Jack fluttered his eyes, fighting to keep them open to gaze at the man above him. Ennis's eyes were dark but warm, intense but tender, and something made Jack stop moving. His hands crawled to Ennis's hips and stilled him, too.

"Just stay like this…for a second…" Jack said with bated breath, overwhelmed from the feeling of Ennis inside him. He heard Ennis's small whimper and saw the desperate look on his face. His eyes were glassy, his mouth parted, and Jack knew Ennis was feeling the same wholeness Jack was feeling, because he reached out and ran his hand through Jack's damp hair so softly, the touch could almost speak.

Jack nodded. His hands squeezed Ennis's hips, guiding him to move. _Ennis, Ennis_, Jack chanted and closed his eyes as Ennis started to thrust into his body, hearing Ennis's muffled moans in the crook of his neck. The moan sounded a lot like his name. With a grunt, Ennis moved faster and impossibly deeper, their throaty groans mingling when passionate kisses pulled their slick bodies even closer together, pressing and grinding. Jack shuddered and cried out almost painfully from the intense release, feeling Ennis everywhere inside him from the top of his hair to the tip of his curling toes.

- - -

Jack woke up spooning Ennis. He sprayed kisses on Ennis's freckled shoulders, dotting the tiny freckles with his tongue, when he heard his thick-with-sleep voice asking, "What time is it?"

"Eight," Jack said. "You aren't really gonna tell me where you've been all day?"

"I was reading some poems." Ennis muttered.

"Some poems?"

"Yep."

Jack bit Ennis's nape. "You know, my favorite poem of all time is pretty weird. It's a children's book I read when I was like six, or seven, but I call it a poem 'cause it's beautiful to me."

"It doesn't sound weird."

"It's a story about a round object, like a piece of incomplete pizza, looking for its missing piece. It sings, too."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." Jack nosed into Ennis hair and threw his leg over Ennis, caught him in a semi-wresting match. "When do you have to leave?"

"Eight thirty. Jack?"

"Hmmm?" Jack hummed. He pulled back a little, made room for Ennis to roll over to face him. Ennis stared into his eyes so close and serious. He looked like he was going to say something important and Jack could almost hear his brain working. "What?"

"I'm going to Boston for a couple of days at the end of this month," he said plain and strong, his gaze never leaving Jack's. It was the first time Ennis had looked at him full and long like this, letting Jack see through his soul. There was definitely something different about Ennis tonight, a radiance, something. And instead of freaking out, he nodded.

"Ok," Jack said, tangling his fingers in the soft curls of Ennis's hair and bringing their foreheads together. "Ok," he said again, sensing Ennis's body relaxing and relief was showing in his eyes. Ennis's forehead moved on his in a small nod and then they were kissing, his hands cupping and caressing Jack's cheeks. Jack grinned.

"I'm not going to get drunk and go crazy again. Promise."

There was a small smile on Ennis's face that he didn't even try to hide. "You go get drunk and no one is going to drag your ass back home this time."

_Home_. Jack laughed, feeling a tingle inside as he curled closer to Ennis and closed his eyes. Ennis was still playing with his hair when sleep tugged him down.

Rise and shine and Jack woke up with a lukewarm hollow on the bed beside him again. But today he smiled, stretched, and lazily rolled over to Ennis's pillow. He buried his face in it, coming to realize Flea's feeling when he played with Ennis's shirt and shoes. Damn, he was such a real Lightning Flat terrier.

Jack had a quick bath and, before flying out of the door, he noticed some papers on the table under his Salt Lake City key holder. Jack snatched them all up and stuffed them into the pocket of his long coat. He was late so he would look through those papers at the office.

Alma wasn't at her desk when Jack arrived. So Jack spent all morning working with a clearer head. He didn't stop working until it was time for the meeting in the afternoon. Alma showed up then, just to grab some papers and walk away. Jack couldn't help but notice how hard she stomped on the floor as they headed for the meeting room. He blew out a puff of air, wondering how the hell he was supposed to talk to her. Where should he start?

But that talk wasn't likely to happen today. For one thing, once in the meeting room, they were seated on opposite sides of the room. And with Lureen sitting next to him, it was difficult even to throw some folded paper with a message to her unnoticed—not that he would do it anyway.

Lureen cleared her throat then. "Since this is not our first meeting about this, I'll get to the point. The board has approved the launch of the new magazine." There was a small buzz in the room. Lureen cleared her throat again, a little louder, and the buzz stopped. "And we're here to select the editor and talk about the scope of the magazine. Let's start with…"

"We have the perfect person," Alma suddenly blurted out and Jack felt a chill on his spine. "Since it's a magazine for gays, Jack is the most qualified person 'cause he obviously knows something we don't."

Jack flicked his eyes up at Alma. He had never hid the fact that he was gay, wasn't ashamed of it. Hell, he had worked very hard to get past that point with Grant and the Velvet so there was no fucking way he would deny it now. But it was different having someone implying Jack was gay to other people. And he couldn't believe Alma had done it.

Jack looked at her but Alma didn't meet his eyes. She looked like a stranger. Jack straightened his back. He had pride, and no one was going to stomp on his pride that easily.

"Can I have a say in this?" Jack raised his hand, made eye contact with everyone around the table in the meeting room, paused briefly at Alma, and stopped at Lureen who was sitting next to him. When he was sure he had all the attention he needed, Jack cleared his throat. "I have something to say. And I don't want anything out of this."

"Go ahead, Jack," Lureen said, sharp. Jack blew out a shaky breath.

"Alright. First I want to be honest. I don't think publishing another gay magazine in San Francisco is a good idea. Because there're tons of them on the market already, and with the rise of the internet on-line magazines, and with only gay people as our target group, we'll be in the shadow of _Out_ or _The Advocate_ with no way to get out into the sunlight."

"I agree," a bald man with a goatee said. He was in the fashion department. "That's what was on my mind as well."

Jack nodded. "But it's not really hopeless. We need to get into the core of their heart with the sincerity of the writing. Each feature has to be well-selected and we have to make it feel like they are reading something written by friends for friends." Jack took a deep breath. "Gay people are very sensitive and they feel safest with their friends. They act tough, sometime bold and outgoing, but there will always be a black spot called insecurity in them. We need to present them with stories, features that are uplifting, encouraging…"

He stopped for a moment and, no doubt, the look he had gained now was different from before. But that was what he wanted. Jack smiled calmly. "Well, yes, to clear up your doubts, Alma is right. I am gay."

The room was quiet. Some of his friends smiled back at him. Others just looked at him with big, round eyes, like Alma, and some girls from the PR department. Jack glanced at Lureen, who simply nodded for him to continue.

Jack looked around. "See, I'm no danger to women. And to make you all feel at ease, I'm no danger to men either 'cause, may I add, I am now happily coupled." There was laughter that brightened up the dim tension in the room. Jack continued, "All I want to say is I know a lot of gay people, I know their fears, their insecurities and issues. Because those are my own, too, and I know we can't win them with just a fashion page or Hollywood gossip section though I know they would want a feature of some actors like…"

"…that God-created guy from Queer As Folks," the man with goatee said. Jack gave him a smile and got a wink back in return. He continued. "We need to be sophisticated, and inspirational. And I would say we need to do some homework instead of just launching a magazine because we want to."

Lureen raised her hand. "I'm thinking of having the marketing department do a survey."

"That's great." A big woman from the marketing department said, "I'll see about that."

Lureen grinned. "Very good. And I need you guys in the graphic design camp to come up with the concept for us. And we'll have a vote when you're ready for the presentation. But before that, we're going to vote for the position of features editor now. One vote for Jack."

Lureen raised her hand up high. Jack gasped at her. "No, no, I told you I didn't say all this because I want to be an editor."

"I know." Lureen shrugged. "But I don't see why you couldn't be one. And Alma thought so, too."

Alma just looked at anything but her hands.

"She's right." The goatee raised his hand. "Two votes for Jack."

"Three." Sarah, his friend from the graphics department beamed at him, followed by Lureen's secretary and some more of his friends, all giggling and looking more than happy to raise their hands for him. Jack rolled his eyes.

At the end, people started to talk excitedly about the direction of the magazine, sharing their thoughts with buzzing enthusiasm. Lureen stopped the craziness in the meeting room by a knock on the table. "Alright, people. Everyone will be contacted via e-mail for the next meeting. If you have ideas, you can talk to me or Jack whenever ideas strike. We'll be very happy to hear your thoughts, right, Jack?"

"Yeah…" He kneaded his forehead, waved and smiled stiffly to anyone who came up with a congratulation pat on his shoulder. People started to walk out of the room and Jack tried to locate Alma. But she was nowhere to be seen. There was only Jack and Lureen in the room now and he sighed heavily. "I don't want things to turn out like this at all."

"I believe you." Lureen walked to the door, held it open for Jack. "Shit happens."

"Amen."

"And when it happens, it happens. You just have to go with it."

Jack closed the door and looked at Lureen. Why did he have a feeling she might know that something was going on between Alma and him? Well, that was no surprise, was it? They weren't even on speaking terms recently. But Lureen had been acting cool and supportive and Jack felt thankful for that. He smiled at her. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"Everything." Jack walked her to her office. "You know, if I wasn't gay, I'd date you."

Lureen snorted and shot him a bemused look. "If I was younger, I might have jumped you from the first day I met you. I might not even have cared if you were gay. But now, with the career I love, I'm content to just flirt with you. Besides, if we were dating, we wouldn't be friends."

Jack laughed fully from his belly. "You're right."

More people came to congratulate him as he walked back to his desk, and Jack found he could accept their goodwill with a beaming smile more good-naturedly. Alma didn't look at him at all. She was busy working at her computer, didn't even say anything when their friends called for them to leave for a small celebration at a karaoke bar that evening.

"Leave her be," Sarah whispered and tugged Jack's elbow. "She's doing this to herself."

All Jack could do was look at the back of her head. He had lost her. The sad truth was like a wave hitting him, and Jack bit back a hiss as he grabbed his coat.

"Goodbye, Alma," he said to her back but silence was her only answer. _Goodbye_.

- - -

Ennis didn't come to Jack's place that night. They had talked briefly on the phone and they were interrupted by another call from Lureen. She happened to have an idea and wanted to talk. Jack was so inspired, too, he ended up spending half the night thinking and scoping out the concept of the new magazine. And it was the next day, while he waited for his friends for lunch, that Jack remembered the papers he had bought from home. Jack found them under today's newspaper. There was a bill, and a bill, another bill, and a postcard.

_A postcard?_ Jack's breath caught in his chest when he saw a postcard with the picture of fireworks at night blooming over the Golden Gate Bridge. "Oh my God."

There was no stamp, just small letters written in black ink on both sides of the postcard.

_Found my favorite poem (sort of). Sound familiar?_

_It was missing a piece. And it was not happy.  
So it set off in search of its missing piece.  
And as it rolled, it sang this song-  
"Oh, I'm lookin' for my missin' piece. I'm lookin' for my missin' piece. Hi-dee-oh, here I go, lookin' for my missing piece."  
Sometimes it baked in the sun but then the cool rain would come down.  
And sometimes it was frozen by the snow but then the sun would come and warm it again._

_One day it came upon another piece that seemed to be just right.  
"Hi," it said.  
"Hi," said the piece.  
"Are you anybody else's missing piece?"  
"Not that I know of."  
"Well, maybe you want to be your own piece?"  
"I can be someone else's and still be my own."  
"Well, maybe you don't want to be mine."  
"Maybe I do."  
"Maybe we won't fit…"  
"Well…"  
It fits! It fits perfectly!  
At last! At last!_

_And away it rolled, and because it was now complete, it rolled faster. Faster than it had ever rolled before!_

"Jesus, Ennis. How…" Jack gasped.

"Jack, let's go!" His friends were calling now and Jack just shouted back for them to go ahead as he took his cell out of his jacket pocket. He called Grant with shaking hands. Only Grant knew about this poem. It wasn't a coincidence._ Did Ennis go to the Velvet?_

"Jacky!" Grant greeted him with a smile in his voice.

"I need to see you. I want you to see something. Where're you?"

"Whoa, Jack, calm down."

"This is not a fucking coincidence. I got a postcard from Ennis and it's, it's… Where the hell are you?"

"Well, if you really need to know. I'm at City Lights Bookstore in North Beach and..."

"Great. Stay there. Don't move a single bone."

"Ja…"

He hung up.

Oh, shit. Was he overexcited? Was he overreacting? There was no way that out of uncountable numbers of poems and stories in this world, Ennis would pick this very piece, the Missing Piece, the story of his life written by Shel Silverstein, as his favorite poem. No, Ennis hadn't just been around and read some random poems yesterday.

He spotted Lee at the table outside the coffee shop in front of the bookstore, his red hair going spiky in whichever way, his eyes coated with dark eyeliner, a very big set of headphones hanging around his neck. And he spared a glance from his laptop at Jack who was now standing and panting for air. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"I…shit."

Jack didn't know why he did it, but he flopped down on his knees, hiding underneath the table when he saw Grant, _and Ennis,_ walk out of the coffee shop. Jack held his breath as he heard someone put a cup of coffee down on the table above his head.

"We're going there for a minute." That was Grant. Jack poked his head out as the footsteps faded.

Lee growled, "What the hell are you doing?!"

"Shhhh."

"Dude, they're like a hundred light years away," Lee snapped, his brows knotted as he looked back and forth between the crouching Jack under the table and the bookstore's glass door where he could see Grant and Ennis inside. "And why are you hiding?"

"Shut up." Jack didn't blink as he saw Grant hand Ennis a book. "Why's Ennis here? What're they doing in there? What's he buying?"

"Stop hiding like a thief and go see for yourself."

"Shut up."

"You asked me, asshole."

Jack scooted a little closer, making room for a waitress who was filling Lee's coffee. She was looking down at him in puzzlement, maybe was wondering if he needed a cup of coffee, too. Jack glanced up at her from under the eggshell tablecloth. "Thank you, but maybe later."

Lee rolled his eyes, but ignored Jack to work on something on his laptop computer. Jack punched his thigh.

"What?" Lee spat.

"Why is Ennis here with you guys?"

"Well, drinking coffee, can't you see? And we're going back to Grant's to watch T.V."

"T.V?"

"Yes. Wild Sex…" Jack gasped and glared at Lee who was sticking out his tongue. "…you know, Animal Planet."

"Fuck you." Jack punched Lee's arm a little too hard, making the table shake. The younger man cursed as he clutched the laptop on the table tightly.

"Are you crazy? Shit, my coffee spilled on the paper, damn it."

Jack ignored him and turned his attention back to the bookstore. Ennis was clutching a book in his hand and headed to the cashier to pay. Grant was nowhere to be seen. Maybe he was looking at some book deeper inside the bookstore.

His cell rang out of the blue, startled both of them. Still crunching beneath the table, Jack picked it up even though it was from an unknown caller. "Hello?"

"Mr. Twist? I'm calling from Berkeley."

"Excuse me?" Jack frowned.

"I'm calling from the dog farm. Are you the one who's looking for a Boston terrier puppy?"

"Oh, yes, yes."

"We have good news. We just found out that a family in our neighborhood has six Boston terrier puppies. They're not for sale but the owner couldn't take care of them all. They are seven weeks old and I wonder if you would mind to…"

"No! No, no, no, no, I don't mind at all." Jack jumped and yelped as his head hit the table. He crawled out and jumped around, didn't care if people would look at him funny. "Thank you! Thank you, so, so, so much! Oh my God, I'll have one of the pups. We'll have one of them. Please tell me what to do. Oh, this is such great, great news. Thank you!"

"You're fucking crazy!" Lee howled. Jack paced up and down and listened to the girl with a shit-eating grin on his face. He hung up in a few minutes and just laughed into his fist.

"What the hell happened?"

Ignoring Lee, Jack grabbed the waitress's hand. She looked astonished but giggled when Jack led her on a silly dance around the table. "We found the puppy!!"

He sang a nameless song with the stupidest lyrics about a puppy in Berkeley and swirled the waitress around in a clumsy move, laughed when she squealed as they collided with the chair Lee was sitting on, leaving Lee cursing and grabbing his laptop with a deadly groan.

The dance ended with laughter and some claps from the people around. Jack threw himself on one of the chairs and beamed up to the waitress whose face was flushing with, Jack believed, embarrassment. "Now I'll have a cup of espresso, please."

"Right away." She giggled and slipped inside the coffee shop. He was still smiling a thousand-watt smile when Grant and Ennis seemed to notice him from inside the bookstore. And Jack surprised himself by waving at them.

Suddenly, Jack didn't want to know if Ennis went to the Velvet, or how he came across the Missing Piece story. It couldn't be coincidence. And the fact that Ennis was with Grant and Lee couldn't, in a million, zillion years, be a coincidence either. But…it was a good thing, wasn't it, Ennis loving the Missing Piece story? Because it was very special and meaningful to him, like Shel Silverstein had written about his life in a way. Only the version of Jack Twist's Missing Piece would be a hell of a lot longer, with him rolling and bumping all through the rocky route for twenty-seven years until he found his missing piece in the place and time that he least expected it.

Jack must have drifted somewhere, because when he looked back at Lee again, the man was staring at him with the intense expression he had never registered before. Jack pulled back a little. "What?"

"Nothing…" Lee shrugged, gave him the same serious look. "It's all good, you know."

Jack snapped shut his mouth from biting back something, the way he did when they talked, and he found himself nodding. The awkward, all-too-friendly atmosphere around them was starting to make him nervous. Jack cleared his throat, changing the subject. "Are you sure of the T.V. thing? I know you prefer to be with your sweet thang alone."

Lee smirked in a very devilish way. "I'm always open for a new adventure of a threesome. Ouch! That hurts!"

Jack punched him again and prepared to have one in return. His espresso arrived at the same time Grant and Ennis made their way back to the table. Ennis blinked at him in puzzlement and Jack realized he must look like a loony with a wide, toothy grin cracking his face.

So he told them all about the puppy. Grant and he did a high-five when Ennis called David, smiling big himself, leaving Lee squeaking for any clue of what was happening. After Ennis hung up, Jack patted his shoulder.

"I need to talk to you about something."

They moved away to the pavement. Ennis looked at him with round eyes and Jack had to bite back a grin. "It's nothing, just a question. What would you say if Alma had to take care of the column instead of me?"

Ennis brows knotted slightly. "Why?"

"Because…it might sound weird but I don't want to owe her anything. I'm going to give her back what is hers which is the column and the column only. We're done."

"Done?"

Jack sighed. "Yeah. I think I've lost her, as a friend."

"I'm sorry."

"Not your fault. Anyway, the only reason I wanted to take care of the dog column in the first place is because I wanted to see you." Jack glanced up to find Ennis's warm brown eyes. He smiled sheepishly. "So, what do you say?"

Ennis chew his lip. "Then we should ask Dr. Brown to write the column 'cause he's the one who was supposed to write it from the get-go, not me."

"But, Ennis, you're a good writer."

"Writing is ok but it's not what I really want to do." Jack frowned, searching Ennis's face. What Jack saw made his heart skip a beat but he wasn't so sure if it was just wishful thinking. Ennis flicked his eyes down, and up again, whispered. "Hasn't it occurred to you that I might think the same? Why I agreed to write for you?"

Heat bloomed in his chest and Jack was pretty sure he was blushing. "Damn, Ennis."

Ennis coughed and shrugged. "I'll tell Dr. Brown."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Ok then." Jack nodded. They stood there, grinning at each other like love-stuck fools_. Jesus, they were love-stuck fools!_ Still, Jack had enough sense in him to remember that he had to go back to work. "I gotta go. I'll see you later."

He gave Ennis a brief hug and waved to Grant and Lee. He didn't look back at all as he made his way through a sea of people who were out to have lunch, though he could picture Ennis, maybe Grant, too, wondering why he was here. Jack had to learn to let go of the insecurity in him and live with belief. He had been craving love and when he found it, he clung to it so hard it became torture. But now Jack wanted to believe he had Ennis and he could just stop being so crazily scared of being dumped and running after love like a fool. He would unclench his fist, relax and do something he had to do because Ennis would be with him at the end of the day.

Jack clutched the postcard in his coat pocket. Now it was time to sing a song, 'cause he'd found his missing piece. And this missing piece is here to stay.

TBC

**- - -**

I hope 3 chapters are enough to make you forget how long it take me to update. Sorry for that. Hope you'll enjoy reading anyway. Thanks for sticking with me and Flea.


	24. Chapter 24

**Title** : **You & Me & a Dog Named Flea**  
**Author** : **fridayblues**  
**Pairing** : Ennis/Jack  
**Disclaimer** : Annie Prouxl owns the timeless characters in BBM. I'm writing from love and making no profit.  
**Summary** : AU!AU set in San Francisco ; Jack Twist had a chance encounter with a veterinarian one day, didn't know the shy vet, and his black and white terrier, would have a permanent place in his heart.  
**My Deepest Thanks** always to Judy (**judybluecat**), the ultimate beta! I can't do this without you, really.  
**Feedback** : means the world to me:)

**Chapter 24 "Two for the Ride"**

Jack winced when he heard Flea whine. The dog was sneaking a _help-me_ look at him from under Martha's iron grip in the small tub, his little body soaked and lathered with bubbles. He was looking pretty much defeated, and despite everything, Jack took pictures with his digital camera, chuckling softly when Flea whined again, louder this time, as if to say he wanted help, not some bubble-bath, Playboy-centerfold kind of pictures.

"Aw, come on, Flea," Martha said when the dog tried to squirm out of captivity again, this time kicking his back feet vainly in the air. "You're a big brother now. Hang in there."

There were more whines coming from the floor. Little Max was wiggling in Tommy's arms but his whine wasn't at all unhappy for he wasn't the one shivering with cold, suffering through the demonstration on 'how to bath a dog' to a bunch of clueless, new dog lovers like David and Tommy. Max's whine was a happy whine, an I'm-being-spoiled-and-loving-every-minute-of-it whine. If Jack didn't know better, he would think Max and the Millses had a very long history together. Who would imagine they had just met a few days ago? Amused, Jack looked at all the dog treats and toys in the basket on David's lap, who surprisingly was as crazy about this puppy as his son, and couldn't help but tease. "David, you look like a mom with a baby boy."

David barked a laugh. "I feel like one, too. It's going to be hard for me to fly to New York tomorrow. I'm going to miss having this fluffy little thing snuggling close to me when I watch T.V. Believe it or not, I already have more than a dozen pictures of him. We'll pick which ones to send to his mom and dad in Berkeley when I got back."

Max's mom and dad would be the couple who had given Max to David and Tommy for free, with the promise to keep in touch with updates and pictures of Max occasionally. It was a pretty sad parting, and he thought Ennis got tears in his eyes, too.

"Tommy, son," David said, mocking the small voice of a kid. "Max would fit just fine in my traveling bag, don't you think?"

With an exaggerated growl, David playfully crawled across the floor like a lion circling its prey and charged Tommy who was holding Max in his arms. Tommy giggled and wrenched away, keeping hold of Max. Seeing how happy Tommy was, Jack thanked God that they found Max at last.

"Pay attention now, people." Both looked up with wide smiles plastered on their flushed faces when Martha knocked the edge of the tub with a bottle of shampoo. "And come closer if you don't want little Max to splash water around when you bathe him."

The Millses hurriedly jumped to their feet and stood with Martha around the small bathtub, paying intense attention. Jack was pretty much useless here. So he looked around the room for things to do. His face broke into a big grin as his eyes landed on his bag. He grabbed one of the white plastic chairs from the corner of the room and planted himself in it, easily spotted a postcard among all the messy stuff inside the well-used bag and snatched it out.

The big, fat, black and white cow was kind of sticking his tongue out at him from inside the postcard, the cow looked like he (or she?) was strolling and chewing something in a green meadow before some guy took his picture, his head twice as big as his body from this camera angle. Jack tapped on the postcard with his finger before flipping to the back and read the message, again, for maybe the hundredth time.

_Read the weather forecast. Said it was 30 degrees in Boston. I need a seminar in Hawaii after this._

Jack laughed softly. Sending postcards had become their special ritual. Sometimes they were sent by post, like the time Ennis had sent one from Berkeley when they stopped for lunch on the day they met Max. But most of the time, Jack would find the card either on the table near the door or on the nightstand. Sometimes, if Ennis was in his funny mode, the postcard would be found in some peculiar place like in the microwave—which Jack used to warm up last night's left-over coffee on rush days. One time, Jack found a postcard of a dog that looked like one of those cop dogs being clipped with a clipper to a bag of Pedigree's chicken flavor dry dog food in the cabinet. Ennis knew he would have to feed Flea and see it. The strange thing was they never talked about it. It was their little secret and Jack kind of liked to keep it that way.

Swiftly, Jack fished into the bag again. This time he took out a Maroon5 postcard he had snatched from HMV some time ago. He wondered if Ennis knew this California five-piece band. Well, that was alright, 'cause it wasn't about Maroon5 but the message that these guys would deliver that really mattered. Jack whistled _Makes Me Wonder_ as he drew a kilt on the man on the far left. He had just added a crown and a pirate eye patch on the blond-haired guy with a red pen when the door to the room opened. Mona emerged with a wide smile. "Hey, Jack."

"Hey." They hugged. "How're you doing?"

"I'm good. Where's Ennis?"

"Talking with Dr. Brown about the Boston seminar."

"Right. When's that?"

"He'll leave tomorrow night."

"Oh," Mona leant on the counter. "How about you? I heard from Grant that you're busy with the new magazine."

Jack grimaced. "Yeah. Thank God, the preparation is almost done. But we have to be real careful at this point. So many things to do."

"You talked to Alma lately?"

Jack shook his head warily. Mona touched his arm with a sigh. "I'm sorry, Jack."

"You haven't done anything."

"Come on, Jack." Mona rolled her eyes. "You are being too nice to me, both you and Ennis. Even the dumbest person knows I am the one to blame. Alma is just one of my toy girls, like Ennis is. I have been a total freak, stuffing silly ideas into her head. But I'm going to fix it, think I have to see her, maybe go for a meal or two with her, if she answers my call."

"She's not talking to you?"

"No," Mona said, her tone laden with sadness. "I think she's in the shut-down mode right now. Lessons learnt from this are that a shrink couldn't possibly fix everything and sometimes things have got to be the way they are and _a certain shrink_ just has to learn to stand back." Mona gave him a rueful smile and gently squeezed his arm. "Let me handle Alma, ok? I'll make it up to her and to you two."

Jack wanted to tell Mona to just forget the whole thing. He had reached out for her, so many times. But no matter how much Jack wanted to be friends with Alma, or just talk to her again, with her being so out of reach like this, she would never be able to hear what he wanted to say anyway.

But Mona looked very determined. Jack found he couldn't refuse her concern. "Thanks." He reached out to squeeze her hand in return.

They talked a little while waiting for Martha to finish bathing Flea. Jack wasn't surprised when he learnt that now Mona was working with Grant on a case of a depressed woman. That man had been known to be so obsessed with this kind of social activity. He was a member of a lot of on-line communities giving advice to troubled people and stuff. God, he couldn't believe Grant still had time to date. Not to mention how much energy he had to spend dating a crazy man like Lee.

Martha was done with Flea in five minutes, and soon, Jack found himself waving after Mona's car, loaded with David, Tommy, Max and a basket full of puppy toys, shampoo and food. Flea whined, too, sending out goodbye to their friends in his own way.

Jack went back to the clinic. He sat near the aquarium and watched Flea play with the squeaking toy on the floor. It was peaceful here. Strange as it was, it did feel like his second home. He heard soft laughter, and looked up to find Martha gazing at him from behind the counter. He grinned. "What?"

"I thought back to the first time you were here, trying to squeeze a word out of Ennis."

Jack snorted. "It seems like a century ago."

"It must be." She winked. "You totally fit in. When I think about the clinic lately, I'll see a bunch of Nemo in the tank, Flea and you."

"Oh, damn, that's not good. I'm being mingled with the likes of fishes and dogs."

Martha laughed and Jack joined her. Flea lifted his head up from the saliva-soaking toy, his ears flicking with interest as footsteps descended the stairs. Dr. Brown showed up with Ennis, both wearing white gowns, looking like they had been engaged in some deep conversation. But Dr. Brown stopped talking when he saw Jack. Tentatively, Jack registered him with a polite nod. "Dr. Brown."

"Jack!" Now that was loud. Ennis looked taken aback and Jack saw him and Martha exchange _what-now?_ glares. Dr. Brown turned to Ennis so fast, Jack heard a whoop of air from the movement. "Wait for me in the examination room, Ennis. I'll be right on your heels."

"Al…right…" Ennis said carefully and slowly moved into the room with Flea following closely like a shadow. Dr. Brown looked at Martha, who pretended to check the files in the cabinet even though there was no client, and gestured for Jack to move closer to the corner near the aquarium where they could be alone. Dr. Brown fished out a folded paper from the gown pocket and whispered, "I need to ask for a favor."

"Ok," Jack whispered back just as soft, sensing whatever the favor was, it must be important.

"I've finished the column, my first ever. Can you check it for me? I'm afraid it's too technical."

Jack just stared hood-eyed at the bald man whose face was so serious. Good God, these vets sure had a dilemma with writing!! The corner of his mouth twisted but he was able to set his face straight and nodded. "Sure."

"Thanks!"

And Jack swore he saw Dr. Brown skip into the room, his voice echoing around the clinic as he told Ennis to grab a stethoscope and follow him deeper into the boarding area. Ennis grumbled something after him. Martha shook her head. "Some things never change."

--

"Goddamn," Jack whispered hoarsely, rolled his head back and closed his eyes when hot water sprayed on his face. Ennis's hands felt good on his shoulders, especially when his thumbs kneaded Jack's shoulder blades in small, slow circles. "Goddamn, Ennis. You've just fulfilled one of my fantasies, you messaging me under the hot water."

"One?"

"Hell yeah." Jack snorted. "With a hot stud like you, I can barely keep up with my fantasies these days."

"Jesus."

"But this here is slightly different from what I have imagined. In my dream, we got into the bathtub, bubbles and all. But nothing can beat sex in the shower."

"Umm"

"Umm? That's all?" Jack tried to turn but those large, strong hands kept him perfectly still. "Don't you want to? Come on, tell me what you want to do."

"Now?"

"Ah-huh."

Ennis rubbed his hand down Jack's fine back, feeling his muscles ripple and slightly tremble under his touch. "Well," a faint smile tucked the corner of his lips. "Watch T.V."

"Asshole."

"Hand me the bottle of shampoo."

"Jeez," Jack laughed. "You going to wash my hair, too? This will definitely enter into my all-time favorite top-five sex fantasies with you, Ennis Del Mar."

"Who said anything about sex?"

"You're a devil." Jack handed him a bottle of shampoo with a grunt, but let Ennis lather shampoo on his hair, some white foam dripping down his neck and chest. Jack was comfortable to the point that his mind drifted to what had happened at the clinic today. He thought Ennis might want to know. "Dr. Brown asked me to read his column. He was afraid it would be too technical."

"Yeah? He wrote fast. So how is it?"

"It's great. He's a natural." Jack remembered that the column was about a dog named Cocoa, a black and white collie who had retired after serving a blind lady in the suburb of Springfield for eight years. Despite his loyalty and unconditional love and companionship, an alert, younger dog was called to take the place of the old Cocoa—the fate he was willing to endure for the safety of his beloved partner.

The story was told from the third person point of view, done in the form of a real documentary often seen on Discovery Channel and the like. It wasn't really technical but pretty serious all the same. Why not? Because it was obvious Dr. Brown wanted readers to get serious about dogs like Cocoa, the service dogs who did a great deal for disabled people. This was no doubt amazing. Damn, if Jack was honest with himself, he wanted Dr. Brown's column to be very average, compared with Ennis's. But it seemed Dr. Brown knew what he was doing.

"It's good then." Ennis's low voice rippled gently into his ear. Jack closed his eyes and registered the movement of Ennis's fingers on his head with a smile. "Jack?"

Jack blinked open his eyes slowly. "Yeah?"

"Um…want anything? I mean, from Boston?"

_Boston_. Jack mentally repeated that word. If it was a month earlier, he knew he would have packed and forced Ennis to take him along—like what he did with the Christmas trip to Wyoming. He was weak back then, was afraid that Ennis would come back to him like a stranger. The idea of Ennis going anywhere doing God knew what was making him crazy. A lot of things had happened since then. And Jack wanted to believe many things had changed for the better. Of course there were more things they hadn't talked about yet. But they would have to talk, one day. Ennis couldn't just stay over at his place seven days a week without any commitment, could he?

Jack looked at Ennis over his shoulder. "Nah, just come back in one piece is enough, Doctor."

Ennis snorted and reached out, holding Jack close to himself, back to chest. There was no playfulness, nor any hidden message in that hug, just pure, I-want-to-hug-you hug, and Jack had to take a deep breath because he thought he would fall on his knees right then. There was no sound except the sound of the water hitting the tiles. The heat from Ennis's well-built frame swirled around him like invisible steam. He felt loved. He felt something more than love. He felt everything he had been craving. He felt he _had_ everything he had been craving.

They stayed like that for a few quiet, peaceful beats, and with one last squeeze, Ennis got back to playing with Jack's still shampoo-lathered hair. But from the weird movement, Jack knew Ennis had something else in mind.

"What are you doing?"

Ennis chuckled sexily low in his throat. Jack's hands moved to trace the outline of his hair. With the help from the shampoo, it seemed now he had four pointy, little horns on his head. Ennis smiled broadly, his golden eyes glistening with affection and amusement. "You look like a hedgehog that a boy brought to the clinic today."

"Hedgehog, huh?" Jack caught Ennis's wrist and inched closer, lining their slippery frames together. He growled impatiently. "I'll show you what a hedgehog can do."

Again, it seemed Ennis had another idea. The tiles were cold on Jack's back but Ennis's lips were warm on his mouth. And even though Ennis thought he was a damn hedgehog, he had fulfilled Jack's number one sex fantasy right there under the hot shower.

--

"Ennis, I'm as busy as a cat burying shit. Hate to say this but I might not make it on time to send you off tonight. Damn."

Something at the other end of the line was falling or crashing on the floor. Even over the phone, Ennis could hear the distinct sound of a glass hitting the tile and breaking into pieces. "You ok?"

"Yeah, yeah, hold on a second…" Then there were footsteps, telephone ringing, shouting, and then Jack was back on the line. "Hey."

"You sound like a mess."

"I _am_ a mess. Look, Ennis, I've got another goddamn meeting. Don't know for how long but I'll call you again."

"Kay…"

"Ok, bye now. Mwah!!"

_Mwah?_ Did Jack just air-kiss him?

"What happened?" Grant asked, startling Ennis. "Boy, you're blushing."

Ennis murmured something and looked for some distraction outside the window of Grant's SUV. But the car had stopped. Bewildered, Ennis followed the older man out to the pavement. Right in front of him was the most trendy hair saloon he had ever stepped this close to. "What are we doing here?"

"You said you want a haircut."

"I mean a regular haircut," he said, but allowed Grant to shove him through the glass door.

"You never understood why people pay a fortune for a haircut, did you?"

Ennis simply shrugged at that. He didn't know if Grant had just nagged him because he didn't see his face. But Grant had been nothing but good, caring and patient with him for the last week they had been hanging out together (neither of them had to work during the daytime), plus considering his mature and calm personality, maybe Grant was just asking.

Not more than an hour ago, at the coffee shop, once Ennis mentioned vaguely that his hair was getting long, Grant had made a call to his usual salon, totally deaf to Ennis's protests about not having time today 'cause he needed to pack for a trip to Boston. Ennis found he couldn't say no when Grant pushed him into his SUV so he just sat stupidly still in the passenger seat until the car turned the corner into California Street.

"Come on in, Ennis," Grant said. Ennis noticed for the first time that he had stopped in his tracks, and mysteriously, since who knew the heck when, his fingers had been stroking the curls on his nape, probably wondering in what shape he would come out of this place.

A woman with extremely short, black, curly hair walked to greet them with a high-pitched voice. She didn't waste any time, rushed into Ennis's personal space to touch and inspect his hair, smiled big after a second. "Brace yourself for your new look, handsome."

_Betty Boo_, maybe. Ennis sighed but followed them into the shampoo area anyway. Grant patted his back again but was chuckling nonetheless. "Relax. Now see who's going to rinse your hair."

Ennis blinked up to find A.J., Jack's friend whom he had met at Grant's place, the one with a scar on his chin—the scar that his cruel father gave him when he found out he was gay. Ennis watched Grant and A.J. hug, his tense muscles gradually relaxing when A.J. turned toward him. "Ennis,"

"Um…hey." Ennis nodded and again tangled his own fingers in his curls. "You work here? Sorry, that's kind of obvious."

With nothing else to do, he moved to sit on the chair, watching Grant look back and forth between the two of them and around, then, with a satisfied look on his face, he waved. "I'm gonna wait outside. Be good to each other now."

"Yes, daddy," A.J. said, then leant in to whisper to Ennis when Grant was out of sight. "Sometimes I wish Grant had his own baby to play with. What does he think we're doing? Having a boxing match?"

Ennis chuckled at that and found himself easily being guided to lean back in the chair. It wasn't going to be as great as having Jack wash his hair last night but he could manage to relax. Ennis closed his eyes when the soft towel came over his eyes, followed by the warm water that seeped through his hair.

A.J.'s hands were gentle on his head, the shampoo smelled good and there was this slow music playing softly in the salon that made Ennis eventually feel comfortable enough to stretch his legs and loosen up. He surprised himself, too, by being the one who started the conversation first. It was especially easy to talk without having to look, he had to admit. "How long have you been working here?"

"Not so long. I've been in almost every salon on California Street before I settled here for four months now. They let me practice. Other places didn't allow me to do nothing but shampoo. I want to be a hair stylist."

"Hair stylist?"

"You know, the ones who cut your hair."

"Oh."

"Yeah," A.J.'s fingers pressed just enough pressure on Ennis's lathered head and kneaded. "How about you? What do you do?"

"Um…I'm a vet."

A.J. snorted. "Oh, yes, I've heard. You like your job?"

"Um, it's ok. I'm going to Boston for a seminar tonight actually." Ennis didn't know why he told A.J. Just had a feeling he was easy to talk to was all.

"That's sweet!! Boston is cool. And Jack isn't kicking up a fuss?"

"No, why?" Ennis felt his brows knotting under the towel.

"Let's say Jack isn't a very calm person when it comes to being left alone. He always has someone by his side, if you know what I mean. But I guess it's a good sign 'cause it means he's no longer seeking. He's stopped at someone."

And that someone was me.

Ennis fell into his own thoughts and, again, recalled the message in Shel Silverstein's Missing Piece—Jack's favorite story, how the round object with a missing piece had rolled around until it found the piece that fit. And he recalled another thing—the Big O; the sequence to the Missing Piece written also by Silverstein sometime later. He had been doing a little research on Google and found this depressing yet powerful story about a wedge-shaped object that could find nothing that would fit in. It had to roll on with that shape and, very slowly, like a piece of clay, the shape was forced to mold into a piece that was imperfect but strong enough to move on by its own.

If the Missing Piece was representing Jack, then, sad but true, Ennis was the Big O. He had never found someone he belonged with, just lived day by day, welcoming anything that came by.

And Ennis remembered something else. He remembered how he had been staring at Jack's sleeping form the night Jack cooked for them before they exhausted themselves with the most erotic and satisfying sex he had ever had. That night, Ennis knew this was the place he wanted to be and the man lying next to him was the one he wanted to be with

But he had to wonder why. Why him? Ennis Del Mar was one very normal guy, just the Big O. Why was he here, sharing the bed with Jack with their hair smelling the same, when Jack could have anyone in the world?

Umm, well, but if Jack had a hole in his heart the shape of Ennis, guess he must be the only one who could fill him up. And it was a long time coming for Ennis to finally figure out the shape of the hole inside of him, the hole that left him feeling all lonely and empty, the hole that, for some reason, was in the shape only a man named Jack Twist could fit in.

Everything made sense then. And Ennis found himself sitting up on the bed, writing a verse of the Missing Piece story into a postcard under the orange light shining through the crack of the curtain. Jack shifted and muttered something in his sleep, his head tousled as he tried to bury his face in Ennis's flank. He bent down and kissed that tousled dark stain that felt so soft and smelled so sweet like fruit, like Jack's shampoo, like Ennis's own hair.

Guess it was alright if the Big O had finally found the piece that fit him after all.

Anyhow, at the end of the day in that salon, Ennis didn't turn out to be Betty Boo. The stylist with black dreadlocks just trimmed his hair and did something with the curls, smoothing them, adding volume or something and magically making them look more into place.

"Well?" Grant asked once they were out of the salon. "You like it?"

Ennis looked at himself in the window of Grant's SUV and shrugged. "It's ok, I guess."

Grant climbed in his SUV. Ennis couldn't care less about his hair, but he couldn't deny that he did wish Jack would like it, if he could sneak out from the meeting room at the publishing firm to see him before the plane took off, of course. Ennis must have sighed or made some sound because Grant was now looking pointedly at him from the driver's seat. "Is Jack coming to send you off?"

"Don't know. Said he'll try."

"When is the flight?"

"8:30."

"Damn."

Ennis just grunted at that. He was pretty sure he had been guarding his feelings well, and that grunt didn't imply anything more than, well, just a grunt, but Grant was definitely good at his volunteer work for a reason. He shot him a worried look, and Ennis managed to summon a small smile back at him. "I'm ok, really."

"Do you need me to drive you to the airport?"

"No, I'm fine. I'm a light traveler."

"Now why am I not surprised?" Grant chuckled. "Call me if there's anything you need while Jack is locked and chained in Newsome Publishing. Don't be a stranger."

Ennis nodded. "Yes, daddy."

Grant looked surprised, but laughed at that. "And don't worry. I think Jack will like your hair."

Grant dropped him off at the clinic later and Ennis had a brief talk with Dr. Brown before he rushed away from the clinic as fast as a rocket. He didn't want to linger there that long, for the sake of his own spiritual encouragement, and Flea seemed to cooperate tonight, didn't whine when Martha prevented him from following Ennis. He gave Flea a kiss on his ear, told him to be good and wait for Jack. And with one last hug from Martha, he was out the door.

--

_The night had never been so cold_, Ennis thought as he dragged his suitcase through the door of SFO, trembling slightly despite the thick clothes he had on. Hell, if it was this cold in California, no doubt, he would be freezing his ass off in snowy Boston. Shaking his head, Ennis walked with long strides to the check-in row immediately. And in less than 10 minutes, he found himself sitting in a coffee corner with his boarding pass, sulking into his untouched espresso.

Some time ago, Jack had sent a message with something like _#&#!!&_ and then ended it with _I hate this meeting!!_ He guessed that was Jack's way of saying he couldn't make it.

"God, look at me." He ran clumsy fingers through his hair. Shit. He just had his hair cut. But on second thought, Jack wasn't here, and by the time he came back from Boston, his hair would become just as disastrous as it used to be anyway. What was the difference?

Ennis punched the message back to Jack, saying it was ok. It wasn't ok, really, but what else could he say? They were grown-up men. They needed to act grown-up though he really wanted to kick something now. For Christ's sake, he would be gone for only a couple of days, not forever. _Just calm down._

With not very determined steps, Ennis finally made it to the airport security scan when a strong and cold hand clutched on his arm. With a surprise gasp, Ennis was swung around face to face with Jack—a red-faced, heavily panting and sweating Jack to be exact.

The panting Jack was trying to say something but obviously, he couldn't utter any words. He could do nothing but pant for air, bending down with one hand on his knee while the other grabbed tightly around Ennis's forearm. Jack's whole body was heaving hard and shaking, as if he had been running nonstop for miles. _Maybe he had.  
_  
"Hey," Ennis whispered, aware of being in the middle of the crowd in the airport. Jack held up his hand for a mere second and took a few deep breaths.

"I…I…" That was all he could stutter out in between ragged breaths, and Jack went back to the panting again.

Ennis just stood there, looking down at Jack's black head. He saw how Jack's forehead was shining with a sheen of sweat, how his hair at the temples curled a little from the dampness. Jack must have run all the way to find him. _I can always find you._ That was what Jack used to tell him, and despite how unlikely it sounded, here they were, together, just a tick away before he had to go. It was now official, that Jack was his miracle.

"I gotta go," Ennis said softly. The grip on his arm tightened and he clutched above Jack's elbow in return. "Come on now. Give me what you ran here for."

"Goddamn…"

Not his name, nor something sweet to his ears. The only thing Jack could say right then, right there, in between labored breaths, was _goddamn._ A curse, Ennis heard it, just before Jack's arms wound around him in a bone-squeezing hug. He buried his nose into Jack's fluffy sweater collar, and spread his fingers on Jack's back, pressing their bodies together.

The hug was brief, but long enough for Ennis to tuck it in his memory. The last thing he registered before the plane took off later that night was Jack's smile when he jumped and waved at him from outside the security area. Actually, there was something more after that. Just before he shut down his cell, Jack had sent a message saying, _'I like your hair'_.

"Jack Fucking Twist," Ennis murmured. As the plane rose higher and higher into the starry night, With a tip of a finger, he drew on the window an invisible line from the wing of the aircraft to an orange star that was twinkling from somewhere far away in the universe. Ennis had a feeling this was where his lonely, colorless life ended, and from this point, his new journey would begin. The first stop was Boston. And where would the road end? Hmm, _don't know_, Ennis leant back on the seat with a faint smile. He'd ask Jack later.

TBC in epilogue


	25. Chapter 25

**Title** : **You & Me & a Dog Named Flea**  
**Author** : **fridayblues**  
**Pairing** : Ennis/Jack  
**Disclaimer** : Annie Prouxl owns the timeless characters in BBM. I'm writing from love and making no profit.  
**Summary** : AU!AU set in San Francisco ; Jack Twist had a chance encounter with a veterinarian one day, didn't know the shy vet, and his black and white terrier, would have a permanent place in his heart.  
**My Deepest Thanks** always to Judy (**judybluecat**), the ultimate beta! I can't do this without you, really.  
**Feedback** : means the world to me:)

**A/N:**

A huge, huge thanks and hugs and kisses (if you will have them, heh) to **all readers** of this story. If you don't mind, please give me feedback and let me know what do you think of this story. It's the last chapter, so just humour me please.

Well, on with the story:

**Flea 25** **"Here Comes the Sun"  
**

"So?" Grant arched his brow, his hands busy with grapes—getting rid of long stems and putting the round, fresh green grapes in the basket. "Any ideas for next week's session?"

Ennis grunted. That was his way to say 'no' and by now Grant knew him well enough to understand. "You don't have to think hard, Ennis. The whole idea is telling us what you want to do. It can be anything, something that you feel good doing. And can you chop the ginger for me?"

"I don't know, I mean sure." Ennis gestured to the ginger. "I don't know what I wanna do. Everybody seems to have such a big plan."

Ennis remembered one of the girls at the club who said she wanted to have her own poetry book published one day. The other girl wanted to go bungy jumping. He didn't have that big dream, never thinking about climbing up the Rockies or doing some Indiana Jones adventurous kind of thing. But he had to come up with what he wanted to do and share with friends in the session at the Velvet next time. Could he mention something like training Flea not to bark when the neighbor played Mozart?

"It doesn't have to be a big plan. See? Grapes are small, but one by one, they fill the big basket." Grant's voice glued his attention back to the conversation, and the grapes in the basket on the table. And the ginger, of course.

"All I can think about right now is…running," Ennis murmured. "I used to run around with my dog when I was living on the horse farm…It felt kinda nice…but ridiculous…"

"It's not ridiculous. Look at me. I want to master this girly gingered cream cheese grapes recipe."

"And I wanted to have a tattoo on my ankle. That was last year's wish though," Lee chimed in as he walked with a swing from the sofa, holding Pepe in his arms. He must have run out of food, or else he wouldn't have peeled himself off the comfy sofa and MTV—what he had been so interested in since he arrived at Grant's place almost an hour ago. And Ennis was right. After showing him a tattoo of a small bird trapped in a cobweb just above his right ankle, Lee tossed a big green grape into his mouth and handed one to Grant. Ennis looked down at the ginger, groaning uneasily when Grant opened his mouth and took the grape, with tongue and all. "Jesus…"

Grant grinned with his mouth full of grape as he tugged Lee's elbow. "You hiding something from me, huh?"

"Oh, no, Sugar, I wouldn't dare. But that's a surprise, just for you."

Things on the table seemed to be pushed toward Ennis by those hands in urgency, and in less than a minute, he found himself stumbling head first out the door of Grant's studio-type room with a basket of grapes in one hand, and Pepe in the other. The door banged shut. Crazy footsteps echoed from inside and then there were giggles as the sofa squeaked, not that he was eavesdropping. _Shit_.

"And what're we gonna do now?" Ennis asked Pepe. The big cat simply looked away as if to say 'Damned if I know.'

It was pretty strange thinking how he came to have so many friends these days. Turned out Jack brought more to him than love, friendship and trust--the package money couldn't buy.

Talking about Jack… He was supposed to arrive any minute now. They were going to have that quartet, Sex and the City's weekend lunch (Lee's direct quote). And there must be something terribly wrong with him, 'cause as bashfully absurd as it sounded, Ennis was actually comfortable with the idea.

He looked at his watch. It was a little after eleven, the first Saturday of February, one week after he had been back from the Boston seminar, the one that surprisingly made him feel like he had gone back to the vet college rather than engaged in some technical meeting. People there were so hyper, all practically Dr. Brown's clones. And he felt like a freshman in college with tons of things he had never known before. It was exhausting, but a good experience.

Ennis was still balancing Pepe and the grape basket in his hands in front of the door when Jack emerged from downstairs, Flea jumping up right behind on his heels. With a frown, Jack's eyes swept from Ennis to Pepe and the grapes, the corner of his mouth drawn up slowly into one of those cheeky smirks. "Are you trying to tell me something?"

"Very funny."

"What are you doing out here?" Jack stepped in and managed to wrap his arms around Ennis without crushing what was in between. After a hearty pat on his back, Jack snatched the basket from Ennis's hand while Flea barked madly at Pepe as if to scream he was supposed to be in Ennis's arms, not her. Jack chuckled. "Someone is jealous. And why are you…? Holy shit."

There were noises coming from inside the door and Ennis swore Jack's ears almost flicked like Flea's when he heard them. Blue eyes turned to him now with curiosity and Ennis simply shrugged. Jack smirked again after a few quiet, consideration beats and pressed his ear to the door. Ennis shoved him fiercely with his free hand.

"What?" Jack laughed and that automatically brought out a smile from Ennis. Jack always had that kind of power over him.

They decided to sit on the top stair. It was one of those days when Pepe did nothing but sleep, and she seemed to love the position she was at this moment, resting her fluffy back against Ennis's side as if she knew she could trust in this man. Jack looked down at her fondly and turned to Flea who was still sneaking a suspicious look at the big cat, but also panting happily on Ennis's lap.

The air was cold so Jack inched closer to Ennis, realizing with his heart expanding in his chest that although he had two legs, and not that furry, he didn't have to find a reason to sit this close to Ennis anymore. Ennis was his vet, too. _Oh, yeah_. And this vet sure wanted his Lightning Flat terrier closer, 'cause a cold hand was sneaking around Jack's waist now.

As natural as magnet and steel, Jack moved one step lower to sit in the cocoon of Ennis's body, leaning his back on Ennis's chest as Flea crawled on his lap, feeling a lot warmer and on top of the world. Ennis rubbed his lightly stubbled chin on Jack's smooth forehead as he got his cell out, so Jack snatched out his own, too, killing time by browsing pictures and deleting old messages. The beep, beep sound of their cell phones mingled with Ennis's soft hum against his ear. Jack hadn't heard that melody before, wasn't even sure it was a song, 'cause it went on and on—like the peaceful sound of waves, the blissful chanting of the birds, or the sweet ringing of bells…

"Ah." The humming stopped, and Jack couldn't help but roll his head on Ennis's shoulder and groan with disappointment. Ennis didn't seem to notice, just wordlessly held out his cell to Jack. "K.E. sent these by e-mail. Now, say hi to Stella."

Jack looked at a picture of a baby girl sleeping peacefully in Ennis's cell. Clueless, he just blinked at first, but laughed and caught Ennis's wrist to look at it closer when the realization hit him. "Oh my God. Ruby gave birth? When?"

"Yesterday. I talked to K.E. on the phone last night. They are in Casper right now, said they have to stay there for a few days."

"Oh, damn, she's cute."

"Yep." Ennis forwarded to the next picture that was a close-up of a little girl with dark brown curls coiling around her temple like small shells. Jack chuckled.

"She got the Del Mar's curls. Copyright guaranteed." Ennis snorted at that. He moved to the next picture of K.E. smiling big with the girl curling comfortably in his arms. Jack touched the screen with his finger. "Hi, Stella."

"Hi, Stella Del Mar," Ennis whispered, too, low and tender. "Welcome to the family."

Jack leant his weight more into Ennis's chest. Seeing K.E. and his daughter reminded him of their Christmas trip last December. Weird as it was, Jack could remember everything, all the feeling, confusion and fear that were swimming inside him as if it was yesterday. He turned to murmur into Ennis's neck. "Can I ask you something?"

"Yeah?" Ennis looked down at Jack, catching only a glimpse of those long lashes and his pointed nose. Somehow, he knew Jack didn't want to ask about Stella or her father.

"If I hadn't gone to Riverton with you at Christmas, would you still be with me now?"

"What kind of question is that?"

Jack shrugged. "Just wondering."

"I don't know, Jack." Ennis sighed. "Maybe not. I might be working my ass off at the clinic day and night, drowning in my own misery.

"Misery?"

"I've just gotten divorced, you know that."

"Oh, yeah, sorry," Jack murmured. Ennis's arm went around his neck now and he was leaning his cheek on the back of Jack's head. Jack rubbed that arm gently. "Did you love her?"

"Umm…I did, at least when I was married to her. But it seemed love wasn't enough."

"I'm sorry…"

Jack murmured the same thing again, felt Ennis shake his head. "It's the past. She never understood me…the way you do. When she hugged me, I never felt hugged. We shared a bed but I never felt so alone. It was like something was missing. I don't know…it's hard to explain…"

"It's alright, Ennis. You don't have to say anything."

But Ennis still had more to say. "She said I was boring. Sometimes, I'm actually counting the days till you…"

"What we got here, it's not just love, Ennis. Don't you see that? I'm not gonna let you go," Jack said strong and he waited for some reaction. But Ennis didn't move. Flea was looking up at him with his big eyes and Jack gently scratched the back of his neck, quietly calmed the dog with the soft touch. It seemed like eternity before Ennis whispered, "You know what the weird thing is?"

"What?"

"Just from looking at you, I know how you feel. I know no matter how fucked-up I am, you won't let me go. "

Jack inhaled shakily and closed his eyes as Ennis tightened the one-armed hug as hard as if to choke him. And Jack had to snuggle even closer to Ennis, even though there was no space left between his back and Ennis's chest anymore. Jack wanted him to know that he got the unspeakable message, loud and clear, that Ennis was telling him the same thing, giving him a promise—that he knew this was more than love, that he, too, would never let him go.

They stayed like that for a while, quiet, except for the sound of Pepe rubbing her body on the fabric of Ennis's shirt, following by Flea's panting.

Jack fluttered his eyes open when his thoughts flew to his mom and her letter that was sent to him yesterday, asking if he could go home for Easter. He rubbed Ennis's arm. "Ennis?"

"Ummm?"

"Will you go with me to Lightning Flat next time?"

"You want me to?"

"Yes."

"We'll see…" Ennis muttered on his ear. "I love your mom's cake though."

"Ma is the best cook and I'm sure she'd love to bake some cakes for you. But don't expect my dad to light up fireworks when we're there." Jack kissed Ennis's shoulder knob and slowly eased off his embrace, shuddering when the cool air hit. "Damn, it's cold."

"Sit back," Ennis deadpanned.

"Not if we still want to have that lunch and not be freezing to death." Jack hauled Flea up and bent down to give Ennis a light kiss, his eyes bright when he pulled out and playfully kicked Ennis's thigh. "Let's just bang down the door and crash the party. It's revenge time."

--

The Sex and the City lunch was great. They continued the talk about Grant's grape basket theory while they ate, with Jack and Lee fighting like cats over green beans. But the food was great. Nothing could beat Grant's chicken dishes, Ennis recalled with some contentment. Back at Jack's apartment, Ennis worked on Jack's laptop on the bed, half-sitting, half-leaning on his stomach, sipping coffee like an iguana eating insects on a rock. Jack was on the phone with someone, and Flea was rolling on his cot, eyes fluttering on the edge of sleep. It was peaceful. And Ennis found himself smiling as he answered an e-mail from one of Dr. Brown's friends he had met in Boston. The man had asked, again, if Ennis could go to Seattle and help them with the research.

"What're you doing?" Jack's voice was heard before he moved to sit on the bed.

"Just said no to Dr. Brown's friend about the Seattle trip. So he sent me some equiwinner…I mean some reports to help him with."

"You're not going to Seattle?" Jack asked, voice cracked with an attempt to stop the wave of expectation that was rising up to his throat. Ennis tossed him a look over his shoulder.

"Nope. It's three months."

_As if it was a reason_. Jack snorted but kissed and nibbled Ennis's ear until he squirmed with laughter. Later, he took Ennis's place to check e-mails as Ennis sat up, leant on the throw pillow and did his reading. Jack smiled when he saw what he had hoping for in one of the e-mails. He shook Ennis's arm. "I found it, Ennis. Come on, look at this."

Ennis flicked his eyes to Jack then narrowed them to see into the laptop screen. There was a scan of some advertisement that said _Citibank 15 Kilometers Fun Run_. A gasp escaped from his mouth as he scooted down on the bed with Jack and read the whole ad, brown eyes wide and searching. "Jesus…where did you…?"

"I was talking with my friend," Jack said. "I told him I saw this event somewhere in the newspaper. He helped me search for it. What do you think?"

Ennis looked stunned, his eyes still glued to the scanned ad, didn't move even when Jack opened the other file sent from Grant—a picture of a basket full of grapes from today's lunch. Jack studied Ennis's face. It was a long time before Ennis turned to look at him, his expression blank, like a sleepwalker at first, like he was trying not to show his true feeling. But when Jack ran his fingers through the curls on Ennis's nape, he sighed and shook his head, letting all emotions show. "Jesus, I don't know what to say..."

"Then don't. But I know what you have to do." Jack smiled. "I think you need to go shopping."

"Huh?" Ennis tumbled out, a crease wrinkling his forehead. Jack's smile widened into a grin.

"You're going to need a new pair of running shoes."

Ennis blinked and looked back at the screen again. Jack quietly retreated to the kitchen and poured himself a cup of coffee, giving Ennis space and freedom to deal with the ad the way he really wanted. When he came back, Ennis was lying on his back and staring at the white ceiling, the scan of the ad was gone from the computer screen. Jack put the cup on the nightstand and flopped down beside him. "So?"

"So," Ennis said to the ceiling. "I'm going to run a marathon..."

Jack smiled. "Yeah. That sounds like a good plan…" Ennis closed his eyes and rolled his head until it rested on Jack's shoulder. He muttered against the soft skin there.

"Thank you."

"My pleasure."

Jack clutched Ennis's hand, threading their fingers together. He brought their hands to rest on his stomach and peeped at the clock on the nightstand. 8:30, he groaned. Damn, it was time for Ennis to leave for the night shift again. With a sigh, Jack tugged his hand. "Hey, aren't you already late for work?"

Ennis smiled a little. "Oh, haven't I told you?" Jack saw something dancing in his eyes.

"Told me what?"

"We switch shifts once every three months. I'm working day shift starting tomorrow."

Jack narrowed his eyes and shoved the blond man. "And when do you think is the best time to tell me, asshole?" Ennis just chuckled. "You mean for the next three months I'm going to see you every night? And no Seattle trip?"

"Ummm"

"…and now we're on the bed, looking at the damn ceiling?" Ennis's breath caught in his throat. Without hearing any answer, Jack leant in with parting lips, welcoming Ennis's tongue inside before their mouths even met.

Ennis cupped the back of Jack's head and crushed their mouths together, sucking on his tongue with a low, guttural groan. His roaming hands crept over Jack's back, heating up the naked skin under the shirt like fire licking on coal, riling up the flame within him the way nobody else could, or ever would. Jack gasped, feeling a bone-deep shudder as his back hit the mattress, moaning aloud as Ennis climbed on top of him, all hot and heavy. Jack tugged frantically on Ennis's ears until they were nose to nose, and back to kissing. Ennis deepened the kiss and Jack's whole body writhed and arched desperately for more contact when Ennis's hands dug beneath the waistband of his jeans.

"Oh, God," Jack hissed when their groins ground together, the kiss broke as they fumbled with buttons and zippers, hands knocking and sending pillows flying in every direction. Clumsy hands roughly slid the laptop up and away from the middle of the bed, bright color from the screen flashing and dancing on white walls. _Jesus Christ_, murmured Jack incoherently as he followed Ennis's mouth like a moth to the flame, a man thirsty for water, and soon they were back to kissing again as though their lives depended on it. It must be, 'cause Jack couldn't think of anything else but Ennis. And Ennis alone.

"Little darling…" Ennis whispered and kissed him. Jack clutched a handful of Ennis's hair when he heard that, every cell in his body throbbing, blood pounding in his head but Jack was still conscious enough to tuck the words into one special corner in his heart that was gradually filling with every little thing about Ennis. _I am Ennis's little darling_, Jack thought, feeling their heartbeats racing and contracting against their chests. _Little darling…_ Ennis said it again, barely moved his lips, his breath ragged as he kissed and nudged Jack's mouth with his tongue--the tongue that went so deep as if he wanted to steal Jack's breath.

Maybe he could manage to do so, and Jack wouldn't have any objection. He was Ennis's little darling. Ennis could have anything he wanted, including his breath.

--

"Hey, Tiger."

"Hey," Ennis said to his cell as he stuck the Salt Lake Temple postcard with a magnet to the inner door of his locker in the vet office. It didn't look right. "Did Carol say anything when she called you? She called, right?"

"She did." Mona chuckled. "What do you expect your sister to say after you told her you are going to run a marathon?"

"A mini marathon. Have you told her she didn't have to come all the way here?"

"Oh, like Carol will just comply."

"Christ," Ennis grumbled. He took out the Ferris wheel postcard from the bag and placed it near the Salt Lake Temple one. Nope, it didn't look right either. "Guess I just have to let her be then."

"She could stay with me, but what if the girls and K.E. come, too? My place would be too small for them."

"K.E. won't be coming. He's got a handful of a baby to deal with right now," Ennis said and snorted as he thought back to how K.E. had complained like a buzzing bee about the heavy duties of fatherhood the last time they talked on the phone. "And if the girls come with Carol, they could stay at my apartment."

"And where would you…oh." There was a smile in Mona's voice, but she sounded cautious when she asked, "So things are settled between you two?"

"Umm, guess so. But nothing's been decided. I haven't planned whether to, well, move in or move out or anything…"

"Moving slow is good. When I go sailing, sometime I go very slowly, sometime just floating on the ripples. The ocean, the sky, and the city look more beautiful that way."

Ennis smiled. Mona sounded happy and he was glad for her. The door of the vet office opened then, and Martha slipped in quietly with a big file in one hand, and a box of Detour Runner Choc Peanut Butter in the other. He rolled his eyes when she put them on the table, acting all normal as if she was bringing him a package of dog vaccines or something. Martha then pointed out the door and walked away just as quietly. Seemed Jack and Flea had arrived.

"I have to go," he said, taking the socks and new Nike black and silver running shoes out from the locker.

"Me, too. Lunch tomorrow?"

"You bet. Still owe you that French dip from months ago."

"Yummy, yum, yum." Mona faked a chewing sound. "See you, Tiger."

"Bye." Ennis tossed the phone into his bag. He blinked up at the board near the door where post-it notes and other pieces of paper were stuck and pinned. It was his personal message board. He stared at it, marveled as if he had seen it for the first time. An idea struck, and Ennis snatched the postcards out and slammed shut the locker door. This way, out in the open, he would be able to see the postcards every time he wanted.

Carefully, Ennis stuck the postcards on the board and drew back a little to observe them. It looked great. He had just sat back on the chair and craned his neck, looking at the postcards from different angles, when he heard footsteps. In a second, the door was pulled open again, and Flea rushed to him like he smelled some dog treats hidden under the chair. Jack leant on the doorjamb, tossing a timer in his hand. "Ready, Doctor?"

"God, the marathon is months away. Why does everyone act like I'm going to the Olympics next week?"

"But training is very important. And I want to look like a professional coach at the park."

Ennis chuckled and grabbed his bag. "You can't be looking professional when a Boston terrier winds around your legs 'cause he wants to eat the timer in your hand."

Flea barked and danced around Jack's feet, sniffing hard and looking at the shining something in Jack's hand.

"I wouldn't have it any other way." Jack opened the door wider and let Flea out first. Then he hugged Ennis and planted a hard kiss soundly on his lips. "Damn, Ennis, I'm so excited for you. Are you ready?"

He grunted, but felt his mouth twist at that. Jack did look excited and it amused him. But he was glad for the little distraction 'cause, damn it, he did actually feel excited. Hell, it was just a training run in the park!! Clearing his throat, Ennis tried to play it cool. "Guess I am as ready as I can be."

"Ok, great." Jack turned to Flea who was waiting patiently for orders. "Come on, buddy, lead the way."

Jack watched until Ennis bounced down the stairs after Flea with a big sports bag hanging over his shoulder. He looked at the timer in his hand and glanced out the window. It was a bit misty outside, and the San Francisco sky would be darkened in about an hour. But it was all good. Let the sun sleep, for come tomorrow, it would beam again. Ennis was with him today. He would be with him tomorrow, and so would Flea. It could, _and would_, be like this, just like this always.

THE END

**--**

**There are some oneshots and other Jack and Ennis related stories and stuff in my livejournal account. Please check it out if you're interested at fridayblues at livejournal dot com. Hope to see you there. Thanks and peace!!  
Blues**


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